Posted 05 February 2018 - 09:46 AM
Things are all looking up.
After a pretty awful and worrying time with my wife before and over Christmas, we've managed to get through - I managed to figure out what was wrong. And set about fixing it. I thought about everything she'd said, and been saying, and had a good look at how I'd been acting over the last year or so. I looked at things from her point of view, and realised that she wasn't depressed, hormonal or stressed - she was feeling neglected. The job stress added to it, depression was a result; but if I'd been more supportive she could have handled it.
I'm not saying I havent been doing anything - quite the opposite, but while I'd been sorting the house, kids, work, and letting her get some time out at home by taking the kids out, I'd stopped showing her how much she means to me; all the little things, all the stuff you do for each other as a couple that has slowly fallen by the wayside as the kids slowly took over more and more of our time.
Anyway. While she was still not talking to me, I booked us a hotel for her Birthday. I got her mum to sort the kids. I cooked her a lobster pasta dish we'd had on holiday. I had a bath ready when she'd had a shitty day. Just a bit at a time.
I wasn't sure she'd want to go away, but she did, and we had a great time. We had food, wine and a walk on the beach in the morning; she was like a different person, smiling and holding onto my arm, which meant a surprising amount at that point. That was the beginning of January.
I'm keeping at it; it's stupid but I hadn't realised how much we were missing each other. She'd been using her holiday time to cover school holidays, as we take turns, but didn't get time off together last year, so now we've now booked two weeks off at the same time over summer. She's just booked a two day trip away for us in March at a spa/hotel. Her work is still stressy but she's happy when she gets home, so she can deal with it.
I'm just glad I stuck to being patient, to listening, and trusting my instincts.
I don't usually make resolutions, but I've made plenty for this year, and learned some valuable lessons. Like don't take things for granted, for one.
We're making more time for us; kids can't just take over everything - and I'm asking myself what she wants before I do anything.
Just thought I'd update, after all the good advice and support I got here when I needed it the most, thank you.
So that's the story. And what was the real lesson? Don't leave things in the fridge.