[Macros]

And start the countdown to covid spikes in Argentina and Naples.

I get it, Maradona was a legend, but stay at home and watch YouTube videos of his highlights you fuckwits.

[D'rek]

QuickTidal, on 26 November 2020 - 04:45 PM, said:

Nobody likes minks anyways.

I think they're cute :pout:

[Garak]

Minks are super cute.

[Macros]

dead cute you could say

[Aptorian]

To die for.

[QuickTidal]

Well, I think I've fully lost my sister to the Qanon/alt-right/Conspiracy set now...she made a post today that was, if not radicalization to the Alt-Right, then dangerously close to it. It was a scary post where she called COVID a "grotesque theatre", and talked about "social leftism", and "fighting the good fight"...and when I challenged her on it (she was ranting about the govt response to COVID....who is the guy she voted for, which is what I was asking her about) she refused to rebut my statement at all and called me part of the "fucking theatre" and that I was the "blackest kettle".

I pondered keeping my mouth shut and not replying to her to save the family dynamics that are already kind of in tatters...but I could not in good conscience allow her to get away with spouting conspiracy nonsense because she's angry about public health. IT's ALL she posts on FB, two or three times a day...conspiracy shit from alt-right personalities or websites.

But that's most likely me sacrificing my relationship with my sister as a result. I'm even afraid to message my liberal niece (in her 20s) to express my support if she needs it living in that house...because that will come back on me. My sister went straight for anger and name-calling when I asked a simple question to start a discussion about what she posted...no middle ground, just attack mode.

It felt wrong to let that post stay up without challenging it. Now I know perhaps a little of how the liberal kids of Trump supporting parents felt like for the last 4 years for a moment.

She's like a different person. I feel sick to my stomach.

[Macros]

Cut her out man, that's just toxic shit you don't need in your life.

The saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family. Fuck that. You absolutely can choose your friends and family. Blood means nothing, falling out of the same vagina as someone else means nothing, that takes no work, no sacrifice or love. Family is a bond of emotions, it's created over years of love, selflessness and insert other hallmark words here.

[QuickTidal]

Macros, on 27 November 2020 - 09:19 PM, said:

Cut her out man, that's just toxic shit you don't need in your life.

The saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family. Fuck that. You absolutely can choose your friends and family. Blood means nothing, falling out of the same vagina as someone else means nothing, that takes no work, no sacrifice or love. Family is a bond of emotions, it's created over years of love, selflessness and insert other hallmark words here.

Yeah, I think I've reached that point now of cutting her out. So sad.

[Mezla PigDog]

I dunno. Cutting someone out is hard. It's easier to do when the emotions are raw - it doesn't feel it but it is easier than when the emotions have healed over and there is a chasm left that takes a lot of energy to cross. It is a heavy burden long term.

Just saying. Depends how egregious the sin is. Or how long term the grind down has been. Something temporary may be better, like muting her on FB for a start.

Cutting out a family member is not a fix, just a different problem. It's figuring which hurts the least is the trick. My experience of properly cutting someone out suggests a political impasse warrants more of a cooling than a clean break. Live and let live even if they wouldn't be so kind as to reciprocate.

[Slow Ben]

That really, really fucking sucks QT. Sorry man.

[Tsundoku]

Macros, on 27 November 2020 - 09:19 PM, said:

Cut her out man, that's just toxic shit you don't need in your life.

The saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family. Fuck that. You absolutely can choose your friends and family. Blood means nothing, falling out of the same vagina as someone else means nothing, that takes no work, no sacrifice or love. Family is a bond of emotions, it's created over years of love, selflessness and insert other hallmark words here.

"Rating failed: You have reached your quota of positive votes for the day"

D'accord.

Although cutting people these days is harder because of internets. Unless you're like me and do antisocial media.
Seriously, this is pretty much 90% of the "social media" I do.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 28 November 2020 - 01:57 AM

[amphibian]

Mezla PigDog, on 27 November 2020 - 11:08 PM, said:

I dunno. Cutting someone out is hard. It's easier to do when the emotions are raw - it doesn't feel it but it is easier than when the emotions have healed over and there is a chasm left that takes a lot of energy to cross. It is a heavy burden long term.

Just saying. Depends how egregious the sin is. Or how long term the grind down has been. Something temporary may be better, like muting her on FB for a start.

Cutting out a family member is not a fix, just a different problem. It's figuring which hurts the least is the trick. My experience of properly cutting someone out suggests a political impasse warrants more of a cooling than a clean break. Live and let live even if they wouldn't be so kind as to reciprocate.

The answer is different for everyone.

But certain factors here: the behaviors of denying the danger of Covid-19, not masking up, not connecting to QT, showing contempt for QT, and going full alt-right are getting worse, not better or staying the same.

That's a complicated mess and within that mess is an idea that QT is less than her and likely other attitudes of certain groups of people being less than her.

