[Mezla PigDog]

Una, on 15 December 2017 - 07:29 AM, said:

Mezla PigDog, on 14 December 2017 - 12:18 AM, said:

Trying the whole "Having female friends thing" since becoming one of those mother types. Went out tonight and we got to discussing movies (it's come up before, they won't see much with me) and got onto the bottom line of "Whatever you think about Princess Leia, she's cool". They disagreed. I'm not sure there is any way back from this???

I am surprised only because when I get together with mother types, all we talk about is the silly stuff our kids do. And trade cooking secrets. And complain about how expensive child care is. I don't think we ever get around to movies. Well, for a while, I was watching Frozen twice a day, but now it's all about Paw Patrol

We were about 5 bottles of wine down by that point so it was a natural step to argue about something not usually on the agenda. I did get pretty lucky with my antenatal group friends - they may not be nerds but on a night out most of them get bored of talking about kids pretty quickly.

Even if you aren't a nerd I don't know how you can look in on Star Wars from the outside and think Princess Leia isn't cool. It shows nobody has ever explained it to them properly! I couldn't get passed my outrage to try.

[Cause]

SCIENCE!

Did the experiment to create my plasmid, did the proper controls, did the confirmatory checks. All is in order. Did the following experiment to express said plamsid and it does not work!

[Morgoth]

Cause, on 15 December 2017 - 01:02 PM, said:

SCIENCE!

Did the experiment to create my plasmid, did the proper controls, did the confirmatory checks. All is in order. Did the following experiment to express said plamsid and it does not work!

Did the sample escape in the meantime? Have you done a thorough search of the airducts, or maybe the dog?

[Abyss]

Una, on 15 December 2017 - 07:29 AM, said:

Mezla PigDog, on 14 December 2017 - 12:18 AM, said:

Trying the whole "Having female friends thing" since becoming one of those mother types. Went out tonight and we got to discussing movies (it's come up before, they won't see much with me) and got onto the bottom line of "Whatever you think about Princess Leia, she's cool". They disagreed. I'm not sure there is any way back from this???

I am surprised only because when I get together with mother types, all we talk about is the silly stuff our kids do. And trade cooking secrets. And complain about how expensive child care is. I don't think we ever get around to movies. Well, for a while, I was watching Frozen twice a day, but now it's all about Paw Patrol

So it would be fair to assume that you'll be there on the double?

[Abyss]

Morgoth, on 15 December 2017 - 01:18 PM, said:

Cause, on 15 December 2017 - 01:02 PM, said:

SCIENCE!

Did the experiment to create my plasmid, did the proper controls, did the confirmatory checks. All is in order. Did the following experiment to express said plamsid and it does not work!

Did the sample escape in the meantime? Have you done a thorough search of the airducts, or maybe the dog?

And your own digestive tract?

[Mentalist]

Installed Kindle on my phone. Having issues accessing my Amazon account.

I suspect this is yet another consequence of Microsoft killing Hotmail by making it part of outlook.

EDIT: logged into hotmail, and apparently my amazon account was hijacked in September. Joy.

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 16 December 2017 - 11:08 PM

[Andorion]

I may not have anyone to go watch Star Wars: The Last Jedi with...

Considering just going alone.

[Andorion]

Briar King, on 17 December 2017 - 05:57 PM, said:

If we had transporters I'd go.

Thank you. That means a lot.

[Abyss]

Briar King, on 17 December 2017 - 05:57 PM, said:

If we had transporters I'd go.

Me too.
So long as we were going in Hawaii. On the beach. After like six of those coconut drinks. And a pig roast.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Abyss, on 17 December 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Briar King, on 17 December 2017 - 05:57 PM, said:

If we had transporters I'd go.

Me too.
So long as we were going in Hawaii. On the beach. After like six of those coconut drinks. And a pig roast.

Where do I sign up?!

[Abyss]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 19 December 2017 - 06:50 AM, said:

Abyss, on 17 December 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Briar King, on 17 December 2017 - 05:57 PM, said:

If we had transporters I'd go.

Me too.
So long as we were going in Hawaii. On the beach. After like six of those coconut drinks. And a pig roast.

Where do I sign up?!

At the transporter.

[Tiste Simeon]

Abyss, on 19 December 2017 - 02:53 PM, said:

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 19 December 2017 - 06:50 AM, said:

Abyss, on 17 December 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Briar King, on 17 December 2017 - 05:57 PM, said:

If we had transporters I'd go.

Me too.
So long as we were going in Hawaii. On the beach. After like six of those coconut drinks. And a pig roast.

Where do I sign up?!

At the transporter.

I too would like Jason Statham to drive us all over there.

