[Abyss]

Slow Ben, on 27 February 2017 - 05:30 PM, said:

I wish the bank would hurry and give me a damn closing date on this house I'm selling.

Granted!
You close in five minutes or the sale falls through, you must refund the deposit plus interest plus administrative fees plus inverse sales tax plus transactional penalty plus deregistration fine plus contract revocation costs plus a parking ticket you didn't know about.
Also, your lawyer is in jail, your agent is high as fuck, the purchaser is packing a Glock and has had a really really bad day, and it's about to rain, even if the skies are clear.

I wish i had stopped eating after that twelfth piece of sushi.

[Kruppe's snacky cakes]

Granted! The thirteenth piece of sushi contained the antidote to poison that was in the twelfth piece of sushi. You are now dead, but at least you have avoided indigestion.

I wish to regain my youth, and leave behind this middle-aged body with all its aches and pains.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted! Unfortunately, in regaining your youth, the laws of time mandate you replay the same hour long moment in an infinite loop. I hope you enjoy bedtime... forever.

I wish all our "favorite" world leaders were put on an episode of Survivor and then left on whatever deserted island they were deposited upon.

[Andorion]

Gust Hubb, on 07 May 2017 - 01:15 PM, said:

Granted! Unfortunately, in regaining your youth, the laws of time mandate you replay the same hour long moment in an infinite loop. I hope you enjoy bedtime... forever.

I wish all our "favorite" world leaders were put on an episode of Survivor and then left on whatever deserted island they were deposited upon.

Granted! Unfortunately the island is radioactive and now you have Trumpzilla and Kim Jong Kong to contend with.

I wish we could solve global warming very easily, by growing a special type of flower in each house

[Abyss]

Andorion, on 07 May 2017 - 01:45 PM, said:

I wish we could solve global warming very easily, by growing a special type of flower in each house

Granted.It's the poppy flower. Everyone is now too high to pollute anything.

I wish I could resist the growing temptation to write a Paw Patrol / Malazan sig series.

[Gust Hubb]

Abyss, on 08 May 2017 - 02:30 AM, said:

Andorion, on 07 May 2017 - 01:45 PM, said:

I wish we could solve global warming very easily, by growing a special type of flower in each house

Granted.It's the poppy flower. Everyone is now too high to pollute anything.

I wish I could resist the growing temptation to write a Paw Patrol / Malazan sig series.

Granted, though the Furbie-Malazan series that supplants the prior temptation really only begins to get good once Kruppe enters the story.

I wish kids weren't such horrid little germ factories.

[Lady Bliss]

Gust Hubb, on 13 May 2017 - 01:24 PM, said:

I wish kids weren't such horrid little germ factories.

Granted! They are now more like those creepy kids from Children of the Corn.

I wish I could lose 20 lbs.

[Kruppe of Darujhistan]

Lady Bliss, on 13 May 2017 - 02:51 PM, said:

I wish I could lose 20 lbs.

Granted: But you no longer have a head.

I wish I could gain 20 lbs.

[Lady Bliss]

Kruppe of Darujhistan, on 13 May 2017 - 04:49 PM, said:

Lady Bliss, on 13 May 2017 - 02:51 PM, said:

I wish I could lose 20 lbs.

Granted: But you no longer have a head.

I wish I could gain 20 lbs.

Granted. But we look pretty funny with my head next to yours. Also you snore.


I wish I could get a good vacation deal. I'm ready to get away.

[Abyss]

Lady Bliss, on 13 May 2017 - 05:07 PM, said:

I wish I could get a good vacation deal. I'm ready to get away.

Granted. Your all inclusive stay at Guantanamo Bay is free. You, not so much.
I wish whisky.

[JPK]

Abyss, on 13 May 2017 - 06:31 PM, said:

I wish whisky.

Granted. You are now a $500 dollar of Hibiki 21 year aged. You sit upon a shelf for that "special occasion" but are grabbed in a drunken stupor and dropped and shattered on the floor before anyone gets a taste.

I wish I had a high paying desk job.

[Messremb]

JPK, on 13 May 2017 - 06:48 PM, said:

I wish I had a high paying desk job.

Granted! You've mastered balancing the monitor and keyboard on your back. However the alternative stationary drawer is making sitting down a little... delicate.

I wish I wasn't so grumpy.

[Lady Bliss]

Messremb, on 13 May 2017 - 07:10 PM, said:

JPK, on 13 May 2017 - 06:48 PM, said:

I wish I had a high paying desk job.

Granted! You've mastered balancing the monitor and keyboard on your back. However the alternative stationary drawer is making sitting down a little... delicate.

I wish I wasn't so grumpy.

Granted!
You are now horny as fuck and JPK is starting to look pretty sexy in his desk job.

I wish I didn't have to work this weekend.

[Kruppe of Darujhistan]

Lady Bliss, on 13 May 2017 - 07:48 PM, said:

I wish I didn't have to work this weekend.

Granted: Your union, the ISWW (International Sisterhood of Wax Witches) has called a general strike.

I wish I was as smart and as barely tolerated beloved as Malaclypse.

This post has been edited by Kruppe of Darujhistan: 13 May 2017 - 08:36 PM

[JPK]

Kruppe of Darujhistan, on 13 May 2017 - 08:35 PM, said:

I wish I was as smart and as barely tolerated beloved as Malaclypse.

Granted. You are inevitably banned for acting like a fruitloop.

I wish I didn't just spend the last two hours processing Mother's Day photo orders for procrastinating louts.

[Abyss]

JPK, on 13 May 2017 - 09:13 PM, said:

I wish I didn't just spend the last two hours processing Mother's Day photo orders for procrastinating louts.

Granted. You spent the last two hours processing senior citizen boudoir photo orders for senior swingers. You will never look at a cane the same way ever again. Or a walker. Or prune juice.

I wish I didn't think of that response.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. Other admin fairies sweep in to wipe that response from the board and a baseball bat to the head effectively wipes the memory from your consciousness. Unfortunately, such imprecise methods wipe many other memories and the brain scan depicts this as a swath of fluid compressing your brain, requiring a burr hole to drain the blood, which would hurt like fuck if you were not already comatose. We'll send flowers.

I wish I could be coldly logical, completely emotionless, precise.

[Abyss]

Granted. The lobotomy wound will heal eventually. I think.
I wish veal parmigiana with a side of spaghetti bolognese, a bottle of nice Chianti, and a Cesar salad made at the table. And maybe some hallucinogens.

[Kruppe of Darujhistan]

Abyss, on 14 May 2017 - 06:16 PM, said:

I wish veal parmigiana with a side of spaghetti bolognese, a bottle of nice Chianti, and a Cesar salad made at the table. And maybe some hallucinogens.

Granted. The hallucinogens come first and after 15-20 minutes the balance of your wish is served by swarms of paisley-pelted garden gnomes with way too many eyeballs, undulating spasmodically to a 120 minute Grateful Dead jam.

I wish I liked ICE.

[Abyss]

Kruppe of Darujhistan, on 14 May 2017 - 11:46 PM, said:

Abyss, on 14 May 2017 - 06:16 PM, said:

I wish veal parmigiana with a side of spaghetti bolognese, a bottle of nice Chianti, and a Cesar salad made at the table. And maybe some hallucinogens.

Granted. The hallucinogens come first and after 15-20 minutes the balance of your wish is served by swarms of paisley-pelted garden gnomes with way too many eyeballs, undulating spasmodically to a 120 minute Grateful Dead jam.

I wish I liked ICE.

Granted. You did mean Vanilla Ice, yes?
I wish for exactly what KoD tried to corrupt my upthread wish with.