Malazan Empire: Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots - Malazan Empire

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Political Comedy starring world leaders and local idiots Laugh while you cry

#1461 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 08 June 2021 - 10:58 PM

'People Are Pretty Sure Trump Just Said We Should "Go Back" to Paper to Avoid Cyber Attacks

[...]

"The way you stop it is you go back to a much more old-fashioned form of accounting and things. You know, I have a son who is so good with computers. He's a young person and he can make these things sing and when you put everything on internet and on all of these machines -- you never see a piece of paper -- I really think that you have to go back to a different form of accounting, a different form of compiling information."'

https://secondnexus....ks-paper-varney

Meanwhile, the Biden administration's response to the lumber shortage is...

'Amid surging lumber prices that are already adding an average of $36,000 to the construction cost of new homes, the Biden administration is moving forward with plans to double tariffs on lumber imported from Canada.

The Commerce Department announced [...] it was taking the first step toward hiking so-called "anti-dumping tariffs" on Canadian lumber [...] for 2019. Yes, 2019. If approved through what is likely to be a lengthy review process, the tariffs would apply retroactively to purchases made for the past two years. That means American importers could be on the hook for millions of dollars in taxes they didn't even know they would owe—taxes that will likely be passed down the supply chain in the form of higher prices.

That's only the first bit of insanity here. Anti-dumping tariffs, in theory, are meant to cancel out what's seen as unfair subsidies for foreign competitors to American companies. They are supposed to be deployed in order to prevent import prices from becoming so low that they threaten domestic producers—even though there's really nothing terrible about low prices for imports.

But lumber prices are anything but low right now. In fact, they are up over 250 percent in the past year, and the price per thousand feet of board lumber just hit an all-time high.

[...]

The current price surge for lumber—like similar increases for many other goods—has been triggered by a shortage of supply as pandemic-closed sawmills have been slow to reopen even while demand for lumber has steadily climbed, driven by robust demand for new housing. Import taxes aren't to blame for this mess, but they certainly aren't helping.

Even the Trump administration, which counter-productively hiked tariffs on everything from steel and aluminum to washing machines and other consumer goods, realized that much. Trump approved a lumber tariff hike in 2017, but his administration cut those duties in late 2020 amid concerns about the rising price of lumber.

[...] manufacturers are concerned that tariffs are helping to drive inflation across the entire economy by artificially jacking up prices for many commodities[...]

With prices skyrocketing, the best thing the federal government could do is sweep aside impediments to supply chains. Instead, the administration is erecting new barriers which will protect domestic industries.

Unfortunately, [...] the law guiding the U.S. anti-dumping tariff process explicitly forbids consideration of how new duties might impact consumers.

[...]

Denying the reality of how tariffs work doesn't always look as buffoonish as the Trump administration often made it. Sometimes it just appears to be rote bureaucratic activity. But the result is the same, and Americans are going to keep paying the price until the Biden administration learns that.'

https://reason.com/2...-make-it-worse/

Hélas, my stonks... in a way I hate Biden more than Trump. Hating Trump feels like hating a mental patient, or a toddler with a severe brain injury....

'Fox News, CNN Decided Not to Broadcast Trump's First Major Speech Since February

[...] MSNBC did end up airing portions of the speech but only as background while correspondents commented on the event.

"Fox is sticking with a pre-taped 'Watters World' instead."'

https://slate.com/ne...h-carolina.html

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 08 June 2021 - 10:59 PM

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#1462 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 09 June 2021 - 11:54 PM

On Biden's meeting with Putin:

Given how far technology has advanced, I don't understand the point of world leaders meeting in person unless they're going to fight or have sex. What else are they going to do (that they can't do remotely...), sniff each others' butts? Try to drug each other enough to get some embarrassing footage? Or raw video for future deepfakes?

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'Cicadas Took On Biden's Press Plane. They Won.

The plane set to carry dozens of journalists to Europe [...] was on the runway, ready to take off.

The cicadas had other ideas.

Somehow, the flying insects had filled the plane's engines, grounding it and forcing Mr. Biden's aides to scramble for another way to ferry the reporters overseas.

