Posted 20 September 2019 - 03:02 PM
This coffee is awful.
Like, not 'bad', not too acid or too burnt or whatever... it tastes like what i imagine coffee filtered through an incontinent hyena who ate a plague striken wildebeest who bathed in a zebra-shit and toxic waste tainted river tastes like.
I want to leave work, get in my car, drive back to the place where i bought it, walk in, take off a glove i was not otherwise wearing and slap the manager and challenge them to a duel to the death. It's that bad.
This coffee is not just messing my groove, it's messing my physical, psychological, and emotional health. I actively hate the universe after the last sip. I do not wish to continue to exist in a reality that permits this coffee to exist.
I want the UN to declare this coffee to be a humanitarian crisis. I want the US to illegally invade Canadian air space and carpet bomb everywhere this coffee has ever been. Fuckit, i'm ok with Russia or China if the US is too scared of the coffee.
This coffee is wrong on levels Nobel Laureate scientists do not acknowledge exist.
This coffee is the Venom symbiote if the symbiote came from a planet shaped like a giant planet-sized asshole.
This coffee is to coffee what everything awful ever is to everything else.
If zombies had digestive systems and could get diarrhea, and that diarrhea sat in the sun for a few days and became a diarrhea elemental that rose up and attacked people, and those people were lepers, and the elemental shat those leperous people out, and that shit was decanted down into its purest form, it would probably still taste better than this coffee.
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