[tiam]

ok consensus seems to be be do i trust her or not. The answer is yes. However what i will do is give sum slightly further backstory and apologise to anyone who thinks this is becoming the teenage angst thread

i broke up with a girl about 9 months b4 i came to uni that led me on a bit of a downer for the following 9 months. It was the 'first love' scenario and tho i look bak at it now it seems there were problems as with everything at the time it seemed worse. You think ure never gna fin tht sum1 again etc etc.

I start uni an theres this very attractive girl next door. We start talking its obvious we have loads in common an thee same humour etc. We get to talking an i a bit drunk one night shamelessly chat her up. She doesnt really get chatted up (i duno why but she is hot an tall so maybe its an intimidation thing) so it was quite odd for her I apologise the next day for being shameless. We spend more time together with friends bt we then spend sum time alone. She has a boyfriend of about a year an a bit at this point. And i completely understand and walk away. I have no agenda. At least at first. Anyway this gos on for a while with us spending more an more time with each other until one night she tries to kiss me. I tell her no it wouldnt be right ,shes a bit drunk an has a bf, she apologises the next morning. but still its there. We start staying up just talking and kissing for about 2 weeks. We go out and have a couple of drnks go back to hers. Not sex but everything else then follows. She freaks ou shes not like this but really likes me. Again my agenda brain didnt kick in so i said stay with him it was a mistake. It happens again a couple of days later. I go out one night get a call she broke up with her bf i quickly get home to talk to her and we decide to start going out. Agenda brain thoroughly kicks in at this point.

Problems arise at a rate f knots, she feels guilty, im paranoid i have to be beter than this guy before me otherwise it seems like a waste her breaking up etc. We carry on for like 3 months and i spent new year down hers we come back to were were both staying an she breaks up with me cos she still loves her ex. devastation insues on my part. we then talk about it for a while and she still keeps coming over to talk to me even tho im devastated and cant tell her t stay away. She goes back home to get back with her ex and he takes her back. A week later of correspondence beetween me an her it seems shes not happy, she dumps him an comes back to were were staying. We meet up for coffee an she says she wants me back. I say yeh but we have to give it time this time so we dont get overlapping feelings again. That doesnt rly happen but weve carried on since then an altough theres been ups an downs were doin ok.

This guy is her ex boyfriends (not the one she had when she came to uni the one before) best friend an apparently theyve been 'friends' for a while and whenever shes in between bfhis whole demeanour changes an u can blatantly tell there is some escaping the friend zone thoughts. Again she goes with the whole 'good listner' but as Apt says we all know the type, playing the long game. She went an stayed at his house or a weekend when we first started going out an i was worried about it then. Then this dat thing came up an i was again wrried.

Im not paranoid and trust her but the usual we have an arguement-good ol' just a friend is there to be just 'a good listener' and then bam he makes his move while she vulnerable. The other bit simply shows how fucked up it was how we ended up 2gether

This post has been edited by tiam: 23 July 2009 - 11:05 AM

[MTS]

Mezla PigDog, on Jul 23 2009, 07:53 PM, said:

I don't see why there have to caveats on your friendship because you are a different gender. I also don't see why when you get in a relationship, the way you socialise with your opposite gender friends has to change. It is bollocks and based on naive principles that a man and woman can't be friends without sex getting in the way.

Nail on the head.

[Cougar]

tiam, on Jul 23 2009, 11:58 AM, said:

apologise to anyone who thinks this is becoming the teenage angst thread
...
then bam he makes his move while she vulnerable.

Go go teen angst, it paid off for Nirvana.

To be fair to your lass, and women in general, she isn't a puppy or a halfwit. The only way she will let something happen is if she wants it to anyway. This kind of view of women as there for the taking everytime they get a bit upset is very patronising and kind of damsel in distress.

I'm not saying that an upset woman hasn't ever done something she has regreted, just that I don't think they are so easily manipulated.

[MTS]

Well, there's always booze...

[Mezla PigDog]

Cougar, on Jul 23 2009, 12:19 PM, said:

I'm not saying that an upset woman hasn't ever done something she has regreted, just that I don't think they are so easily manipulated.

The proof that we aren't is in all the unbroken internet nerds knocking about!

[Cougar]

Mezla PigDog, on Jul 23 2009, 12:41 PM, said:

Cougar, on Jul 23 2009, 12:19 PM, said:

I'm not saying that an upset woman hasn't ever done something she has regreted, just that I don't think they are so easily manipulated.

The proof that we aren't is in all the unbroken internet nerds knocking about!

I'd go as far as to say that it's almost always the opposite situation. Women find it very easy to manipulate men, because we are such uncomplicated creatures, it could be tiam's bird likes the attention, likes to watch two boys dancing to her tune - I mean who doesn't find attention flattering, and the vaguest wiff of sex is going to keep any man hanging.

[Tarcanus]

Thanks for the advice, everyone, we'll see how it plays out over the new few weeks.


Today's groove messer: old people driving.


Dear Old People,

If you are A) able to see a line of cars strung out behind you and/or B ) someone is following you awfully close you should: CHECK YOUR FUCKING SPEEDOMETER TO SEE IF YOU ARE GOING 10 UNDER AND EITHER SPEED UP OR GET THE FUCK OFF OF THE ROAD.

I pray for the day that police will pull you over for going 10 under. If 10 over is illegal, so should 10 under.

This post has been edited by Tarcanus: 23 July 2009 - 01:05 PM

[Wry]

I've just lost most of my benefits, all support for the university course i was going to do, rent relief, etc. Now i have no job, and no prospect of getting one and no place for the next four years. My whole life just fell apart with one phone call.

