Malazan Empire: Puck - Viewing Profile - Malazan Empire

Iirc, he's basically the god of fate. Or, as Tehol puts it: "of chance, fateful circumstance and ill-chosen impulses". Go figure. Basically, he can't help himself being a giant douche who gets off on meddling in things that are not his business.

In case anyone cares, here's some more fun from the aforementioned fight...


Mage: We're not QUITE as incompetent as we may seem.
Warmage: Indeed, we managed quite well against Alegni.
Mage: It's just that nobody else was there to tell the tale.
GM: Right, you always manage to only be competent at fighting whenever nobody is around to witness it.

Cleric: The thing is, I need a turn to cast a spell and I've still got one, two, three, four... SIX spells in the queue.
Mage: Well, does Tiago get down from his stupid dragon now or does he not?
Cleric: NO HE DOESN'T! I'm still casting!

Spellsword: As for me, I draw my sword. It is big and it glows pink. And that's my fight preparations done with.

Cleric: What the fuck? Why is Spellsword suddenly so huge?
GM: Because she enlarged herself. And also because she'd like to reduce Armour Class for some reason.

GM: It's Spellsword's turn.
Spellsword: Wait a moment. I did not expect the situation to become this great. I need to do some maths.

GM: I warned you not to try and stand in the way of a Full Attack from Tiago.
Spellsword: I didn't mean to. I meant to stand back here. But I forgot that I meant to.

Spellsword: Damn it!What did I roll just now? Wait a moment...
Cleric: Spellsword.exe has detected a problem and has to be shut down.

Cleric: We've just lost our entire artillery in one go!
GM: Well, I guess Warmage can lean back and relax for the remainder of the session now.

Druid: I call a triceratops.
Warmage: Come on, triceratops, avenge me!

Cleric: I have my little spirit here enter Drizzt. Damn, that came out wrong.

Mage, who is also playing as Drizzt for the evening: Oh come on... The Big Hunter TM has no big abilities to heal himself. Are you kidding?

Mage: The Big Hunter TM has just done all of 14 points of damage.
Warmage: To be fair, that's more than I managed to do.
Cleric: Technically speaking, not quite.
GM: Technically speaking you did do 131 points of damage. The big question is: to whom?

Speaking about resurrection...
Warmage: I have no idea what to do and how to continue, but I can tell you guys ONE thing: if I don't return as an elf again, I'm so done with you.

GM: Well, looks like Drizzt is dead. Not bad. Okay.

Druid: What the hell is Cattie doing back there, anyway? I thought she was supposed to help us?
GM: She's casting.
Druid: That's not what it looks like to me!
GM: I can add five Drow priestesses to the battle map if that's your idea of fun.

Mage: Well, shit. Alright, I'm going to do something I haven't done in a very long time. I throw a Magic Missile at him.
GM: ...How cute.
Mage: It reflects right off of him, I guess?
GM: Indeed.
Mage: ...Cool.

Warmage: Could Cattie please keep her dirty Mary Sue paws off my ashes, please?
GM: Excuse her? Dear Cattie is doing her best to do something about your state of being dead?
Druid: She's scooping and fronding as best as she can!
GM: All in due order, all in due order.

Mage: Holy fuck, this is humiliating?
Warmage: How do you think I feel?
Spellsword: He's got a point.

GM: Ehem, I just remembered that True Resurrection takes ten minutes to cast. I'm sorry, Warmage, you'll have to wait.
Mage: Didn't you snark about player characters trying to resurrect party members in the mids of a fight just the other day?!
GM: Yes, but Cattie is an NPC. That's... different.

Druid: According to plan, it was supposed to be my job to keep the party alive during the fight, as far as I remember.
GM: And you failed at that spectacularly.

Mage: Don't forget, Cleric can still port himself 45 feet away.
GM: It's a zoomdwarf!

Cleric: Aaalright, then I'll have to look it up. With this, my turn is going to take five minutes longer. Deal with it.

GM: *takes a look at the rolls* Well, I guess what you see is that both Druid and his familiar just stand around and wave their arms, teeth and claws pointlessly. Nice picture.

