Malazan Empire: The Badass List of Badass characters - Revisited - Malazan Empire

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The Badass List of Badass characters - Revisited with 100% more accuracy AND SPOILERS all books

#141 User is offline   Nevyn 

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Posted 21 March 2013 - 01:45 AM

Since Cussers and Swords can make the list, I am assuming that this is fair game.
Hey, everyone, this is Vince for Blood Oil. Are you tired of living in a backward isolationist warrior culture? Want to raise some hell in neighbouring villages but don't even have a blacksmith to make you a sword?Then you should try my latest product .... Blood Oil!Now you can make that sword you want out of FUCKING WOOD! Just rub some blood oil on it and presto, its hard as a rock, unbreakable even though its six feet long, and razor fucking sharp!And that's not the only wood this badass shit enhances, if ya know what I mean! Don't you hate it went you've totally fucked up a village and you're midway through ravishing the womenfolk, and your little Rocky just can't last one more round?! Just use some blood oil and your bloodsword will suddenly be your second hardest deadly weapon. You're gonna spend 400-500 dollars a month on Viagra anyway. And do the village women just lie there whimpering softly? Blood oil fixes that too! Get ready for a wild ass ride.Now, I know what you're thinking. That sounds like kinda awesome stuff, but how the heck am I gonna cut through a whole village full of men with a wooden sword, even a wicked ass wooden sword? Guess what? Blood oil will help you go all berserker on their ass!But Vince! you say .... what if they have mages? What if they have mages? Fuck mages! You know what the active ingredient is in blood oil? Its GODDAMN OTATARAL! So if you want weapon making, bonerfying, spanish flying, wild man juice that shrugs off warren magics, just order some blood oil. And if you call now, because you know we can't do this all day, we'll DOUBLE the order. Just pay separate shipping and handling.Here's how to order:
Tatts early in SH game: Hmm, so if I'm liberal I should have voted Nein to make sure I'm president? I'm not that selfish

Tatts later in SAME game: I'm going to be a corrupt official. I have turned from my liberal ways, and now will vote against the pesky liberals. Viva la Fascism.
When Venge's turn comes, he will get a yes from Mess, Dolmen, Nevyn and Venge but a no from the 3 fascists and me. **** with my Government, and i'll **** with yours
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#142 User is offline   Ruthan Good 

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Posted 07 April 2013 - 09:07 PM

Shocked that Yedan Derryg is this far down the list. He's a bloke. Who killed some dragons.
I don't have time to consider things I have to consider.
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#143 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 08 April 2013 - 01:37 AM

Depressingly, I haven't updated the list since before TCG came out. I'll have to fix that. Eventually. (when I can)
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
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#144 User is offline   Brujah 

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Posted 04 May 2013 - 07:22 AM

View PostRuthan Good, on 07 April 2013 - 09:07 PM, said:

Shocked that Yedan Derryg is this far down the list. He's a bloke. Who killed some dragons.


Yeah, Yedan straight up goes the fuck off in that battle at the First Shore. That might be the best battle of the series, imo. Or at least one of the best.

Yedan is fucking beast mode. I'd have loved to see him and Karsa slug it out.
And when you're Gone, you stay Gone, or you be Gone. You lost all your Seven Cities privileges. - Karsa

you're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be...
- Maynard James Keenan
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#145 User is offline   Brujah 

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Posted 04 May 2013 - 09:18 AM

If this is a list of not only the best, but the most BADASS characters my top 10 would be based on ability, attitude, and deeds done.
Therefore:

1)Draconus - the ultimate badass in my opinion
- creator of Dragnipur, the most badass sword and weapon ever
- killed thousands from two opposing sides of a battle just by entering the scene
- gave the ultimate beatdown to Kilmandaros and The Errant at the same time, both extremely powerful
- fucks Mother Dark herself, the creator of the universe. Come on. That's bragging rights.
- Rake feels the need to ally with Osseric to oppose him

