Malazan Empire: The Just Plain Bad Movies Thread - Malazan Empire

Jump to content

  • 3 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

The Just Plain Bad Movies Thread

#1 User is offline   King Bear 

  • Furry
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 798
  • Joined: 08-February 11

Posted 22 April 2011 - 03:32 PM

A thread about movies that completely suck. Movies that after you've watched them you lament that 2 hours of your life you'll never get back.

Attached File  battlefieldearth.jpg (142.98K)
Number of downloads: 0



And has anyone seen Teeth? Because WHAT. THE. HELL. Why? Honestly. Why?


This post has been edited by Quickie Ben: 22 April 2011 - 03:35 PM

0

#2 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 22 April 2011 - 03:47 PM

Teeth is sort of a mythical film to me. Much like Human Centipede the whole concept is so disturbing that I am just never going to watch it. A film about a girl who bites off dicks with her pussy? Yeah... no thanks. Just the term "Vagina Dentata" fills me with revulsion.
0

#3 User is offline   King Bear 

  • Furry
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 798
  • Joined: 08-February 11

Posted 22 April 2011 - 04:00 PM

View PostBattle Plaptypus, on 22 April 2011 - 03:47 PM, said:

Teeth is sort of a mythical film to me. Much like Human Centipede the whole concept is so disturbing that I am just never going to watch it. A film about a girl who bites off dicks with her pussy? Yeah... no thanks. Just the term "Vagina Dentata" fills me with revulsion.


A flatmate recently downloaded The Human Centipede and was half way done explaining the premise when I told her I didn't want to hear any more, and sorry, I wasn't going to watch it with her. I only found out about Teeth today. How many more of these sick, disturbing movies are there?
0

#4 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 22 April 2011 - 04:03 PM

Hundreds if not thousand. 90% of which made in Japan probably.
0

#5 User is offline   King Bear 

  • Furry
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 798
  • Joined: 08-February 11

Posted 22 April 2011 - 04:08 PM

View PostBattle Plaptypus, on 22 April 2011 - 04:03 PM, said:

Hundreds if not thousand. 90% of which made in Japan probably.


May they ever remain absent from my brain.
0

#6 User is offline   masan's saddle 

  • Emperor
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 979
  • Joined: 17-February 09
  • Location:masan's horse

Posted 22 April 2011 - 04:11 PM

View PostBattle Plaptypus, on 22 April 2011 - 04:03 PM, said:

Hundreds if not thousand. 90% of which made in Japan probably.


What's the name of that REALLY grim movie..., The Serb ??? or something like that. All about torture and increasingly sadistic forms of death and gutspilling. It came out last year or the year before, I can't remember.

On topic, Pearl Harbor.

Not even Kate Beckinsale's arse could save that Piece of Shit TM
Now all the friends that you knew in school they used to be so cool, now they just bore you.
Just look at em' now, already pullin' the plow. So quick to take to grain, like some old mule.
0

#7 User is offline   King Bear 

  • Furry
  • Group: Team Quick Ben
  • Posts: 798
  • Joined: 08-February 11

Posted 22 April 2011 - 04:16 PM

View Postmasan, on 22 April 2011 - 04:11 PM, said:


Pearl Harbor.

Not even Kate Beckinsale's arse could save that Piece of Shit TM


And it is a fine ass.


0

#8 User is offline   Sinisdar Toste 

  • Dead Serious
  • View gallery
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 3,851
  • Joined: 14-July 07
  • Location:The C-Hood

Posted 22 April 2011 - 11:06 PM

spiderman 3. THAT HAIRCUT, OH GOD, THAT HAIRCUT!
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

- Oscar Levant
0

#9 User is offline   Mentalist 

  • Martyr of High House Mafia
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 9,557
  • Joined: 06-June 07
  • Location:'sauga/GTA, City of the Lion
  • Interests:Soccer, Chess, swimming, books, misc
  • Junior Mafia Mod

Posted 22 April 2011 - 11:59 PM

Cube 2.

one time in my life I wished I was high
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
THE CONTESTtm WINNER--чемпіон самоконтролю

View PostJump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.
0

#10 User is offline   MWKarsa 

  • Midget Toblakai
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 209
  • Joined: 04-December 10
  • Location:Austin, TX
  • Interests:Reading, Sports, Exercise and all things Texas Longhorn.

Posted 23 April 2011 - 12:03 AM

Completely agree with Pearl Harbor and Spiderman 3.

Add The Incredible Hulk 1 and 2, Tron Legacy, the Godzilla movie with Matthew Brockerick, Batman and Robin, Highlander 2, Caddyshack 2, all the Crow movies after the first one, Troy, Superman Returns, Red Sonja and too many to list right now.
0

#11 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 23 April 2011 - 06:20 AM

Godzilla does not deserve the definition "Just plain bad". For its time that movie was very well made, Godzilla looked fucking amazing. It had a hell of a lot of iconic scenes in it. Also I loved the soundtrack that Puffy diddy Sean P daddy Combes did for it.

What made that film annoying was Mathew Broderick sucking things up. Honestly, I can't recall ever watching a film that I liked him in. It's like he did Ferris Bueller and Wargames and then he just never fucking changed.

Was Red Sonja that bad. I don't think I've seen that film since the early 90s maybe, but I remember it being good. Like your typical 80s action films like Conan the Barbarian.

EDIT: Oh and Troy is worse than all the other movies on that list combined. They absolutely butchered everything that was good about the Illiad. How the fuck could they take out the Gods, they are integral to the story.

