[Tiste Simeon]

Two horses in a field. One says "Are you bored?"
The other replies "Wow, a talking Horse!"

It's late, alright...

[Darkwatch]

Your future depends on your dreams.
So go to sleep

Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

Many women believe that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects on
the unborn foetus, but that is a large misconception.

And a short exchange I see a few people having on the 16th:

-"Doesn't the idea just sicken you?"

-"Actually, it kinda turns me on."

-"And I am in turn aroused at that, thus creating an infinite loop ... I never realized lust was a fractal emotion."

[Sir Thursday]

A man is at the zoo for the day. He is walking by the camel enclosure when he sees a straw lying on the ground. He takes a long time to position himself very carefully above a camel, and then drops the straw.

The Camel says, "wrong straw."



Sir Thursday

[Lancelot]

Q:What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool??
A: A baby with burst armbands!!

[Lancelot]

Dont know if this has gone international or not yet but!!!

The Ipswich game has been cancelled on saturday- there is a dyslexic serial killer going round killing all the substitutes!!!

I'm gonna go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Falco]

Ok, in the going to hell basket:

Good thing that Ipswich has a football team not a rugby one. They'd be running short of hookers.

[Lancelot]

Things not to say in a gay bar:

1,Fuck me its hot in here!

2,Excuse me! can i push your stool in???

[Omras Ghum]

So God meets Adam in paradise.
G: "Adam, what have you been doing lately?"
A: "God, I just fu**ed Eve!"
G: "Well, and where is she?"
A: "She's washing her pu**y in the river."
G: "Damn, I'll never get that smell out of the fishes!"

[Thelomen Toblerone]

How do you stop a baby crawling in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor as well.

[Xaspian]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender says "Is this some kind of a joke?"

What do the films 'Titanic' and 'The Sixth Sense' have in common?

Spoiler

Icy dead people

Ah, well. All I an think of for now.

[Thelomen Toblerone]

In the vein of chemistry jokes:

Helium and Hydrogen are sitting in a bar drinking, when gold walks in. Looking at it in disgust, ?Helium shouts "A, U! Get out of here!"


Two bears fall in water, one in Alaska, one in yellowstone. Which one dissolves first?
The Alaskan one, because it's polar.


What type of ghost haunts chemical factories?
Methylated Spirits.

What do dipoles say in passing?
"Excuse me, do you have a moment?"




My god I feel geeky. Now I know how Brood feels all the time.

[Tiste Simeon]

Thelomen Toblerone said:

My god I feel geeky. Now I know how Brood feels all the time.

I feel worse. Not only did I get them, I laughed at them. And I'm a drama student...

Two men walk into a bar. You'd have thought the second one would have noticed.

Two sausages in a pan. One says "Is it me or is it hot in here?" The other one says "Wow! A talking Sausage!"

[tiam]

TT jokes are sick comedy gold

[Bl1nder]

This one was used from one of my friends (its a she), when we had one of the endless "whos better men/women" discussions, so there it goes

And then god said
-Soooooo, what do we got left? He gazed upon Adam and Eve and said
-oh yes, you two. Well we got two skills left, so I suppose you have choose. My first skill is the ability to piss while standing
At this Adam sprung up and shouted
-ME ME ME ME. At that Eve thought " Well its a great skill surley, but if he wants it so badly he can bloody well have it". So Adam recieved teh said ability. Then God said
-Sooooooo, who do we got left? He gazed upon Eve
-Oh yes, you. Well he last ability is the skill to have multiple oragansms. Congrats Eve


Apologies if you dont find it funny, I however did, even thought it rather ended the discussion in her favour

[Bl1nder]

Another one, this i found HI-larrious

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere
where the following people are stranded:

* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
* 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
* 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
* 2 Welsh men and 1 Welsh woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle
of nowhere...

* The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman
* The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois"
* The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman
* The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them
* The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman
* The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.
* The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.
* The Australians are sulking away, since the Australian woman is eyeing all the other men, after calling them wankers
* The two Welsh men start searching the island for sheep while the woman gets friendly with a big banana she's found.
* The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but happily, at least they know the English aren't getting any...

[Tiste Simeon]

Bl1nder, you're a genius!

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
You can roast beef...

Hope someone gets that...

[Illuyankas]

Actually, if you inject soup directly into your bladder...

[Tiste Simeon]

Illuyankas said:

Actually, if you inject soup directly into your bladder...

Haven't tried that... I'll let you know.

[Bl1nder]

Why did the one armed man cross the streat?
To get to the 2nd hand shop

[Sir Thursday]

Q: Why did Dr. Jekyll go South for the winter?


A: To tan his Hyde!