[QuickTidal]

You call in sick to work, where they realize that a small Apple iOS App can do your job...leaving you jobless.

I wish I had two iPad2's

[Abyss]

Granted, but since they outnumber you, now you have to work for them. I suggest that you WELCOME your new iPad2 Overlords and remind them that you may be useful removing finger smudges and massaging their buttons. also, digital herpes.

I wish i had a better lunch.

[Sir Thursday]

You do, but only because you've eaten your dinner as well and will now have to go hungry this evening.

I wish jetlag didn't exist.

[Obdigore]

Jetlag no longer exists because jets no longer exist and the fastest mode of travel is once again a horse... with herpes for Abyss.

I wish I could think up better wishes.

[Knowing]

Granted. You begin to think of amazing wishes that nobody would ever consider, such as: turning everyone in the world into little people, changing every ocean into chocolate, and making the sun close enough so you can roast marshmallows anytime you want. Sadly you've already used your one wish.

I wish the damned pop can return machines would never brake.

This post has been edited by Knowing: 24 August 2011 - 05:50 PM

[Abyss]

Granted. The pop can return machines lose all brakes and proceed to drive all over, running down poor innocent bystanders who just wanted some change to buy meds for relief from their scorching case of herpes, but i digress...

I wish all typos were that funny.

[cerveza_fiesta]

All typos are that funny. Including ALOT and teh. They are used so often and laughed at so much the whole world dies from brain aneurysms.

I wish genital herpes didn't scorch so much.

This post has been edited by cerveza_fiesta: 24 August 2011 - 07:50 PM

[Abyss]

Granted. Now it doesn't scorch so much as BURN.


I wish people treated herpes with the humour it deserves.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted, but the people in question are a highly-advanced alien race who have cured it and regard it in the same light as getting kicked in the groin.

I wish my laptops Internet would stop cutting in and out and just be reliable.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, and you are the proud owner of internet that consistently gives you one bit per minute. While waiting for any part of your homepage to load up, your cat (if you didn't know you had one, SURPRISE!!!) hops up into your lap, and gives you a flaming case of genital herpes that is transmissible from cats to humans. you should be honored.

I wish I was immune to all diseases, including genital herpes.

[Knowing]

Granted, sadly your are bereft of a new disease that causes exceptional orgasms and makes those with the disease (namely bikini models) attracted to each other.

I wish I could see a solar eclipse.

[Dolmen 2.0]

granted! A photobook of solar eclipses has been delivered to your door. The postman unfortunately had an accident, falling into a vat of glue at the glue factory. The only page left unglued is the one with a happy family wearing shades, pointing obscurely at something wonderful! Luckily you spot your eclipse on the reflection of lil julys awesome ray-bans.

I wish i had my own private ninja army complete with a samurai t-rex.

[Wolfy]

Granted! Though due to samurai and ninja's long list of grudges your t-rex and ninja army proceeds to butcher itself in a most spectacular fashion.


I wish I was having a better week.

[cerveza_fiesta]

You have a better week. The surplus of good karma makes next week twice as terrible.

I wish that unicorns would really exist.

This post has been edited by cerveza_fiesta: 25 August 2011 - 12:25 PM

[Sir Thursday]

Unicorns really exist, but they don't like being seen. Anyone who sees them has their eyes poked out. Unfortunately no-one told you this before you went on your unicorn safari...

I wish I didn't have to pee so often.

[Tapper]

You don't have to pee so often, but the 'cure' is a kidney stone lodged inside your prostate. Happy fun times.

I wish I could have a massage right now.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Wolfy, on 25 August 2011 - 10:15 AM, said:

Granted! Though due to samurai and ninja's long list of grudges your t-rex and ninja army proceeds to butcher itself in a most spectacular fashion...

a wish well spent I say

@ Tapper: Granted, Big Bertha is on her way. remember the safe word is "FLÜGGÅƎNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN".

I wish I had some soup.

This post has been edited by Dolmen: 26 August 2011 - 04:24 AM

[Tapper]

Your wish is granted: a steamy, delicious bowl of soupy goodness. Too bad that it makes the Guiness book of records for having the most flies ever in it.

I wish I was drinking a cool beer right now.

[Abyss]

Granted. You may now drink your cold beer. When you discover that it is Bud Lite, be sure to direct your vomitus away from the computer screen. Also, it may have been tainted with weaponized genital herpes virus, so you're double-screwed.

I wish i knew how to weaponize chocolate pudding.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Granted. you and your Scientists have managed to genetically modify the intelligence of your average pudding turning it into a criminal mastermind. It
is delicious and malign in that order. Sadly this overly evil construct of science has Identified you as its greatest threat.

It is unfortunate but now you MUST DIE.

I Wish I brought sexy back.

This post has been edited by Dolmen: 25 August 2011 - 02:36 PM