This post has been edited by Battle Plaptypus: 23 April 2011 - 06:22 AM

0

#12 User is offline   worry 

  • Master of the Deck
  • Group: Malaz Regular
  • Posts: 14,626
  • Joined: 24-February 10
  • Location:the buried west

Posted 23 April 2011 - 06:40 AM

I've seen plenty of hokey stuff like The Room and what have you, but in terms of serious effort decent budget movies:

The Skulls starring Joshua Jackson is perhaps the worst big budget movie I've ever seen. I didn't pay to see it or anything, and it was before I knew who Paul Walker was, so I didn't know to automatically avoid it like an instant-AIDS causing cactus, so those are my excuses. Neither makes me feel any cleaner.



The worst movie I paid to see is probably Double Jeopardy starring Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones. This was very much in his post-The Fugitive phase where (I must assume) he accepted boatloads of cash to play wise detectives in every piece of crap that came along (see also: Morgan Freeman post-Se7en). It might still hold the record for most cliches piled one on top another like Jenga.

The thing is, I don't usually hold grudges against actors. I don't care if Robin Williams can be super annoying or that John Travolta is a cheeseball, or that Nicholas Cage will do anything for money, or that Keanu's valley accent comes out in everything he does. None of them by default put me off a movie. But I have held a grudge against Ashley Judd ever since, and I can't get over it. Also, the same for Paul Walker, but that's not cuz of the Skulls, it's because he's genuinely the worst actor in human history.
They came with white hands and left with red hands.
0

#13 User is offline   King Lear 

  • Une belle quelquesomething sans merci
  • Group: Mott Irregulars
  • Posts: 678
  • Joined: 01-October 09

Posted 23 April 2011 - 02:26 PM

This:



Worst Film Ever. And not even in a good way.

Jennifer Lopez as a lesbian, Ben Affleck as shmuck.
This is what Wikipedia says: After a protracted battle between studio and director, a radically revised version of the original film was released. There was significant media attention and popular interest prior to its release, primarily because Affleck and Lopez, the film's stars, were romantically involved at the time. However, critical reception was extremely poor, and in the years since its release Gigli has frequently been cited as among the worst movies ever made.

Plot: Shmuck gets told to kidnap retarded kid, "lesbian" comes to keep an eye on him, romantic comedy ensues.

It's awful. In my defence, I watched it on purpose. For this reason:


*Men's Frights Activist*
0

#14 User is offline   Sir Thursday 

  • House Knight
  • Group: High House Mafia
  • Posts: 1,819
  • Joined: 14-July 05
  • Location:Enfield, UK

Posted 24 April 2011 - 03:40 PM

View Postmasan, on 22 April 2011 - 04:11 PM, said:

View PostBattle Plaptypus, on 22 April 2011 - 04:03 PM, said:

Hundreds if not thousand. 90% of which made in Japan probably.


What's the name of that REALLY grim movie..., The Serb ??? or something like that. All about torture and increasingly sadistic forms of death and gutspilling. It came out last year or the year before, I can't remember.

On topic, Pearl Harbor.

Not even Kate Beckinsale's arse could save that Piece of Shit TM


You're thinking of A Serbian Film. The trailer makes Human Centipede seem pretty tame.

ST
Don't look now, but I think there's something weird attached to the bottom of my posts.
0

#15 User is offline   Illuyankas 

  • Retro Classic
  • Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
  • Posts: 7,254
  • Joined: 28-September 04
  • Will cluck you up

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:00 PM

Anything Apt likes. Just to save time.
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isnít me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like heís me. Look down, back up, where are you? Youíre in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. Whatís in your hand, back at me. I have it, itís an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. Iím on a quorl.
1

#16 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:07 PM

I think you mean everything Apt likes that other people don't like.
0

#17 User is offline   Illuyankas 

  • Retro Classic
  • Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
  • Posts: 7,254
  • Joined: 28-September 04
  • Will cluck you up

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:10 PM

I know what I said.
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isnít me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like heís me. Look down, back up, where are you? Youíre in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. Whatís in your hand, back at me. I have it, itís an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. Iím on a quorl.
0

#18 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:28 PM

So lets see here, on the list of plain bad movies we should add:

The Godfather movies.
The Indiana Jones films
Star Wars
Heat
Things to do in Denver when you're dead.
Hamburger Hill
The Good the Bad and the Ugly
The first two terminator films.
Predator 1 and 2
The first three Alien films.
Blade Runner.
The Lethal Weapons films.
Blood Sport.
Big Trouble in little China

Just to name a few films that I like.

Are you saying all of these films are bad movies? Are you Illy? Is that what you are saying?

Attached File  post-9377-127600481506.png (288.76K)
Number of downloads: 0
0

#19 User is offline   Illuyankas 

  • Retro Classic
  • Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
  • Posts: 7,254
  • Joined: 28-September 04
  • Will cluck you up

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:43 PM

Yes. Conveying warnings to others of the horrors that you enjoy require sacrifices. They're being discarded for a good cause. Also, nice Attached File  emot-smug.gif (972bytes)
Number of downloads: 0 there.
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isnít me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like heís me. Look down, back up, where are you? Youíre in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. Whatís in your hand, back at me. I have it, itís an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. Iím on a quorl.
0

#20 User is offline   Aptorian 

  • How 'bout a hug?
  • Group: The Wheelchairs of War
  • Posts: 24,781
  • Joined: 22-May 06

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:58 PM

You're a horrible human being.
1

Share this topic:


  • 3 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users