[Aptorian]

Quote

He discovered he had lung cancer two weeks before Christmas.
His wife responded by asking for a divorce, as you do.

WTF?

[Loki]

Apt, on 06 January 2017 - 06:40 AM, said:

Quote

He discovered he had lung cancer two weeks before Christmas.
His wife responded by asking for a divorce, as you do.

WTF?

I only know things third-hand but apparently she didn't feel the married was good enough for her to go through the drama of cancer.

His prognosis was very bad. He wasn't going to live very long. A part of me thinks she should have just sucked it up for the kids. Or out of decency for her husband. He wasn't going to last more than a month or two. Their relationship wasn't bad. Her main complaint was that she 'wanted more'. She's always focused on appearance and owning things as a show of wealth/prestige. Again, mostly third-hand.

I never liked her personally on the occasions I met her. She comes across very superficial and insincere. Plus, she's french so I'm naturally biased against her.

This post has been edited by Loki: 06 January 2017 - 07:37 AM

[Aptorian]

That woman just had the integrity check of her life and just flunked the test. As a wife, as a mother, as a family member, as a friend.

[Loki]

Apt, on 06 January 2017 - 07:35 AM, said:

That woman just had the integrity check of her life and just flunked the test. As a wife, as a mother, as a family member, as a friend.

That's pretty much how everyone is feeling about her. They were married for over 20 years. You'd think you just put the kids or your husband first in such a situation but from what I have heard over the years, she's not one to prioritise anyone above herself. It's such a horrible situation - you get cancer, your wife drops you, right before christmas. But worse is the kids. They had to deal with a split just before Christmas right after finding out their dad was going to die at any moment. That's messed up.

The vindictive side of me hopes he changed his will the moment she left so that she doesn't get everything and only receives what she would have from the divorce. Purely because I hope it goes to the kids instead as I'm not confident, given her extravagant spending habits, that they'll inherit much otherwise.

[Morgoth]

An aunt of mine declared she wanted a divorce from my uncle within the few days between the funeral of my grandfather - his dad - and christmas eve. Sometimes people get so caught up in their own issues they are blind to the choices they make.

[worry]

That's all pretty gross. I'm with you, Loki, on avoiding the funeral and then going to the concert. There's not really much for Matador to do but linger after a funeral anyway, if you're not close with the departed. It's enough to make the observance, and frankly there's literally zero comfort you could provide at this point to anyone feeling grief. I imagine all the kids will want to be with each other, not surrounded by extended family and near-strangers.

On another note, actor Om Puri died. He had a pretty vast work history with seemingly tons of versatility and industry crossover, of which I've only seen a tiny bit, but he was always a welcome sight. My exposure to him was primarily from My Son the Fanatic and East is East, both great performances in good movies. He was also in Code 46, a pretty neat dystopian sci-fi flick that kinda went under the radar.

[Abyss]

Counterpoint: his mom may want her son around as she deals with the death of her brother.Shit timing, but death usually is, and there will be other concerts.

[QuickTidal]

Loki, on 06 January 2017 - 05:59 AM, said:

Matador's uncle passed away over night. He discovered he had lung cancer two weeks before Christmas.
His wife responded by asking for a divorce, as you do.
They have four kids age 4 to 18. I feel really sorry for them. Losing a parent sucks. Losing one when your young sucks balls.

Matador wasn't really close to his uncle but he wants to go to the funeral. Inreally don't want to go. I'm so over funerals that I don't even want to attend my own one. He says he is happy to go by myself but this is the first death he has ever experienced (in his own family) so I'm not sure. A part of me feels I should go just in case he needs moral support. Majority of me is wordlessly screaming at the idea of going.

And this is going to sound pretty selfish given the hell other people are going through but I keep just hoping this won't affect our plans. The funeral is on Thursday and Matador and I have plans to see Halestorm that night. Which normally wouldn't be a big issue except for the fact that we haven't gone out together by ourselves (no kid, friends, family etc) in over a year. We've both been really looking forward to it. It's gained more importance than simply going to a concert.

