[Abyss]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 11 September 2018 - 05:50 AM, said:

My kid cried himself to sleep tonight because he doesn't have a brother or a sister. My wife tried to talk me into having another kid when this one was one or two, I wasn't having it. Now my son is 4, I'm having second thoughts, and we are both 39 and it might be too late. I don't even know if I actually want to have another kid, or if I just feel guilty for not having one back then. Had a big talk with my wife. She's moved on from the idea and has accepted that it's nit happening, so was surprised at my hysterical outburst as I tried to process all of my emotions. I made a scene. Not a stoic manly scene either.

So now there's a lot up in the air. My wife seems down to have another if I want to, but we need to do it NOW. I don't know if that's actually what I want. I just started thinking about this tonight. Of course, if I decide I don't want to, I'm an asshole for bringing it up and making her think about it again.

It's a tough call. My gut is that my son is so awesome I would love another kid, but honestly the whole baby thing happening again is terrifying. Plenty of reasons not to, it will be a big financial difference and lifestyle change. I can imagine myself holding a screaming infant at 4 in the morning and realizing I've screwed up badly. My wife has some health issues, we've had some marital issues.

All of that is irrelevant when I look at my son and think about how amazing he is and how much I love him. If I could have that level of emotion for ANOTHER human being, but choose not to, isn't that a terrible decision? Sure life would change, but I don't love everything about my life anyways. One of those things I don't like is my job, and my wife already said that the only way this would work would be if I stay at home. I'm not mad about that.

Lots to contemplate. Sorry to dump it all on you fine people but I needed to type it out somewhere.

I don't know what to do.

1) Not too late.

2) Don't do it JUST for your kid to have a sibling, but that is a consideration, pos and neg. Mostly positive.

3) It will represent a massive change of life and shittonne of additional work because one adult no longer has a free set of hands at all times.

4) Less competent/intelligent people than you do it all the time.

5) I am surrounded by people who have spawned. Of those who have 2+, none regret it (tho all acknowledge it's more work to some degree, small or insane). Of those who consciously or by circumstance stopped at 1, i'd say 75% had second thoughts 'too late', and one couple were actually deeply affected in a bad way.

6) Being a stay at home parent for any amount of time can be pretty awesome.


TL;DR, go for it.

[QuickTidal]

Raymond Luxury Yacht, on 11 September 2018 - 05:50 AM, said:

My kid cried himself to sleep tonight because he doesn’t have a brother or a sister. My wife tried to talk me into having another kid when this one was one or two, I wasn’t having it. Now my son is 4, I’m having second thoughts, and we are both 39 and it might be too late. I don’t even know if I actually want to have another kid, or if I just feel guilty for not having one back then. Had a big talk with my wife. She’s moved on from the idea and has accepted that it’s nit happening, so was surprised at my hysterical outburst as I tried to process all of my emotions. I made a scene. Not a stoic manly scene either.

So now there’s a lot up in the air. My wife seems down to have another if I want to, but we need to do it NOW. I don’t know if that’s actually what I want. I just started thinking about this tonight. Of course, if I decide I don’t want to, I’m an asshole for bringing it up and making her think about it again.

I don't want to sway you one way or the other, as it is totally up to you and your wife what you decide to do...but as to timing?

I was 39 when my daughter was born, and I'm 41 now on the cusp of my son about to be born in October. My wife is a few years younger than me, but is essentially having both kids at late 30's. Her sister had twins at age 40. With Special Pregnancy Units these days, timing and age are less of an issue medically (I don't know what health issues your wife has, so that may weight on that factor). You already have a 4 year old, so you're still kind of in the "raising kids" stage anyways, so you're only prolonging it a few years if you have another. I would say that timing is low on the totem pole of your decision.

Pros to the situation: A 4 year old is well past any baby/toddler stuff (potty training, diapers, high chairs, crying in the night for inexplicable reasons, isn't in any kind of full day daycare costs, ect.) and as such, won't be as much of a factor in handling a newborn. I worry that my 2 year old isn't yet potty trained (though we had our first breakthrough last night, so fingers crossed!), and is very fixated on us focusing on her so we are worrying about how she'll react to her brother dominating attention...you won't have to deal with that as a 4 year old is in better straights of understanding why you would need to focus on a newborn.

And the cons are the same ones you have with any child, costs, time, child rearing goals, ect. So not really anything that should stumble you if you and your wife want to do this.

I will also point out that siblings are a time-honoured way of making sure your firstborn don't get too uppity in their place...like a king or despot! A sequel will level the playing field!

Just don't have three...then they outnumber you.

[Abyss]

QuickTidal, on 11 September 2018 - 04:36 PM, said:

...

Just don't have three...then they outnumber you.

You move from man-on-man to zone defence.

[QuickTidal]

Abyss, on 11 September 2018 - 05:04 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 11 September 2018 - 04:36 PM, said:

...

Just don't have three...then they outnumber you.

You move from man-on-man to zone defence.

I have too much proof of this not working!

LOL

[Abyss]

Didn't say it worked!

[Tiste Simeon]

There's something outside making the same noise as one of the machines from Horizon Zero Dawn. I'm fairly sure I'm not going to make it through the ni

[Tapper]

I am put in the position where I have to write legalese to The Bureaucracy (and its lawyers) on behalf of a client who didn't get what they wanted (a large subsidy).
This will not end well.

