[Mezla PigDog]

ARGHHHH. I have never vomited on an animal. Fucking hate you, Matt.

[Macros]

You love me really Liz

[Abyss]

Get a room.




Or a bucket.

[Tsundoku]

Abyss, on 02 August 2018 - 03:30 AM, said:

Get a room.




Or a bucket.

Why not both?

I tried to stop him Liz, but he was too strong for me with his drunken Irish rage oh who am I kidding? I was there and dared him to do it. So there.

But I do wub joo ...

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 02 August 2018 - 11:00 AM

[Morgoth]

Mezla PigDog, on 31 July 2018 - 09:14 PM, said:

ARGHHHH. I have never vomited on an animal. Fucking hate you, Matt.

I have never seen a dog look so despondent.

Poor Whisper.

[Macros]

And so we return.

To the scene of the first crime?

Gambling is no crime in my book. That said. I did just donate a solid two days wages to the casino there.

But this is entirely a bed of my own making and I accept that.


What I'm really here to chat about is self sabotage.

Iv been thinking about this extensively.

Every time I seem to be doing well with eating healthier, I'll just down and binge on a few share bags of crisps with dip.
Every time I seem to be doing well with saving money I'll go Buy a load of shit I don't need.
Every time I get a productive evening routine going I'll suddenly start watching a series (current effort is agents of shield)

I have no fucking will power or discipline. And this frustrates me because I know it's a stick of my own making that I'm beating myself with.

When I'm at work I can tune everything out and get shit done. But the second time is my own I just waste it.
When I have a massive bill coming up I just start spending a my money
It's like I subconsciously want myself to struggle constantly.

Why???

This post has been edited by Macros: 27 September 2018 - 03:10 AM

[Mezla PigDog]

It's because (I assume) there have been no serious consequences. Pick one goal, make it short term like 3 months max and focus your willpower on it. Then you give yourself a chance of making it and having the feel good feedback to inspire more.

Alternatively if you're doing alright then give yourself a break. There's no real harm in watching a series. The health thing is about lots of small decisions. The money thing depends what you need it for. I think you work really hard so you deserve to relax a little.

[Macros]

No consequences of serious note.
Just me being disgusted with myself as I lie in the wreckage of several monster bags of Doritos like Jabba the Hut.

But on some level I do think it's a self sabotage thing when I start to get on track for a goal, like I'll just wilfully absolutely destroy any progress I have made because... I'm not sure what my alter egos Ultimate Goal is, I can only assume it follows the underpants gnomes business model to profit

[Macros]

Spare a thought for poor Morgoth who got the full force of my insanity at 5am via about 20 text messages

[Morgoth]

It was a good way to spend some time at the airport anyway

[Mezla PigDog]

Macros, on 27 September 2018 - 07:12 AM, said:

But on some level I do think it's a self sabotage thing when I start to get on track for a goal, like I'll just wilfully absolutely destroy any progress I have made because... I'm not sure what my alter egos Ultimate Goal is, I can only assume it follows the underpants gnomes business model to profit

You could also look at it as the occasional blow out after you've been pushing yourself hard plus the fact that your life allows you to dick about (in a good way). I used to always have a plan to do this that and the other and never did it. You know why? Life was too good and so long as I kept a wage coming in I could pretty much do as I damn well pleased. Now? Drinking once a week - easy as there is no deterrent quite like facing a day with a small child and a hangover. Saving money - easy, I haven't got time to spend it. Exercise and healthy eating are out the window as I haven't got time for that either but if there is any time in life you can be fat it's after babies and when caring for small children.

Just cut yourself some slack, pick one important thing and accept it's a marathon not a sprint. The occasional multi-pack shame is pretty small fry but I understand. I've woken up on the sofa covered in cheese dust from a giant bag of cheese puffs and an empty bottle of bourbon next to me. It sounds like the perfect evening now!!!

This isn't meant to sound like a lecture. I just think people are often too hard on themselves when actually they are doing really well. Who gives a fuck if your life doesn't stand up on Instagram - my mates are all running marathons and climbing mountains or doing various sports that require 0% body fat or having amazing holidays. My aim in life is to be happy in myself, generally an alright person, not overly burden the NHS and the rest can go and jump.

In short - enjoy yourself! Fix the bits that prevent that but tackle it in small chunks.

[QuickTidal]

^^This is great advice.

A binge of food or entertainment (or money) here and there is not a bad thing at all. Very few are the people who can maintain a perfectly healthy, diet balanced, unwasteful, 'save all your cash' way of life. Better yet, anyone who does might tell you it's boring.

