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A woman went into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She told the director that she wanted her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asked, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?”
“No,” she insisted as she handed him a check to buy a dark blue suit. “It must be blue.”
When she came back for the wake, she saw her husband in the coffin, and he was wearing a beautiful blue suit. She told the director how much she loved the suit and asked how much it cost.
He said, “Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her, so I switched the heads.”
The Joke thread :p
#662
Shiara 
- High Scribe of Team Quick Ben
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- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 473
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- Location:Brisbane, Australia
Posted 14 February 2008 - 04:59 AM
A woman walks into the Ipswich Centrelink (welfare) office, trailed by 15 kids...
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL yours?
"Yeah they are all mine," the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, "Sit down Terry." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Terry."
“OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Terry, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?"
Their Mother replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.'
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell "Terry" and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had,
namin' them all Terry."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"I call them by their last names!"
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL yours?
"Yeah they are all mine," the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, "Sit down Terry." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Terry."
“OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Terry, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?"
Their Mother replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.'
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell "Terry" and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had,
namin' them all Terry."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"I call them by their last names!"
*casting the shaved knuckle*
#663
Kurt Montandon
- First Sword
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- Group: High House Mafia
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- Joined: 17-May 05
- Location:California
Posted 14 February 2008 - 05:39 AM
Obdigore;258387 said:
'Car Wipers', or 'Wipers'.
In the U.S. they're called "windshield wipers," as the front window on a car is called the "windshield" rather than the "wind screen."
#664
Shiara
- High Scribe of Team Quick Ben
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- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 473
- Joined: 30-September 04
- Location:Brisbane, Australia
Posted 14 February 2008 - 06:59 AM
A history grad student, Marta,
mis-clicked as she browsed on Encarta.
Instead of King Midas,
there appeared Leonidas --
"Phrygia? Madame, THIS IS SPARTA!"
mis-clicked as she browsed on Encarta.
Instead of King Midas,
there appeared Leonidas --
"Phrygia? Madame, THIS IS SPARTA!"
*casting the shaved knuckle*
#665
Shiara
- High Scribe of Team Quick Ben
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- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 473
- Joined: 30-September 04
- Location:Brisbane, Australia
Posted 15 February 2008 - 12:21 AM
There was a zookeep from Nantucket
Who was struck by a fish -- couldn't duck it
He was thrown from the cage
By a pinniped's rage.
Quoth the walrus, "You can't has mah bukkit!"
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczinsky must surely have known --
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
Of the possible ways to be blown
The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.
:eek:
Who was struck by a fish -- couldn't duck it
He was thrown from the cage
By a pinniped's rage.
Quoth the walrus, "You can't has mah bukkit!"
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczinsky must surely have known --
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
Of the possible ways to be blown
The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.
:eek:
*casting the shaved knuckle*
#666
bubba
- High Marshall
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- Group: Administrators
- Posts: 1,420
- Joined: 05-April 07
- Location:NH, USA
- Interests:5.3%
- Kill all the golfers...
Posted 19 February 2008 - 06:52 AM
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
and I can say I've been to Nantucket
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there''s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"
and I can say I've been to Nantucket
#667
bubba
- High Marshall
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- Group: Administrators
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- Kill all the golfers...
Posted 22 February 2008 - 01:05 PM
A guy goes to his doctor and says,"Doc, I have a problem."
"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday."
"I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man.
I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.The doctor asks, "What happened"?The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"
"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday."
"I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man.
I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.The doctor asks, "What happened"?The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"
#668
Flawed
- Flawed
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- Location:Dorset
- Interests:winning the lotto
- Id like some peace....
Posted 22 February 2008 - 07:19 PM
Its been a while and im not sure if i shouldnt of bothered:
Ahem..................
Q: Why don't bears wear socks?
A: Because they like to walk in their bear feet.
Q: What did the artist say to her boyfriend?
A: I love you with all my art.
Q: Why did the baker have brown fingers?
A: Because he kneaded a poo!
Q: What did the grandfather do when his truck got old?
A: He re-tyred it.
Q: What type of poultry tells the best jokes?
A: Comedi-hens.
Q: Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Ice Hockey game?
A: Because there was a face off in the corner
Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
Q: What did the cannibal order for take-out?
A: Pizza with everyone on it.
Q: How is a cat drinking milk like a track star?
A: They both enjoy taking a few laps.
-----
This is the story of Tillie, Maude and Gertrude.
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
-----
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that
will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
Ahem..................
Q: Why don't bears wear socks?
A: Because they like to walk in their bear feet.
Q: What did the artist say to her boyfriend?
A: I love you with all my art.
Q: Why did the baker have brown fingers?
A: Because he kneaded a poo!
Q: What did the grandfather do when his truck got old?