Scarily, it looks like i'll have to give p my apartment and probably move back in with my parents for the time being.

Why? because my old job sneakily made me redundant one week before the cut off point where i'd be eligible for any of these things.




I havn't touched a drink for three years... i think todays a good day to end that.

[Illuyankas]

Wry, on Jul 23 2009, 03:41 PM, said:

I've just lost most of my benefits, all support for the university course i was going to do, rent relief, etc. Now i have no job, and no prospect of getting one and no place for the next four years. My whole life just fell apart with one phone call.

Scarily, it looks like i'll have to give p my apartment and probably move back in with my parents for the time being.

Why? because my old job sneakily made me redundant one week before the cut off point where i'd be eligible for any of these things.




I havn't touched a drink for three years... i think todays a good day to end that.

Kill your fucking boss. No I'm not joking, yes I'm serious, murder his bitch ass dead.

[Obdigore]

Wry, on Jul 23 2009, 09:41 AM, said:

I've just lost most of my benefits, all support for the university course i was going to do, rent relief, etc. Now i have no job, and no prospect of getting one and no place for the next four years. My whole life just fell apart with one phone call.

Scarily, it looks like i'll have to give p my apartment and probably move back in with my parents for the time being.

Why? because my old job sneakily made me redundant one week before the cut off point where i'd be eligible for any of these things.




I havn't touched a drink for three years... i think todays a good day to end that.

That has happened to a friend of mine twice in a row. Signs on and will get medical/mental/benefits after 6 months with the company, at 5 and a half months, they 'decide' they no longer need that position, then the first one put an add out to fill that position again a month later. He was perturbed.

@Tarcanus - We have maximum (speed limits) and minimums for our freeways here. like 60mph max and 40mph min... but I still see people going like 20 on scooters. BLAH.

And it pisses me off to see Cougar giving good advice, but all relationships are different, and you need to establish with your partner how you want yours to be.

[Bhurnae]

Wry, on Jul 23 2009, 03:41 PM, said:

I've just lost most of my benefits, all support for the university course i was going to do, rent relief, etc. Now i have no job, and no prospect of getting one and no place for the next four years. My whole life just fell apart with one phone call.

Scarily, it looks like i'll have to give p my apartment and probably move back in with my parents for the time being.

Why? because my old job sneakily made me redundant one week before the cut off point where i'd be eligible for any of these things.


I havn't touched a drink for three years... i think todays a good day to end that.

That is the shittiest thing I have heard all week..............
and I'm with the chicken Kill Him Bad............

[Mezla PigDog]

That is a real shitter Wry! I hope at least someone else had to pay for the phone call.

My groove is messed by having hours left in work and probably having to work over the weekend Woe is me.

[tiam]

unlucky wry an i third the idea of Illy#

Cougar- i wasnt simply saying shell be emotional an drunk an then hell sweep her off her feet. I simply mean that if weve just had a massive arguement she slams down the phone etc then he may see his chance an she might also go for it. She then might regret it the next day. TBH im overcomplicating this. It drives me mad her doing these things but i try to minimise the influence they have on me an us. Still thanks everyone for the advice and also reinforcing the fact that this does not make me paranoid.

really Wry that is hard times

[amphibian]

tiam, on Jul 23 2009, 06:58 AM, said:

Im not paranoid and trust her but the usual we have an arguement-good ol' just a friend is there to be just 'a good listener' and then bam he makes his move while she vulnerable. The other bit simply shows how fucked up it was how we ended up 2gether

Yeah, this sounds like a great situation to walk away from.

But remember this for the next girl - you don't have to be better than the last guy. You just have to be you - and do that well.

And boink her attractive friends...

[Aptorian]

Wry, on Jul 23 2009, 04:41 PM, said:

I've just lost most of my benefits, all support for the university course i was going to do, rent relief, etc. Now i have no job, and no prospect of getting one and no place for the next four years. My whole life just fell apart with one phone call.

Scarily, it looks like i'll have to give p my apartment and probably move back in with my parents for the time being.

Why? because my old job sneakily made me redundant one week before the cut off point where i'd be eligible for any of these things.

I havn't touched a drink for three years... i think todays a good day to end that.

Isn't this where your union rep or what ever orginisation you're a member off comes down on your workplace like a ton of bricks, making such a fuss that they happily pay you a fortune to go away?

Tell me you've joined some kind of union or what ever that's called in english.

[Slum]

That sucks, Wry. I've had that happen to me before. It's fairly common in America. After 6 months employers are required to start paying benefits, so they lay people off every 6 months and hire new 'temp' workers. Anything to save a buck.

Are you eligible for unemployment benefits? Do they even have that in Ireland?

[HoosierDaddy]

Tiam: Lose her. She's playing both of you, one off of the other. Been there, done that, nobody ends up the better for it. Find someone who isn't going to play with your head.

Sorry to hear bout that Wry.

[Salt-Man Z]

This is my first post in this particular thread. My groove-messer? Our third child was due this past Monday, and so far has declined to be born. So I'm still working for now, taking it a day at a time, not anticipating being back the next day, and avoiding starting any long-term projects for the time being. Suffice to say, it's hard to get anything really accomplished in such a fashion. And I'm also understandably distracted. (And my wife's not exactly thrilled with the situation either. )

[caladanbrood]

Ouch! Good luck with that one, waft some bacon at it to lure it out maybe?

[bubba]

I've had a flu for three days.....no friggin fun