[Una]

Well, I don't hold anything that happened in high school against anyone. We were all twats, or in my case, innocent and naive, and that led to mistakes. As long as you didn't kill anyone, it's ok. It was so long ago, and we all came out just fine. It's the ones who haven't matured since high school that you have to worry about.

[Macros]

I thought they went to Venus looking for..... Snakes.

[Dolmen 2.0]

It has been my experience that grooming for both sexes sky rockets in the early dating phase then gets left for dead roughly six months in. Is it more common for guys or girls to give up on it first? Who or what is to blame for this phenomenon?


I noticed alot of women of late that get spruced up only for public meets or job related things.When doing something like seeing the boyfriend/husband they opt for less victorias secret and more care bear casual which I assume is a comfort call but every day becomes a bit much! Guys generally seem to gradually get lazier, fuzzier and more inappropriate. My brother stops washing and cleaning. He also stops spending too.


Where is the love? Are we forever doomed to only see the A-list underwear, suit and/or sexy mini dress only on christmas and birthdays??? coming out of a very dry end to the relationship and i'm wary as my only experience is the hotter things kick off the colder they settle when its all worked out and you're living together. How many of you have a consistant thing going on and how on earth did you do it?

-

[Tapper]

I think it is dependent on how you both like to look. If the sprucing up thing is not something you did to begin with (whether or not it is work related), but only when going to the bar/club/pub/parties where you plan to find a significant other, then it is more or less an unnatural state of being and "thus" you revert when things get stable.

[Abyss]

This is just a different aspect of how you only really get to know someone after dating them for long enough to get past the initial phases. Sometimes what you see is what you get, and other times it's only when the comfort level kicks up a notch that the sweatpants and stubble come into the picture and you can figure out whether there's something workable there.

[amphibian]

I have a "date night" and a "movie night" thing theoretically going every week. It hasn't been done every week due to time and work commitments from both of us, but we do try. It's truly nice to have the combination of a night of dressing up and going out and a night of dressing down, getting super comfortable and vegging out together.

[Una]

Dolmen+, on 24 June 2013 - 06:55 AM, said:

Where is the love? Are we forever doomed to only see the A-list underwear, suit and/or sexy mini dress only on christmas and birthdays??? coming out of a very dry end to the relationship and i'm wary as my only experience is the hotter things kick off the colder they settle when its all worked out and you're living together. How many of you have a consistant thing going on and how on earth did you do it?

I think it depends on what you like to do. I thought typically as you get comfortable, you start spending more time at home doing comfortable, casual things and that's the way people like it. I personally still liked putting on the A-list underwear and dressing up and going out. But towards the end, we just never went anywhere. I had any number of cute little outfits if my soon-to-be-ex-husband would just take me somewhere, but he would grumble grumble grumble about it taking too much effort to go any further than the noodle shack around the corner. So casual clothing only, but I was getting better and better at the natural, make-up-that-makes-you-look-like-you-aren't-wearing-make-up look. Cuz what else was I going to do? Let myself go? Not for me...

Having said that, fancy underwear is problematic. It's very expensive and if you are going to wear it daily, that means it needs to be washed daily. It will wear out faster and start looking old and dingy quickly, which kind of defeats the purpose. They run about $10-$15 for 1 piece and I have no idea why. Say you need about 1 dozen pair of underwear, because you do laundry every 1-2 weeks and you never want to run out, that's $120-$180 just for the bottoms. And they wear out as you are constant washing, so you are constantly replacing. But if you constantly replace, then they won't match the fancy bras anymore ($25-$100 a piece). After 1-2 years, as things wear out, nothing matches and you have to throw it all out and rebuy. That's a lot of money that you could otherwise spend on...oh...food. Or shoes. Come on. Shoes wear out and need replacing too! This is a silly, first-world problem and I've thought about it way too much, but the easiest solution is just to have a rotation of sensible, cheap, everyday, cotton underwear and a few sets of the nice stuff. The nice stuff you wear on special occasions, which can include your weekly date night, and handwash after. Anyone have a better solution?

[Dolmen 2.0]

well honestly I am impressed by how thoroughly you thought this out Una. I personaly have no idea what the male equivalent of sexy underwear is nor do I get the pricing on tiny lingerie. Its less fabric afterall but after your explanation I think I'm starting to get the reasoning.

Personally I got scolded for trying to dress up smartly on a daily basis so I ended up getting used to jeans and a top as my standard modus operandi. I dont know how a man should 'dress sexy' but metro smartness is my closest guess. If I have myself well kept with a good hair cut and a shave I can get a few looks my way but I dont get outright turn around and wows anymore.