[Gust Hubb]

So while the ex is sick whole visiting family, the grandparents jump in...

And set my 6 and 4 year old up with 9.

[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 20 December 2017 - 05:01 PM, said:

So while the ex is sick whole visiting family, the grandparents jump in...

And set my 6 and 4 year old up with 9.

You are so screwed. The amount of child nightmare fuel in that movie...

[worry]

It low key rules though.

[QuickTidal]

Gust Hubb, on 20 December 2017 - 05:01 PM, said:

And set my 6 and 4 year old up with 9

Am I the only one who thought this sentence was super weird?

[Gust Hubb]

QuickTidal, on 20 December 2017 - 07:33 PM, said:

Gust Hubb, on 20 December 2017 - 05:01 PM, said:

And set my 6 and 4 year old up with 9

Am I the only one who thought this sentence was super weird?

Nope, I still think it is weird, but I always put the larger number first.

Apparently my eldest thought it was awesome and the youngest slept with mommy.

[Traveller]

Things have taken a dive. Just when things were looking... possible, I made a massive error (On her part) and now it's looking impossible to turn things around. Kicking myself so hard for a slip at such a crucial time too.

It's all so dumb too. Since my wife had a big meltdown about 'everything' few weeks back, we talked, I found out just how neglected she was feeling (and had for months) and since I've been taking all her home workload to ease things, and looking after her in every way possible to show that I care. Things were improving. She seemed happier, we've had days out and started getting Christmas things for.the kids.

And then.. because she spends a LOT of time on her phone, and I never know what she's doing or who she's talking to, and my still present suspicion that this young consultant at work has been taking more of an interest in her than he should; on a quick whim at the weekend I signed on to instagram. Now this is the dumb part... I don't know much about it, I just thought it was another platform she shared that I was feeling excluded from. So the First thing that comes up is 'people you know'.
And there were some photography sites and a single person from work who I recognised, so I ticked a few boxes - got interupted by the kids, and left it.

Well, shit. My wife stopped talking to me, was mad as hell, and ignored me until yesterday (I had no idea why she was mad) when I pretty much had it out with her.

She thinks all my efforts to get her interested in me again are for people at work. She thinks I joined Instagram, searched for this person i work with, and added her. She said she'd had enough, it's over, and she wants me gone. She doesn t want Christmas or anything for her birthday, she just wants to do it all herself.
I explained it all. I told her how in awe I am of her work and her strength, and how jealous I feel about her going out looking amazing and working with people who have so much more to offer her than me.

That was yesterday. She's not talking to me. I'm on leave with the kids, back to work on boxing day. Trying to do fun stuff and keep kids busy while I feel like my hearts been ripped out is proving to be.. difficult.

So lost right now.

This post has been edited by T'rav Elar: 21 December 2017 - 08:46 AM

[worry]

This may sound presumptive (again) but it sounds to me like she's projecting her issues onto you. Like, you said you were feeling neglected (not just you, but the whole household, in subordination to her work). And suspicious of her coworker I guess. And now you're 'on the hook' for like the same things all of a sudden? Kinda seems like she was looking for an excuse to do this and finally found one.

[amphibian]

That's really tough to read. I feel bad you're going through that, Traveler.

If I may offer some words that I've picked up from counseling - when you speak to her, try to focus on expressing how you feel. Make it less about her direct actions and more about "[This thing] makes me feel these emotions that are really tough to handle and experience. I want to tell you this and work with you to address them."

The Instagram thing is a decent example for both of you. For her, it's a pretext to unleash these emotions and thoughts onto you. For you, it's a relatively meaningless thing that gives you some cool stuff to look at. Both of you have to acknowledge the experience of the other and figure out what you collectively want to do.

I don't think your version of events is what she would say is what is happening, but I firmly believe that that kicking you out of her life for this sequence is an out of proportion response that's driven by something else - perhaps feeling like a shit bc things aren't good and she's got something to do with that. It might not even be rational and it doesn't have to be. But you aren't someone to be booted unceremoniously and doing things herself hurts you and the kids as well. She has to own up to that and if she wants to do it anyways, well you have to figure out where you're at if it gets to that. It's not easy.

I suggest figuring out where your boundaries are, where hers are, and whether you two can respect each other and the boundaries while working through the hurt and the rage and the despair. It's tough, it takes a lot of practiced communication to tell someone that close what hurts you in a way that isn't vindictive or blaming, and you will benefit from the work even if the relationship goes kaput. I hope it doesn't and that you two fight through this as well as always loving and supporting your children.

It's like Dark Souls. A terrible beat down needs to be met with a return to the feet and a resolve to do better that turns into better actions and habits.

Beat of luck to you all.