[Morgoth]

Cause, on 18 June 2018 - 02:46 PM, said:

I think I may have an unhealthy relationship with a female friend of mine. Which is weird because in many ways its also one of the best/healthiest relationships I have with a friend. I think we are both there for each other, emotionally supportive and get along. I really like spending time with her. However recently a few things have made me question it. We live a few streets apart so when we go to the same places we often take turns driving each other. We often make a game of it, and whoever wins doesn't have to drive. Recently it was her turn (I won) but she couldn't take me because she was out with her boyfriend. Honestly fair enough but since I had won I gave her some light teasing about it anyway about not honoring the game. She then basically said if I knew the number of times she had dropped me off back at my place only to then go to her boyfriend who lives on the other side of town... That really got me thinking, I can think of no reason for her to do this except if she didn't want to tell me she would be spending the night at her boyfriend. I wouldn't expect anyone to drive twenty minutes out of their way to drop me off. I don't know if I'm reading too much into this or what it means but it def bothers me.

Now in the interest of explaining it more fully I have to admit I find her attractive and when we first met I tried asking her on a date. She never said yes, but she never said no and experience teaches me to just take that as a no and move on. At the time I didn't really know her and expected to never see her again. However one day I was organizing to watch GoT with some friends and she heard about it through our mutual friend, invited herself along and we (me, my friends and her) basically watched Got or something else every week for years. The attraction for me was still there obviously but I wasn't going to keep trying with someone who wasn't interested. We became friends, grew close, it helps that she lives so close. She is the one who fetches me from hospital after I surgery, or after I had chemo. I def think there is a real friendship here.

Over the years we have both dated other people of course and we both always keep that part kind of separate from each other. I have never really found that really strange as I tend to keep to my girlfriends private in general until I think things are serious enough to warrant introducing her to people. However her statement about kinda hiding how after she sees me she goes to her boyfriend strikes me as odd. Recently she also asked me if I would go to her graduation as both her parents were overseas, I know it can be a big deal so I said of course. She then made a joke that she wasn't sure she wanted her boyfriend in the pictures in case they broke up and he was in all her graduation pictures (they have been dating over a year). I made a joke that we would take four sets of pictures, all of us, with her boyfriend, with me and her alone and that way their always be the right pictures down the road. She replied I must never leave her.

I'm not sure if as I say maybe I'm overthinking this whole thing. Still Id hate to think that if my attraction to her in part is the basis for the strength of our friendship or if out emotional connection keeps us from being properly emotional with the person we should be?

That sounds really tricky. Maybe you should sit her down and ask her about it? If you're as close as you say it can't be your first personal conversation, and I've found it's usually better to air such uncertainties right away rather than let them fester.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

A question - what time would you guys consider polite to shut up in the evening with DIY related noise?

New neighbours have for the last fortnight or so been hammering and using a stillsaw in the garden every evening - some nights until around 10pm.

I appreciate they probably work full time and have to do their DIY at some time when they're not at work, but I also would like to be able to go to bed and relax without it keeping me awake and restless. An additional point (which I in no way expect neighbours to accommodate for) is I'm under counselling for anxiety at the moment and I am supposed to be relaxing as much as possible when at home (as opposed to being overstimulated most of the time at work). Keeping me awake and restless are not good in this light.

Was originally chalking this up as "it'll stop soon" as they've not that long moved in, but as it's not something I've encountered or really had to think about before I'm a bit unsure as to what's reasonable or not. I'd be pitching at about 9pm as a reasonable time for the noise to stop - any thoughts?

[Tiste Simeon]

Legally they're OK up to 11pm. If it continues it might be worth speaking to the local noise nuisance team in the council they can help with advice or action if necessary.

I agree that after 9pm it's a bit frustrating and inconsiderate but I think technically they're OK.

[Macros]

With Tiste, legally 11pm (which I think is ridiculous if in a park situation) anything after 9pm is being inconsiderate, especially on a weekday

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Thanks both - I'd seen the 11pm limit as well. I don't think it's the case, but it did pop into my head that still using a drill and hammering at 10pm (last night was later and I ended up sleeping on the sofa, because my bedroom backs on to whatever room they're hammering in) would be particularly inconsiderate if there were young kids in the adjoining flats/houses.

Also, they don't answer the door so I haven't been able to ask nicely as of yet.

[EmperorMagus]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 June 2018 - 05:41 AM, said:

Thanks both - I'd seen the 11pm limit as well. I don't think it's the case, but it did pop into my head that still using a drill and hammering at 10pm (last night was later and I ended up sleeping on the sofa, because my bedroom backs on to whatever room they're hammering in) would be particularly inconsiderate if there were young kids in the adjoining flats/houses.

Also, they don't answer the door so I haven't been able to ask nicely as of yet.

Rent a drill/hammer(s).

Wake up at 5 AM, begin copious use (preferably in bedroom). Bonus points if you find something to drill that makes a lot of additional noise.

