[Obdigore]

Thelomen Toblerone;182856 said:

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

I must destroy you for uttering that.

So, the Prime Minister of Canada, President of the US, and President of Mexico are on an airplane signing a new peace treaty.

Suddenly, there is a large BOOM and a cloud of smoke from the right wing.

The Pilot gets on the intercom and says 'Gentlemen, we are having some engine issues. We should be able to make it to the airport, however we need you to drop some extra weight out the airplane' and with that, the side hatch opens.

The Canadian Prime Minister says 'I have an idea, why dont we all drop out what we have too much of in our country eh? That way we wont miss what gets destroyed at all.' And after saying that, he takes all the ice chilling the champaigne and other beverages and throws it out the hatch.

The Mexican President says 'Good idea. Let me help.' He then proceeds to hurl the snacks which were quesodilla's and taquito's out the hatch.

The American President says 'Duh... I can do that too!' He then picks up, and throws out the plane, the Mexican President.


Next:
What do you call a vegitarian with diarreha?

Spoiler

A Salad Shooter

[Thelomen Toblerone]

I heard a slightly more racist version of that as a child with a hot air ballon, a scot, an englishman, an irishman, and a pakistani man. Yours is funnier though.

[Rich the Great]

To reiterate one that has already been told in this thread.

Two young muslim men go into a shop to try on backpacks.
One turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb look big in this?"

[Obdigore]

So, two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[rlfcl]

Rich the Great;182881 said:

To reiterate one that has already been told in this thread.

Two young muslim men go into a shop to try on backpacks.
One turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb look big in this?"

so wait, this and the mexican joke is fine, but wiggles got banned?

im not wanting rich to get banned at all, i'm just saying, double standard much? is it because he didnt use OMG SWEARS?

[Obdigore]

rlfcl;182886 said:

so wait, this and the mexican joke is fine, but wiggles got banned?

im not wanting rich to get banned at all, i'm just saying, double standard much? is it because he didnt use OMG SWEARS?

1) If my mexican joke (which is what I assume you mean by th mexican joke) and the other one posted by rich are what was posted by Wiggles, i agree that he should not have been banned over that

2) Earlier in the thread, it was mentioned that the posted joke was just a piece of a continuing pattern of .... offenses.

3) Lets get back on jokes... if you really have a problem with him getting a 1 week ban, please take it up with the Admins, either in that forum or through PM's. This is the Joke Thread

3 blondes waked into a bar. The brunette ducked.

A Rabbi, a Naked Priest, and a Judge walk into a bar. The Rabbi turns to the other two and says 'Hey, have you heard the one about us?'

[caladanbrood]

rlfcl;182886 said:

is it because he didnt use OMG SWEARS?

I suspect it was more to do with the paedophilia and beastiality...

[Obdigore]

caladanbrood;182899 said:

I suspect it was more to do with the paedophilia and beastiality...

Out this thread if you dont post a joke! Although some members may think some of these people we are posting about are jokes, that dosen't matter!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking Pinky?
Well, I think so Brain, but where are we going to find tights for hippopotomesses(this looks horribly wrong to me) at this time of night?

[Coco with marshmallows]

so, george w. bush is meeting the queen elizabeth the second at the white house.

they're getting along okay, and at dinner he turns to her and says, "gee whiz, i like that you're a queen. it's fun to be president, but i want to be the king of the USA!"

queen elizabeth looks at him and says "that's nice, but you reallyhave to rule a kingdom to be a king"

so George says "could i be an emperor then?"

elizabeth states "sorry, you need to rule an empire"

so George asks "what about being a prince?"

again the queen objects. "You'd have to rule a principality. Frankly Mr bush, i think the US is doing rather well as a country....."

[Abyss]

A Jaghut mother and her son are fleeing a clan of Tlan Imass by passing through Omtose Phellack. As they climb an ice covered mountain, the son asks...

Son: Mother, was my father a Thelomen Toblakai?
Mom: No son, your father was a pureblood Jaghut.

They journey a bit farther, passing over crevices of loose snow and under tunnels of hard packed snow. Then the son asks...