Moderation is the best word I've ever learned to adhere to.

Have your binges, but when you get into the melancholy mode like you seem to be now about it all...back off a bit. Give yourself a 2-3 week break from drinking and junk food (gets the sugar of both those things out of your system and you won't crave it as much), and if you ponder spending cash on something you might feel is useless or wasteful, give yourself a budget on that item/items. If that's gambling, give yourself a moderate spend limit, and leave the rest of your cash for that out of reach so you're not tempted to dive in and use more.

But yeah, I think we can all attest to having been there...and my life currently lines up with Mez's life by dint of having a little one running around eating up time, food, AND money (and another due in like two weeks!)...it makes my "binges" fewer and farther between, but they are still there.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is about ups and downs. Tackling it in small chucks is gold standard advice!

[Vengeance]

Morgoth, on 27 September 2018 - 10:21 AM, said:

It was a good way to spend some time at the airport anyway

Plus you have been on the other side of that.

[Tiste Simeon]

Wait I want Morgoth's phone number so I can text him at random times! Though with me it's less likely to be drunk Tiste and more likely to be "this night shift is killing me" Tiste...

[Vengeance]

Tiste Simeon, on 27 September 2018 - 05:40 PM, said:

Wait I want Morgoth's phone number so I can text him at random times! Though with me it's less likely to be drunk Tiste and more likely to be "this night shift is killing me" Tiste...

If you don't have Morgy's number I am sure that there is a reason for it. After all you meet him at various meet ups...

[Abyss]

Tiste Simeon, on 27 September 2018 - 05:40 PM, said:

Wait I want Morgoth's phone number so I can text him at random times!

We should all have this.


All of us.

[rant]

Off topic:
God damn I find the continuity/ pseudonymity of you forum old guard so interesting. It's simultaneously entertaining and perplexing. Hey, kind of like an on-going first read of Malazan.

On topic:

I like experimenting with contextual/habitual behaviour cues to see if 'problem behaviours' persist (like most people upthread, I think the occasional break in moderation is acceptable).
E.G. if you often smash 3 bags of doritos friday nights while watching netflix.....what happens on Friday nights when you get rid of netflix (or the internet) at your house? Or when you are out from 5pm-12pm on fridays?
Forget willpower, just utterly redefine the context/habit associated with the problem behaviour.

For example, when I started my M.Sc I got: cold turkey (website blocking software), downgraded to a dumbphone, and unfollowed everyone on fb so I no longer have a fbwall.
Instead of trying to use willpower to keep on track of my thesis work....I just made it physically impossible to not do anything else lol. I still use cold turkey at work--I have a very small attention span if basically anything other than work is accessible....and I love my work lol.

Other non-crazy person approaches:
1) Harm Reduction: smash 2 bags of doritos instead of 3.
2)Self-forgiveness: treat yourself like you would a friend. A) You wouldn't really care that much either way if the friend ate 3 bags of doritos in 1 night. B ) If they were upset....you'd tell them that its really not that big of a deal

3) Shift the focus: instead of thinking about the 3 hours a week you eat too many doritos.....think about the 165 hours a week you DIDNT eat doritos


As someone who often eats too many doritos....all of the above approaches work.

This post has been edited by rant: 27 September 2018 - 08:15 PM

[Nevyn]

So I realize OP was July, but that is not nearly a detailed enough bad beat story. How deep were you? Did it get all in pre? What were the bet sizes? What is the hand history? Heck, what did the other guy have?

Its not ownership of your actions if you don't give details.

[Morgoth]

Vengeance, on 27 September 2018 - 01:46 PM, said:

Morgoth, on 27 September 2018 - 10:21 AM, said:

It was a good way to spend some time at the airport anyway

Plus you have been on the other side of that.

I most definitly have. It’s only fair

Tiste Simeon, on 27 September 2018 - 05:40 PM, said:

Wait I want Morgoth's phone number so I can text him at random times! Though with me it's less likely to be drunk Tiste and more likely to be "this night shift is killing me" Tiste...

You’re always welcome to, Simeone 🙂

Abyss, on 27 September 2018 - 06:24 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 27 September 2018 - 05:40 PM, said:

Wait I want Morgoth's phone number so I can text him at random times!

We should all have this.

All of us.

My hourly rates are not that unreasonable by the standards of my profession.

[Tsundoku]

Morgoth, on 28 September 2018 - 12:11 PM, said:

My hourly rates are not that unreasonable by the standards of my profession.

The world's oldest?