I won't guarantee that they'll stop their crap, but I will guarantee that they will come knock on your door.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

EmperorMagus, on 21 June 2018 - 06:34 AM, said:

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 June 2018 - 05:41 AM, said:

Thanks both - I'd seen the 11pm limit as well. I don't think it's the case, but it did pop into my head that still using a drill and hammering at 10pm (last night was later and I ended up sleeping on the sofa, because my bedroom backs on to whatever room they're hammering in) would be particularly inconsiderate if there were young kids in the adjoining flats/houses.

Also, they don't answer the door so I haven't been able to ask nicely as of yet.

Rent a drill/hammer(s).

Wake up at 5 AM, begin copious use (preferably in bedroom). Bonus points if you find something to drill that makes a lot of additional noise.

I won't guarantee that they'll stop their crap, but I will guarantee that they will come knock on your door.

Haha, not dissimilarly, my pal at work suggests playing The Rains of Castamere from Thrones through the bedroom wall really loudly, and finding something metal to sharpen loudly next to the wall.

I like both these options!

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 21 June 2018 - 07:38 AM

[Maark Abbott]

Northern Rail kann mein pimmel isst.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Maark Abbott, on 21 June 2018 - 07:54 AM, said:

Northern Rail kann mein pimmel isst.

I admit it, I had to Google that. Everyone at work (Leeds) seems to be having problems with trains being cancelled due to lack of staff - are you getting the same?

[Cause]

I lIve in a country in which only 13% of people even earn enough to pay income tax and the government just gazetted a bill to try and create FREE universal Healthcare.

It does violence to common sense.

[Malankazooie]

This one really hit me hard. Koko the gorilla has died. More then any of the recent celebrity deaths, this one hit me the hardest, and actually brought be to tears.

Do yourselves a favor and got to YouTube and search Koko the gorilla and Robin Williams or Koko the gorilla and Mr. Rogers. If you are feeling down, you'll instantly be cheered up. The most pure, innocent display of love and happiness will do that for you.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

My ex set up a fake FB account purely to send me a long horrible message about what a terrible person I am, seemingly because someone who's a mutual friend told him I'd shared something from an abuse charity page (he can't see it, he's blocked). We've been apart two years - and for the sake of cutting a long story short I have been in counselling recently, partially to deal with the fallout of his emotional abuse.

I think I've caught all the relevant settings now to prevent this from happening again, but it was a bit of an unpleasant surprise.

Gee, I wonder if these things wouldn't strike such a chord if you weren't a manipulative, abusive f***wit, eh?

This post has been edited by TheRetiredBridgeburner: 22 June 2018 - 02:13 PM

[QuickTidal]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 22 June 2018 - 12:09 PM, said:

My ex set up a fake FB account purely to send me a long horrible message about what a terrible person I am, seemingly because someone who's a mutual friend told him I'd shared something from an abuse charity page (he can't see it, he's blocked). We've been apart two years - and for the sake of cutting a long story short I have been in counselling recently, partially to deal with the fallout of his emotional abuse.

I think I've caught all the relevant settings now to prevent this from happening again, but it was a bit of an unpleasant surprise.

Gee, I wonder if these things wouldn't strike such a chord if you weren't a manipulative, abusive f***wit, eh?

Ugh. emotionally manipulative exes are literally the worst! Support.

[Tiste Simeon]

I'm sure I can get a message out to some colleagues in North Yorkshire police to pay him a visit?? 😇

For the record, that was a joke, we don't go round decking people in the police... Not in this country anyway... 🙄

[Abyss]

Tiste Simeon, on 22 June 2018 - 05:43 PM, said:

I'm sure I can get a message out to some colleagues in North Yorkshire police to pay him a visit?? 😇

For the record, that was a joke, we don't go round decking people in the police... Not in this country anyway... 🙄

Relatedly, can I have those rubber hoses and phone books back or do you still need them?

[Cause]

Tiste Simeon, on 22 June 2018 - 05:43 PM, said:

I'm sure I can get a message out to some colleagues in North Yorkshire police to pay him a visit?? 😇

For the record, that was a joke, we don't go round decking people in the police... Not in this country anyway... 🙄

Nice job Tiste! You offered the service and yet left enough plausible deniability to avoid Internal Affairs!

[Tiste Simeon]

*cough* oh, is that what I did? Huh. Well look at that.

TRB, in a genuine attempt to make you feel better, here's a man attempting to grope a woman on the street in Thailand and getting severely beaten up for it (probably NSFW):

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Aww, cheers guys!

And I agree with Cause, Tiste. Nicely played!

[Abyss]

Yes, very much so.
You can keep the towels and bucket.

[EmperorMagus]

I am the Bachelorette, on 24 June 2018 - 02:52 AM, said:

I still say fuck him.

Why is chat still broken after all this time?

Cause nobody was using it and its license cost good money.

I wanted to make a discord but no one else thought it was a good idea.