[Aptorian]

http://www.amazon.co...o/dp/0062107739

Quote

He's out of control

Dougal Kincaid has something to prove. After being injured in a battle with the Malcontents, he's ready for active duty protecting unsuspecting mortals from these villainous vampires who want to rule the world. But first he has to get control of himself . . . because just the sight of a certain lovely doctor has his injured hand doing some peculiar things, not to mention the sizzling sensation that burns along his dragon tattoo . . .

Vampires? Vampires?! As a scientist, Leah is having trouble believing that these immortal creatures exist. But there they are, standing in front of her, asking for help in solving a genetic puzzle that can save mankind. There's even one in a sexy kilt! Just one look into Dougal's gorgeous green eyes sets her pulse racing. But can she trust him—and the overwhelming desire that refuses to be ignored . . . ?

I saw this book online and I immediately thought it was literary satire mixing Twilight and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I was wrong.

I... I kind of want to read this just to see how bad it is.

[McLovin]

I expect a 500-word book report when you're finished.

Finished vomiting, that is.

[QuickTidal]

^^This.

Apt, you are one strange muthafucka

[Abyss]

Apt. Listen closely.

We want you to carefully excise whatever part of your brain is prompting this, and isolate it.
Then pick up a copy of any MBF, or HEROES DIE, or whatever... and CRUSH IT INTO PASTE.

This is for your own good.

[Salt-Man Z]

 Abyss, on 26 September 2013 - 06:14 PM, said:

Apt. Listen closely.

We want you to carefully excise whatever part of your brain is prompting this, and isolate feed it.

[Primateus]

 QuickTidal, on 26 September 2013 - 06:10 PM, said:

^^This.

Apt, you are one strange muthafucka

He IS from Copenhagen, so it's not really surprising. They're a strange lot them folk, more swedish than man...

[Aptorian]

Hey, fuck you, I'm from Syd-Sjælland. Don't lump me in with Københavnerne, you half German potato farmer!

[Grief]

 Abyss, on 26 September 2013 - 06:14 PM, said:

Apt. Listen closely.

We want you to carefully excise whatever part of your brain is prompting this, and isolate it.
Then pick up a copy of any MBF, or HEROES DIE, or whatever... and CRUSH IT INTO PASTE.

This is for your own good.

But those are good books.

[Primateus]

 Crustaceous Apt, on 26 September 2013 - 06:58 PM, said:

Hey, fuck you, I'm from Syd-Sjælland. Don't lump me in with Københavnerne, you half German potato farmer!

As if that's any better

[Macros]

Morbidly curious Apt.
Fucking read it

[QuickTidal]

 Crustaceous Apt, on 26 September 2013 - 06:58 PM, said:

Hey, fuck you, I'm from Syd-Sjælland. Don't lump me in with Københavnerne, you half German potato farmer!

Okay, that last bit made me LOL.

[Aptorian]

 McLovin, on 26 September 2013 - 05:54 PM, said:

I expect a 500-word book report when you're finished.

Finished vomiting, that is.

 QuickTidal, on 26 September 2013 - 06:10 PM, said:

^^This.

Apt, you are one strange muthafucka

 Salt-Man Z, on 26 September 2013 - 06:42 PM, said:

 Abyss, on 26 September 2013 - 06:14 PM, said:

Apt. Listen closely.

We want you to carefully excise whatever part of your brain is prompting this, and isolate feed it.

 Macros, on 26 September 2013 - 07:26 PM, said:

Morbidly curious Apt.
Fucking read it

Well, now you've done it. I just went and downloaded it.

I was planning on starting up Butcher's "Captain's Fury" next but I need to sate my curiosity.

[Primateus]

Just from the cover I can tell it's going to be exactly like all those trashy novels my sister reads, only with vampires.

[Aptorian]

This is the opening chapter:

http://www.kerrelyns...august2013.html

Quote

THE VAMPIRE WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO
by Kerrelyn Sparks

CHAPTER ONE

Dougal Kincaid was not in a partying mood.

As he entered the ballroom at Romatech Industries, his stomach churned. Too many people. The jarring noise of all their voices grated on his ears, and he dreaded the thought of participating in meaningless chatter. For centuries, he’d avoided these situations by playing the pipes, but those days were gone. That left him with one option for surviving the night.

