Malazan Empire: Malazan BBQ The Fourth - Malazan Empire

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#301 User is online   Macros 

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Posted 28 June 2010 - 11:38 PM

definately have.
I was sober but brutally hungover when I arrived last year, I just reverted to type so quickly you didn't notice
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#302 User is offline   Hetan 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 05:57 AM

View PostMacros, on 28 June 2010 - 11:31 PM, said:

will other people be doing the kings X to cambridge run again?
I'll be in landan tawn friday ngiht so be doing the hungover run again, yes this is me asking for a lift, and a poolside bed.


Why don't you hook up with Toby and ST? They're coming on the train - presumably from Kings X?


Oh yeah - everyone, remember sleeping bags or summat - this ain't the Dorchester as you well know. :p
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#303 User is offline   Fid 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 12:45 PM

Looks as if I have been co-opted as "flam-ista" to help out Mal.... or maybe that should be braaista given some of the attendees. Though I am sure that Mal and I will be quite happy to facilitate anyone wishing to personally supervise the flaming of their own wors, however any other flaming is entirely at your own risk - especially if being aimed at Cougar.

See you all a week Saturday.

This post has been edited by Fid: 29 June 2010 - 12:46 PM

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#304 User is offline   pathos 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 03:39 PM

i'm only good at starting fires not controlled cooking on them so if you need help setting something on fire i'm your man.
You never have the same problem twice when you set it on fire
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#305 User is offline   alt146 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 04:32 PM

View PostFid, on 29 June 2010 - 12:45 PM, said:

Looks as if I have been co-opted as "flam-ista" to help out Mal.... or maybe that should be braaista given some of the attendees. Though I am sure that Mal and I will be quite happy to facilitate anyone wishing to personally supervise the flaming of their own wors, however any other flaming is entirely at your own risk - especially if being aimed at Cougar.

See you all a week Saturday.


I hope you realise that braai is serious business. It's more than just taking a barbeque and calling it a funny name. There are intricate customs and traditions. People practice for years to become true braai masters. Pathos, you better check that the rules are followed, there are standards to these things

Quote


RULES OF BRAAING



1. Go to a bit of trouble when purchasing your meat. A Braai is a serious thing, so approach your purchases in the same way. In the old days, your butcher was just about family. You saw him a lot more than your Doctor. Today, things are a lot simpler and impersonal. Fridges have replaced faces, with the result that the younger generation no longer recognises good meat. If meat is packed properly, then it looks good enough to Braai. Krap! So, if you don't know what good meat is, ask your butcher! Pick 'n Pay's meat is krap.

2. Thicker cuts of meat for the braai.

3. Steak is meadium-rare to medium. End of story! If you like your meat "well-done to f''d-up, use a blow torch and keep your meat away from a braaier. Better just run into a wall - repeatedly!

4. Rare meat is not edible! If you are one of those egotists that eats his steak like that, shame on you! Don't think you are going to sleep well and have your way with a chick later tonight, raw meat isn't tamed that easily!

5. A steak without a bit of fat isn't a steak! (Excluding Fillet)

6. Tenderised steak belongs on the steak rolls at the Church fete. Not on my fire!

7. You should still be able to bend boerewors when it comes off the fire.

8. If you can't braai, don't

9. If you're one of those idiots who believes you can braai a steak on a skottel, ask the guy standing next to you to stuff you up! Now!

10. More than one salad per braai is a waste. If you want a picnic, pack a blanket and bugger off.

11. Braaing is done when the fire is ready!

12. Passing out before eating the braai is not acceptable.

13. If you are one of those arseholes who messes with another man's braai, follow rule number 9. Now!

14. If you want to braai your own meat because you don't trust the braaier, or are simply full of kak, speak up or shut up!

15. If you give braaing privileges to someone else at your house, he is in charge.

16. Fillet is never, ever braaied whole. Butterfly cuts only!

17. Salt is only added at the table. You don't braai with salt!

18. If you want to make your fire with wood, buy decent wood! Only use wood if you have enough fire lighters, because to get a fire going with wood takes a lot of heat, and the smoke caused by battling is unacceptable. Smokey Robinson is not tolerated!

19. There is no such thing as a fire that is too hot.

20. If you are the braaier, and you can't make a decent fire, you are a liar! Follow rule 9. Now!

21. Compliment the braaier if the meat is good. If not, say so! How the F*k is he supposed to learn. Then apply rule 9 to him!

22. Paper plates are cool as long as they have some kind of support under them.

23. Keep your stompies out of the braai fire! Your habit mustn't stuff up my braai!

24. When watching rugby, the fire is started at half time.

25. You eat chicken with your fingers. Chops also. Steak and wors with a knife and fork!

26. If you eat your pap at a braai with milk and sugar, you probably support the Lions. Ask everyone at the braai to pray for your eating habits, and follow rule 9.