[...] the cicada cloud, [...] has been dense enough around Washington to be picked up on weather radar.'

https://www.nytimes....adas-biden.html

'Rep. Gohmert Asks If National Forest Service or BLM Can Do Anything to Change the Moon's Orbit

[...] showed everyone just how knowledgeable he is about science during a House Committee on Natural Resources hearing [...] "I was informed by the ... director of NASA that they have found that the moon's orbit is changing slightly and so is the earth's orbit around the sun, and we know there's been significant solar flare activity, [...] so is there anything the National Forest Service or BLM [...] can do to change the course of the moon's orbit or the earth's orbit around the sun? Obviously they would have profound effects on our climate."'

https://www.thedaily...nge-moons-orbit

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 09 June 2021 - 11:55 PM

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#1463 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 12 June 2021 - 01:20 AM

'"Democratic state Representative Brian Sims [of Pennsylvania ...] reminded House GOP lawmakers their caucus is "100% white" and "70% male," [...]

"Oh, your boos mean nothing," Rep. Sims responded. "I've seen what you cheer for."

The House Republican Majority Leader [...] objected, saying, "I believe these comments are inflammatory for our members. And to this esteemed chamber. We have tried to give latitude on this issue, [...] I will not have our members impugned or insulted or this kind of behavior on this floor."

"Are you not 100% white?" Sims demanded. "100% white."

He was told he was "out of order."

"100% white, 70% male," Sims continued.

"Mr Speaker, turn off his mic. I wish it be strucken [sic] from the record," the presiding representative declared.'

https://www.rawstory...ho-cut-his-mic/

'Fox & Friends' Hosts Claim Schools Are Trying To "Take Down The White Culture" In Bonkers Meltdown

[...] say the Bible, and not antiracism, is what children should be taught.'

https://www.comicsan...2653303262.html

'Lindsey Graham Claims "Bad Guys Were Afraid of Trump" [...]

"If by 'bad guys', @LindseyGrahamSC meant 'Republicans', yes. Yes, they are."'

https://secondnexus....-bad-guys-trump

'Kim Jong Un Declares War on "Vicious Cancer" AKA K-Pop'

https://www.thedaily...ancer-aka-k-pop

'Trump Says He Trusts Russia More Than the U.S. in Deranged Statement Ahead of Biden's Putin Meeting

[...]

"As to who do I trust, they asked, Russia or our 'Intelligence' from the Obama era, meaning people like Comey, McCabe, the two lovers, Brennan, Clapper, and numerous other sleezebags [sic], or Russia, the answer, after all that has been found out and written, should be obvious. Our government has rarely had such lowlifes as these working for it."

[...]

"Good luck to Biden in dealing with President Putin—don't fall asleep during the meeting, and please give him my warmest regards!"'

https://secondnexus....-russia-over-us

'[Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor] Greene spoke about how Dr. Anthony Fauci should "get a lawyer" because she claims he's "criminally liable" for the pandemic.

She then regurgitated a common belief among the far-right. Fauci funded the engineering of the virus in a lab in Wuhan, China where it was purposefully created as a bio-weapon.

[...] Bannon questioned Greene as to why she "doesn't buy" a more reasonable explanation for the virus.

"I don't buy it because I don't believe in evolution. I don't believe in that type of so-called science. I don't believe in evolution, I believe in God."

[...]

"These viruses were not making people sick until they created them and made them and weaponized these viruses to be able to attach to our cells and make us sick."

So just to keep this all straight: Greene believes in viruses, cells and the science of viruses making human beings sick, but does not believe in science because it's evolution and not God.'

https://www.comicsan...2653297639.html
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#1464 User is offline   Limper 

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Posted 12 June 2021 - 07:07 PM

Well, I must say since I got vaccinated, it is VERY convenient to keep my keys and a set of eating utensils stuck to my forehead, https://news.yahoo.c...-173530820.html
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#1465 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 13 June 2021 - 03:16 AM

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#1466 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 17 June 2021 - 07:27 PM

'Trump's former Secretary of State, Mike Pompeo, [...] encouraged Trump's supporters to call themselves "[P]ipehitters."

"Calling all unapologetic Americans to join me and become a Pipehitter.

