Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 11 September 2018 - 05:50 AM, said:
So now there’s a lot up in the air. My wife seems down to have another if I want to, but we need to do it NOW. I don’t know if that’s actually what I want. I just started thinking about this tonight. Of course, if I decide I don’t want to, I’m an asshole for bringing it up and making her think about it again.
I don't want to sway you one way or the other, as it is totally up to you and your wife what you decide to do...but as to timing?
I was 39 when my daughter was born, and I'm 41 now on the cusp of my son about to be born in October. My wife is a few years younger than me, but is essentially having both kids at late 30's. Her sister had twins at age 40. With Special Pregnancy Units these days, timing and age are less of an issue medically (I don't know what health issues your wife has, so that may weight on that factor). You already have a 4 year old, so you're still kind of in the "raising kids" stage anyways, so you're only prolonging it a few years if you have another. I would say that timing is low on the totem pole of your decision.
Pros to the situation: A 4 year old is well past any baby/toddler stuff (potty training, diapers, high chairs, crying in the night for inexplicable reasons, isn't in any kind of full day daycare costs, ect.) and as such, won't be as much of a factor in handling a newborn. I worry that my 2 year old isn't yet potty trained (though we had our first breakthrough last night, so fingers crossed!), and is very fixated on us focusing on her so we are worrying about how she'll react to her brother dominating attention...you won't have to deal with that as a 4 year old is in better straights of understanding why you would need to focus on a newborn.
And the cons are the same ones you have with any child, costs, time, child rearing goals, ect. So not really anything that should stumble you if you and your wife want to do this.
I will also point out that siblings are a time-honoured way of making sure your firstborn don't get too uppity in their place...like a king or despot! A sequel will level the playing field!
Just don't have three...then they outnumber you.