Fact is I can't see relationships working without a huge arrempt to draw interest in your partner. I could never get the balance right especially after a huge fight. I think its key to get someone with a natural desire to look attractive for you and vice versa. Really impressed some of you have kept a weekly system going, I was lucky to get a sexy dressup from my partner every once a month.

[Una]

Briar King, on 26 June 2013 - 02:55 AM, said:

No clue lol. My ex wife hardly ever bought or wears panties so I'm clueless on that one Una.

Well, then, maybe you can answer me this, because I've always wondered: doesn't that mean she'd have to wash her pants or skirt after each wear? How does it not leave...um....smudges on the clothing? I've only met 1 male patient who did not wear underwear, but the anatomy is a bit different. His excuse was that he was literally too poor to afford underwear, but in fairness, I believe he was homeless, so he probably was very poor indeed. I have not met a single female patient who did not wear underwear, even the homeless ones, but if I had, I would totally ask, because I'm too curious for my own good.

Dolmen+, on 26 June 2013 - 04:01 AM, said:

well honestly I am impressed by how thoroughly you thought this out Una. I personaly have no idea what the male equivalent of sexy underwear is nor do I get the pricing on tiny lingerie. Its less fabric afterall but after your explanation I think I'm starting to get the reasoning.

Personally I got scolded for trying to dress up smartly on a daily basis so I ended up getting used to jeans and a top as my standard modus operandi. I dont know how a man should 'dress sexy' but metro smartness is my closest guess. If I have myself well kept with a good hair cut and a shave I can get a few looks my way but I dont get outright turn around and wows anymore.

Fact is I can't see relationships working without a huge arrempt to draw interest in your partner. I could never get the balance right especially after a huge fight. I think its key to get someone with a natural desire to look attractive for you and vice versa. Really impressed some of you have kept a weekly system going, I was lucky to get a sexy dressup from my partner every once a month.

It's more because I actually think a lot about ways to avoid spending any more money than I have to. I personally believe that they charge so much for lingerie because they can and people will pay. Getting gouged always makes me mad.

I think these days the standard is pretty low for guys. A good hair cut and a shave already puts you well ahead of the average man in the street. Put on a shirt that has an actual collar on it and you're already in the top 10%. By default, the only guys I know who wear suits on any sort of a regular basis tend to work in finance. By my-oh-my, don't they always look smart!

I never got outright turn around and wows from anybody, but somewhere in my 20s, after I grew out of my awkward phase and my acne started to clear up, I realized that I actually scrub up ok. I don't roll out of bed looking gorgeous, but an extra 5 minutes for some simple make-up and a nice outfit just goes a really long way. It's not that much beyond what I would do with just standard grooming.

My husband and I used to do a weekly date night, but it sort of naturally arose from the fact that I did almost all the cooking. By Friday night, I sort of figured I deserved a break, let's go for dinner and do something fun and/or relaxing. I liked looking attractive for him. Frankly, I enjoyed cooking for him too. To me, they were both ways of showing affection. But interestingly, his personal grooming did slip quite a bit towards the end. Like, he wouldn't shave for me, but if there was going to be someone else over, he would shave. Often, he wouldn't bother to change out of his sweatpants to go out with me. But it paralleled the cooking. When we were dating, he would invite me over to his place and cook delicious meals. His personal grooming was considerably better in those days. Three years into the marriage, he literally forgot how to make anything other than spaghetti, although since it was the only thing he ever made, it was pretty decent spaghetti. Taking a shower and putting on some real clothes was too much work and he would actually whine about it, unless we were going out with other people. The point I think I'm trying to make is that the "natural desire to look attractive" for your partner probably is just one facet of this whole thing called "effort". It's not really about the grooming or the clothes. It's really that when you care about the relationship, you put in an effort. Appearance is just very noticeable, especially when it starts to slip. But if the couple in question was pretty casual about appearance to begin with, it probably isn't the most useful metric.

[Tapper]

Dolmen+, on 26 June 2013 - 04:01 AM, said:

well honestly I am impressed by how thoroughly you thought this out Una. I personaly have no idea what the male equivalent of sexy underwear is nor do I get the pricing on tiny lingerie. Its less fabric afterall but after your explanation I think I'm starting to get the reasoning.

Some lingerie boutiques have the equivalent of lingerie for men, quite often it is (partly) see-through, slightly lower cut, tighter and/or or a nicer texture/fabric than the average cotton boxer without being as crass as anything carried by a sex shop. Be prepared to spend, though.

Quote

Personally I got scolded for trying to dress up smartly on a daily basis so I ended up getting used to jeans and a top as my standard modus operandi. I dont know how a man should 'dress sexy' but metro smartness is my closest guess. If I have myself well kept with a good hair cut and a shave I can get a few looks my way but I dont get outright turn around and wows anymore.