Pipehitter| 'pip'hitar |
noun
1: someone who is unapologetically American, someone who fights for our future, someone who never gives an inch, someone who is dedicated to stand against the radical Left's agenda."

Pompeo issued the call as part of the rollout for his Champion American Values PAC[...]

In a video, he says:

"I need each of you to be a [P]ipehitter. Get stuff done. Keep grinding."

"Hitting the pipe" is often used to refer to drug use, though it also can also be a crass colloquialism used to dismiss constant peddlers of delusions and conspiracy theories.'

https://secondnexus....ers-pac-twitter

'It's Official: Bitter Bibi Booted Out of Power

In an obscene final rant as prime minister, Netanyahu compared Biden's foreign policy with appeasing the Holocaust and attacked his successor as a "fascist."'

[...] channeled his inner Trump to claim the Israeli election was fraudulent and label his opponents fascists and turncoats, and compare them to the regimes in Iran and North Korea.'

https://www.thedaily...israel?ref=home

'Kayleigh McEnany claimed [...] it was impossible for her to lie during her time as former President Donald Trump's White House press secretary because of her faith in God. "As a woman of faith, as a mother of baby Blake, as a person who meticulously prepared at some of the world's hardest institutions, I never lied. I sourced my information,"'

https://www.thedaily...-woman-of-faith

'Ostensibly showing up on pal Sean Hannity's Fox News show [...] to discuss the recent summit between [...] Putin and [...] Biden, [...] Trump instead spent much of his time grumbling about the thing he hates most: windmills!

[...] "They're making windmills all over the place. They kill our land and kill our birds. They kill everything"'

https://news.yahoo.c...-025250088.html

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 17 June 2021 - 07:29 PM

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#1467 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 17 June 2021 - 10:01 PM

"In life there is no happiness, there is only the spectre of happiness."

https://twitter.com/...351221599236100

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#1468 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 18 June 2021 - 08:14 PM

'14 GOPers Sign Letter Demanding Biden Undergo Cognitive Test

More than a dozen House Republicans signed a letter from Rep. Ronny Jackson (R-TX) demanding [...] Biden undergo a cognitive fitness test. Jackson, who was [...] Trump's physician while he was in office, also addressed the letter to Physician to the President [...] and [to] Chief Medical Adviser Dr. Anthony Fauci. [...] "The American people deserve to have absolute confidence in their President. They deserve to know that he or she can perform the duties demanded of the office."'

https://www.thedaily...e-test?ref=home

'Defying appeals from the Vatican, Catholic bishops in the U.S. have voted to a draft a statement that could lead to a rebuke for [...] Biden and other Catholic politicians who support abortion rights but also take Communion. [...] Bishop [...] of San Diego said the statement could unleash "weaponization of the Eucharist,"'

https://www.thedaily...ortion?ref=home

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 18 June 2021 - 08:15 PM

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#1469 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 19 June 2021 - 03:21 AM

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#1470 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 19 June 2021 - 06:18 PM

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#1471 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 19 June 2021 - 06:37 PM

'MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell decided to retrofit his factories to make masks instead at the start of the pandemic. Now, after losing millions, he hates masks and wants to burn them.

[...] Lindell, who claims to have retrofitted about 75 percent of MyPillow's manufacturing line to sew cloth masks, said the machinery and space he'd invested in now sits idle and empty. The CEO estimates he was able to offload about 5 percent of his mask inventory[...]

Lindell chalks up his losses to various parties, including "many bad people in the mask industry," Google, the media, and politically motivated boycotts. [...]

A born-again Christian and fevered MAGA apostle, Lindell frames the failed venture as a charitable giving effort and point of pride. [Nothing sinful about pride, eh?] [...]

Ultimately, the operation appears to have been a failed charity effort that Lindell then turned into a failed business venture, which he then turned back into a charity.

[...] But he invariably fell back to bitter lamentations and gripes about all the things that went wrong.'


https://www.thedaily...-mask-operation


'[...] Trump Raged After George Floyd Murder, "I've Done All This Stuff for the Blacks"

[...] "[...] it's always Jared telling me to do this... And they all fucking hate me, and none of them are going to vote for me."

