[worry]

I dunno if it will help with stubborn dads -- does anything? -- but a good counter to the "everyone's suddenly ____" crowd is the trend-line for left-handedness over time. You may have seen it before, as it comes up a lot for LGBTQ folks. But it's something you see in a lot of areas, and obviously shows these qualities have little to do with 'trend-hopping' and everything to do with advances in recognition and support (and the resulting decline in suppression, whether by self or others).
For example (spoilered for size):

Spoiler

[Tsundoku]

I thought since it's described as a spectrum, isn't everyone somewhere on it?

"Normal is the word that makes me abnormal" and all that.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 21 June 2024 - 12:49 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 21 June 2024 - 10:19 AM, said:

I've been thinking about it for quite a while (basically since I got my job in patents, which is a profession with a huge proportion of neurodivergent people working in it) but I hit the point of putting the individual puzzle pieces together recently and spoke to those closest to me about it - I've realised there's a very strong possibility that I'm autistic. Notably, the couple of close friends I spoke to about this who are diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD both reacted along the lines of "Oh, we thought you knew!"

It's in this thread because I feel overwhelmingly positive about it - it makes a lot of things about me when I was younger and up to the present make a lot more sense. Also, it gives me permission to stop worrying about being a terrible person when I can't feign interest in some mundane things that everyone else seems to get excited about, and not beat myself up over the fact there are general things like crowded environments and loud noises that I can't cope with very easily. Part of the reason I think it's flown beneath the radar is that I have Fibromyalgia and sensory difficulties can be a part of that, so I've always unquestionably assumed that was why. I'd put the brain-numbing exhaustion I feel following social engagements under that heading too.

I'm still weighing up options in terms of getting an assessment - we do have a service in Leeds to which you can self-refer without having to go through a GP, but the wait list is currently 2 years, and it's very expensive privately (and I've been warned they don't play nicely with the NHS if needed in future, so it might end up being an expensive white elephant). My mum has been really supportive and has expressed she's happy to be part of the assessment should I decide I want to go for it, so I'm not concerned about that. Haven't broached the subject with my dad yet, but that's a battle for another day. He's firmly in the "everyone's suddenly autistic these days" camp and it's unnecessary stress I don't need.

I do think ultimately pursuing a diagnosis would be beneficial though - not just on a "see, I was right!" front but also it feels like a better foundation for if/when I have to deal with people who don't know much about it or don't understand it (for example, my partner's mum at a recent family gathering was holding court on the "I think we're just all different and all these labels are silly" front, because his sister in law had mentioned how "lucky" she and her five siblings had been that none of their huge number of children seemed to be neurodivergent.) "I've been formally diagnosed" feels like a safer base to build on than "I strongly suspect".

Ultimately, I've always been this person, it feels like I just have a better understanding of who this person is. And she's alright really, just a bit wonky

See I just thought you were a bit of a weirdo which is why you fit in here so well!!

Happy for you that this seems to have brought a bit of peace and alignment though. And if you can hold on for 2 years I think it'll be worth it, because you've survived (and dare I say thrived) without the diagnosis thus far and 2 more years won't necessarily hurt, frustrating though it might be.

[Cyphon]

Having got a dyslexia diagnosis in the last five years, the advice I would give but have not yet taken is it might be worth talking to someone about it as while the sense of understanding is great, there could be bits that creep up on you that you don't expect.

Even with 30 odds years of coping strategies prior to diagnosis my tendency to do things that mean the stress response etc. Come out makes me think it's advice I should be taking to help me process and work this stuff through.

It's fantastic that the world makes more sense. Really pleased for you!

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Thanks everyone

Cyphon - the point about things creeping up was made by my friend with ADHD as well. I think she described it as there might be past things you think about in a sense of "That would have been so much easier if I'd known" and that can be tricky.

I think ultimately I'll go for the assessment though.

[amphibian]

 TheRetiredBridgeburner, on 22 June 2024 - 06:17 AM, said:

Thanks everyone :)

Cyphon - the point about things creeping up was made by my friend with ADHD as well. I think she described it as there might be past things you think about in a sense of "That would have been so much easier if I'd known" and that can be tricky.

I think ultimately I'll go for the assessment though.

I'm not autistic, yet my day job involves working with people who have disabilities and I work every once in a while with people who are on their journeys towards official diagnosis of autism. There are a fair number of those who weren't diagnosed in school and are working towards it as adults - and there's significantly more women who are in this boat (for various social/school reasons).

In general, there's a validation and sometimes a sort of road map that can come with diagnosis. Autism is so widespread that it's not an isolating thing to know (or say) that one has it, which is honestly a relief to many.

Good luck and I'm glad there's already a sense of peace and understanding associated with this.

[Mentalist]

What a glorious feeling it is to ride a bike with properly calibrated brakes.

The frame on my old junkheap was bent, so the only way to ensure the rear brakes worked was to over-tune them, so that the tire was practically scraping the pads all the time, living fractions of a mm of space for it to rotate. It made for great exercise, due to all the extra resistance, but it was also perpetually slow.

On the new bike at the new place, the brakes are disks (instead of pads), and they work marvelously. Being able to actually accelerate just feels... amazing

[Tsundoku]

Mentalist, on 29 June 2024 - 12:29 AM, said:

What a glorious feeling it is to ride a bike with properly calibrated brakes.

The frame on my old junkheap was bent, so the only way to ensure the rear brakes worked was to over-tune them, so that the tire was practically scraping the pads all the time, living fractions of a mm of space for it to rotate. It made for great exercise, due to all the extra resistance, but it was also perpetually slow.

On the new bike at the new place, the brakes are disks (instead of pads), and they work marvelously. Being able to actually accelerate just feels... amazing

Just don't fall off the bloody thing, OK?