Malazan Empire: How to win in Afganistan - Malazan Empire

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How to win in Afganistan A slide

#1 User is offline   Nicodimas 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 08:30 PM

I LOL'ed at this...Shows how crazy we are at times of people. See here lies to the key's to victory. When we are still here in 30-40 years I wonder what version they will be on as this shows V.3. Good stuff and I hope you all can enjoy this. Now imagine all levels of higher leadership < in all countries> being show similar graphs for well everything........



Posted Image

Quote

Its coloured charts, graphs and bullet-points are supposed to make the most incomprehensible data crystal clear.

But even the sharpest military minds in American were left baffled by this PowerPoint slide, a mind-boggling attempt to explain the situation in Afghanistan.

'When we understand that slide, we'll have won the war,' General Stanley McChrystal, the US and NATO force commander, remarked wryly when confronted by the sprawling spaghetti diagram in a briefing.


http://www.dailymail...oint-slide.html

This post has been edited by Nicodimas: 28 April 2010 - 08:30 PM

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#2 User is offline   Jusentantaka 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 08:46 PM

Well fuck. Its like Where's Waldo in a technicolor dreamhat.
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#3 User is offline   Tapper 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:03 PM

I think this chart was made by Al-Qaeda.
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#4 User is offline   Obdigore 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:08 PM

Fake.

Take a look at how some of the 'Main' topics remove sections of words from the 'smaller' topics.

Ex:

ANSF Institutional
removes
ANSF something something to the right of the main topic.

Some basement dweller made this in his ... basement.

For UKers, isn't the 'Daily Mail' the trash rag that runs stories about 'Bat Boy' and stuff?
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#5 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:14 PM

Solution:

Attached File  Problem solved.jpg (171.63K)
Number of downloads: 0

EDIT: The only way to win the game is to not play.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 28 April 2010 - 09:24 PM

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#6 User is offline   Silannah 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:25 PM

Wouldn't blowing up all of Afghanistan merely add MORE instability to that part of the world, but not in a political/religious/cultural/etc. way?
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#7 User is offline   amphibian 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 09:42 PM

 Obdigore, on 28 April 2010 - 09:08 PM, said:

Fake.

Take a look at how some of the 'Main' topics remove sections of words from the 'smaller' topics.

The slide made it to the NY Times story on the topic. I'm pretty sure it's real.

However, it accomplishes exactly the point it was intended to do: show you how complex "victory in Afghanistan" is (according to how they frame the problem). The slide was intended to be very, very complex and essentially unreadable, but also truthful if you examine it it in detail. The nameless presenter who made this has a wry sense of humor.
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#8 User is offline   Adjutant Stormy~ 

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Posted 28 April 2010 - 10:20 PM

I'm not really sure this sort of thing is something that anyone, sans a sorta life's-work type effort, could reasonably produce. This is either thinktank bilgewater or some faux-schematic.
<!--quoteo(post=462161:date=Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM:name=Aptorian)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Aptorian @ Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=462161"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->God damn. Mighty drunk. Must ... what is the english movement movement movement for drunk... with out you seemimg drunk?

bla bla bla

Peopleare harrasing me... grrrrrh.

Also people with big noses aren't jews, they're just french

EDIT: We has editted so mucj that5 we're not quite sure... also, leave britney alone.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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#9 User is offline   Goaswerfraiejen 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 03:40 AM

A slide like this was ridiculed on either the Daily Show or Colbert a while ago. Pretty sure it's real. Or close enough.