GM: Oh, Tiago's Haste spell has just run out.
Mage: FINALLY!

Cleric: I'm glad he's frustrated. Serves him right. He shall suffer!

Mage: *rolls very badly*
Druid: Dude, I told you not to use my dice!
Mage: Stick your damn dice where the sun don't shine!
Druid: Up my nose?!

Druid: At first, the fight was all KABOOM and BAM! And now it's just a common fist fight.
GM: Tiago can still reflect a Disintegrate up to 75%. Any takers?

GM: Tiago gets himself some of his hit points back.
Mage: That little piss nose!
Druid: Wait for it, in a bit GM will be like "Hey, he's back to below 100 HP! Again!"
GM: You got, we're just about there again.

Druid turns into a triceratops and rams Tiago: I got a Tiago glued to my nose. Can someone please scrape it off? It's disgusting.

Cleric: How's Cattie doing, anyway?
GM: Excellent! But don't worry, I'll rain on her parade in a minute.

Druid: Can I get a +3 for flanking, too?
GM: No, you're not flanking. There's a door beside you.
Druid: Any chance of there being a dwarf behind that door?
GM: Not a friendly dwarf.

Mage: Hey, at least we are finally using that team flanking charm I've been carrying around with me for who knows how long! Never mind that we're doing so against an enemy we meant run run away from screaming at first chance...

Mage: Guys, we've got to kill him in the coming turn. My barely readable buff list is about to run out of space.

Mage: No discussing! Killing!

GM: Ah, I guess we will have an Aerith moment anyway. Tiago kills Cattie.
Mage: ...you're only doing this because you can't stand Cattie.
GM: Damn right.

Spellsword: I told you. Who needs tactics when they've got a flying dwarf?

Mage: What did you say?!
GM: It's done. You've been fighting a 5-HP-Tiago the past two turns.
Druid: Now! Now! Any famous victor's words?!

Cleric: I put a foot on his chest, raise my axe and cut off his head. Then I say: 'This is for Monk!'
Spellsword, also dead: Thanks a bunch! How kind of you to think about us! You are aware he had nothing to do with Monk's death by his own stupidity, right?

GM: Necromancer, with a quivering lower lip, looks down on the pile of ashes that's left of Warmage and looks liek he's about to cry. Then he rolls up his sleeve and proclaims: 'I can do that!'
Mage: Uhm. Keep it cool. We've got loot and priests. We can manage.
Necromancer: Yes, but...
Mage: No zombie Warmage.
Warmage: I dunno, sounds charming.

Mage: Ruin? Are you alright down there?!
Silchas Ruin: I'm not quite sure yet! I'm still trying to gain a convert my cause here.
Cleric: A what?
Mage: And how's it going?
Silchas Ruin: I'm not quite sure yet! I've yet to pull him back out of the water. - In the background you can hear a dragon that's being held beneath the lake's surface splashing loudly near panic. Then how he is pulled back up and a voice shouting: 'And now? Does Tiamat sound like an attractive option NOW?'

GM: Alright, then we shall end this session on the image of the crying king of dwarves.
Druid: No, no, you're got to make more authentic. He enters the hall, sees Cattie's dead body and breaks down crying: 'Do you have ANY idea how much this is going to cost me?!'

I'm so sleepy I'm basically falling asleep at work. Can't keep my eyes open. Damn you brain, if you insist on keeping em awake through a splitting headache all night, don't pretend I didn't try to get enough sleep. Ugh. I'm basically seeing double and that's not due to working on two screens.

It was death by his own spell. That's what happens when you try to disintegrate something, throw True Strike and Sudden Empower into the mix, then get your spell reflected in your face.

So, my character died today Which wouldn't that bad, but he managed to do so right in the first round of the big boss fight we've been working towards for a looong while! *hides in shame*

I mean, we've now got the funds to resurrect party members, but I'm honestly torn. On the one side, he's my favourite character and I'm not done with his character arc yet. On the other hand, the way he died would mean that in-character he'd rather stay dead than face the shame. Oh my... Decisions.