[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 05 October 2014 - 07:06 PM, said:

I wish I didn't have to clean up other people's messes.

Granted. Because you didn't. At all. There was no obligation on you to clean up that mess. There never was. You chose to do it, you hero you.Did it feel good? Was it everything you dreamed? Did that little moment of glory and satisfaction justify your self righteous tone and demeanour? Did it? DID IT?Or did it tell you something about yourself? Something dark, something ugly? The truth hurts, doesn't it Gusty? No, no, don't shy away from it... Look inside and embrace your darkness, your evil. You're no hero... Accept it. Revel in it. You don't clean u other peoples messes.... You roll in them like a dog on leftover smoked whitefish torn out f the trash by raccoons after Sunday brunch on a hot day.

I wish I had stopped at the 'embrace your darkness' stage.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. However, due to the lack of the last few sentences, Gusty in a pique of indignation and misplaced offense begins a negative rep campaign against you, which, against all normal and reasonable odds, picks up steam, leading to your eventual sacking as Admin, ban from the site, and replacement with Apt as the new all-knowing, lovably doggy administration, who was also required to step in and lead your army, now renamed the Apt-imal Brigade.

And lovable as he is, in RL, he has your true identity, and is hunting you down... in a wheelchair... with spikes on the wheels.





I wish the Rep Wars could and would be reinstated.

[Shinrei]

Granted, but just as the board is about to reach ultimate equilibrium and enlightened Rep status, the server fails and all is lost, plunging the board into chaos and accusations and general anarchy. (maybe this is good?)

I wish that I had a wish that Malazanempire denizens can't corrupt.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, however the wish is simply unspeakable, horrific enough to put the worst mafia rant to shame and terrible enough to bring the attention and disownment of even 4chan. The ultimate result is the entire internet in a flurry of self righteous rage comes down on our fair site to obliterate it from even memory and in RL, the members of the site begin disappearing 1 by 1.

I wish my memory wasn't deteriorating.

[Abyss]

Shinrei, on 06 October 2014 - 01:22 PM, said:

I wish that I had a wish that Malazanempire denizens can't corrupt.

Granted. Because we don't corrupt. Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.While just a little power is just a little corrupting. Thus, if you fear your own corruption, dispense yourself of all your power.
We accept cheques. Paypal and real estate.

I wish this coffee had tequila in it.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Abyss, on 06 October 2014 - 01:50 PM, said:

Shinrei, on 06 October 2014 - 01:22 PM, said:

I wish that I had a wish that Malazanempire denizens can't corrupt.

Granted. Because we don't corrupt. Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.While just a little power is just a little corrupting. Thus, if you fear your own corruption, dispense yourself of all your power.
We accept cheques. Paypal and real estate.

I wish this coffee had tequila in it.

Granted

Your coffee now has the worlds smallest bottle of Lemon Tequila in it. We're talking thimble head size, not even Thumbelina could get a buzz off a swig... so yeah.

I wish Thumbelina had more street cred.

[Abyss]

Dolmen 2.0, on 07 October 2014 - 04:51 AM, said:

I wish Thumbelina had more street cred.

Granted. Then she was stepped on by a distracted meth-head so so much for that.

I wish people would just shut up and do as i say they should. Also, llamas. Cyborg llamas. With gatling guns. And visors... yes, HUD/nightsight/UV-shielded visors.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 07 October 2014 - 03:03 PM, said:

I wish people would just shut up and do as i say they should. Also, llamas. Cyborg llamas. With gatling guns. And visors... yes, HUD/nightsight/UV-shielded visors.

Granted. Everyone now does what you say everywhere, and you are so pleased with yourself that you don' even see it coming with the Call Of Duty Llamas come for you and commit unspeakable atrocities upon your body.

I wish I'd not derailed this thread earlier when I got so engrossed in corrupting someone's wish that I forgot to wish for something.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 07 October 2014 - 03:25 PM, said:

I wish I'd not derailed this thread earlier when I got so engrossed in corrupting someone's wish that I forgot to wish for something.

Granted. Time is reversed and your post now reads....

QuickTidal, on 16 May 2014 - 01:57 PM, said:

Gabriel Chase, on 16 May 2014 - 12:00 PM, said:

Granted. You were, instead, charged with terrorism due to mistaken identity, rendered and sent to Guantanamo Bay. You now languish there, undergoing waterboarding and other ‘aggressive interview’ techniques.

I wish I win my upcoming fight on Sunday.