A: He re-tyred it.
Q: What type of poultry tells the best jokes?
A: Comedi-hens.
Q: Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Ice Hockey game?
A: Because there was a face off in the corner
Q: Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.
Q: What did the cannibal order for take-out?
A: Pizza with everyone on it.
Q: How is a cat drinking milk like a track star?
A: They both enjoy taking a few laps.
-----
This is the story of Tillie, Maude and Gertrude.
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
-----
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that
will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation.
"I think i was a bad person before. Before this time. I do not try to be good now but i am not bad. Perhaps if i try harder i may get a better hand dealt next time? But surely that makes it pointless? Perhaps i am good. Just good at being pointless. But that would make me bad. Bad at having a point. Ah…. I see now. I was nothing before, I am nothing now. I am bad purely because im pointless. "
EQ 10
EQ 10
#669
Slum
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- Group: Malaz Regular
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- Joined: 13-July 07
Posted 22 February 2008 - 07:52 PM
Edit: The first post was an egregious repeat of the first joke listed on this thread. *Properly embarrassed*
This might have been printed before too, but I'm not sure.
-----
George W. Bush recently went to a primary school in Sedgefield to talk to the children about the war. After his talk he offered "question time." One little boy put up his hand, and the President asked him his name.
"Billy!"
"And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rang for lunchtime. George W. Bush informed the kiddies that they would continue after lunch.
When they resumed, the President said, "OK where were we? Oh that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy put up his hand and George pointed him out and asked his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the lunch bell sound 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?"
This might have been printed before too, but I'm not sure.
-----
George W. Bush recently went to a primary school in Sedgefield to talk to the children about the war. After his talk he offered "question time." One little boy put up his hand, and the President asked him his name.
"Billy!"
"And what is your question, Billy?"
"I have three questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? And third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?"
Just then the bell rang for lunchtime. George W. Bush informed the kiddies that they would continue after lunch.
When they resumed, the President said, "OK where were we? Oh that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy put up his hand and George pointed him out and asked his name.
"Steve!"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have five questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the lunch bell sound 20 minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?"
#670
Urb
- Emperor
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- Group: Malazan Artist
- Posts: 796
- Joined: 16-April 07
Posted 22 February 2008 - 09:49 PM
@Slumgullion Spitteler
That joke can also be found at the start of page one in this glorious thread
That joke can also be found at the start of page one in this glorious thread
The leader, his audience still,
considered their scholarly will.
He lowered his head
and with anguish he said,
"But how will we teach them to kill?"
-some poet on reddit
considered their scholarly will.
He lowered his head
and with anguish he said,
"But how will we teach them to kill?"
-some poet on reddit
#671
Slum
- House Knight
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- Group: Malaz Regular
- Posts: 1,989
- Joined: 13-July 07
Posted 22 February 2008 - 11:14 PM
Oooops, my bad!!!! I guess I should look before posting such an obvious repeat.
Is this a repeat, too?
-------
After many months of trying to make ends meet, a couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife came home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asked how she did, to which the wife replied that she earned two hundred dollars and 50 cents.
“That’s great!“ the husband replies. “But who gave you the 50 cents?”
“Everybody!” replied the wife.
Is this a repeat, too?
-------
After many months of trying to make ends meet, a couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife came home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asked how she did, to which the wife replied that she earned two hundred dollars and 50 cents.
“That’s great!“ the husband replies. “But who gave you the 50 cents?”
“Everybody!” replied the wife.
#672
Zanth13
- We are not the same
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- Group: Kings of Drink
- Posts: 1,697
- Joined: 23-August 06
- Location:Right Behind You
Posted 23 February 2008 - 07:15 AM
Slumgullion Spitteler;262466 said:
Oooops, my bad!!!! I guess I should look before posting such an obvious repeat.
Is this a repeat, too?
-------
After many months of trying to make ends meet, a couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife came home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asked how she did, to which the wife replied that she earned two hundred dollars and 50 cents.
“That’s great!“ the husband replies. “But who gave you the 50 cents?”
“Everybody!” replied the wife.
Is this a repeat, too?
-------
After many months of trying to make ends meet, a couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife came home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asked how she did, to which the wife replied that she earned two hundred dollars and 50 cents.
“That’s great!“ the husband replies. “But who gave you the 50 cents?”
“Everybody!” replied the wife.
wow... so she slept with 401 people... rough...
You can't find me because I'm lost in the music
#673
Shurque's biatch
- High Fist
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- Group: LHTEC
- Posts: 321
- Joined: 24-August 06
Posted 23 February 2008 - 07:32 PM
An older man sees a young man sitting at the bar with 5 empty shot glasses in front of him. "Looks like you're celebrating something?"