So I feel pretty awful that that's my main concern. I haven't said anything about it (except here) but I'm really worried we'll have to cancel. We need to find a new sitter as I'm certainly not going to allow his mum to still sit for us (it's her brother that passed). She started to say how she might still be up to minding Rip after the funeral and we were like 'Yeah, that's really not something you need to be worried about right now. You have more important things to focus on.' She tried to argue that she could still do it, knowing how much it means to us, and we basically had to remind her that her brother just died and was being buried that day to point out how completely justified it was for her to not babysit.

So basically, I don't want to go to the funeral but feel I should but I know my ptsd will have a field day if I do go and I'm feeling bad about being more concerned about whether we can still make our concert or not. Ugh.

Hmmm. that's a toughie. His need for moral support for you will come down to how much his uncle meant to him and how close they are. If they were close like a normal family, it might be harder for him and you should go. If he was an uncle he rarely saw or interacted with, he might be able to manage it on his own.

Sidebar. I saw Halestorm in November, and they were incredible! Watch out for Arejay's drum solo with the massive drumsticks. Hope you still get to go and have your night out together. That time is important.

[Loki]

Abyss, on 06 January 2017 - 07:33 PM, said:

Counterpoint: his mom may want her son around as she deals with the death of her brother.Shit timing, but death usually is, and there will be other concerts.

Concert or not, he won't be going down to the coast after the funeral as he has a 14 hour shift at the hospital the following morning. His mum was originally driving up to spend the night as she's currently on holidays.

QuickTidal, they're not close. Not for any dramatic reason. They simply didn't see each other a lot. He mostly wants to go as a show of support for his mum. I think he'll be okay but at the same time I just feel like I should be going too (assuming we could find a sitter on a work day). But just the prospect of going to a funeral is already causing havoc with my hyper vigilance. Actually going to the funeral is likely to do worse.

This post has been edited by Loki: 06 January 2017 - 08:41 PM

[Mezla PigDog]

There's no way me or Mr PigDog would go to support each other at a funeral for an uncle we barely know. Even without childcare requirements just straight up taking a day off work would be out of the question. Don't beat yourself up about it even one iota. From a practical perspective he's supporting his mum so there won't be any time for you to support him too. And funerals for extended family can be kind of fun as you get to see people you haven't seen in years. He'll be fine. I really hope you get your night out to.

[Centzon Totochtin]

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Hmmm. that's a toughie. His need for moral support for you will come down to how much his uncle meant to him and how close they are. If they were close like a normal family, it might be harder for him and you should go. If he was an uncle he rarely saw or interacted with, he might be able to manage it on his own.

Sidebar. I saw Halestorm in November, and they were incredible! Watch out for Arejay's drum solo with the massive drumsticks. Hope you still get to go and have your night out together. That time is important.

As a side note "close like a normal family" does not mean being close to uncles for everyone, perhaps think before you start generalising about normal families, what is normal for you, is not for everyone.

[QuickTidal]

Centzon Totochtin, on 07 January 2017 - 02:18 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Hmmm. that's a toughie. His need for moral support for you will come down to how much his uncle meant to him and how close they are. If they were close like a normal family, it might be harder for him and you should go. If he was an uncle he rarely saw or interacted with, he might be able to manage it on his own.

Sidebar. I saw Halestorm in November, and they were incredible! Watch out for Arejay's drum solo with the massive drumsticks. Hope you still get to go and have your night out together. That time is important.

As a side note "close like a normal family" does not mean being close to uncles for everyone, perhaps think before you start generalising about normal families, what is normal for you, is not for everyone.

It was meant as a juxtaposition to an uncle (or other extended family member) one is not close with, which is why the other half of the sentence is qualified how it is. Perhaps I should have used average instead of normal...as normal seems to have provoked you for some reason? Or if not that, some other phrase?


Loki, if you are bothered by my use of the word normal in my comment, I'm sorry, that was not my intention. I was just using it as a spectrum to illustrate if Matador might need your support or not with regards to how close he was with his uncle. Perhaps it was worded poorly? I had not realized that it would be interepreted that way.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 07 January 2017 - 03:03 AM, said:

Centzon Totochtin, on 07 January 2017 - 02:18 AM, said:

QuickTidal, on 06 January 2017 - 08:32 PM, said:

Hmmm. that's a toughie. His need for moral support for you will come down to how much his uncle meant to him and how close they are. If they were close like a normal family, it might be harder for him and you should go. If he was an uncle he rarely saw or interacted with, he might be able to manage it on his own.

