[Gust Hubb]

Ex clearly does not understand tapped out financially. Demanding more money when I have none to give (barely skating by on what I have, and definitely cannot cope with any huge expense since I have no fucking savings or assets anymore). For fucksake, I am living in an apartment 350 less per month than hers, with free crappy wifi included, whereas she is also paying for better wifi, etc. Ugh... beating my head against a brick wall.

[Andorion]

 Gust Hubb, on 30 March 2016 - 03:39 AM, said:

Ex clearly does not understand tapped out financially. Demanding more money when I have none to give (barely skating by on what I have, and definitely cannot cope with any huge expense since I have no fucking savings or assets anymore). For fucksake, I am living in an apartment 350 less per month than hers, with free crappy wifi included, whereas she is also paying for better wifi, etc. Ugh... beating my head against a brick wall.

I think you need to put you foot down and set clear boundaries and limits. I am pretty sure there is nothing that obligates you to impersonate an ATM.

[worry]

There is, but it's an obscure law from before the financial crisis and it's rarely enforced anymore.

[Tsundoku]

 Andorion, on 30 March 2016 - 04:28 AM, said:

 Gust Hubb, on 30 March 2016 - 03:39 AM, said:

Ex clearly does not understand tapped out financially. Demanding more money when I have none to give (barely skating by on what I have, and definitely cannot cope with any huge expense since I have no fucking savings or assets anymore). For fucksake, I am living in an apartment 350 less per month than hers, with free crappy wifi included, whereas she is also paying for better wifi, etc. Ugh... beating my head against a brick wall.

I think you need to put you foot down and set clear boundaries and limits. I am pretty sure there is nothing that obligates you to impersonate an ATM.

 Oponn Relationship, on 30 March 2016 - 04:38 AM, said:

There is, but it's an obscure law from before the financial crisis and it's rarely enforced anymore.

A later sub-clause redefined the ATM user to only be your teenage spawn, or an ex-wife with a legally-binding court order. Yours doesn't have that, so I would say "fuck that bitch", but obviously that's not happening. So instead I say "turn off the tap".

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 30 March 2016 - 10:32 AM

[Gust Hubb]

She is now implying I should take loans out to survive and pay her more? I sincerely hope I am misreading her texts....

See the money problem can be boiled down to what is now and what will be then. When I actually start cashing in on this 9+ year educational tract and associated debt (which I still have to begin paying mind you) and years of low pay (which presently is allowing me the luxury of an apartment in a low end neighborhood driving a used car with the side impact dent of the prior owner's accident still prominently displayed), I will be making more money than her career choices after seminary. Mind you, she has a degree in sociology, a certification to be a nursing assistant, and a tenth of the debt I owe in her own student loans.

All she is doing now is burning bridges and gearing up to set fire to more money on legal fees.

Why is logic so hard? Your lesbian I am straight = divorce. We both make jack-squat financially = even split at best of what we have.


Le sigh. Just shoot me now.

[Mentalist]

I suspect she's getting stupid advice from someone who watches too much TV and thinks all doctors and lawyers are secret millionaires.

As I've said before, i'm not sure how the legal thing works in the states, but north of the border there's a serious element of common sense involved. As long as you're not purposefully diminishing your income to the out of paying support, a judge wouldn't normally expect you to go bankrupt for your ex's sake.
For the children, maybe. But then she has to prove that the money she gouging from you is all being spent on the kids.

[amphibian]

I think the situation is a little more of soon to be ex taking out frustrations incurred elsewhere on Gust Hubb and being cruel to reinforce her own decision to leave.

Also, the lesbian thing may not be permanent. There's a lot of figuring out herself going on and she's all over the place on everything else.

Be stable. Be unnaturally patient. Be loving to the kids. Do well at the job. Complain here or where else you feel comfortable.

And don't blow up at her much.

[Gust Hubb]

I hope you are right ment. As it stands she will take almost half my net income, which is already lower than before all this went down (I have increased the amount of taxes withheld because even jointly filing, we got royally fucked this year, and filing singly = more taxes. Plus with her taking so much, what would I be able to save to pay for taxes next year anyway?)

[Gust Hubb]

 amphibian, on 30 March 2016 - 01:25 PM, said:

I think the situation is a little more of soon to be ex taking out frustrations incurred elsewhere on Gust Hubb and being cruel to reinforce her own decision to leave.

Also, the lesbian thing may not be permanent. There's a lot of figuring out herself going on and she's all over the place on everything else.

Be stable. Be unnaturally patient. Be loving to the kids. Do well at the job. Complain here or where else you feel comfortable.

And don't blow up at her much.

Very possibly on the first part. I think though if you asked her, she still would say she didn't necessarily want the divorce (I initiated it seeing it as inevitable and given next year I have to study for the massive licensing boards, I don't need this drama hanging over my head).

I am trying to be patient and stable man. But how can I do so much longer when she is basically on the verge of sabotage. I am not sure if she actually filed her sworn financial statement yet, which was mandated to be filed last Thursday. I certainly haven't received my copy.

And I am still on her lease as her roommate... Fortunately I have documented textual evidence that she said it would be only for 1 month... If that means anything.

[Mentalist]

GH, not to sound insensitive, but you have to get firmer in cutting your actual financial ties with your ex to a minimum.

The more "favours" you do her now, the more she might (if you are unfortunate enough to have to resort to litigation) to have over your head as proof that she's "dependent" on you, giving her leverage to expect more post-separation.

