amphibian, on 07 June 2015 - 08:36 PM, said:
The surface reason is that they want to commemorate your gran and want to help you to be ok. Because death is never truly gentle.
The deeper reason is that they want to know that despite the loss, you're still aware that they are there as someone in their support network. You and they matter.
The deepest reason is that contracting the support network in case there actually is a need for it is a really good idea, even if the relatives aren't exactly competent or even caring. It makes sense on a social basis. The family will motor onwards haphazardly.
This is correct in theory. In practice I know who comprise my support network and it's not these people. I said before we are a joint family. Few years back my father was posted across the country for three years, leaving my mother and e to take care of a house where two people were 80+ and the other two were 70+. I had just turned 18, my brother was 12.
Inevitably people fell sick and we did our best. Then my great-aunt, who was a spinster and lived with us, and was 90+ fell seriously ill. This was a wellknown fact. No one visted, no one even phoned. Only our very close circle, like my aunt, or my maternal grandparents cared.
Then one day the doctor told us she had to be hospitalised. In India its a tough and complicated process. We were refused by two hospitals. Finally we managed to get her admitted into a third grade government hospital, which lacked proper staff, infrastructure and facilities. Our only assurance was that we knew th main doctor there, but he was absent during the admission.
After we were through the bureaucracy, the rude and offensive staff who yelled at us for no good reason, we were given a prescription and told to purchase the medicines from a nearby shop. it was midnight. We had to wake the shop owner up. Then we had to take a sample of blood for testing to an outside lab. Finally when we thought we were done, a doctor told us to wait as they might need to administer an injection. It was 1 AM, we were standing in a deserted dark corridoor outside the wards, extra patients who could not get beds were lying on the floor. People were groaning in pain. It was just the two of us. I was 19. My mother who had been extra ordinarily strng, finally broke down and cried on my shoulder. I still remmeber what she said. That it just the two of us. Nobody else cared. Nobody came, nobody called. The sole exception was my maternal grandfather who called repeatedlyy and was ready to come. But he was 80 himself. How could we let him?
A couple of days later another of my relatives had to be hospitalised, in a different hospital. I remember my mother and I would rush out of the house at 4PM when the visitng hours started. We would go to the first hospital, get the list of meds for that day, run across the street to the shop, my mother would submit the prescription, hand over the money, and then run for the second hospital. I woul wait, pick u the meds, return to the hospital, submit them to the nurse on duty and then run bak to my house. I would have to cook fo rmy brother, for his tutor who came in the evenings, make up a scrath meal for my mother and me, all inside 1 hour and then return to the hospital for the evening doctors meet the waiting for which could drag on for hours. My college semester exams were on. I don't remember how I studied. Note, we do not own a car. All of this was done on foot or on public transport.
This sounds like a rant, and you may not want to read my personal stuff, but this is the reason why I no longer believe in my relative's support network.
This post has been edited by Andorion: 08 June 2015 - 02:27 AM