That's territory for me to walk away and I have walked away from people in my life who've said stuff like that. I've cut ties with long time friends over other things that I felt were extremely bad and I've stood up to many family members for doing awful things or neglecting things. There's pain, sure, but I was dealing with the pain in a healthier place than I would have been if I stayed and maintained the connection.

Bridging the gap to someone who doesn't have a frame of reference that's a little compatible to yours is an enormous effort and a painful one that usually ends in failure. Things like addiction and racism warp frames of references for people to a point where it's often healthy to just stop dealing with them because so much energy goes into doing it that it becomes unhealthy.

Everyone's answers are different and I ended up taking a bunch of people off my friends list or having them do it because they were saying and doing this kind of stuff. In person (pre pandemic), I was polite to them if I encountered them, but they aren't my friends and I don't invite them to my events or home and I don't support them in things they do.

I can't fix or control their shitty behavior or attitudes, but I can control myself and decide not to be around them, even if that's a different kind of pain.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 28 November 2020 - 05:34 AM

[Tiste Simeon]

That's rough QT one of my previous closest friends has cut me off because every time he posted some pro-Trump nonsense I would call him out on it. He claimed I was too full of hate for him to keep me in my life (I never got angry or personally insulting but because he refused to engage I'll admit I got progressively more sarcastic). I apologised for my tone and he just told me he didn't want my kind of negativity in his life. I could have pointed out the absolute irony of him not wanting hatred around but he would have denied my point of view. I'm still a bit sad about it as we used to be very close but since he went back to the states and his super conservative parents he's become more right wing.

[Mezla PigDog]

Cutting out friends and cutting out family are two very different things long term. Just saying anyway. I mean she sounds like a bloody nightmare and I am a big advocate of pulling the plug on nightmare family members. I've done it to my aunt and my dad. Close family are tied in deep with your other close family, they are hard to avoid long term.

[Malankazooie]

Give each other some distance, but don't go burn bridges, hold grudges forever mindset. She is your sister and you love her and she loves you. If things were to get really difficult for her in life, you'd step in to help her and vice versa. My sisters held a grudge for a few years and the people it hurt most besides themselves, was our parents. You'll look back at this time and feel shame and regret for ever holding to these petty differences. Let it go.

[Aptorian]

Alternatively, QT could try beating her with a phonebook.

[QuickTidal]

Update on my crazy sister.

After her nasty non-reply to me, my dad tried to calmly engage her for discussion on a different COVID-related topic that she had spammed FB with articles about....and she LOST it on him, claimed she raised herself, and doesn't need him or his judgments (he didn't judge her at all), and then invoked my name to boot (how come you never go after what Scott posts on FB?!)....maybe it's partially because he's not on my FB as a friend (I made a conscious effort to add neither of my parents years ago), but also because I don't spend my days making post after post endorsing crazy conspiracy theories, and conservative rage posting, and making snide comments about Justin Trudeau...but I digress.

Anyways, it's a good thing there isn't going to be any kind Christmas celebrations this year due to lockdown, because it would be awkward AF.

I double checked on my elder niece (she's in her 20's, is pretty liberal, and supports science) to make sure she was okay and all she said was "I'm at home, not at school and it's been "really crazy" here"...which I took to mean she and my sister are at some sort of loggerheads on the daily..but she tells my dad that she just ignores her mother as much as she can. Still, I feel bad for her living in that house. My brother-in-law shares my sisters general world view, but he also is much calmer about everything (politics to him is a discussion during which he will chuckle if he disagrees but not attack you, and certainly not a rage-induced screaming match like my sister treats it).

Fun times!

[amphibian]

I'm glad you checked in on your niece. I feel really bad for her having to ride this out while stifling what she feels to keep the peace.

My parents seem to have realized that I meant what I said about stopping contact with them because they were seeing too many people at the beginning of November. It took 4 weeks of mostly silence from them, but they say they have completed 3 weeks of not seeing others and a 4 person Thanksgiving (my parents, grandmother who lives with them, my younger brother).

That's quite a bit different from what you're dealing with, but I wanted to say that as a "you're not alone in having family dealing poorly with the pandemic" story and offer a bit of hope.

I have cut off family and long time friends over the years and it's shitty, yet healthier to get those boundaries up. It took 12 years for one family relationship of mine to be repaired to a passable degree, yet the others that I and my nuclear family cut off will likely never be repaired. We're healthier for it, even if it was a bit dramatic and painful at first. The new normal of holding distance settles in quickly.

[QuickTidal]

amphibian, on 30 November 2020 - 03:40 PM, said:

I have cut off family and long time friends over the years and it's shitty, yet healthier to get those boundaries up. It took 12 years for one family relationship of mine to be repaired to a passable degree

This gives me a bit of hope that one day, perhaps once she's realized or moved past this caustic phase of her life that we might find common ground again, even with rules in place to prevent another severing of ties.

I appreciate the input. It helps.

[Malankazooie]

Dr. Fauci talking about the number of travelers during the Thanksgiving break and what that means about 3 weeks from now. It's a good bet that the most popular present Santa will be delivering this year to all the good boys and girls is Covid-19 deaths.