Sidebar. I saw Halestorm in November, and they were incredible! Watch out for Arejay's drum solo with the massive drumsticks. Hope you still get to go and have your night out together. That time is important.

As a side note "close like a normal family" does not mean being close to uncles for everyone, perhaps think before you start generalising about normal families, what is normal for you, is not for everyone.

It was meant as a juxtaposition to an uncle (or other extended family member) one is not close with, which is why the other half of the sentence is qualified how it is. Perhaps I should have used average instead of normal...as normal seems to have provoked you for some reason? Or if not that, some other phrase?


Loki, if you are bothered by my use of the word normal in my comment, I'm sorry, that was not my intention. I was just using it as a spectrum to illustrate if Matador might need your support or not with regards to how close he was with his uncle. Perhaps it was worded poorly? I had not realized that it would be interepreted that way.

It sort of varies for everybody I think. I am quite close to my one of my aunts, but I prefer to keep my distance from most of my uncles.

[Tsundoku]

Briar King, on 07 January 2017 - 03:20 AM, said:

Idk if I even have the balls to go out tonight and sit by my fire with this wind. Hope it calms down so I can cause the stars are so sharp to view in this temp but that wind is bone cutting. Sirus and Jupiter will be dazzling in this condition.

But isn't that your idea of heaven? Weather so cold that you reconsider going outside?

Are you related to Darkwatch? He has antifreeze for blood and "Frozen" is like his semi-autobiography.

This post has been edited by Captain Needa: 07 January 2017 - 08:22 AM

[Mezla PigDog]

Briar King, on 07 January 2017 - 04:53 PM, said:

Captain Needa, on 07 January 2017 - 08:21 AM, said:

Briar King, on 07 January 2017 - 03:20 AM, said:

Idk if I even have the balls to go out tonight and sit by my fire with this wind. Hope it calms down so I can cause the stars are so sharp to view in this temp but that wind is bone cutting. Sirus and Jupiter will be dazzling in this condition.

But isn't that your idea of heaven? Weather so cold that you reconsider going outside?

Are you related to Darkwatch? He has antifreeze for blood and "Frozen" is like his semi-autobiography.

Yea I braved it last night and it was wonderful minus that wind. I was like a toddler discovereing a new toy, my water buckets I keep filled to put fire out keep freezing. I kept ramming my hand shovel through them in delight.

We don't get frozen water here often either. We went to a deer park that I used to visit as a kid when we were at my mums around Christmas and the lakes were frozen. How my mum and Mr PigDog resisted poking it with sticks is beyond me. All I kept hearing was "Don't fall in". Boring gits!

[Mezla PigDog]

I hope you've got a woodshed to banish her to for the duration.

[worry]

[EmperorMagus]

That is making me so uncomfortable.

Why do people choose to be parents again?

[worry]

1) The biological drive.
2) The exponential expansion of Love in one's family unit.
3) The gift of creating and nurturing life.
4) The mistaken impression that most people born after 2000 won't be forced into hellish existences of constant worldwide war over quickly diminishing freshwater resources, and associated damage and deprivation.

So you know, 3 out of 4 ain't bad.

[Loki]

Briar King, on 07 January 2017 - 08:54 PM, said:

I just got the txt I been expecting but not wanting. My daughter has begun things.... hope the mood swings aren't to hellish. 13 yrs of sweet daughter time is longer then some fathers get.

Firstly, it's called 'menstruation'.

Secondly, the cooler you are about it the better her feelings towards it will be. Acting freaked (even if you are) will just help her to feel embarrassed or ashamed about something that's completely normal. I recommend going out and buying her some sanitary items and leaving them on her bed with a note that says 'You're awesome!'

Fathers have a direct influence on how daughters view menstruation and the bodies in general. Make sure you make it really clear she has nothing to be embarrassed about and that you've got her back in this.

It's at this stage that a lot of fathers and daughters start to drift apart and most research suggests it begins when a father shows repulsion or disgust at menstruating.