[Orfantal]

Zale - found this unusual, didn't really like the first part, found it very stop and start, the middle was better, but I liked the last part quite a lot, far more imaginative and with some striking imagery.

[Orfantal]

Bookworm - sorry these ddin't do a lot for me.. they were too bitty and just didn't have enough substance to get into .. would have liked to have seen you concentrate on one or two and turn them into something a bit more substantial with some real meaning

[Cold Iron]

I think that was his intention... a series of related but not connected haikus

[Imperium Corruo]

Zale;147762 said:

Working Title

There's some sort of peace
An unexpected, relaxing peace
In sitting here and scribbling.
The words drift and float
On the breeze, eventually settling
On the page. The order doesn't matter.
Some part of me chose the words
Because they don't break the peace.

As the writing grows the tension shrinks.
I unwind, and all those thoughts,
The ones I'd been gripping so tight to
Squeeze the sense out:
They unravel, dissipating with a sigh
And finally find cohesion
On the canvas of my inner eye.

Similarly I melt in place.
Nothing changes, except I realise:
It doesn't matter that much.
With a contented sigh,
I smear myself across the page.
Every graphite trail, every inky trace:
It's residue of me, a snapshot
Of whatever it was that turned out
Not to matter so much after all.
The words, these words, are very nearly irrelevant.

As I read this I liked it for how closely it seems to depict my own experience with writing. Your imagery about the words drifting down to the page was nice, and I liked very much the idea that words are chosen through some undefinable process "Because they don't break the peace"

The rest I enjoyed for its accurate depiction of what writing is, especially poetry, "smearing myself across the page."

The only thing I disagree with is the proposed irrelevance!

[Orfantal]

Cold Iron;157324 said:

I think that was his intention... a series of related but not connected haikus

Yeah I do realise that! But they just didn't grab me. I like haikus but either as a simple and effective way of expressing a message or aalternatively as a brief but beautiful word picture. These just didn't make it into either category for me.

[Shryval]

I love a good Haiku.

Karsa, take more care
when you practise sword. "Witness!"
how I've lost an eye

[Orfantal]

Face sharp with anger
split by whetted hatchet nose
and razor blade smile

Anger’s instant slap,
icy frozen pause and then
recrimination

Your love is fractured
once whole, now split to splinters
I and our children

Death tips his top hat
I take his subtle warning,
squeeze joy from each day

[GaesII]

Found this one profoundly sad hun.....not quite sure about "split to splinters"....and despite the last line being an apparent attempt at optimism the poem as a whole leaves one with an overall feeling of sadness and despair.
Another one arriving from the dark side

[Orfantal]

Yeah does seem to have that sad feel doesn't it oh well ..... dark side again as you say!

[GaesII]

It does a little babe...although that's not to say I didn't like it:)
Hahaha....your dark muse does seem to like the limelight

[Orfantal]

Yeah .. don't think it was originally meant to ..just came out that way
Yep .. certainly does.. although yours enjoys the odd foray out too!

[GaesII]

Sometimes that's just the way it happens.....not an awful lot you cn do about it other than hang on for the ride!
Hehehe...seems my muse has deserted me of late....had half an idea the other day, slept on it and now it's gone, pesky thing*sulk*

[Orfantal]

Yep thta's right .. and hope you can stay on till you get there;)
Oh dear!! ah you see .. jot it down..yeah it's always fatal cos you never remember it after!

[Orfantal]

Somehting new, and inspired by a discussion about what to read at a funeral on another forum.. so I guess this is what i'd like someone to read at mine

At my Grave

I see you gather at my grave
to pause and think of me,
and ask for you to hold your tears
and pick a memory.
Please choose one that will make you smile
and leave you feeling good.
For that is how I wish to be
remembered if you would.
I see the sadness in your eyes,
I feel the hurt and pain,
that I no longer stand with you
and never will again.
Yet I will linger on in all
that I have said and done
and while you still remember me
then I will not have gone.
Although I lie here in a box,
please do not think I’m here,
for I am now the memory
of all that you held dear.
I know that you seek comfort now
and seek a meaning too,
but be assured I loved my life
and that was down to you.
For those with whom I’ve shared my time,
my loved ones and my friends,
have filled each day with happiness,
a joy that never ends.
So once again I ask that you
smile as you think of me.
I live reflected in your eyes
and every treasured memory.

[K'orladis]

I really love the idea, seems really well thought out, the flow is fairly good too, i read it and it really gives the reader hope out of tragedy, very well done

[Orfantal]

Cheers K'orladis, glad you liked it

[Baverel]

Sleeping Beauty dreams her nightmares
In a tower soaked with fear
One hundred dreams creep past her eyelids
One dream for every year

White shaky hands clutch at the covers
And tear them as she sleeps
The walls breathe tired pallid whispers
Of what the tower keeps

[Orfantal]

Hey Bavvy, good to see you back, where've you been hiding. As always interesting work, very intense and evocative of fears and secrets, yet leaving the details to the imagination. Very good

[Orfantal]

In the Mirror

Within the glassy mirror’s glare
I catch my shadow twin’s bleak stare
and wonder what it is he feels.
Does he now echo my despair?
For in his eyes I see a pain
that marks them with a murky stain
from bitter tracks that chart the loss
of hopes that I cannot regain.
So as I study that grim face
recalling all I can’t replace
I see my features slowly blur
to leave a blank and empty space.
A nothingness I recognise,
the image of all I despise
and blanching I quickly recoil
in judgement on my many lies.

[The .303 bookworm]

Beware the Ides of March O Jules
March has passed, Tis now April!
Indeed, Indeed, Tis April- Fool.


Blasts erupt from ships of diamond.
Light wreaks carnage and rocks race light.
Beings died with soundless screams.
Light-years away, She laughed.


Seventh son of a Seventh was he.
Sixth daughter of a Sixth daughter was she.
Alas Oedipus, The first one and first born Son.


Puss went, Puss spat.
Dog went, Dog shat.
Mosquito flew, Mosquito fed.
Child slapped, child sickened.
Mother slept, mother wept.
Pastor awoke, Pastor spoke.

-----------------

Can anyone remind me if i've posted the rest of my poetry here allready?