Malazan Empire: Primateus - Viewing Profile - Malazan Empire

This last Saturday I decided, as one does, that I was too lazy to cook dinner. So instead I ordered a pizza.

After I ate the whole thing, the whole dang thing, I felt okay. But alas, t'was not to last, and I starting feeling bloated and like I had indigestion into the evening.

Lots of cold sweats and stomach hurties later, I started vomiting, quite profusely even.

But okay, it's just indigestion, right? It'll be over tomorrow, right? I've had it before, it can't possibly be that much different from the other times, right?

Okay, Sunday comes along, of course with little to no sleep and the fever starts kicking in for real.

Okay, maybe this was just a little bit worse than normal, but hey, I've had a fever before, so no worries, I'll be okay Monday morning, fit for fight and ready to go to work.

So there I were, Monday morning, calling my boss and telling him I have to head downstairs to the doctor (My doctor's practice is on the groundfloor of my building, very convenient!), and being a caring boss, despite everything, he wishes me well and says hopefully we'll see eachother Tuesday.

But, such luck was not to be. The Doctor looked me over, took a small blood sample to test for infection (121, apparently that's a lot?) So he calls the emergency intake at the Hospital in Randers and tells me he's admitting me, because I've got an infection in the gallbladder.

So, a co-worker drives me there immediately, and I'm taken in. I wait for a few minutes before the nurse comes and brings me to an examination room. This part is all very regular and stuff, I'm sure you can imagine how that works. The good Doctor Roald arrives with an ultrasound scanner and starts looking me over. He says the bladder wall is thicker than it's supposed to be and that there's a few stones.
He asks if a medical student of his can take a look too, and I agree, why not? Young people gotta learn, and I don't mind.

So, then I get taken for the bigger ultra sound scanner, lady doctor, very cute and from the same region I'm from, huzzah!

I get taken back to the emergency intake and another medical student shows up to look me over, this one a surgical medstudent, apparently? Later, he brings his boss along and they tell me that I'm getting surgery, because they've decided that my gall bladder has got to go, because appparently it's got it coming to it!

So, into the hospital patient outfit I go, and up to the Stomach & Intestine ward I go, where I get a single room (nice!) and all the saftevand I can possibly drink, until midnight when I'm no longer allowed to drink or eat anything.

A couple of friends stop by around dinner time with a sandwich. They meant well and got exactly what I wanted, it just wasn't very good. But "luckily" I could only get down about a third of it.

So, after they leave, I lie there in my bed, listening to my audiobook and really just wait around for the time to go to bed.

Of course, I don't sleep very much, but the time eventually comes when they roll me down to the surgery ward. I wait outside the room for ten to fifteen minutes as they prepare and finally they walk me in and put me on the so-called table. They don't really use actual tables anymore, it's more of a kind stretcher/bed that can shift and change position as needed.

I tell a quick anecdote about a book I once read about a kinda sorta similar situation, but where the guy ended up going to the hospital for a minor surgery, and due to some drunken Orderly shenanigans, comes out with a pair of boobs and a sex-change. And I ask them if we're all agreed that I'm there to have my gallbladder removed.

We all agree, and they start prepping me with oxygen until, finally, the nice anasthesia doctor tells me she's going to put me under. I feel it working, and, totally special and unique as I am, decided I'm DEFINITELY going to fight it.

That's the last thing I remember until I wake up off the operating table and on my own bed again, being rolled into the recovery ward. There, a pair of nice nurses brings me bread with cheese, more lovely saftevand, and also ice water, all while they have to deal with my totally manly stubbornness.

Mostly, that's just because when they wanted me to stand up, they first wanted me to sit for a few minutes, whereas I decided if I could sit, then I could also stand.

Turns out, for once, I was actually right. I could stand just fine, even walk. So, they told me to walk down to the end of the room and go to the toilet. But I was absolutely forbidden from locking the door.

Fair.

But, there was no business to be had, so I return to my bed. On the way back, I notice another lady is eating a filur, which is a delicious ice cream on a stick.

So I get one, then another. I ate two ice creams on the recovery ward, two frigging ice creams, and it was glorious!

The surgeon comes in to tell me how it all went. It went well, he said, though he did have to make the surgical cuts bigger than first anticipated as it was an infected situation. The bladder was quite green, they discovered (I thought that's what we were supposed to do?) and it was a veritable gravel pit. More than a hundred, ONE HUNDRED!!!, gall stones were in there. Where they came from I do not know, I certainly hadn't felt any of them before.

So, he told me that I wasn't going home that Tuesday afternoon, I had to stay until Wednesday, today, because I had to have a lot of anti-biotics, because of the infection.

Got moved to another room because another paitent, an elderly woman suffering with severe dementia, needed a private room in order to feel safe. Also fair. So I got moved into another room where I, despite being 43, lowered the average age quite significantly.

And now, I am home again. I got home this afternoon and my stomach is starting to hurt like fucker.

Which is normal, I'm told, as the anasthesia is beginning to leave the body and doing so quicker than all the air they filled me up with in order to be able to see and move around.

And I still haven't been able to take a shit since Saturday afternoon.

Anyone else want to share stories of surgeries?