[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'Tweet
Michael G.

BASKIN ROBBINS MURDERED ITS HUSBAND AND FED HIM TO THE ICE CREAM!!!'

[Tsundoku]

https://theshovel.co...up-trumps-name/

Trump’s Name To Be Added To Coronavirus Cheques, Gravestones

By The Shovel on April 15, 2020

The production of tens of thousands of coronavirus stimulus cheques and gravestones in America has been held up after it was decided that Donald Trump’s name should be printed at the bottom of each one.

Department officials said it was unusual for government-issued gravestones to be altered in this way, but they said it was important for victims’ families to know that Mr Trump had played a key role.

“We know how much Donald Trump likes to take credit for everything, so we felt it was important that he was given due credit for this. We’d hate to see the coronavirus crisis go down in history without the President’s important role set in stone, as it were,” a spokesperson said.

The plan was initially to include President Trump’s name in small lettering at the bottom of the gravestone. But upon seeing the design, the President insisted that his name be much larger, and in gold type.

In a statement Mr Trump said he was pleased America was winning the coronavirus.

------------------

https://theshovel.co...fucking-idiots/

American Protesters Gather To Declare Their 1st Amendment Right To Be Fucking Idiots

By The Shovel on April 19, 2020

Thousands of protesters have gathered in cities across America to remind lawmakers that it is their God given right to act like a total fucking doughnut in the face of a global pandemic.

In cities in Texas, Maryland, Ohio and beyond, locals came together to denounce what they believe is the illegal restriction of their rights.

“Acting like an absolute arseclown during a global emergency is my birthright as an American,” one man at a rally in Fort Worth said.

“They can shut down our shopping centres. They can shut down our restaurants. But there’s nothing in the law that allows them to trample on an American’s right to gather closely together in large groups during the outbreak of a highly contagious virus,” he said.

Another man said it was important to come together in times like these. “When the government is seeking to crush your civil liberties because of an infectious human-to-human disease, the best way to fight back is by locking arms with hundreds of other fellow Americans and shouting ‘no way!’”

------------------------------

Strong words from Her Maj

https://theshovel.co...ls-coronavirus/

“Go On, Off You Fuck”, Queen Tells Coronavirus

By The Shovel on April 7, 2020

Covid-19 can go and eat a bag of dicks, the Queen has said in a rare speech to the nation.

“Go on, off you fuck,” the Queen told the virus in her inspiring televised address.

The speech has given comfort to millions of people around the world who were struggling to make sense of the virus.

“What a pathetic little piece of shit you are,” she said. “That’s right. Toddle off. Off you go. Fuck off. All the way off. Keep going. We’re done with you now. The adults will take over from here,” she said.

The Queen said we had faced challenges before. “You’re not special. No-one will give a shit when you’re gone. You know where the door is. We won’t miss you sweetheart. Go on, jog on”.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 19 April 2020 - 07:35 AM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'Florida Governor Ron DeSantis Has No Idea How to Wear a Face Mask

During a Friday press conference at the Urban League of Broward County, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis found himself holding an N95 face mask, the kind with two elastic loops that go around the head, not just over the ears. He took a gander at it, then grabbed the front of the mask with one hand and pulled the top loop over his head. He then touched the front of the mask—a big no-no—a second time, trying to adjust it over his nose and chin.

The adjustment was impossible because—as DeSantis stood outside in fairly close proximity to other people—the bottom loop was dangling loose below his chin, rendering the whole mask useless.'

https://slate.com/ne...-face-mask.html

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 20 April 2020 - 10:01 PM

[Malankazooie]

Oh boy, this is going to get 'em riled up.... like taking a stick and digging in a mud dauber nest. It's eventually gonna get a reaction.

"Nancy Antoinette."

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

[Malankazooie]

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'What kinda fuckin' reverse zombie movie has the U.S. become where everyone goes with their guns to get infected on purpose.

"Incredible view from @WISN12News News Chopper 12 over Madison this afternoon showing the "stay home" protest against @GovEvers order.

That is a lot of people. Our crew on the ground reports some people are carrying long guns at this protest.'

[with video:]

https://twitter.com/...cejgx3jii6IUmIk

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 26 April 2020 - 07:45 PM

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'Trump Attacks Media During Twitter Meltdown Following Disinfectant Remarks

The self-proclaimed "hardest working president in history" makes references to "hambergers" and "Noble prizes".'





https://www.huffingt...c3nQt71BaTXFz4n

This post has been edited by Azath Vitr (D'ivers: 26 April 2020 - 10:05 PM

[Malankazooie]

The video showing an isolated shot of Dr. Birx reacting to Trump at a coronavirus daily briefing last week has been number 1 with a bullet, but in case you guys haven't seen it, here's an ani-gif that captures its essence. I think this would be better suited under a thread for horror related posts though. We are living in some wacky times. I hope we'll be able to laugh about it 10, 20 years from now.

[Malankazooie]

Drinking household cleaner is, at its core, a cut and dry test. I mean if you even entertained a 1/8 of a thimble's worth, your body's autonomic reaction would be so overwhelming enough that you would stop immediately. In other words, you have to really want to put it in you and commit to the act and force it down. I go to my time tested and reliable refrain - have we thrown common sense out the window?

[Malankazooie]

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'Trump: China's Using Coronavirus to Ruin My Election Chances

[...] Trump has claimed that China's handling of the coronavirus pandemic is proof that Beijing "will do anything they can" to make him lose his re-election bid in November.

[...]

Trump also told Reuters he did not believe opinion polls that showed Biden leading the race for the White House. Trump said: "I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don't think that they will put a man in who's incompetent."

https://www.thedaily...ection?ref=home

[Slow Ben]

I don’t comment in it often, but I just wanted to say thanks Azath for the effort you put into this thread.

I enjoy the hell out of it.

This post has been edited by Slow Ben: 01 May 2020 - 03:10 AM

[Tsundoku]

Azath Vitr (D, on 01 May 2020 - 12:38 AM, said:

Trump also told Reuters he did not believe opinion polls that showed Biden leading the race for the White House. Trump said: "I believe the people of this country are smart. And I don't think that they will put a man in who's incompetent."

https://www.thedaily...ection?ref=home

Jeez, talk about leaving yourself wide open.

And ditto what SB said.

[Malankazooie]

[Aptorian]

The success! The success!

[Malankazooie]

[Malankazooie]

As a distant observer of this kind of thing, it does seem like the key #MeToo ra-ra-ra 'ers have come down with 'bite-tongeitis' on this

[Malankazooie]