[King Lear]

"Evolutionary psychology; Science’s embarrassing cousin who cooks meth in his grandmother’s basement."

[Coco with marshmallows]

From a friend's facebook:

"Britney Spears is a stone cold blonde shag!"

first reply:

"And at one point she was as bald as Stone Cold Steve Austin........"

[Aptorian]

God Bless Bill Murray.

From an interview with Kelly Lynch (The doctor from Roadhouse)

http://www.avclub.co...-playing,86567/

Quote

AVC: It seems like your sex scene in the film [Roadhouse] must be one of the most uncomfortable in cinematic history, being up against a rock wall and all.

KL: Oh, I know, but I was padded. [Laughs.] No one knows, so it looks more painful that it was. They really liked everything about the way that scene looked, with the blonde hair against the rocks behind me, but I was like, “Isn’t this kind of… mean?” So they put a thin padding under my dress, so you can’t see it. But he’s still slamming me against the rocks, so I had to be careful not to hit my head. Thank God Patrick was so strong. He could’ve carried me around that room forever.

By the way, speaking of Bill Murray, every time Road House is on and he or one of his idiot brothers are watching TV—and they’re always watching TV—one of them calls my husband and says [In a reasonable approximation of Carl Spackler], “Kelly’s having sex with Patrick Swayze right now. They’re doing it. He’s throwing her against the rocks.” [Away from the receiver.] What? Oh, my God. Mitch was just walking out the door to the set, and he said that Bill once called him from Russia.

AVC: Sorry, not to dwell on this, but you said that Bill Murray “or one of his idiot brothers” will call. Which brothers are we talking about?

KL: All of them! Joel has called; Brian Doyle has called. They will all call! Any and all of them!

AVC: This was already an awesome story, but now it’s even better.

KL: I know, right? I dread it. If I know it’s coming on—and I can tell when it’s coming on, because it blows up on Twitter when it is—I’m just like, “Oh, my God…” And God help me when AMC’s doing their Road House marathon, because I know the phone is just going to keep ringing. It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 or 3 in morning. “Hi, Kelly’s having sex with Patrick Swayze right now…”

This post has been edited by Aptorius: 16 October 2012 - 06:29 AM

[Darkwatch]

"It’s actually quite sad and touching, and we get to hear Patrick Stewart tell us about Gilgamesh in a dulcet baritone, which is how I want all stories to be told to me, forever."

-fashion it so
http://sttngfashion.tumblr.com/page/7

[worry]

From the Letters of Note blog:

In 1970, shortly after being elected Attorney General of Alabama, 29-year-old Bill Baxley reopened the 16th Street Church bombing case — a racially motivated act of terrorism that resulted in the deaths of four African-American girls in 1963 and a fruitless investigation, and which marked a turning point in the Civil Rights Movement. Baxley's unwavering commitment to the case attracted much hostility, particularly from local Klansmen, and in 1976 he received a threatening letter of protest from white supremacist Edward R. Fields — founder of the "National States' Rights Party" and "Grand Dragon" of the New Order Knights of the Ku Klux Klan — in which he was accused of reopening the case for tactical reasons.

Bill Baxley's famously succinct reply, which was typed on his official letterhead, can be seen below.

The next year, a member of the United Klans of America named Robert Chambliss was found guilty of the murders. He remained in prison until his death in 1985.

Baxley's reply:

[worry]

Steven Buscemi: I remember my son once asked me, “Did you ever, like, kiss in high school?” And I told him this long drawn-out story of how shy I was, how I finally got a girlfriend but she broke up with me because I was too shy to try to kiss her, and then I had another girlfriend but still couldn’t figure out kissing. The technique was always a big obstacle in my head, like, How do you kiss? Where does your chin go? Forget about anything beyond kissing-first base was a total mystery to me. So I’m telling my son this long story, and he listens patiently until he finally realizes where I’m going with it, and he says, “Dad, no - did you like Kiss in high school? Kiss, the band!” And I was, “Oh yeah, Kiss…they were good.

[Grumble]

 passport.png (233.98K)
Number of downloads: 0

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER:

This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office.



Dear Sirs,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

Do you guys do this by hand?