That's ridiculous, pardon me for saying. If you have a style that is a few steps above that of others and in which you feel comfortable, adhere to it unless there are practical concerns (a car mechanic wearing a suit at work or a person working with a circle saw wearing a tie would both be... not very smart).

This post has been edited by Tapper: 26 June 2013 - 08:20 AM

[D'rek]

Una, on 26 June 2013 - 06:51 AM, said:

Briar King, on 26 June 2013 - 02:55 AM, said:

No clue lol. My ex wife hardly ever bought or wears panties so I'm clueless on that one Una.

Well, then, maybe you can answer me this, because I've always wondered: doesn't that mean she'd have to wash her pants or skirt after each wear? How does it not leave...um....smudges on the clothing? I've only met 1 male patient who did not wear underwear, but the anatomy is a bit different. His excuse was that he was literally too poor to afford underwear, but in fairness, I believe he was homeless, so he probably was very poor indeed. I have not met a single female patient who did not wear underwear, even the homeless ones, but if I had, I would totally ask, because I'm too curious for my own good.

Maybe she wore other kinds of underwear?

Tapper, on 26 June 2013 - 08:19 AM, said:

Dolmen+, on 26 June 2013 - 04:01 AM, said:

Personally I got scolded for trying to dress up smartly on a daily basis so I ended up getting used to jeans and a top as my standard modus operandi. I dont know how a man should 'dress sexy' but metro smartness is my closest guess. If I have myself well kept with a good hair cut and a shave I can get a few looks my way but I dont get outright turn around and wows anymore.

That's ridiculous, pardon me for saying. If you have a style that is a few steps above that of others and in which you feel comfortable, adhere to it unless there are practical concerns (a car mechanic wearing a suit at work or a person working with a circle saw wearing a tie would both be... not very smart).

Agreed, that's ridiculous! If you want to dress up, dress up!!!

Una, on 26 June 2013 - 06:51 AM, said:

It's more because I actually think a lot about ways to avoid spending any more money than I have to. I personally believe that they charge so much for lingerie because they can and people will pay. Getting gouged always makes me mad.

That's true, but there's also lots of in-betweens to be found. Instead of getting silk panties from a luxury boutique you can find a set of poly-something blend panties that are still much smoother and sexier than cotton panties at a lot less price. The quality probably won't be as good, of course, and finding a matching bra or more might be harder, too.

Una, on 26 June 2013 - 06:51 AM, said:

I think these days the standard is pretty low for guys. A good hair cut and a shave already puts you well ahead of the average man in the street. Put on a shirt that has an actual collar on it and you're already in the top 10%. By default, the only guys I know who wear suits on any sort of a regular basis tend to work in finance. By my-oh-my, don't they always look smart!

Nice suit + grow a colossal beard...?

Thing is there's different "levels" and we're talking about all of them at once. It's not going to matter if you're wearing a garter belt or see-through boxers when you're only at the point of trying to meet someone. Probably your "everyday look" matters most at first to make a good first impression, and then maybe one of your first few dates will call for fancy clothes because you're going somewhere formal, and *then* the bananahammock or bustier come into play. Once you've been in a relationship for a while, then the "everyday look" isn't so much about turning heads as it is about maintaining decent standards, and the fancy clothes and lingerie can add a little (or a lot) of spice to the relationship. Not that I'm dissing on fancy suits, but I'd just feel awkward dating someone who wore one all day around the house!

[Abyss]

D, on 26 June 2013 - 02:43 PM, said:

... Not that I'm dissing on fancy suits, but I'd just feel awkward dating someone who wore one all day around the house!

[D'rek]

Abyss, on 26 June 2013 - 03:02 PM, said:

D, on 26 June 2013 - 02:43 PM, said:

... Not that I'm dissing on fancy suits, but I'd just feel awkward dating someone who wore one all day around the house!

[sni]

I don't know who that is... he looks a little scary...

[amphibian]

He is Mads Mikkleson and he's playing Hannibal Lecter on an American tv show in that picture.

Still a very nice suit and tie combination.

[Macros]

Id love to be in a situation where I could 'suit up' daily. But its hardly practical on a building site.
Ive only recently started to appreciate what a little effort on my part can do, I had a rule of thumb previously of shave once a months and hair cut every three whether I needed it or not. Barring special occasions like weddings.
I liked to put this down to working so many hours but its really just lazyness. Now that Im keeping a tighter watch on my hair, and not letting my stubble get into hobo territory I definitely get more compliments (even cougar told me I scrub up well, but he's always fancied me)

but I still think there is a considerably heavier onus on womenfolk to 'make an effort', no?