[Morgoth]

Tapper, on 12 September 2018 - 12:48 PM, said:

I am put in the position where I have to write legalese to The Bureaucracy (and its lawyers) on behalf of a client who didn't get what they wanted (a large subsidy).
This will not end well.

Legalese is the best king of ese.

[Whisperzzzzzzz]

Whisperzzzzzzz, on 05 September 2018 - 08:34 PM, said:

Whisperzzzzzzz, on 07 August 2018 - 08:45 PM, said:

I applied to sublease a coop apartment last month, and have been nervously awaiting news. The board met yesterday to consider my application — and they deferred it!

The former occupant smoked in the apartment, so the owner had it cleaned and repainted. Despite that, the board is saying that there is still an odor of smoke in the floor and it will need to be totally redone.

And now my application will be in limbo — neither approved nor rejected — for at minimum another month.

Infuriating and anxiogenic. I don't care if the move-in date needs to be pushed due to work. I just want Schrodinger's Application to have a confirmed state!

I'm hoping that they will be considering my application this coming Monday. If they don't, I will throw a bus out a window.

I'm too pissed to draw it, but imagine an image below of me throwing a bus through a window:











Application won't go before the board until October, at the earliest. Still stuck in Purgatory.

This post has been edited by Whisperzzzzzzz: 12 September 2018 - 01:30 PM

[Macros]

Procrastination.

I appear to be a grand master of the discipline now.

I get home in good enough time most evenings but just sit on my ass reading or watching shite on YouTube. I really need to develop some mental fortitude to start forcing myself to be productive.
And stop hitting snooze on my alarm, just get up when it goes off

[Abyss]

Morgoth, on 12 September 2018 - 12:51 PM, said:

Tapper, on 12 September 2018 - 12:48 PM, said:

I am put in the position where I have to write legalese to The Bureaucracy (and its lawyers) on behalf of a client who didn't get what they wanted (a large subsidy).
This will not end well.

Legalese is the best king of ese.

"Dear Assholes,

Wah.

Give money."

[QuickTidal]

40% of people who voted in my province are morons, and it's being proven out today. Some of those morons are my family members. Majorly messing with my groove.

[Tsundoku]

QuickTidal, on 12 September 2018 - 06:38 PM, said:

40% of people who voted in my province are morons, and it's being proven out today. Some of those morons are my family members. Majorly messing with my groove.

Because it's in your genes and you might have passed it to your spawn?

Maybe it will skip a generation and they will be OK?

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 13 September 2018 - 08:44 AM

[Cause]

I'm quite angry.

My one colleague who is technically my supervisor between me and my boss but who generally never speaks to me is generally quite rude. I don't like her. Most of the office doesn't as far as I can tell. She is one of those people who if you greet in the passage as you walk past each other wont acknowledge that you said something and definitely will never say Hi back. That's a constant topic in the office.

However I feel like she just went from being rude to down right insulting. A colleague and I working together recently received DNA samples from overseas. The first step was to transform bacterial cells with the DNA in order to make massively more of the DNA samples, Second step was to sequence the DNA samples to make sure they are the sequence we expect and want them to be. The final step was to transfect them into mammalian cells in order to get protein. That last step did not work. She wants the original DNA samples from overseas to do the whole thing again from scratch. However I sequenced the DNA we made. Its 100% as it should be. Their can be no mistake. 2000 base pairs don't just randomly create the perfect sequence you want by accident. By not trusting my results or that of my colleage I feel she is giving us a rather large slap in the face. I don't know why step 3 failed but step 1 and 2 are absolutely and proven solid.

Also she is always complaining how busy she is, so she should be talking to me and my colleague, discussing problems possible solution and delegating the work. Instead she seems to resist us helping her with anything. I consider he wholly unsuitable for her supposed role of a supervisor and trainer.
er.

[Morgoth]

I'm going to be on one side of the table at a meeting in a little while. On the other side is a whole bunch of people, all of whom are technically (though not directly) my superiors. They do not like a decision I've made. They're going to make it quite clear how displeased they all are. It doesn't matter though. I am right. They are wrong. And none of them have even the least bit of influence in my current salary negotiations. If anything this whole situation will make my salary increase more likely.

Still it's pretty annoying. My job is to be the expert in this exact field. It is why I was hired. I shouldn't need to go through this whole nonsensical process simply because the conclusions I reach are inconvenient.

[Macros]

Fight the power!

[Cause]

Morgoth, on 13 September 2018 - 10:37 AM, said:

I'm going to be on one side of the table at a meeting in a little while. On the other side is a whole bunch of people, all of whom are technically (though not directly) my superiors. They do not like a decision I've made. They're going to make it quite clear how displeased they all are. It doesn't matter though. I am right. They are wrong. And none of them have even the least bit of influence in my current salary negotiations. If anything this whole situation will make my salary increase more likely.

Still it's pretty annoying. My job is to be the expert in this exact field. It is why I was hired. I shouldn't need to go through this whole nonsensical process simply because the conclusions I reach are inconvenient.

The key is to establish your dominance but in a way that leaves them their pride. Except for one of them, shatter him so thoroughly it is an example to the others!

[Macros]

Make full use of the Donald Trump power handshake.
Be sure to wear your longest tie.

Remember, these are key to the art of the deal

[Abyss]

And the very instant someone says something critical of you, lean back, put your feet up on the table, yawn visibly, and check your phone.
This is how you show them you're right. It cannot possibly go wrong.

[Tapper]

Wink and lick your lips suggestively at two of them and exploit their competition for your favour(s).