Granted you win your fight, and celebrate with much pomp, and glory. But your opponent seeks revenge and tracks you for seven years. During that seven years at the end of each month you are sent a piece of feces, floating in midair, served in a glass ball that defies what we know about physics. Each time you have tried to get rid of said "gifts" they come back the next day doubled. You stopped trying to dispose of them after the first 12 came back with duplicates. They cannot be shattered. You are forced to keep them in the attic. After seven years the "gifts' stop abruptly (you now have 96 balls). On December 31st, seven years from today, a final package arrives and inside is a controller with a red button. You are not stupid enough to push it...and so you wait. A few years later, you get annoyed by the glass balls of poo in your house...so you pull out the controller and push the button, wincing as you do so. The controller opens and inside is a note. Written on the note is "Ha Ha. I made you keep poo in your house!" ~signed by your opponent.

The poo never explodes or does anything. The glass balls just follow you around from house to house, forever.

I wish my balls would follow me around forever.

...which is granted, changing nothing except the position of your testicles relative to the ventral axis of your body. Good news is they have a surgery for that. Bad news is they have to go in nasally and until then, plan on standing a lot.


I wish Call of Duty really had a commando llama mod.

[Gnaw]

Abyss, on 07 October 2014 - 03:41 PM, said:

I wish Call of Duty really had a commando llama mod.

Granted.

CoD is now full of Llamas. Going commando. with bikini waxes.


I wish Obdigore and Khell would get their acts together in the games forum.

[Messremb]

Gnaw, on 07 October 2014 - 04:37 PM, said:

I wish Obdigore and Khell would get their acts together in the games forum.

Granted. Khell returns from beyond the grave as a Tyrant Steve / Predator combo to Mafia. Obdigores forces are revealed in Eclipse to hold every unaligned and every undiscovered tile with starbases, colonies and dreadnoughts. Oh, and it's not a sub-forum any longer, it is real.

I wish I had an apprentice at work as when I leave in two weeks it'll be my specialised corner of the plant left to some knowlessman.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. And yet somehow the guy still ends up taking over your position, leaving you unemployed, homeless, friendless and dejected. And he steals your alt and suddenly becomes the best mafia player alive with palaces of unearthly beauty on minecraft.

I wish nothing bad happened to anyone ever again(request from coworker)

[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 07 October 2014 - 05:52 PM, said:

I wish nothing bad happened to anyone ever again(request from coworker)

Granted. And the universe becomes a tired, boring place and entropy destroys us all. But you and your coworker shouldn't stress because that's not really 'bad'.

I wish I had an orbital death-from-above satellite that dropped Mac trucks and pianos down the gravity well onto people who piss me off.

[patho-logic]

Granted. and then you are crushed by a Mac Truck the next time you stubbed yor tow.

I wish the Nebraska Cornhuskers won the NCAAF national championship

[Shinrei]

Granted, but a year later the championship is stripped from the school by the NCAA because of the exposure of their horrific rookie hazing practice known as "cornhole husking".... <shiver>

I wish Japan would allow dual citizenship.

This post has been edited by Shinrei: 07 October 2014 - 09:58 PM

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. And with that dual citizenship comes dual taxes, dual junkmail, dual time required in both countries, equally spent of course.
Gets damn expensive to be frank. You are broke and homeless in both countries, neither of which seem to have the funds to help u out.

I wish my dog didn't lose the ball all the time.

[patho-logic]

Granted. And then he gets bored of always having the same ball and decides to go for yours 8====D

I wish I'd improve my jedi knight skills at a noticeably faster rate

[Abyss]

patho-logic, on 08 October 2014 - 05:49 PM, said:

I wish I'd improve my jedi knight skills at a noticeably faster rate

Granted. But since jedi are fictional, you can't use the force and don't own a lightsaber, the noticeably faster rate amounts to incredible skill at waving your hand at people and telling them with great conviction that these are not the drinks they're looking for. Which everyone notices, but no one is impressed by at parties or bars.

I wish it was acceptable to drink at the office because i could really use a beer or six right now.

[Gnaw]

Abyss, on 08 October 2014 - 08:30 PM, said:

I wish it was acceptable to drink at the office because i could really use a beer or six right now.

Granted. Happy hour every evening with the booze provided by the company. But they add "designated driver" to your job description with no extra pay and you have to use your own wheels.

I wish that I could get an incorruptible granted wish.

[Abyss]

Gnaw, on 08 October 2014 - 11:59 PM, said:

I wish that I could get an incorruptible granted wish.

Granted. Repeat after me: "I wish for air.".
See...? You got what you wished for. Don't you feel great about life now? Enriched? Joyous even?
Doesn't everything seem better somehow?
Yeah! Now get out there and live life to its fullest, do all those things you always wanted to but never did!
Laugh, run, love, LIVE!!!!!!!
...still here? Still on your computer looking at a genre fan forum. Oh, well, carry on then.
But hey, you got your wish.

I wish people would stop deluding themselves that there is a way to 'win' this game.