This post has been edited by Macros: 26 June 2013 - 04:09 PM

[Morgoth]

I have a scrawny beard and work in a suit, though I typically lose the jacket when I get home. Do I win something?

And you're right Mat. Jim always fancied you, it's been a source of embarrassment during several of the BBQs.

[Jagh-o-matic]

You know, I have never been all that excited about lingerie. I like 'em nekkid! Though I surely do appreciate a skirt.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Una, on 26 June 2013 - 06:51 AM, said:

My husband and I used to do a weekly date night, but it sort of naturally arose from the fact that I did almost all the cooking. By Friday night, I sort of figured I deserved a break, let's go for dinner and do something fun and/or relaxing. I liked looking attractive for him. Frankly, I enjoyed cooking for him too. To me, they were both ways of showing affection. But interestingly, his personal grooming did slip quite a bit towards the end. Like, he wouldn't shave for me, but if there was going to be someone else over, he would shave. Often, he wouldn't bother to change out of his sweatpants to go out with me. But it paralleled the cooking. When we were dating, he would invite me over to his place and cook delicious meals. His personal grooming was considerably better in those days. Three years into the marriage, he literally forgot how to make anything other than spaghetti, although since it was the only thing he ever made, it was pretty decent spaghetti. Taking a shower and putting on some real clothes was too much work and he would actually whine about it, unless we were going out with other people. The point I think I'm trying to make is that the "natural desire to look attractive" for your partner probably is just one facet of this whole thing called "effort". It's not really about the grooming or the clothes. It's really that when you care about the relationship, you put in an effort. Appearance is just very noticeable, especially when it starts to slip. But if the couple in question was pretty casual about appearance to begin with, it probably isn't the most useful metric.

This was also very much the case with me. After a while things that were stock standard in dating or early marriage became "Extra Effort". which I feel shouldn't be the case. I love looking good. I lose myself in my work sometimes and gain weight or grow a little scruffy from hermit crabbing in my apartment but once I meet a planning deadline I take great pride in cleaning up and getting my body back into a decent level of fitness. I do it for my health but also I do it for who ever I'm with. Not only did I cook every second day I also washed dishes and shared the chores. This way I owned the role of a partner. It shouldn't be seen as extra coz at the end of the day I was doing it for both my wife and myself...

Sadly when angry I found everyone acts out. My wife has a pair of really fluffy sleeping gear and lady boxers she only wore when pissed off at me. It was hillarious and incredibly intimidating.

@Tapper: Lingerie for men? well to be honest I have mixed feelings about hearing that. Alot of the girls I hanged out with dreamed of manly guys that never needing anything better than some well fitted boxers. I kinda agree. not much you can or should do to dress up low hanging fruit. I had a silky pair of boxers once. I found it a bit troubling to be honest.

[Una]

Dolmen+, on 26 June 2013 - 07:13 PM, said:

Sadly when angry I found everyone acts out. My wife has a pair of really fluffy sleeping gear and lady boxers she only wore when pissed off at me. It was hillarious and incredibly intimidating.

Fluffy sleeping gear and lady boxers sounds really comfy cozy cute. Not to invalidate your feelings. That's not what I'm trying to say. I just think someone would have to be pretty impressive to be intimidating while wearing fluffy bunny slippers, a fleecy robe, and girly boxer shorts. I'm trying to picture it. I don't even think I could pull that off .

[Dolmen 2.0]

Briar King, on 27 June 2013 - 01:32 AM, said:

Troubling how? I quite enjoyed mine.

The silky set I got were waaay too tight. no elasticity in em at all. was without doubt the most frustrating pair I've ever put on.

Una, on 27 June 2013 - 08:56 PM, said:

Dolmen+, on 26 June 2013 - 07:13 PM, said:

Sadly when angry I found everyone acts out. My wife has a pair of really fluffy sleeping gear and lady boxers she only wore when pissed off at me. It was hillarious and incredibly intimidating.

Fluffy sleeping gear and lady boxers sounds really comfy cozy cute. Not to invalidate your feelings. That's not what I'm trying to say. I just think someone would have to be pretty impressive to be intimidating while wearing fluffy bunny slippers, a fleecy robe, and girly boxer shorts. I'm trying to picture it. I don't even think I could pull that off .

You had to be there. I think all women have a "it just got real" setting. Once activated some wear knives, garlic and sharpen crucifixes before bed, the wife on the otherhand manages to get out the pink pig, a stuffed toy I bought her for our wedding day, and somehow make it look like Cerberus.