My birth date you have on my pension book.

It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years.

It is on my National Health card.

My driving licence.

My car insurance.

On the last eight damn passports I've had.

It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years.

All those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!!

I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bleeding address!!

What is going on? Do you have a gang of neanderthal arseholes workin' there?

Look at my damn picture.

Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere.

And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something wierd to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last fucking people I'd want to tell!

Well, I have to go now,'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense.

You'd rather have us running all over the fuckin' place like chickens with our heads cut off, then WE have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin' morons)

Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally pissed off!

Signed

An Irate Citizen

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me?

Well, my family has been in this country since 1776 ...

I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor ..

WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN!

[Assail]

 tumblr_mchczdGFZA1r4alqeo1_1280.jpg (543.93K)
Number of downloads: 11

"this guy pulled out his dick in front of like 5 billion feminist protestors holy shit


I imagine the collective anal clench of everyone in that crowd was probably close to the density of a neutron star. If only we could harness such energy.

Meanwhile, that guy’s fucking face."




Lost my shit reading the commentary then seeing that dudes face. Holy fuckery. Hahaha

[Adjutant Stormy~]

Assail, on 05 March 2013 - 05:42 PM, said:

tumblr_mchczdGFZA1r4alqeo1_1280.jpg

"this guy pulled out his dick in front of like 5 billion feminist protestors holy shit


I imagine the collective anal clench of everyone in that crowd was probably close to the density of a neutron star. If only we could harness such energy.

Meanwhile, that guy's fucking face."




Lost my shit reading the commentary then seeing that dudes face. Holy fuckery. Hahaha

I want to high-five this guy so hard he gets into orbit.

[worry]

As long as he suffocates up there I'm all for it.

[Adjutant Stormy~]

Quote

Someone who always sees the positive side of jazz is a beboptimist.

[Jakovasaurus]

Quote

Yes time travel is possible. Will explain later - Jose Canseco

[Gothos]

When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere, just ask him. If you listen, he'll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going, and that he woke up. If you listen, he'll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel or dreamt of being perfect. And then he'll smile with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn't perfect. We're flawed, because we want so much more. We're ruined, because we get these things, and wish for what we had.

Don Draper, Mad Men

[King Lear]

Dunno if it really fits the thread but my dad's had a couple of drinks and telling me how to go about getting rich if that's what I want out of life:

'Just remember KL, people who are richer than us aren't cleverer than us, they're braver ...and a lot of them are psychopaths.'

[Adjutant Stormy~]

King Lear, on 11 June 2013 - 07:31 AM, said:

Dunno if it really fits the thread but my dad's had a couple of drinks and telling me how to go about getting rich if that's what I want out of life:

'Just remember KL, people who are richer than us aren't cleverer than us, they're braver ...and a lot of them are psychopaths.'

My mother's father is the smartest man I've ever met (and I know 3 Nobel Laureates). He's the scary kind of rich, where you worry that they have people killed on a regular basis. And then he was Dick Cheney's economic advisor.

So, yes, insane. He even went hunting with him.

Edit: TWICE

This post has been edited by Adjutant Stormy~: 11 June 2013 - 08:23 AM

[Jakovasaurus]

I just discovered this guy. How come I was never informed of his greatness?

[worry]

[Satan]

Quote

Put 'quantum' in front of any subject and it gets harder. It's like viagra for subject matter.

oojeyboojey on an Imgur AMA

Source:
Imgur

[Aptorian]

Found this post about a letter Hunter S Thompson sent to some movie executive. I really love that man.

http://www.reddit.co...ovie_executive/
http://everything2.c...movie+executive

Quote

The following letter was sent by Hunter S. Thompson to Holly Sorenson, executive at The Shooting Gallery, a film production company, regarding the proposed making of Hunter's novel, The Rum Diary, into a feature film.

Quote

Signed at top: Hunter S. Thompson, Woody Creek

Holly Sorenson / Shooting Gallery / Hollywood / Jan 22 '01

Dear Holly,

Okay, you lazy bitch, I'm getting tired of this waterhead fuckaround that you're doing with The Rum Diary.

