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So y'know how the last few Dresden books have started with a text form kaboom, along the lines of
'I answered the door. Morgan fell through.' and
'Harry, they have our daughter.'
Try and create your own... wild speculation encouraged....
----
Lash, the presumed 'dead' shadow-echo of a Denarian who wants my sould and/or me to bring about an apocalypse or three, flooded into my brain.
Harry, Lasciel requires your assistance.
---
I opened the door. Sanya was standing there. Murphy stood behind him looking all grim pixie-cop.
"Pick up the sword, Harry. You just became a Knight of God."
---
"Pizza Lord, the Wildfae have become vegetarians."
---
"Hi Harry."
"Hi Fix. What's up?"
"I'm here to challenge you to a duel to the death."
"Oh. Crap. How about a beer instead?"
---
I opened the door and two Red Court vampires charged in. That's not supposed to happen any more.
---
Mac's was missing. The whole place.
---
I have it on good authority that there is only one dragon left in the world. Naturally he was standing outside my window smoking. Without a cigarette.
Big opening... SPOILERS all books speculation and SPOILERS
#2
Illuyankas 
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 05:28 PM
"Harry, you're pregnant. With twin vampires!"
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
#3
Grief
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 05:39 PM
Almost all of the ones with speech were followed up with the eastenders theme tune in my head.
Cougar said:
Grief, FFS will you do something with your sig, it's bloody awful
worry said:
Grief is right (until we abolish capitalism).
#4
HiddenOne
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 05:58 PM
"As I embraced Murphy to lead her into the bedroom at last, the Devil ripped off the sexy disguise and laughed in my face - 'This is what happens to those who post negative comments about Steven Erikson! Bwah Hah hah " 
This post has been edited by HiddenOne: 07 January 2011 - 07:32 PM
HiddenOne. You son of a bitch. You slimy, skulking, low-posting scumbag. You knew it would come to this. Roundabout, maybe. Tortuous, certainly. But here we are, you and me again. I started the train on you so many many hours ago, and now I'm going to finish it. Die HO. Die. This is for last time, and this is for this game too. This is for all the people who died to your backstabbing, treacherous, "I sure don't know what's going on around here" filthy lying, deceitful ways. You son of a bitch. Whatever happens, this is justice. For me, this is justice. Vote HiddenOne Finally, I am at peace.
#6
Grief
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 06:49 PM
Jenisapt Rul, on 07 January 2011 - 06:02 PM, said:
You know. Being dead and all. Now would be an interesting place to introduce the ghost of the Evil Wizard that brought up Dresden, what's his face, can't remember his name.
Justin?
Cougar said:
Grief, FFS will you do something with your sig, it's bloody awful
worry said:
Grief is right (until we abolish capitalism).
#7
Abyss
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 07:17 PM
Grief, on 07 January 2011 - 06:49 PM, said:
Jenisapt Rul, on 07 January 2011 - 06:02 PM, said:
You know. Being dead and all. Now would be an interesting place to introduce the ghost of the Evil Wizard that brought up Dresden, what's his face, can't remember his name.
Justin?
'DuMorne'
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#8
Obdigore
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 07:24 PM
I walked into my bedroom and there was Ivy, 18 now and wearing nothing, waiting for me on my bed, but I couldn't help wondering why the Hellhound had a video camera.
As I walked out of McAnallys, I noticed that the moon was about to crash into chicago.
As I walked out of McAnallys, I noticed that the moon was about to crash into chicago.
Monster Hunter World Iceborne: It's like hunting monsters, but on crack, but the monsters are also on crack.
#9
QuickTidal
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 08:06 PM
As I walked out of the morgue, incorporeal, I saw a 1960's bright blue police phone box. A man stepped out and said "Harry, have you ever met a madman with a box?"
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
#10
Coco with marshmallows
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 08:46 PM
I drifted through the door to my apartment. Incorporeality has some uses I guess.
As I entered, Mister looked up, and said "Christ Harry, how'd you manage to get yourself killed?"
As I entered, Mister looked up, and said "Christ Harry, how'd you manage to get yourself killed?"
meh. Link was dead :(
#11
Abyss
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 10:05 PM
It's not every day that vampires, mercenaries and a renegade warlock all try to kill me before breakfast... oh wait, yes it is.
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#13
QuickTidal
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Posted 07 January 2011 - 11:37 PM
champooon, on 07 January 2011 - 11:29 PM, said:
Uh oh....
... Sue..?
... Sue..?
Champooon...FTW!
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
#14
amphibian
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Posted 08 January 2011 - 02:01 AM
"How do you pee if you're a ghost? This is killing me."
"As Murph drew her Sig and Will bounded past her, transformed and ready to fight, I yelled at them to get back. But as usual, nobody hears ghosts talking. Damnit, I hate being dead."
"As Murph drew her Sig and Will bounded past her, transformed and ready to fight, I yelled at them to get back. But as usual, nobody hears ghosts talking. Damnit, I hate being dead."
I survived the Permian and all I got was this t-shirt.
#16
Use Of Weapons
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Posted 10 January 2011 - 11:14 AM
"Uh, no one in my bed should be able to do things like that with their body, Ancient Mai."
Normally, when I set foot on Demonreach I just become aware of everything on the island. What I didn't expect was the little beardy guy in the red robe stepping out from behind the rock.
