Malazan Empire: Career and Life Choices? - Malazan Empire

Hello

Been hanging around the forum for about a year so. Came here because most of y'all are nice and not shitty people, this is not most places on the internet. I've been facing a ton of decisions recently in my life, I'm not necessarily trying to get down into the nitty gritty of it all but I would be curious about like how the older folks here found out what they wanted do? Where they wanted to be? Who they wanted to do things with? Just feel pretty lost some times.

Thanks everybody. Good Vibes

I can say from life experiences that we tend to find want we don't want in life a lot easier than what we do.. In reality you just have to plow through, and make choices. Are they right choices? Time will tell. To quote Neil Peart, "if you choose not to decide, you have still made a choice" At 53 I have been down many paths, and have had to back track many times. I left a high level IT position for a four Billion dollar corporation because it was the most soul sucking unrewarding thing I have ever done. I gave up on the tech world and pursued jobs that don't make me dread getting up and going to work. I don't make a lot of money, but I enjoy my work. So i guess I would just say, try things and let who you are set the stage for where to go next.

Free and honest advice.

You don't know what you want to do until you do something you don't.

Don't sweat the life choices, just don't commit yourself to a life path because you feel obliged etc.

For me going to uni was just a waste of time and money (but I enjoyed the beer). I ended up working on site as an electrician, which suited me so much more than whaty fucking guidance counselor suggested, I'm good with my hands and enjoy making shit

I have the opposite problem as BK. I started out a lumpy ball of flesh with errant teeth and hairs erupting from my boily skin, and now I'm the president.

I knew what I wanted to do at a young age and followed that path. 14 years into it I realized that I was just not the person who i needed to be in order to be successful on that path. I rotated partially off of the path and am now happier and more successful. Do I regret going down the path, not at all. Life is what you make of it. The only way to know you made a mistake is to have made it. The person that you are now is not the person you will be in 10 or 20 years.

Having a working time machine is really, really, helpful.

Barring that, try stuff, and don’t be afraid to shoot for the moon, or walk away if it sucks.

Wanted to be an accountant, because hey my dad was an accountant.

Before high school was over I realized I found accounting boring (I am led to believe that all accountants do) so I decided to pursue science.

Decided I wanted to be a physicist. First year University physics was boring as all hell and I felt like most physics today is too theoretical.

Decided to pursue chemistry!

My letter accepting me to pursue a postgrad in chemistry was lost in the mail (seriously) and by the time I received it I had accepted my back up option of a postgrad in biochemistry. The university was very understanding when I told them about what had happened and so gave me 12 hours to tell me if I wanted to switch to chemistry or not (no bid deal just a fork in my lifes path that would determine my future). by this point I had made peace with biochemistry and chose to stick with it. With hindsight I think this may have been a blessing (or its cognitive dissonance at work).

I know have a PhD in biochemistry and I feel like my work is quite rrewarding and not too stressful. I feel the pay is shit for a decade of studying though and I sometimes (jokingly / not jokingly) which I had just become an accountant, the pay would be better, the studying would be shorter etc.

The point is I think everyone has doubts and will sometimes think the grass is greener elsewhere. Also very few people end up where they expected to be and I often think even fewer of them are happy. It takes courage or fear to change paths. Just ask yourself are you changing paths because you feel like your running from the one you are on or because you are leaving it because it legitimately makes you unhappy.


Money is important. So is free time. So is not hating what you do. Work is called work for a reason, even if you love what you do there will be bad days. I sometimes don't even feel like playing video games or reading a book so you can imagine that I also often don't feel like getting up bright and early to work on complicated problems in the lab. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy what I do. I think the idea of loving your job and the money is just a bonus is a fairty tale. Its important to be happy and enjoy your work but as I say work is still work.