2)Anomander Rake - extremely close comparison with Draconus
- put Draconus into his own sword, possibly the only person able to have done so
- easily reaches rank of segulah 7 as swordsman
- master swordsman, able to go blow for blow with Dassem, Segulah 1st with only swords skill
- soletaken eleint
- high mage and master of the warren of darkness, kurald galain

3)Karsa Orlong - definition of malazan badassery
- kills two Deragoth, ancient Hounds of Darkness, drags their heads behind his horse and walks through malazan army
- attacks and kills the K'chain Nah-Ruk, an ancient being, inside the tower
- easily defeats segulah 14th in letherii
- knocks Icarium the fuck out
- has one of the best weapons in the series
- spent time in holy desert of Rakaru, same place that forged the bridgeburners and quick Ben
- killed Rhulad Sengar for good
- is highly immune to sorcery
- has his own warren

4) Hood - face-biter
- arguably the most badass action of the series when bites off the face of an extremely powerful Forkrul Assail
- ex god of death itself

5)Quick Ben -hidden badass
- does many of the most kick ass scenes in the series
- defeats Sukul Ankhadu, Sheltatha Lore, and Menadore, 3 badass soletaken dragons, at same time
- "I have no hold over him these days, alas. Why? He is too powerful. Too mysterious. Too conniving. Too Hood-damned smart. Indeed, even Shadowthrone has turned his attentions elsewhere." - Cotillion on Quick Ben
- "Because Draconus changes everything, and I'm the only one who can stand against him." - Quick Ben

6)Dassem Ultor - badass swordsman
- First Sword of the Empire
- Dessembrae, Lord of Tragedy
- defeated Rake in sword fight, although thought that Rake let this happen, still only one capable of the feat
- possibly the finest swordsman in the series
- ‘If he had decided we were behind the shipwreck, well, I don’t like to think what would have happened here.’
‘Simple, Cotillion. He would have killed us.’ - Shadowthrone

7)The Rope - most badass nickname, most badass weapon
- THE Patron of Assassins
- cuts through men so efficiently that even Kalam is humbled
- is the one that finally kills the Crippled God in the end by delivering the final, fatal daggers to the back
- leader of the Talon as Dancer
- already one of the most dangerous men in the world before ascending

8)Yedan Derryg - hust sword wielding, dragon slaying badass
- has a Hust Sword
- Prince and Watch of the Shake
- center of one of most amazing battle scenes in series, Defense of the First Shore
- "Yedan led the initial defence of the First Shore,killing over a thousand Tiste Liosan and several soletaken dragons before being slain by Aparal Forge in Eleint form. Such was his skill with the blade that the Liosan on the other side of the gate whispered that a legion of Hust sword-wielding soldiers surely waited for them across the gate to Kharkanas. "

9)Tayscreen - high mage of badass
- Imperial High Mage of Malazan Empire
- faced off against Rake above the city of Pale
- "Magic rained in an endless storm around Tayschrenn, where he still knelt on the withered blackened hilltop. But every wave directed his way he shunted aside, wreaking devastation among the soldiers cowering on the plain. Through the carnage filling the air, through the ash and shrill-tongued raens, through the raining rocks and the screams of the wounded and dying, through the blood-chilling shrieks of demons flinging themselves into the ranks of soldiery - through it all sounded the steady thunder of the High Mage's onslaught."
-

10)Kallor - the bad man's badass
- over one hundred thousand years old
- former High King of ancient empire on Jacuruku
- formidable enough that Draconus, K'rul, and Nightchill all descended upon him
- 8 high mages dropped a GOD from another world on him, they feared him so much




-- not complete, will finish later --

This post has been edited by Karsa: 04 May 2013 - 02:03 PM

And when you're Gone, you stay Gone, or you be Gone. You lost all your Seven Cities privileges. - Karsa

you're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be...
- Maynard James Keenan
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#146 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 03 September 2013 - 06:02 AM

L M A O !! I have not laughed this hard in a long time. Man, what a great and hilarious list! It would take too long to quote all my favorites from your list so here is my favorite one:


Quote: "Badalle - won a magic rap battle. A MAGIC RAP BATTLE"

That hilarious statement perfectly sums up what I felt while reading about 'the snake'.

