[Ain't_It_Just_]

Poor Gothos.

My groove is messed because I just remembered where I put an important piece of paper. I left it at school over the weekend...with the cleaners.

Aw, hell.

[Aptorian]

Just cannot be arsed to read my course work any longer. I am so very unmotivated to do anything related to studying.

I can't tell if this is a massive on surge of laziness, some kind of depression or just plain apathy with life.

Is it possible to get too old to read your homework?

[Aptorian]

Gothos, on 06 November 2010 - 11:43 PM, said:

Extremely sentimental mood, melancholic, looking back at the last few years, the goods and the bads... Kings of Convenience going through the ether, and I'm sober like an infant baby...
I think the time has come to admit I lead a very lonely life. Have you ever been in a large crowd of people, all the while being totally alone in truth? That's my everyday. I meet a lot of people, I talk with a lot of people, but not many of them even feel real. Very little of them ever make it past the state of objects, becoming persons to me. They're bleak, they blend together into an inrecognizable mass.
This line of thinking usually accompanied slowly descending into being totally smashed. I'm having these while sober now.

I'm of mind to roll up in a fetal position and just lie down and... I don't know what. Can't sleep. Can't get myself to play even. Curl up and finally cry after all these years of bottling it up... but there's nobody to hold me. Nobody that I'd be OK with them seeing and hearing it. Nobody to share vulnerability with.

Fuck's sake, this sounds pathethic.

When ever you get in that kind of mood I recommend going outside for a walk. A long one. Or better yet, run, run or bike until your mind just starts drifting. It usually sets things into perspective for me. I do my best think when I am on the go.

And for what it is worth, I feel you. Felt like that when I jumped from studying history and took a year where I didn't do anything than work and work. I even left most of my social life at Uni behind. Only problem is now I feel a bit disjointed as well, hence my post about studies above.

Maybe it is time for some kind of radical change?

[Tsundoku]

Is this malaise ... ennui? At least, in part?

[Aptorian]

Goes to look up the meaning of Ennui again ...

Don't know if that question was pointed at me or Gothos.

But in my case, both yes and no. I find the subject matter, the question of what knowledge and information is, how we process it and what the media does to us, extremely interesting. And yet, I find the approach to it and the reading material with out any interest. I have to summon up an epic amount of will power to just get myself to read a hundred pages of not very challenging papers. The Assignment I had to deliver a couple of weeks ago, was on a subject I found interesting (4chan and it's influence on the media) and I still could not be arsed to put any real effort into it.

I don't know if it is a symptom of taking a year with little to no academic reading and homework. Maybe my mind has just gone soft and unwilling to concentrate on an unfamiliar and uninteresting subject for more than 5 minutes, the conditioning is gone. I was no where near as unmotivated as this a couple of years ago, but now... meh.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 07 November 2010 - 11:16 AM

[Tsundoku]

@Apt
Yeah, it was to both of you.

In your case, it sounds like you got into a rut, and are having a hard time getting the motivation to get yourself our of it, even though you know what's required. A situation I am all too familiar with. It's just a matter of gritting your teeth and getting through it. I find it best when there are external motivators, like people to work with, as I am a very poor self-motivator.

I mean, for example I have some basic forms to fill in for my removal to my new posting ... but I just Couldn't. Be. Arsed.

[Macros]

House mates are retarded drunk, and have decided that they're massive republicans, despite knowing sweet fuck all about the history of the troubles and their origins.
then somehow they got onto economics and their grasp of the worlds economic situation is farcical to say the least.
trying to explain the concept of the gold standard is like trying to pull teeth from a boulder.
Their insistence that no Irish or catholics died in the ww's and therefore any poppy wearers are scum is starting to get quite frankly irritating.
idiots.
fucking idiots

[Mott]

Quote

I don't know if it is a symptom of taking a year with little to no academic reading and homework. Maybe my mind has just gone soft and unwilling to concentrate on an unfamiliar and uninteresting subject for more than 5 minutes, the conditioning is gone. I was no where near as unmotivated as this a couple of years ago, but now... meh.

This is pretty much what has been messing with me recently. It's over a year now since I was at Uni. Two years ago, half way through my third year I ended up getting a virus and was really struggling to get over it, but pushed myself on, too far it turns out. So I went back but my mind was like fluff and I still wasn't well so I had to come home again. This year I didn't go back because I know I'm not ready but I am terrified that when I do go back I won't be able to focus or study like I was able to before.

I've always worked better last minute so that's how I did all my assignments but there is no way I'll be able to do that again. At the moment I want to start going over past years work to get myself ready for (hopefully) returning next year but am finding it difficult to read anything, work or otherwise.

So I am just letting myself get more frustrated.