[...] then-White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows[...] told fellow officials that "nobody is going to care" about Floyd's death'

https://www.thedaily...blacks?ref=home


'Eric Adams Wears a Gun, Brandishes Dead Rats, and Maybe Lives in Jersey. He Could be NYC's Next Mayor

If the polls hold and former cop, Republican, and Louis Farrakhan admirer and current vegan Eric Adams wins the Democratic primary on Tuesday that will almost surely decide the city's next mayor, we've got another character coming. Adams' oft-recited political origin story involves getting beaten up by the police as a teen along with his older brother [...] after they broke into the apartment of a prostitute he says owed them money for running errands[...]

In a long career, he served as an "escort" to Mike Tyson when the heavyweight finished his rape sentence, despite the prohibition on cops associating with felons. [... he] frequently refers to himself as "Eric Adams," a habit he says he developed in the course of journaling in the third person over decades[...]

[...] launched a war against [rats] in 2019, which culminated in his demonstration to reporters of a supposedly better rat trap, the "cutting-edge" Ekomille, intended to draw the city's scourges in and then drown them. But he didn't just show the $400 trap he called on the city of invest in but also buckets of dead rats [...]

"For what seemed like a very long time, we gazed upon dozens of bloated rat corpses, bobbing around in this thick cocktail of death. Their clumps of fur were tinged green by the alcohol solution, into which they'd been lured and subsequently drowned at some point over the last month. We were told they would not smell, and while it was not overpowering, there was definitely a smell. Eventually, the sodden carcasses were fished out with a ladle and dropped into a trash bag. They made a sad, waterlogged noise: Plop.

Many questions jump to mind, chief among them: WHY? And also: WHAT THE FUCK???"

[...] "I won't have a security detail. If the city is safe, the mayor shouldn't have a security detail with him, he should be walking the street by himself. [...] the hypocrisy of those who are citywide officials who said that you shouldn't have guns in church: Those guys that walk in with them? They got guns. So there's a level of hypocrisy for a citywide official to say no one should have a gun in the church, but they don't tell their people, 'Hey, hang outside.' If we could protect them in a church with a gun then we can protect Miss Mary with her Bible with a gun."'

https://news.yahoo.c...-045443991.html

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 19 June 2021 - 06:37 PM

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#1472 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 20 June 2021 - 02:40 AM

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'Proud Boys Leader Is Too Broke to be Proud, So Now He's Selling Black Lives Matter T-Shirts

[...] he has had to resort to selling Black Lives Matter and anti-Trump T-shirts in order to make money because his organization of bumbling idiots in visor sunglasses have been shunned by banks and card companies[...]

[...] Tarrio—who was once arrested for burning BLM banners—revealed to the Wall Street Journal that the far-right group the Oath Keepers is breaking up the white supremacist band after board members accused the founder of spending its money on hair dye, steaks and guns[...]

[...] Tarrio started a secret company to sell activists and well-meaning liberals their own slogans back to them, because, fuck it, the guy is already an Afro-Cuban leader of a white nationalist movement, so if someone were to try to tell him he couldn’t possibly be a bigger fraud, he’d just sell them a t-shirt that reads, “hold my beer.”"

https://www.theroot....-hes-1847124857
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#1473 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 21 June 2021 - 10:38 PM

'NYC Mayor’s Race Turns Into Episode of "Survivor"

Andrew Yang and Kathryn Garcia are both running to be mayor of New York City—but the rivals campaigned together on Saturday in an alliance born out of the new ranked-choice voting system. The joint appearance infuriated front-runner Eric Adams, who claimed Yang and Garcia want to stop a Black or Latino candidate from winning'

https://www.thedaily...s-race?ref=home

(Garcia's ex-husband is Puerto Rican and she kept his last name.)


'Trump's tour with Bill O'Reilly conflicts with August reinstatement theory — driving QAnons bonkers

Seeing QAnon adherents puzzle their way through reality is a bit like watching Donald Trump try to sound out a raw vegan menu.'

https://www.dailykos...-QAnons-bonkers
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#1474 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 22 June 2021 - 05:06 PM

Is it true that Trump asked the Department of Justice to investigate Saturday Night Live because they made fun of him too much? Asking for a friend, because he wasn't sure whether he fell victim to clickbait or a fake news hook.
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#1475 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 22 June 2021 - 05:34 PM

View PostMalankazooie, on 22 June 2021 - 05:06 PM, said:

Is it true that Trump asked the Department of Justice to investigate Saturday Night Live because they made fun of him too much? Asking for a friend, because he wasn't sure whether he fell victim to clickbait or a fake news hook.