This post has been edited by Cause: 11 April 2018 - 07:51 AM

What you are seeing is the maturity that comes with age from the other posters. Schools, parents, etc. want to push you into an area; or maybe you have an area you are dead set on working. The truth is no one knows what they want to do. I wanted to make money so I went to law school. It made me miserable and there was no way I could live a happy life that way.

What makes you happy? What will make you get out of bed and (well not smile, but be okay with it) want to go to work. If you can do that then do it. If not, find its closest conglomeration. You've got one life so don't be miserable.

Definitely that.

I'm good at my job and I enjoy a lot of it but the hours and being away from home a lot are heading towards being a deal breaker for me. I'm just trying to figure out a way to make a comparable living without having to sacrifice so much of my life

I went to 3 different colleges, changed my major four times, and dont even use my degree.

Now i'm 38 and building houses and still thinking about changing careers. Working on getting my Home Inspectors license and thinking about becoming a physical therapist.


So dont worry too much about it, you're not alone in feeling this way.

I'm still pretty young myself so I may not have as much experience as others here but my advice is don't hold yourself to the expectations of others around you, whether it's parents, family or friends. Focus on what you want and if you don't know then try some different things out to find it.
I think there's a big issue nowadays of forcing kids to decide what they want to do with their lives at a young age and this creates huge amounts of stress. I remember many of my schoolmates in high school having their whole futures planned out and I had no idea what to do.
I was originally planning to go into accounting in uni (whole family of accountants, mother, 2 uncles, grandma, great-grandma) but my friends convinced me to go into the sciences because I was "too smart" for accounting (my best grades were in the sciences). I ended up taking nanoscience for 2 years before realizing it wasn't for me. Ended up switching majors to accounting after all and am now working as an accountant (and Cause, it is boring sometimes but consolidating financial statements is fun!). If I had just gone through with my original plan I never would have gone into nanoscience and saved 2 years and lots of money but as others mentioned it's about finding out what you don't want to do.
I worked in landscaping for a number of years during/after uni which taught me some cool skills I never would have learned without trying something new and realizing it wasn't something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Strangely enough after I got my accounting degree the landscaping company hired me as an accountant so sometimes opportunities can come from bizarre places you don't expect.


You just have to remember that life isn't a competition and if others have their careers/life figured out that doesn't make them any "further" ahead of you. Comparing yourself to others is never a useful thing and a lot of people that seem like they have their shit figured out are really just as lost. Our social media culture now makes it seem like everyone else has their life together but it's usually not true and comparing yourself to that is a losing battle. Take your time and try different things and find something you like, it may not be what you expect or it may take some time but that's ok.


As for "who you want to do things with" I would say you should surround yourself with positive people who actually want what's best for you. People that care and don't just expect things from you. I have a lot less friends now than I did in the past but I am happier now because the few I have are good people who genuinely care about me. It's also ok to let some friends go if they are having a negative impact on your life, even if it's hard it is usually worth it in the end.


I am still young as well and figuring this all out too but I don't get as worried about the future anymore as I have faith things will fall into place eventually, it may not be in the time that I'd like but that's just part of life I guess.

I work in an area that, in essence, has two types of people: those who love what they do and are good at it, and those who hate what they do but are good at it and stay because of the money.

Most of the latter set are, in my non-scientific observation, divorced, in therapy, medicated one way or another, unpleasant, and/or have sidelines as supervillains to expiate their anger issues. These are people who take their families on one elbaorate, expensive vacation per year, and bring work with them on it.

Point being, you need to make a living, yes, but enjoying what you do makes a massive massive difference to your overall quality of life. Keep that in mind.


Also, no capes.

What good vibes. this forum is so welcoming.

Thanks everybody. Always trying to keep it in perspective that this stress probably wont matter months/years from now

Figuring that out what you want to be is hard. Figuring out what you don't want to do is easy- all it takes is trying it. Not thinking about it, not imagining it, but actually getting out there and trying it.