Son: Mother, was my father perhaps a Tiste Edur? Or maybe Andii?
Mom: No son, your father's blood was of the purest Jaghut blue, cold in his veins and proud to the last!

They pass through firece snow squalls and freezing rain and across a frozen river, when the son asks...

Son: Mother, what about the Forkrul Assail? Did you maybe fool around with one and then had me?
Mom: No son, your father was a Jaghut and only a Jaghut! Why do you keep asking me these questions???
Son: Because i'm freezing my frikkin' balls off in this bloody warren!

- Abyss, could do stand-up but prefers to sit.

[rlfcl]

Cocoreturns;182905 said:

so, george w. bush is meeting the queen elizabeth the second at the white house.

they're getting along okay, and at dinner he turns to her and says, "gee whiz, i like that you're a queen. it's fun to be president, but i want to be the king of the USA!"

queen elizabeth looks at him and says "that's nice, but you reallyhave to rule a kingdom to be a king"

so George says "could i be an emperor then?"

elizabeth states "sorry, you need to rule an empire"

so George asks "what about being a prince?"

again the queen objects. "You'd have to rule a principality. Frankly Mr bush, i think the US is doing rather well as a country....."

hahahaha! well done sir.

[Abyss]

Q: How many Teblor does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to WITNESS!!!

Q: How many Tiste Liosan does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to whine about how Father Light has forsaken them.

Q: How many Seguleh does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but he has to fight the other four hundred first.

- Abyss, sorry, was bored.

[Darkwatch]

Abyss;182937 said:

Q: How many Teblor does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to WITNESS!!!

Q: How many Tiste Liosan does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to whine about how Father Light has forsaken them.

Q: How many Seguleh does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but he has to fight the other four hundred first.

- Abyss, sorry, was bored.

Brilliant

[Terez]

Abyss;182937 said:

Q: How many Teblor does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to WITNESS!!!

Q: How many Tiste Liosan does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and another one to whine about how Father Light has forsaken them.

Q: How many Seguleh does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but he has to fight the other four hundred first.

- Abyss, sorry, was bored.

I liked the first one.

The other two were kinda lame, though...

[Illuyankas]

Q: How many Tiste Andii does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

It's true, the Andii are emos, you heard it here first boys and girls.

[Abyss]

Q: What's black and blue and red all over and makes a really good coat rack?
A: Coltaine.

Q: How many Elder Gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them - One to screw in the lightbulb and the rest to screw Tiam.

- Abyss, ba-dum-dum.

[caladanbrood]

Abyss;183092 said:

Q: How many Elder Gods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: All of them - One to screw in the lightbulb and the rest to screw Tiam.

That's so bad it's funny again :lachen70:

[Grumble]

A middle aged woman goes to her doctor for a check up and he asks her to undress. The woman removes her bra and her left breast falls out almost to her waist, her right breast is perfectly normal.

Perplexed the doctor asks the woman if she can account for the difference in shape.

The woman obviously a little embarrased confesses that her left breast is her husbands favourite and that he likes to play with it when they are together in bed at night.

The doctor listens to her story and admits to the lady that he himself likes to play with his wifes breasts but her breasts have remained perfectly normal.

" Oh, I guess you don't have bunk beds then " she said

[Abyss]

Mott Wood, Continent of Genabackis
Before the rise of the Malazan Empire

Bellurdan Skullcrusher and Messremb are taking a dump in Mott Wood. Bellurdan looks over at the soletaken bear as asks:

"Messremb, my learned shapeshifting friend, tell me: Does your veered form experience difficulty with crap sticking to your fur?"

And Messremb looks back and replies:

"Bellurdan, my ancient and knowledgeable Thelomen Toblakai companion, surely you know that my soletaken form mimics perfectly the beast it copies. And so my reponse it that as would be the case for a true bear, I experience no such difficulty."

And Bellurdan nods sagely and says:

"Ah, excellent. Truly soletaken sorcery is a thing of wonder."

And then Bellurdan grabs Messremb and wipes his ass with him.

- Abyss, couldn't resist. Sorry. Sorry.

[Grumble]

Give it a rest ALREADY !!!!!