The young guy looks up and says "yeah, my first blow job"
"Well congratulations! Let me buy you another one"
"no thanks, if 5 haven't got the taste out of my mouth, one more won't help"
The young guy looks up and says "yeah, my first blow job"
"Well congratulations! Let me buy you another one"
"no thanks, if 5 haven't got the taste out of my mouth, one more won't help"
"Piss on Hood!" ~Roach
#674
bubba
- High Marshall
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- Group: Administrators
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- Location:NH, USA
- Interests:5.3%
- Kill all the golfers...
Posted 26 February 2008 - 07:57 AM
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the
old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my
head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out
plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him
again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen
for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner
approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in
disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the
old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my
head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
#675
Sir Thursday
- House Knight
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- Location:Enfield, UK
Posted 26 February 2008 - 09:56 AM
For a moment I thought it would be something about nagging...
Sir Thursday
Sir Thursday
Don't look now, but I think there's something weird attached to the bottom of my posts.
#677
Flawed
- Flawed
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- Group: Team Handsome
- Posts: 1,323
- Joined: 04-April 07
- Location:Dorset
- Interests:winning the lotto
- Id like some peace....
Posted 28 February 2008 - 02:12 PM
Ahem............
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money,
and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he
said
to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in
the
casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and
her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,
just
before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait
just a minute!'
She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the
casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money
in
there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my
word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money in that Casket with
him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?'' I
sure
did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and
wrote
him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his
money,
and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he
said
to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in
the
casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black,
and
her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony,
just
before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
'Wait
just a minute!'
She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the
casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money
in
there with your husband.'
The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I can't go back on my
word.
I promised him that I was going to put that money in that Casket with
him.'
'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?'' I
sure
did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and
wrote
him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'
"I think i was a bad person before. Before this time. I do not try to be good now but i am not bad. Perhaps if i try harder i may get a better hand dealt next time? But surely that makes it pointless? Perhaps i am good. Just good at being pointless. But that would make me bad. Bad at having a point. Ah…. I see now. I was nothing before, I am nothing now. I am bad purely because im pointless. "
EQ 10
EQ 10
#678
Grumble
- High Mage of High House HAWT
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- Group: Malaz Regular
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- Location:The Otherness
Posted 28 February 2008 - 05:57 PM
A FIREMAN came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station: BELL 1 rings and we all put on our jackets, BELL 2 rings and we all slide down the pole, BELL 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."
"From now on when I say BELL 1, I want you to strip naked. When say BELL 2, I want you to jump in bed. And when I say BELL 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "BELL 1!" The wife promptly took all her clothes off.
When he yelled "BELL 2!", the wife jumped into bed.
When he yelled "BELL 3!", they began making love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled "BELL 4!"
"What the hell is BELL 4?" asked the husband?
"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE."
What Would Jack Do ?
#679
bubba
- High Marshall
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- Group: Administrators
- Posts: 1,420
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- Location:NH, USA
- Interests:5.3%
- Kill all the golfers...
Posted 28 February 2008 - 06:44 PM
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere and I'm tired of looking for her!
#680
Flawed
- Flawed
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- Group: Team Handsome
- Posts: 1,323
- Joined: 04-April 07
- Location:Dorset
- Interests:winning the lotto
- Id like some peace....
Posted 29 February 2008 - 05:10 PM
Ahem..............
Q: Where do geologists go for good music?
A: To a rock concert.
Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate?
A: A lamb chop!
Q: Why did the tree get lost in the woods?
A: It took the wrong root.
Q: Why couldn't the orange cross the street?
A: It had run out of juice.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Why do sharks live in salt water?
A: Pepper water would make them sneeze.
Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot?
A: Where's my polygon?
-----
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. I'm in the middle of something at the moment. You'll just have to be a little patient."
-----
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me find my keys.
Q: Where do geologists go for good music?
A: To a rock concert.
Q: What do you call a sheep that does karate?
A: A lamb chop!
Q: Why did the tree get lost in the woods?
A: It took the wrong root.
Q: Why couldn't the orange cross the street?
A: It had run out of juice.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: Why do sharks live in salt water?
A: Pepper water would make them sneeze.
Q: What did the geometry teacher say when she lost her parrot?
A: Where's my polygon?
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A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!"
The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. I'm in the middle of something at the moment. You'll just have to be a little patient."
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe help me find my keys.
"I think i was a bad person before. Before this time. I do not try to be good now but i am not bad. Perhaps if i try harder i may get a better hand dealt next time? But surely that makes it pointless? Perhaps i am good. Just good at being pointless. But that would make me bad. Bad at having a point. Ah…. I see now. I was nothing before, I am nothing now. I am bad purely because im pointless. "
EQ 10
EQ 10
