[KeithF]

A follow-up to my Things that will probably NOT happen in Dust of Dreams thread (which turned out to be completely on the mark in that nothing anyone suggested in there happened in DoD; funny that).

-It turns out the Crippled God really is just an asthmatic old man. He pretends to be an all-powerful evil force because he gets a kinky thrill out of being beaten and chained up by gods. (The thing that fell on part of Kallor's empire was just the contents of the Warren of Spam.)

-Tavore comes clean: she hasn't had a mysterious masterplan for the last five books, she's just been making it up as she goes along.

-It turns out Keneb is still alive. That was just his stunt double that got lightning'd.

-Tehol attempts to further reform Lether's economy by introducing a 'stimulus package'...specifically, Ublala Pung's.

-By the end of the book, the Errant has lost all his power and has to fall back on what he does best, becoming a rent boy in Malaz City.

-The two fat Letherii whores in Hedge's neo-Bridgeburners become poster girls for an anti-anorexia campaign.

-Tavore finds true love...with Bottle.

-Paran and Tavore meet to discuss strategy for the final apocalyptic battle, but end up bickering over which one of them stole the cookie from the cookie jar fourteen years ago (actually, that sounds like something Erikson might do, now that I think about it...)

And the least likely thing of all to happen in TCG:

-Erikson includes a complete timeline of the entire series that makes complete sense without breaking physics as we know it!

This post has been edited by KeithF: 07 January 2010 - 12:25 AM

[Sinisdar Toste]

-the warren of Akhrast Korvalain turns out to be the warren of ... DISCO! and the convergence in kolanse is just one big mess of cocaine and forkrul assail doing the electric slide in a way that blows minds from perish to pilott

[Paran]

You know what, I thought that the only thing MBotF didn't have enough of was bacon... you've shown me the light - it needs DISCO!

[Illuyankas]

"I'M B-B-B-BACK, BABY! MY NAME'S THE CRIPPLED GOD AND I DO COCAINE!"





If you don't know this reference then you don't know who Dr. Rockso is. If you don't know who Dr. Rockso is then BE CAST FOREVER FROM MY SIGHT, HEATHEN

[worry]

Everyone gets a free Azath house, like it's the Oprah show.

[a Perfect Rake]

Everyone in the Snake will finally starve to death/die of thirst and we'll never hear from them again.

[tiam]

^^^

That would be nice

I think the remaining BH will reorganise into a somewhat smaller but just as organised army and follow tavore into the Wastelands...only to be set upon by a host of Galayn Lords (yeh thats right) who are on their way to battle their ancient foe Grizzin Farl at the Spar of Andii

You heard it here first

[rhulad]

The police will come and arrest everyone at the final battle because a random guy on a horse killed an old historian.

[Sinisdar Toste]

rhulad, on 09 April 2010 - 09:47 PM, said:

The police will come and arrest everyone at the final battle because a random guy on a horse killed an old historian.

or!! the police come and arrest everyone because some old historian with otataral hands kills a crippled bum in his tent with a sword made of jade

[a Perfect Rake]

Sinisdar Toste, on 10 April 2010 - 05:14 AM, said:

rhulad, on 09 April 2010 - 09:47 PM, said:

The police will come and arrest everyone at the final battle because a random guy on a horse killed an old historian.

or!! the police come and arrest everyone because some old historian with otataral hands kills a crippled bum in his tent with a sword made of jade

Or the police will come and arrest everyone for suspicion of Rustleaf possession.

Let's just say bridges aren't the only thing gettin burned in the 14th

[worry]

I have a feeling there just won't be enough hobbling in the big finale.

[CUFCfan616]

A half-ling on his way to a volcano to get rid of a piece of jewelry his crazy old uncle gave him wakes up to find his gardener making sexual advances on him and realises he dreamt the whole thing.


Failing that:

- Anomander Rakejumps out of a box in the middle of the wastelands and shouts 'April Fools'

- Tavore realised that she left the stove on and turns everyone back home to go check on it

- All the Azath houses are decommissioned by local building standards agencies and replaced by starbucks

- The Crippled God comes up with a genius way of winning; by surrounding himself with kittens and fluffy bunnies which makes everyone go 'awwww'

- Kruppe goes on a diet to run the London marathon

- Shadowthrone and Cottillion break into a full rendition of The Sound of Music

- Brys gets hit on the head and forgets the names of all those gods with mild concussion


I must say though, I love the idea of a warren of disco with Disco Stu as the King of High House Funk. He'd still have dead fish in his shoes though

[Meraxes]

I know what won't happen:
COTILLION WON"T DIE!!!



not. possible.
and know I will take my leave and cry in the depths of my soul until TCG comes out and he really dies, at which point I will stop reading the damned book and burn it until only ashes remain (JUST KIDDING, I'D NEVER DO THAT TO A MBoTF INSTALLMENT)
And yes you guessed right there's no turning back for me know, I am officially, from this point onwards, a self - declared Cotillion fangirl
.....Edgy beware!!!!! mwahahahaahahaha

[Captain Awesome]

All our favorite characters still alive stay alive through the final battle, those that died already we find out ascended and on the last last page we read: Here ends the tale of the Malazan Book of the Ascended AKA wow that was some really interesting writing to make all the main characters survive, not Malazan Book of the Fallen! SE decided he'd take pages out of old RA Salvadores writing guide and everyone lives happily ever after-life! We have a better chance of Disco Stu and HHF taking the Malaz throne than that happening.

This post has been edited by Captain Awesome: 24 July 2010 - 05:06 AM

[Tattersail_]

tavore is the queen of dreams and she puts the crippled god into an enchanted sleep for all eternity, she is the only person to survive after the ghost of whiskeyjack comes back with an army and kills all the remaining bonehunters!!