Blissky.

Hopefully the mixture of synthetic blood and whisky would deaden his undead senses before he was confronted with the same questions he’d been hearing for the past four years. How’s your new prosthesis? Can you still wield a sword? Will you be able to play the pipes again?

He had a better question: how fast could he get drunk? He headed for the refreshment tables.

They mean well, he reminded himself. It was the only way they knew how to show their concern. It was better than having no one who cared. But damn, he’d lost a hand, not his pride. A man was more than his hands. More than his music? His chest clenched with the familiar pang of grief. Without music, his soul felt half empty. And the half that remained was a sad melody of regret.

------

This is the authors 14th book in the series. Good lord.

EDIT: The name for Whiskey and synthetic blood is Blissky. The name for Beer and synthetic blood is Bleer... fucking kill me now.

EDIT: Oh and the name for blood and champagne is Bubbly Blood. Fuck.

This post has been edited by Crustaceous Apt: 26 September 2013 - 08:07 PM

[Dolmen 2.0]

wait...he doesn't have a hand?

But that image of the dreamy tall glass of water in the OP has two??? *SWOON!*

I can see them professionally positioned at 10 and 2!

EDIT: goes without saying my man card will not be refunded. But neither will Apts and I'm ok with that.

This post has been edited by Dolmen+: 26 September 2013 - 08:07 PM

[Salt-Man Z]

 Crustaceous Apt, on 26 September 2013 - 07:58 PM, said:

fucking kill me now.

You have only yourself to blame.

[Salt-Man Z]

Bizarrely enough, this isn't the only book by that name. This (the first book of a trilogy by J. R. Rain) also exists:

Quote

Three years ago, high school student Veronica Fortune witnessed the brutal murder of her parents. Now armed and dangerous, she sets out to hunt down the very thing that destroyed her life.

That is, until she disappears.

Spinoza is a private investigator who specializes in finding the missing. He's good at what he does. Damn good. But he's also a recovering alcoholic and a royal mess. Hired to find Veronica, Spinoza won't let his personal demons—or demons of any kind—get in the way of finding the truth about the missing girl.

Now following a bizarre set of clues that leads him into stranger and stranger territory, Spinoza is about to come face-to-face with something legendary...and something hungry for blood.

[Aptorian]

Read the first chapter and called it a day.

It's not as bad as I expected. I thought it was going to be some kind of vampire erotica novel but there hasn't been any vampire blowjobs yet.

It feels like I am reading a mix between the Charmed tv show and Angel and maybe... The Navy Seals and The Bold and the Beautiful? There's obviously a whole ton of backstory I am missing it being the 14th book but in a typical "episodic urban fantasy 40 books series" kind of way it is pretty good about explaining everything you are already supposed to know. Like the Dresden Files.

The writing's mediochre and filled with bad narrative and weird choices in names but it's not unreadable in any way. I am annoyed that the main character and his boss are both speaking in Scotish accents. It's goofy as fuck.

[Aptorian]

 Salt-Man Z, on 26 September 2013 - 08:41 PM, said:

Bizarrely enough, this isn't the only book by that name. This (the first book of a trilogy by J. R. Rain) also exists:

Quote

Three years ago, high school student Veronica Fortune witnessed the brutal murder of her parents. Now armed and dangerous, she sets out to hunt down the very thing that destroyed her life.

That is, until she disappears.

Spinoza is a private investigator who specializes in finding the missing. He's good at what he does. Damn good. But he's also a recovering alcoholic and a royal mess. Hired to find Veronica, Spinoza won't let his personal demons—or demons of any kind—get in the way of finding the truth about the missing girl.

Now following a bizarre set of clues that leads him into stranger and stranger territory, Spinoza is about to come face-to-face with something legendary...and something hungry for blood.

It's a trilogy. I wonder if the author named the other two books after the rest of the titles in the Millenium series.

[Kaamos]

OMG!!! Sounds SO romantic!!! Must read!!!!:)

Let's see, I could listen to this brain-damaging atrocity OMG TEH BEST BOOK EVAH!!! on audio while drawing some wip(s) onwards during the weekend. This will prove...an intriguing experience.