I thought this day had taken a turn for the worse when Odin showed up asking for sanctuary. Then I looked out the window and saw the queue behind him.
I looked in the mirror -- why in all the hells did I look like Murph? Oh boy....
Normally, when I set foot on Demonreach I just become aware of everything on the island. What I didn't expect was the little beardy guy in the red robe stepping out from behind the rock.
I thought this day had taken a turn for the worse when Odin showed up asking for sanctuary. Then I looked out the window and saw the queue behind him.
I looked in the mirror -- why in all the hells did I look like Murph? Oh boy....
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.
-- Oscar Wilde
-- Oscar Wilde
#17
Abyss
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Posted 10 January 2011 - 03:23 PM
Some great (champoon) and truly wrong (jits') ones upthread... 
When my cat Mister wants food, he usually meows. Him pointing a glock at my face was an entirely new trick.
Kincaid always said he would take me out with a sniper rifle, so i took some encouragement from the fact that he was holding a knife to my throat.
Of course i missed the Beetle, but i could live without its ghost going all Stephen King's 'Christine' on me...
Zombie pigeons... for fuck's sake...
When my cat Mister wants food, he usually meows. Him pointing a glock at my face was an entirely new trick.
Kincaid always said he would take me out with a sniper rifle, so i took some encouragement from the fact that he was holding a knife to my throat.
Of course i missed the Beetle, but i could live without its ghost going all Stephen King's 'Christine' on me...
Zombie pigeons... for fuck's sake...
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#18
Use Of Weapons
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Posted 10 January 2011 - 04:37 PM
"Hey, Alphas -- you know how I once said Butters's geek penis was larger than all of ours put together? Well, we might have a problem..."
Flying isn't really a good life choice for wizards, as a rule. So what was I doing sitting behind a Valkyrie on a flying horse following a Cesna into the Bermuda Triangle? Besides trying to see past her horn, that is.
"Trying to contact Cthulhu? Lame, lame, lame, dude! Besides, look at this pentagram, you haven't even got the...containment...lines...argghh!"
Flying isn't really a good life choice for wizards, as a rule. So what was I doing sitting behind a Valkyrie on a flying horse following a Cesna into the Bermuda Triangle? Besides trying to see past her horn, that is.
"Trying to contact Cthulhu? Lame, lame, lame, dude! Besides, look at this pentagram, you haven't even got the...containment...lines...argghh!"
It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about nowadays saying things against one, behind one's back, that are absolutely and entirely true.
-- Oscar Wilde
-- Oscar Wilde
#19
Tsundoku
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Posted 15 January 2011 - 02:00 AM
After days of thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons, I had come to what I now believe to be the most important realisation I have ever made.
Being dead sucks. Really, really sucks.
Notwithstanding the new-found ability to enter girls' locker rooms at will, there are some serious drawbacks. Chief among them, as I had recently discovered, is when all the local necromancers suddenly figure out they have a new toy.
Being dead sucks. Really, really sucks.
Notwithstanding the new-found ability to enter girls' locker rooms at will, there are some serious drawbacks. Chief among them, as I had recently discovered, is when all the local necromancers suddenly figure out they have a new toy.
"Fortune favors the bold, though statistics favor the cautious." - Indomitable Courteous (Icy) Fist, The Palace Job - Patrick Weekes
"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys
"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
"Well well well ... if it ain't The Invisible C**t." - Billy Butcher, The Boys
"I have strong views about not tempting providence and, as a wise man once said, the difference between luck and a wheelbarrow is, luck doesn’t work if you push it." - Colonel Orhan, Sixteen Ways to Defend a Walled City - KJ Parker
#20
Abyss
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Posted 25 January 2011 - 08:34 PM
Never underestimate the 'shock and awe' effect of a swarm of boxcutter armed Little Folk descending from the sky screaming
'SLICE THEM LIKE PEPPERONI, FOR THE PIZZA LORD!!!' at the top of their tiny lungs.
---
The last time I rode Sue the undead dinosaur into batttle, it was against horrible odds. Zombies. Ghosts. Ghouls. Powerful necromancers. Really just a bad time all around.
This time it was worse.
So I brought along some of Sue's friends. Ok, LOTS of Sue's friends.
---
It took me three years to turn Lash, a mind-shadow of Lasciel, an immortal denariian Fallen Angel, to the Light Side.
Now I had less than a week to do the same thing to Lasciel herself.
---
Lara Raith fell through my door. She was so torn up that if the wards did any more damage, you couldn't tell.
"Dresden," she gasped, "Thomas has killed our father and taken over the White Court. You're going to help me kill him."
'SLICE THEM LIKE PEPPERONI, FOR THE PIZZA LORD!!!' at the top of their tiny lungs.
---
The last time I rode Sue the undead dinosaur into batttle, it was against horrible odds. Zombies. Ghosts. Ghouls. Powerful necromancers. Really just a bad time all around.
This time it was worse.
So I brought along some of Sue's friends. Ok, LOTS of Sue's friends.
---
It took me three years to turn Lash, a mind-shadow of Lasciel, an immortal denariian Fallen Angel, to the Light Side.
Now I had less than a week to do the same thing to Lasciel herself.
---
Lara Raith fell through my door. She was so torn up that if the wards did any more damage, you couldn't tell.
"Dresden," she gasped, "Thomas has killed our father and taken over the White Court. You're going to help me kill him."
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