[Abyss]

 Mentalist, on 30 March 2016 - 02:39 PM, said:

GH, not to sound insensitive, but you have to get firmer in cutting your actual financial ties with your ex to a minimum.

The more "favours" you do her now, the more she might (if you are unfortunate enough to have to resort to litigation) to have over your head as proof that she's "dependent" on you, giving her leverage to expect more post-separation.

This.

Draw the line Gust. Or you're going to wish you did.

[Gust Hubb]

OK, but how do you recommend doing this? I could set my foot down (which is basically what I've started doing) saying this is your best offer, take it or leave it. But unless she accepts this offer, we will end up litigating, hemorrhaging cash we don't have and stretching this divorce into the time I need to study and actually do my job.

[Abyss]

 Gust Hubb, on 30 March 2016 - 03:18 PM, said:

OK, but how do you recommend doing this? I could set my foot down (which is basically what I've started doing) saying this is your best offer, take it or leave it. But unless she accepts this offer, we will end up litigating, hemorrhaging cash we don't have and stretching this divorce into the time I need to study and actually do my job.

This is where we go back to you getting a lawyer.

I have zero qualification to advise you legally or financially, but it seems to me that at a base level, you need to not be going into debt to give her money you don't have, nor cosigning against her going into debt. Draw the line - this is what I have to give, this is what you get. Work with it. Fin.

Going into debt to avoid a fight you're going to end up in anyways because you went into debt isn't going to help you.

[Gust Hubb]

 Abyss, on 30 March 2016 - 03:33 PM, said:

 Gust Hubb, on 30 March 2016 - 03:18 PM, said:

OK, but how do you recommend doing this? I could set my foot down (which is basically what I've started doing) saying this is your best offer, take it or leave it. But unless she accepts this offer, we will end up litigating, hemorrhaging cash we don't have and stretching this divorce into the time I need to study and actually do my job.

This is where we go back to you getting a lawyer.

I have zero qualification to advise you legally or financially, but it seems to me that at a base level, you need to not be going into debt to give her money you don't have, nor cosigning against her going into debt. Draw the line - this is what I have to give, this is what you get. Work with it. Fin.

Going into debt to avoid a fight you're going to end up in anyways because you went into debt isn't going to help you.

Ah, no worries here. I am not gonna let her put me in debt. I have more self preservation than that. The question is how close I will let her push me towards the brink financially. If she keeps asking for more, I will be less generous. She has the best offer already. It is downhill from here.

[Mentalist]

 Gust Hubb, on 30 March 2016 - 03:18 PM, said:

OK, but how do you recommend doing this? I could set my foot down (which is basically what I've started doing) saying this is your best offer, take it or leave it. But unless she accepts this offer, we will end up litigating, hemorrhaging cash we don't have and stretching this divorce into the time I need to study and actually do my job.

Setting your foot down is vague.

Once again, this isn't advice of any significance (I'm not licensed for that). But hypothetically put yourself in a judge's shoes, when your entire life down to every smallest detail is laid bare and ask the question: "what here look like GH's ex exclusively relying on GH to provide/assist her with ABC?"

Every aspect of your life together (except when afecting the children), you need to place as much distance and as Clea boundaries as possible. You are now separate people, your only shared responsibility is your children's well-being. That's the kind of picture you want an impartial observer to have of your lives.

Shared bank accounts, bills, contracts (not related to winding up the marriage) are counter-indications of this- and they are most often viewed in the perceived "weaker" partner's favour.

That's some basic info on divorce. No advice, just info to give you an idea how the law will approach your situation. Draw your ow conclusions, an consult a family lawyer familiar with your jurisdiction's particular quirks.

[Maark Abbott]

Found out yesterday that one of my coworkers died suddenly between Monday night - Tuesday morning. :/

[RACHEL]

Gust Hubb you need to tell your ex to F@#% off. Whenever you write in about the situation you seem calm while I read about it and I'm furious. I can't really understand how you don't know you are gay. I don't get how you can tell your husband that you like women, are no longer into being with him sexually, but you would like to stay married and be able to date whoever you want. I can't believe that she has the audacity to demand more money because her lies/confusion led to a divorce. She sounds like she want to have her cake and eat it too. You seem like a really nice guy and at least from what I have seen on here you have gone above and beyond helping her through her confusion and trying to make the best of the situation but she seems to insist on making things difficult. In this situation you need to stop being the nice guy and stick to your guns. This may mean getting a lawyer and even though it is expensive it will be worth it in the end because you either pay a lawyer or this chick will be screwing you financially for years. From what I gather she is used to running the show and getting her way and you need to let her know in VERY clear terms that that is not the case anymore. Either way congrats to you for staying calm during this very f@#$ed situation. I can be a hot head so I give credit to you and your willingness to be nice and supportive to a person who I have a very low opinion of. I'm hoping that it all works out for you and you don't get screwed any more than you already have.

[Gust Hubb]

Thanks. She is losing ground fast and I think I hold the higher ground. Just have to wait for each microstep forward. Almost there I hope...

[amphibian]

Keep in mind that GH and his wife, I think, come from a religious/cultural background that really imposes a cookie cutter life on the people raised within it. They're out of it now, but that also means finding themselves.

Sorry if I am saying too much. I will edit this out if you prefer.

[Gust Hubb]

Haha hahaha, naw man that is absolutely hilarious. I think it would better be classified as black and white moralistic, but things would be easierif we were cookie cutter. My ex, as you guessed, tries to break the mold and be her own woman in a culture that more strongly believes in at home moms. Which means she is hypersensitive to implications otherwise, to the point of not budging on a lot of points.