Now, if you have read some of my posts, you may be aware of how much I like Scorch and Leff. They should be on the list simply because they are like two Groo's (and Groo is the Best comic book character EVER). What can go wrong, does go wrong when it comes to Scorch and Leff. They make 'Mancy the luckless' look like a fortunate man. They stare down a hound of shadow, (well, Leff does) and it BOLTED! Vorcan's daughter, who is a miniature amalgamation of Spite and Laseen, tries to kill them and they think she's a 'feisty little minx', totally clueless/oblivious to her sincere intent to maim/kill. They work for Kruppe-you don't seem.to be a fan of his but he is the Dynamo/David Copperfield of Wu. Oh ya, they kill that masked douchebag from OST- it reminded me of the fury of the Nachts/Bolead demon fighters.

This post has been edited by NefaraisBredd: 03 September 2013 - 06:34 AM

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#147 User is offline   theocean 

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Posted 07 October 2013 - 06:17 PM

View PostRuthan Good, on 07 April 2013 - 09:07 PM, said:

Shocked that Yedan Derryg is this far down the list. He's a bloke. Who killed some dragons.



His sword did all the work... all he had to do was hold on for the ride.
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#148 User is online   Tiste Simeon 

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Posted 18 March 2014 - 11:51 PM

I know this thread is old now but Jula & Amby Bole need to be on This List. Because they punched a flipping K'Chain Che'Malle assassin think Ninja mixed with T Rex mixed with dragon) into submission!

This post has been edited by Tiste Brent Not Abyss Weeks Simeon: 18 March 2014 - 11:51 PM

A Haunting Poem
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.
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#149 User is offline   heavymetaltroll 

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Posted 10 January 2015 - 08:45 AM

WHERE THE F@#K IS CAPTAIN KINDLY

I mean, come on. Hes like the most terrifyingly badass officer in the entire Malazan army. Just hearing his name makes the most hardened veterans go all shaky in the knees and require a change of underwear. Kellanved and Dancer ascended just to get away from him and Dassem faked being killed by the claw for the same reason. The Crimson Guard only returned when he was on the other side of the world in Lether and the Seven Cities rebellion was crushed as soon as he joined the Bonehunters. And most badass of all, he collects combs. Even though he is bald he collects mother f@#king combs ffs. Obviously the single most badass character EVER.
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#150 User is offline   Planck 

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Posted 17 July 2016 - 04:41 PM

Laseen is the ultimate badass for me.

Was Mistress of the Claw, who were able to take on Dancer's talons.

After all the Old Guard leaving, she still manages to control the Empire, despite everyone trying to knock her off.

Took on Anomander Rake (can't imagine many other characters wanting to do that).

There doesn't seem to be a single person who understands her motives.

The Master of the Deck seems to defer to her and her alone.

Killed Kellanved's enemies whilst Dancer stood by him.

And most of all, she kills Crimson Guardsmen, who are Tlan Imass, with her hands and feet.

This post has been edited by Planck: 17 July 2016 - 04:43 PM

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#151 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 03:43 AM

Scorch and Leff! JK. They are tough but not top 20 material. My top 20'ish (in no particular order):

Draconus
Edgewalker
Brood
Iron Bars
Tool
Bugg
Kazz
Smokey
Vorcan
Cotillion
Shadowthrone
Apsalar (both of 'em)
Kallor
KARSA Orlong
Ublala Pung
All of the ranked seguleh
Dassem/Traveller/Dessembrae
Icarium
Quick Ben
Kalam 'the man' Meckhar
Taysschren
Envy and Spite
Knuckles
Brys Beddict
Tehol
Fiddler
Too many to name
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#152 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 03:46 AM

And of course:

Gothos
Rake
Ruin
Cant stand mcwhiny tho (Osserc)
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#153 User is offline   Not Noto 

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Posted 22 May 2017 - 06:58 PM