It's perfectly fine to feel lost for prolonged periods of time. It took me starting my second degree (law) after floundering for a year after undergrad to get to the point where I had a general feeling of things "aligning"--and even then I had life kick me in the teeth with repetitive unpleasant setbacks. Overall, it took about 10 years of school/work/searching to get to the point where I'm currently generally happy with what I do (although money could most likely be significantly better if I was doing smth I'd feel somewhat worse doing- but me feeling content is more important to me, even if it possibly makes me complacent)

In terms of " who to be with"... my rule of thumb is simple: people whom I consider "close" are those I don't expect anything from, and they in turn accept me the way I am.

Hope this helps; life is complicated, but there are always way to figure stuff out.

Macros, on 10 April 2018 - 09:37 PM, said:

They are MASSIVE from what I hear

I'm 34 this year, (keep thinking i'm 32), and I know I don't want to do what I am doing forever but I am happy to do it right now. I have a 2 year old little girl, and I finish work and get to spend time with her, and weekends are all about her. When she grows a little I will look at what I want to be doing by the time I'm 40-50 and work towards that.

While I agree that it is preferable to enjoy your job I also think that if that doesn't happen for you then aim for a job that you don't hate. By definition once I HAVE to do something every day I won't enjoy it anymore. I cannot think of a single thing I have encountered in my 38 years on earth that I want to do 5 days a week. You can find fulfillment from other things in your life if necessary.

Also don't hold yourself to too high a standard in terms of having a life plan. People who look back on their life and say their plan worked out are either lying or picked a vocation with a very clear track to follow. There aren't many of those around anymore.

I'd say 98% of people don't really know what they want to do.

For most, it becomes a factor of what they can do, and can get hired to do, and then basically trial and error looking for the best fit. So don't stress that you don't know. Look at what you're good at, what aligns with your interests, and for anything in consideration do research to figure out what it would take to get there. And once you have settled on working somewhere doing something, don't get complacent on either front. It is easy to let time drift and not think about your professional development. Or just stay in a rut at a place you don't enjoy working. The important thing is the adjusting. That doesn't mean you realize you hate your job and walk out right away, but let it inform your future choices. Look for an exit, or a role you can transition to, and also let it inform your future choices.

That would give you an idea of the missteps I have made on my career journey. I was too complacent in my first role, and stayed there a long time, not thinking enough about where or how to move on and up.

So when I then got a chance at another place to move up, I jumped without consideration for whether I would actually enjoy the work, and wilfully ignoring some red flags as to the position I was going for. I was more concerned with selling myself for the position than evaluating whether I wanted it, nor whether what the employer said they were after actually made sense.

When that one was over, I had an opportunity to reset and re-assess, look at the work I had done to date and the stuff I was most engaged in working in, and look for a career that matched that instead of simply working about upward movement on a theoretical ladder.




As for who you want to do things with, one would hope that would come fairly naturally. Pursue hobbies and interests, be open to meeting new people. and you will naturally find yourself saying "yes" to trying more things with people you like more.

First know yourself

That needs a lot of self reflection but maybe below will help

https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/

https://www.16personalities.com/

If you live in the USA and you can afford $720, there is this aptitude identification service http://jocrf.org/ (I personally haven't taken it and so cant vouch for it, but it seems like an interesting concept).

https://www.linkedin...-the-right-one/


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If you are age below early 20's, go for learning (community college, university etc.). If you really want to escape from home but can't afford it, suck it up, stay at home and finish your education. This opportunity to live cheap and focus solely on education will probably never again happen in your life.
The one tangible output you want from your education is a skill that you can parlay into a job. (this would be your insurance policy against ending up in a really shitty life).

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Stay away from these four future killers (drugs, cigarettes, binging on video games, gratuitous sex)

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Seize the 20's. This is the time to take risk by trying this and that (since you have a lot of energy and don't have many assets you can lose in a bankruptcy). There is also something called time value of money. The more you make in 20's, the less you have to make later.




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Tattersail_, on 11 April 2018 - 03:31 PM, said:

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