27. Politics, religion and baby talk are not acceptable around a braai fire. Rugby, hunting, fishing, 4 x 4 bakkies, and the neighbours wife's tan lines are the norm.


:p
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#306 User is offline   Mezla PigDog 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 07:23 PM

View PostHetan, on 29 June 2010 - 05:57 AM, said:

View PostMacros, on 28 June 2010 - 11:31 PM, said:

will other people be doing the kings X to cambridge run again?
I'll be in landan tawn friday ngiht so be doing the hungover run again, yes this is me asking for a lift, and a poolside bed.


Why don't you hook up with Toby and ST? They're coming on the train - presumably from Kings X?


I am willing to be the responsible adult on the Kings Cross leg, I'll be coming through there this year.

Quote

Oh yeah - everyone, remember sleeping bags or summat - this ain't the Dorchester as you well know. :p


What? No chocolates on our pillows?
Burn rubber =/= warp speed
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#307 User is offline   Fid 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 08:13 PM

[quote name='alt146' date='29 June 2010 - 05:32 PM' timestamp='1277829147' post='774910']
[quote name='Fid' date='29 June 2010 - 02:45 PM' timestamp='1277815527' post='774858']
Looks as if I have been co-opted as "flam-ista" to help out Mal.... or maybe that should be braaista given some of the attendees. Though I am sure that Mal and I will be quite happy to facilitate anyone wishing to personally supervise the flaming of their own wors, however any other flaming is entirely at your own risk - especially if being aimed at Cougar.

See you all a week Saturday.
[/quote]

I hope you realise that braai is serious business. It's more than just taking a barbeque and calling it a funny name. There are intricate customs and traditions. People practice for years to become true braai masters. Pathos, you better check that the rules are followed, there are standards to these things

[/quote]

RULES OF BRAAING



1. Go to a bit of trouble when purchasing your meat. A Braai is a serious thing, so approach your purchases in the same way. In the old days, your butcher was just about family. You saw him a lot more than your Doctor. Today, things are a lot simpler and impersonal. Fridges have replaced faces, with the result that the younger generation no longer recognises good meat. If meat is packed properly, then it looks good enough to Braai. Krap! So, if you don't know what good meat is, ask your butcher! Pick 'n Pay's meat is krap.


[/quote]

:p
[/quote

Well you would struggle to find any Pick 'n Pay around Cambourne - so that is OK, though the local Morrison is probably no better. My preference was always to get my meat from Benmore Meat in Benmore Gardens - I now weep at the thought of rib eye steak at R29 a kilo... However decent meat is still to be had - my current favourite cut is skirt - marinaded for at least 12 hours - and I managed to get some from Waitrose the other week. And while we wait for Mal's coals to acquire the right temperature, then hopefully Mr & Mrs Paleman will oblige once again with the biltong and driewors, to make Pathos feel right at home.

This post has been edited by Fid: 29 June 2010 - 08:14 PM

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#308 User is offline   D'rek 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 08:43 PM

View Postalt146, on 29 June 2010 - 04:32 PM, said:

18. If you want to make your fire with wood, buy decent wood! Only use wood if you have enough fire lighters, because to get a fire going with wood takes a lot of heat, and the smoke caused by battling is unacceptable. Smokey Robinson is not tolerated!


I can't see why you would want to roast the King of Motown over a fire anyways...

View Postworrywort, on 14 September 2012 - 08:07 PM, said:

I kinda love it when D'rek unleashes her nerd wrath, as I knew she would here. Sorry innocent bystanders, but someone's gotta be the kindling.
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#309 User is offline   Paleman 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 10:59 PM

Quote

And while we wait for Mal's coals to acquire the right temperature, then hopefully Mr & Mrs Paleman will oblige once again with the biltong and driewors, to make Pathos feel right at home.


It would be damned rude not to Fid. We will pay a special visit to the South African stall in Bury St Edmunds market on the morning of the braai to source the freshest meaty snacks for general consumption by all attendees. Hopefully we'll be able to get some wors as well. See y'all Saturday week.
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#310 User is offline   pathos 

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Posted 29 June 2010 - 11:51 PM

i shall enforce the rules lika a good south african "cop" by doing so drunk

Posted Image

edit: wait what...there will be biltong??? heavens to betsy thas awesome

This post has been edited by Pathos: 29 June 2010 - 11:53 PM

You never have the same problem twice when you set it on fire
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#311 User is online   Macros 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 02:25 AM

a responsible adult! oys, license to do as I please
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#312 User is offline   Hetan 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 05:20 AM

View PostPaleman, on 29 June 2010 - 10:59 PM, said:

Quote

And while we wait for Mal's coals to acquire the right temperature, then hopefully Mr & Mrs Paleman will oblige once again with the biltong and driewors, to make Pathos feel right at home.