View PostNefaraisBredd, on 22 May 2017 - 03:43 AM, said:

Scorch and Leff! JK. They are tough but not top 20 material. My top 20'ish (in no particular order):

Draconus
Edgewalker
Brood
Iron Bars
Tool
Bugg
Kazz
Smokey
Vorcan
Cotillion
Shadowthrone
Apsalar (both of 'em)
Kallor
KARSA Orlong
Ublala Pung
All of the ranked seguleh
Dassem/Traveller/Dessembrae
Icarium
Quick Ben
Kalam 'the man' Meckhar
Taysschren
Envy and Spite
Knuckles
Brys Beddict
Tehol
Fiddler
Too many to name

Iron Bars nr 4!!? He could barely survive a clash with a low level Seguleh and you people rank him higher than The First. Come on :D
He's not even top dog in CG.

Ok, no particular order. But still. You can't name Iron Bars before Dass!

This post has been edited by Not Noto: 22 May 2017 - 06:59 PM

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#154 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 26 May 2017 - 04:17 AM

It is so hard to place in order. Here is my attempt:

Top Five Jack Baeur-level badasses:
1. Kruppe-he is so effin smart he entertains Gods in his dreams. Kruppe dreams transcend time and space and warrens, he created his own QB (Silverfox). He was immune to Burn's Hammer (top 5 Badass weapon) for more reasons than 'K'rul protected him' as folks are wont to say. Baruk is a major badass sorcerer and Kruppe confounds his strongest wards.

2.Draconus-big softie with immense power. Rale killed him but thats cause Rake dont talk about fight club! Seriously, Rake is a cold blooded SOB. He will get it done every time regardless of the personal cost. Buuut, ole Draconus is back and he's pissed. He scared the sheet outta all the other Azathanai.

2.5-Calm, Serenity, basically any full-blooded Forkrul Assail; The lizard beasties (Top Ranked Sh'igal and matron, etc.)

3. Anomamdaris RakE. Dragnipur is top 5 badass weapon in history of fantasy genre. Talk about Grim. He let Dassem win. He slew many Seguleh. He turns into a giant effin dragon. And he's half a million years old. He literally shits darkness and badassery. Aome people may disagree but Nimander is prolly as tough, if not even more so.

4. Shadowthrone and Cotillion: Two of the most devious people/Gods that ever lived. They use everyone to achieve their ends, Gods and mortals alike. If they cant kill ya, they'll cajole or coerce or outright trick something into killing you.

5. T'riss, Edgewalker, Ardata, Bugg, Brood, etc. All old as petrified shit and just as tough. Dont forget old man moon too. Special mention-QB and the asxended Bridgeburners, Ganoes Paran....


Other top 20 in order:

6.Dassem:lord of tragedy and possibly the best mortal swordsman ever.

7.Trull Sengar, Karsa, and Tool


8. Seguleh 2nd-10th.

9. Kallor

10. Spinnok Durav, Kalam Mekhar

11. Vorcan, Baruk, Taya

This post has been edited by NefaraisBredd: 28 May 2017 - 05:00 AM

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#155 User is offline   Dolmen 2.0 

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    Waiting till jean gets here.

Posted 21 April 2018 - 04:04 PM

We should probably put Ho on this list.

Spoiler

“Behind this mask there is more than just flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea... and ideas are bulletproof Gas-Fireproof.”
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#156 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 23 April 2018 - 04:25 AM

There are so many-Ho is a worthy addition
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#157 User is offline   NefaraisBredd 

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Posted 30 May 2019 - 01:51 AM

I cant remember their names but those two old gods (husband and wife) from Letheras-the ones that helped Bugg trap/killed that giant ice manta ray God creature thing.

Lol


And any Jaghut puppet
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#158 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 30 May 2019 - 08:51 AM

View PostIlluyankas, on 08 April 2013 - 01:37 AM, said:

Depressingly, I haven't updated the list since before TCG came out. I'll have to fix that. Eventually. (when I can)

EVENTUALLY
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
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