'Trump Wanted His Justice Department to Stop "SNL" From Teasing Him

[...] Trump had asked advisers and lawyers in early 2019 about what the Federal Communications Commission, the courts systems, and—most confusingly to some Trump lieutenants—the Department of Justice could do to probe or mitigate SNL, Jimmy Kimmel, and other late-night comedy mischief-makers.

To those who heard it, Trump’s inquiries into what federal regulations could be used to bust the likes of Kimmel and SNL was more of a nuisance than a constitutional crisis. “It was more annoying than alarming, to be honest with you,” one of these sources recalled.'

https://www.thedaily...ng-him?ref=home
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#1476 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 23 June 2021 - 04:40 PM

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Is it true there is a new book coming out about Trump that focuses more on the coronavirus/covid-19 response of his presidency? And that this book reveals Trump, when seeing the positive tests going up and was irate that more testing was being done had asked "who is the idiot responsible for more testing!" And his aid responded with something like "uh, you mean Jared?"

And is it true that in this book it's revealed that Jared Kushner said something along the lines of "we'll all be dead by June!" when becoming frustrated about mask shortages?

And finally, the hooboy kicker from this book, is it true Trump suggested sending people sick with covid to Guantanamo Bay?

Asking for a friend because he thinks this was some bizarre, messed up fever dream and this book can't be real.
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#1477 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 29 June 2021 - 09:22 PM

Aw man, I think this thread is going the way of the Dodo bird and we are watching the decline to obscurity (used to be such an active place). But imma post until the last gasp.

So Trump started up his rallies again. Here we come 2024! (and you just know he's going to be a snortin' and a slobberin' about the 2022 mid-terms). Y'all be slippin' though and let this low hanging fruit of a beaut get by without nary a peep. I must change that.

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#1478 User is offline   Malankazooie 

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Posted 30 June 2021 - 09:54 PM

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#1479 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 30 June 2021 - 10:08 PM

View PostMalankazooie, on 29 June 2021 - 09:22 PM, said:

Aw man, I think this thread is going the way of the Dodo bird and we are watching the decline to obscurity (used to be such an active place). But imma post until the last gasp.


More like dodo bird (d?)evolving back into dinosaurs....

But on a happier note:

'Weapon Of Mass Destruction Found Dead At 88

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(Am I really happy that a human being is dead? Of course it would be better if not one human died, but the whole monstrous species... though it does need a little more time to keep giving birth.)
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#1480 User is offline   Azath Vitr (D'ivers 

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Posted 01 July 2021 - 03:03 AM

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'["Free Speech" Social Network] Parler reportedly refused to ban Trump's critics as part of discussions to bring him onboard

[...] proposition that Trump, after he left office, become an active member of Parler, moving much of his social-media activity there from Twitter. In return, Trump would receive 40 percent of Parler's gross revenues and the service would ban anyone who spoke negatively about him.

Parler was balking only at this last condition.'

https://www.theverge...ze-book-excerpt

'About Parler

real conversation on the world's premier free speech platform'

https://parler.com/main.html

'Anti-Gay Pastor Slammed After Cheering Fatal Accident At Florida Pride Parade: "I Think It's Great!"'

https://www.comicsan...2653501212.html

Guess he'd also cheer while watching people getting tortured for eternity for eating shellfish....

'Dershowitz Compares Cosby to Trump Because of F*cking Course
Dershowitz cranked the hot-take dial all the way up to 11 by claiming both men were victims of a political mob.

[Just like OJ right?....]

It's probably just pure coincidence that Dershowitz, who previously served as the attorney for billionaire pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and has been accused of sexual misconduct himself, is coming to the defense of yet another powerful rich man accused of serial sexual predation.

[Just like OJ, Epstein, and Jesus!]'

https://www.thedaily...ictims?ref=home

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 01 July 2021 - 03:05 AM

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