[Macros]

Fucking skinjob

[Morgoth]

Hey now, let’s keep off the slurs, paddy. Replicants want what’s best for us. After all, their loyalty programming is foolproof.

[Macros]

Whatever Swede

[Maark Abbott]

*Loads up AOE2*

*sets conquest map, Celts vs Vikings*

[Gorefest]

"Hundreds and hundreds of years ago, you see, the Norse men conquered the British isles. And the Norse are gingers."
"Yes..."
"So you see, way back then, uh, Celts were like, uh, garlic suckers from the EU. Ah, they all had dark hair and brown eyes, but, uh, well, then the Vikings moved in there, and uh, well, they changed the whole country. They did so much fucking with Celtic women, huh? That they changed the whole bloodline forever. That's why dark hair and brown eyes became carrot braids and pale skin. You know, it's absolutely amazing to me to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, that, uh, that Celts still carry that Norse gene. Now this..."
[Laughs]
"No, I'm, no, I'm quoting...history. It's written. It's a fact, it's written."
[Laughing]: "I love this guy. This guy."
"Your ancestors are Vikings! Uh-huh."
[Cracking up with laughter]
"Hey. Yeah. And, and your great-great-great-great grandmother...fucked a fjord lover, ho, ho, yeah, and she had a half-norse kid...now, if that's a fact, tell me: am I lying? 'Cause you, you're part courgette."

This post has been edited by Gorefest: 16 February 2018 - 12:04 PM

[Morgoth]

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

This post has been edited by Morgoth: 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM

[Macros]

Why is that in a painful to read white text gorefest?

[Gorefest]

Parsing issues. Better now? (copied the original Sicilian scene source text from a website, which was playing havoc with the layout ) The lengths I go to for mediocre comedy.

This post has been edited by Gorefest: 16 February 2018 - 12:06 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

'cept me of course

[Tsundoku]

Tiste Simeon, on 17 February 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

'cept me of course

Well I guess you could be considered attractive for a thousand or so years old.

[Abyss]

All your best bailed for Canada at the first opportunity.

[Tiste Simeon]

Tsundoku, on 17 February 2018 - 11:49 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 17 February 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

'cept me of course

Well I guess you could be considered attractive for a thousand or so years old.

Hush you. All you lot are just our inbred criminals we didn't know what to do with...

[Tsundoku]

Tiste Simeon, on 18 February 2018 - 07:50 AM, said:

Tsundoku, on 17 February 2018 - 11:49 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 17 February 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

'cept me of course

Well I guess you could be considered attractive for a thousand or so years old.

Hush you. All you lot are just our inbred criminals we didn't know what to do with...

... but you guys keep watching our crappy TV soaps.

I think it's the only way you get to see sunshine for half the year.

[carjug]

Hear this, wretched readers, I shall make a pronouncement. In rememberance of Shelfari, I, T'roll, shall speak the names of books forced upon my self by well-meaning but misguided Humans. (Take notes, these suckers are GOOD.)
1) Lord Dunsany, the king of Elfland's Daughter. Dig for it on used book sites, and look up Dunsany's stuff on gutenberg.org .
2) Hope Mirrlees Lud-in-the-Mist.
3)The last Unicorn, and other stuff by Peter S. Beagle.
4) And the First Law series by Joe Abercrombie.
------
There. I have spoken unto you, as the Humans spoke to me so many turns of the Moon ago. Now, where is that stupid blanket, I want to go to Starbucks without getting arrested?
----------
Okay, I can't keep it going any longer. Twenty years ago , I asked some people on a book forum what books they would force on their friends. These were some of them, together with Gardens of the Moon. I am now returning the favor, I guess the Wheel of Time keeps on turning. Perhaps I should ask you Wretched readers what books you have forced upon your comrades and prisoners? And I mean FORCED, as in hold 'em down in a Vogon Poetry appreciation chair.
--- Turns of the Moon? Crikey I'm dull.

[Tiste Simeon]

Tsundoku, on 18 February 2018 - 09:50 AM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 18 February 2018 - 07:50 AM, said:

Tsundoku, on 17 February 2018 - 11:49 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 17 February 2018 - 06:44 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

'cept me of course

Well I guess you could be considered attractive for a thousand or so years old.

Hush you. All you lot are just our inbred criminals we didn't know what to do with...

... but you guys keep watching our crappy TV soaps.

I think it's the only way you get to see sunshine for half the year.

You know, I don't think I've ever seen a full episode of Neighbours, Home and Away or any of those other ones...

[stone monkey]

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

Luckily they recently shipped some of us pretty ones in from the Colonies to make up for it.

[Tiste Simeon]

stone monkey, on 19 February 2018 - 11:24 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

Luckily they recently shipped some of us pretty ones in from the Colonies to make up for it.

Can confirm. SM is beautiful.

[stone monkey]

Tiste Simeon, on 19 February 2018 - 11:57 PM, said:

stone monkey, on 19 February 2018 - 11:24 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 16 February 2018 - 09:36 AM, said:

The British Isles never really recovered from having all their attractive people shipped off to Norway a thousand or so years ago.

Luckily they recently shipped some of us pretty ones in from the Colonies to make up for it.

Can confirm. SM is beautiful.

Gosh!

[Tsundoku]

Nice to know my mental pic of you as Idris Elba is accurate.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 20 February 2018 - 08:20 AM

[Abyss]

carjug, on 19 February 2018 - 07:35 PM, said:

...
1) Lord Dunsany, the king of Elfland's Daughter. Dig for it on used book sites, and look up Dunsany's stuff on gutenberg.org .
2) Hope Mirrlees Lud-in-the-Mist.
3)The last Unicorn, and other stuff by Peter S. Beagle.
4) And the First Law series by Joe Abercrombie. ...

Perhaps I should ask you Wretched readers what books you have forced upon your comrades and prisoners? And I mean FORCED, as in hold 'em down in a Vogon Poetry appreciation chair.
...

Dunsany vaguely rings a bell but really barely heard of the first two, curious now.

I can appreciate Beagle for what he wrote/writes, but I have never had the level of love for UNICORN that some seem to.

FIRST LAW... I think Aberbrombie is best appreciated by people who have already been reading fantasy for a while. He messes with some tropes and classic storylines in ways that are hard to catch otherwise.

Anyone I forced GotM on pretty much hated it. I stopped trying.




Kay's LIONS OF AL'RASAN is one I would push hard if I were inclined. It's self contained, keeps the fantastic elements minimal, and tells a great story with memorable characters.