It would be damned rude not to Fid. We will pay a special visit to the South African stall in Bury St Edmunds market on the morning of the braai to source the freshest meaty snacks for general consumption by all attendees. Hopefully we'll be able to get some wors as well. See y'all Saturday week.


You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar - er and so of course is Mrs Paleman, whom I am very much looking forward to seeing again :p
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#313 User is offline   caladanbrood 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 06:55 AM

If Illy isn't there, who will devour the chicken at an obscene rate? Think of it Illy, un-eaten chicken wings, just lying around unwanted... Could you have that on your conscience?
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#314 User is offline   Hetan 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 07:41 AM

So - station run -

Illy
Macros
Sir T
Toby

Mezla - Cougar's pride and joy :p


Imperial Historian - possibly making his own way from Cambridge.
Dag - possibly making her own way from Cambridge.
Mr & Mrs Paleman - making their own way from the station.

Cougar and Stone Monkey arriving by car
Fid - ditto
Pathos - ditto
Brood - ditto with Baudin

Morgy and Anomander - staying with us on Friday night

Anyone I've forgotten?
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#315 User is offline   Morgoth 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 07:50 AM

Tapper is still likely, isn't she?
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#316 User is offline   Illuyankas 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 07:53 AM

Here's the thing: I'm going to be paid £140ish on the Wednesday before the BBQ. I need at least £70 of that for travel and food costs for work. That doesn't leave a lot for train tickets or food to bring or booze. And I really don't like borrowing money off people. I'll look into the train times for Cambridge when I'm not so busy (unlike this evening, so maybe the weekend) and see what I can do.
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#317 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 10:24 AM

the obligatory
South African Braai Etiquette clip


[url="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq2SOmwzjUU"]http://www.youtube.c...h?v=vq2SOmwzjUU[/url]

This post has been edited by dktorode: 30 June 2010 - 10:25 AM

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
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#318 User is offline   Tapper 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 10:33 AM

View PostMorgoth, on 30 June 2010 - 07:50 AM, said:

Tapper is still likely, isn't she?


Sorry Morghy, but it is becoming a tad bit unlikelier than likely for 3 reasons.

1) the neighbourhood I live in is getting distinctly unpleasant at the moment and for some reason, the scum making it so think I'm the one calling the police on them - who are around almost daily now, which is a massive change compared to the past months.
I'm not the one doing the calling, but I won't enlighten them about that, mostly because they won't believe me, anyway. I expect several kinds of nastiness happening to my appartment (either my windows to shatter courtesy of a stone, or swastikas to mysteriously appear on my bellboard, a paint bomb on my balcony, or some such) one of these days, and I'd rather be at home than away when that happens, as you may understand, especially since the only alternative is having my preg sis to have to come around while I'm away to clean up and talk to the police.

2) In a momentary lapse of attention, I've added a girl to my growing collection of unwise commitments. I don't have a lot of time for her, not sure I even want to go anywhere with her, but if I tell her I'm too busy to see her for a movie, I can hardly justify jumping on a plane for a weekend of drinking with internet friends.

3) I want to go to the US (BBQ) and that will be expensive. Knowing what I spent in Prague the past week, I better watch my finances tightly for a while. Ryanair and Easyjet are cheap, but the total cost of the weekend will also cover around a third of a flight ticket to Chicago...
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#319 User is offline   Tsundoku 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 10:43 AM

@alt/Pathos/Dkt:

Can at least one of you please translate some of those Afrikaans terms? I don't know wtf a boerewors, skottel, stompies, wors, pap or bakkies are. :p
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#320 User is offline   dktorode 

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Posted 30 June 2010 - 10:56 AM

View PostSombra, on 30 June 2010 - 10:43 AM, said:

@alt/Pathos/Dkt:

Can at least one of you please translate some of those Afrikaans terms? I don't know wtf a boerewors, skottel, stompies, wors, pap or bakkies are. :p


boerewors - a type of sausage we have here. Usually cooked on a braai... fkn delicious!!
wors - short name for boerewors

Posted Image




Skottel - its a concave metal plate that fits on a gas cooker that you can cook things like boerewors or egss or anything on.
almost like a wok....but less concave.... wait ill get pics!!

Posted Image


pap - Goes great with wors, cooked maize/wheat type of side dish served in place of potatoes at a braai.
its an african tribal staple diet.

Posted Image

bakkie - A pick up truck

Posted Image

stompies - cigarette butts








aaaaaand now im hungry

This post has been edited by dktorode: 30 June 2010 - 11:02 AM

...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐...

Why dont they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?
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