[Mentalist]

Guys, it's called "burnout". it usually hits around this time, when exams are rolling around, and the weather is getting shittier, b/c winter is coming.

motivation drops, to the point of hitting zero, you wanna do nothing, and your mind drifts back, to all the stuff you could've done, but didn't. thinking about all the missed opportunities, and slowly enveloping yourself with this nice loop of self-pity and boredom.

at which point, I find it's important to realize that this is just your mind fucking with you. put on some intense music, grit your teeth, and say to yourself that you are the one in control. not the circumstances, but you. shift the locus of control inwards. and then, baby steps. all work is doable, if you take it slow and pace yourself.

I've been hearing these stories a lot lately (both here and in RL), and my answer is always the same: there is always somehting inside of us that can break through this. be it realization that someone depends on us, or, in some cases, pure and simple core of human pride, the realization that we SHOULD be bigger than this.

@ Puck and Gothos (esp Gothos:) guys I feel for both of you. I've had some shit happen recently that leaves me to question many things, and the questions often rob me of will to do anything else. but it's important to remember that there are priorities. In my case, I've been able to fall back on importance of school, because I'm back in it now, and I genuinely feel like i've been given a second chance, and I am very intent not ot fuck it up the way I did in undergrad. Everyone needs to find their own stable core. Because we all have it, and that is always something we can stick to.

[Tapper]

I advise visiting a tanning shop and get yourself some time on a bronzer bed (time and money permitting).
It helps me immensely and I get very, very moody, aggressive and depressed when winter arrives.
Alternatively, there are lamps for sale that do the same, but I'd advise trying the sun bed first.

[Darkwatch]

Chances are I'm going to lose my second job, which in itself isn't to bad since I have my first one.
What sucks is that a lot of the people who I've been working with are awesome and I'm sure that the job loss will basically cut ties I'd rather not see cut.
Any suggestions?

[Mentalist]

one thing that actually really helps me in uni environment, is going to the pool, and just doing lengths for a n hour or so.

since your head's submerged underwater, it drastically reduces your sensory input, leaving with almost o new info to process. meaning, you have tons of time, while your body's performing a mechanical task, to let your mind wander and try to organize things and get its priorities straight.

on top of which, you then emerge physically exhausted, but in a good way, with a much clearer picture of what you should do.

EDIT: the above was @ tapper

DW, if the people are important to you, there are always ways to keep in touch. Depends on how much you (and them) are interested in doing that.

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 07 November 2010 - 06:14 PM

[Mentalist]

I hate to double-post, but:

on Friday, I did an abs workout. for the first time in months.

yesterday, the pain was tolerable. today, it is getting progressively worse. I can hardly take a breath without feeling pain.

I realize this was inevitable, but still... annoying as hell.

[Aptorian]

Darkwatch, on 07 November 2010 - 06:10 PM, said:

Chances are I'm going to lose my second job, which in itself isn't to bad since I have my first one.
What sucks is that a lot of the people who I've been working with are awesome and I'm sure that the job loss will basically cut ties I'd rather not see cut.
Any suggestions?

Take them with you in a blaze of bullets?

[Adjutant Stormy~]

WE'RE ALL SUFFERING THE MIND-PLAGUE APATHETITIS!

Probably going to flunk my classes this semester, reroll for next semester.

[Puck]

Thankfully, I'm totally motivated to do stuff for uni, so other things are messing with my groove..

For one, a minor groove-messing is the fact that I have splinters of wood all over my room.. Carving wood is all fun and stuff, but cleaning up afterwards is a pain.

The more major groove-messing is messaging with a guy I can't get out of my head, but we're too much of something resembling good friends to say anything. Also, we never talk straight, there's no way to know what he's thinking, never ever
Gods, haven't thought anything like that in.. can't remember for how long.. *sigh*

[Mentalist]

it seems to be contagious, puck......

I don't think i've seen this many opposite-sex related posts (including, shockingly, my own) in the whinging thread for a looong time, if ever.

my groove is STILL messed by the pain my ribs are in. exacerbated by the fact that I need to sit down and write the damn opinion letter.

on top of this, 2 days of classes--exhausting indoor footy games--4 hour work shifts till 10 PM beckon.

I will be SO dead by Wednesday......

[Darkwatch]

There was a thread waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy back by Nakijo that was entirely about whinging about anything opposite sex related.

Which, since it seems to be some kind of singularity, is one of the reasons I'm kind of pissed at losing my second job. Some of those interesting people are interesting attractive members of the opposite sex.
That and I've not completely given up being out of the race with that girl I mentioned before. Damn it, this time I'm going to be stubborn.

[Gothos]

Aight folks thanks for all the input. Went for a nice long walk yesterday with ze music on and it got better. Not exactly mirth right now either, but definately better.
I've now got to set my mind on the nearest future - career path as the prime focus.
And getting in touch with some people, too.

Cheers!

[Mentalist]

good job, man!

just take it slow, baby steps, and things will work out.