Simplistic answer: torch all the poppy fields in an all-out offensive. Then compensate the farmers--give them free money for the first few years, then subsidize their growth of other crops. Or something of the sort. The point is that the funding issue is a very serious problem, and it's not one that can be dealt with piecemeal, as we have been doing. It's even more serious because something like a minimum of 40% of the Afghan police force is composed of opiate addicts, which results in the population fearing them as much as the Taliban. That is a huge problem. We've spent years doing this, and have only made minimal progress, especially long-term. Also: get rid of Karzai.
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#10 User is offline   Jusentantaka 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 04:37 AM

Or, we could stop doing what has pissed off a sizable portion of the locals for the past 8 years and leave their fields alone, because we are incapable (in the physical, real world sense, rather than the incompetent sense, for once) of snapping our fingers and making the opium growth problem go away. Instead, lets buy their crop straight up, same as the Taliban does. The farmers earn about $500 for an amount of Opium which in the US equates to ~$200,000 in Heroin. Lets pay them twice what the Taliban pays. Three times. four? five? We'll still come out on top next to the expense of overhauling the country's agriculture, and all of the world uses opiates in medicine, and it will be a lot less of a strain in every way to tell the farmers in the US and France and the rest of the west, where Big Pharma pays out the ass* to grow all their medicinally-destined opium (under constraints which fuck the farmers growing them, drive up costs to the consumers and generate a stupid amount of bureaucratic bullshit) to grow something else.



yeah, ok, I mostly stole the Senlis thinktank idea, but its a good one.


*relatively out the ass, at least. Its a lot more expensive than it should be.

This post has been edited by Jusentantaka: 29 April 2010 - 04:40 AM

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#11 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 07:41 AM

I like the nuking idea. But only if we could make nukes only kill douchebags.
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#12 User is offline   Aptorian 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 07:49 AM

Genetic weapons you say...
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#13 User is offline   Cause 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 08:27 AM

But is their a douchebag gene?
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#14 User is offline   Garak 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 08:36 AM

Quote

I like the nuking idea. But only if we could make nukes only kill douchebags.


Then we better carpet bomb the Earth with that weapon. It might improve things.
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#15 User is offline   Cougar 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 10:15 AM

Forum membership would suffer
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#16 User is offline   Gothos 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 11:10 AM

You would be missed, Cougar.
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
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#17 User is offline   McLovin 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 01:48 PM

My question is how much was this consultant paid (with my tax dollars, no less :D ) for producing this Jackson-Pollack-meets-critical-path-analysis nightmare?
OK, I think I got it, but just in case, can you say the whole thing over again? I wasn't really listening.
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#18 User is offline   Adjutant Stormy~ 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 07:11 PM

Trying to analyze this diagram in a meaningful fashoin is an exercise is graph-theory hell.
<!--quoteo(post=462161:date=Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM:name=Aptorian)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Aptorian @ Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=462161"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->God damn. Mighty drunk. Must ... what is the english movement movement movement for drunk... with out you seemimg drunk?

bla bla bla

Peopleare harrasing me... grrrrrh.

Also people with big noses aren't jews, they're just french

EDIT: We has editted so mucj that5 we're not quite sure... also, leave britney alone.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
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#19 User is offline   Jusentantaka 

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Posted 29 April 2010 - 07:15 PM

 Adjutant Stormy, on 29 April 2010 - 07:11 PM, said:

Trying to analyze this diagram in a meaningful fashoin is an exercise is graph-theory hell.


No its not. The diagram says 'replace the government we put in place with one that isn't useless, corrupt and incompetent'
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#20 User is offline   Soulessdreamer 

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Posted 01 May 2010 - 11:50 AM

Nukes!

What is this hard on people have for nukes?

Unless you intenionally want to render an area uninhabitable for years or make crazy glass sculptures out of desert sand they are not what you need.

Enhanced radiation devices(nutron bomb), thermobaric warheads (Feul Air Explosives), chemical or biological weapons can all do the same thing at a fraction of the cost and then you can use the land within a few days to weeks.

As to Afganastan, take half the money your wasting on security forces and bullshit and out bid the fucking terrorists for the poppies and you have happy farmers and broke arse jihadists. Win win.

Oh and educate the younger generations so they can see for themsleves what fucktards there olds are.

TTFN

This post has been edited by Soulessdreamer: 03 May 2010 - 10:52 AM

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