We are not even spinning our wheels aggresivly. It's like the whole Project got turned over to Zombies who live in cardboard boxes under the Hollywood Freeway... I seem to be the only person who's doing anything about getting this movie Made. I have rounded up Depp, Benicio Del Toro, Brad Pitt, Nick Nolte & a fine screenwriter from England, named Michael Thomas, who is a very smart boy & has so far been a pleasure to talk to & conspire with...

So there's yr. fucking Script & all you have to do now is act like a Professional & Pay him. What the hell do you think Making a Movie is all about? Nobody needs to hear any more of that Gibberish about yr. New Mercedes & yr. Ski Trips & how Hopelessly Broke the Shooting Gallery is.... If you're that fucking Poor you should get out of the Movie Business. It is no place for Amateurs & Dilletants who don't want to do anything but "take lunch" & Waste serious people's Time.

Fuck this. We have a good writer, we have the main parts casted & we have a very marketable movie that will not even be hard to make....

And all you are is a goddamn Bystander, making stupid suggestions & jabbering now & then like some half-bright Kid with No Money & No Energy & no focus except on yr. own tits.... I'm sick of hearing about Cuba & Japs & yr. Yo-yo partners who want to change the story because the violence makes them Queasy.

Shit on them. I'd much rather deal with a Live asshole than a Dead worm with No Light in his Eyes.... If you people don't want to Do Anything with this movie, just cough up the Option & I'll talk to someone else. The only thing You're going to get by quitting and curling up in a Fetal position is relentless Grief and Embarrassment. And the one thing you won't have is Fun...

Okay, That's my Outburst for today. Let's hope that it gets Somebody off the dime. And if you don't Do Something QUICK you're going to Destroy a very good idea. I'm in the mood to chop yr. fucking hands off.

R.S.V.P

HUNTER <-- Signature -->

NOTES::

I have attempted to keep the original feel as much as possible, and have emphasized the parts Hunter did, and even kept his spelling mistakes.

Harry, over at Ain't It Cool News, was the first to get his hands on this letter.

At the bottom, Hunter scribbled a "cc" list. The letter went to Johnny Depp, Benicio Del Toro, Nick Nolte and B. Monkey screenwriter Michael Thomas, all of whom were mentioned in the letter as connected to The Rum Diary. But while he was at it, Mr. Thompson fired off copies to friends and colleagues, seemingly at random as their connection to the project is tenuous at best. Mr. Nolte’s partner in Kingsgate Films, Greg Shapiro; Mr. Thompson’s friend, legal advisor and President Clinton’s former National Security Advisor, Sandy Berger; Mr. Thompson’s editor, Doug Brinkley; and actor John Cusack all received their own souvenir copies of the note.

But a month after sending the letter, Mr. Thompson had only warmth for Ms. Sorenson. "Not everybody would take that letter with any real grace and humor," he said. "But she called me after that and said I’m the only person who could write her hate mail and make her smile. I like her."

Indeed, Ms. Sorenson seemed pretty chill about the exchange. She said that work on The Rum Diary is proceeding apace, and that she’s very excited about the project. As for Mr. Thompson’s phone calls, she said she would return them faster "if Hunter didn’t insist on calling me at 3 a.m."

[Tsundoku]

I cannot stand anything about James Blunt.

Except his sense of humour.

Unless he has a social media ghostwriter.

-----------------------------------------------

http://www.news.com....9-1226793682710

IN 2013 James Blunt not only released the second best-selling album of his career, but he also proved he's the funniest celebrity on Twitter.

The Goodbye My Lover singer surprised a number of his online critics by responding to their derogatory comments with hilarious one-liners.

Here are 17 tweets that demonstrate why you shouldn't mess with James Blunt:

As does your missus. RT @teamtommo58: James blunt your music sucks #fact
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 31, 2013

And no mortgage. RT @hettjones: James Blunt just has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 24, 2013

Thanks for asking. RT @GenCassista: Does anyone still care about James Blunt?
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 23, 2013

Nope, you're on your own. RT @chickenoriental: I must be 1 of only 2 who genuinely likes every @jamesblunt song. The other person being him.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013

Viagra and coffee mostly. RT @paigefergg: Bloody hell why is James Blunt still going
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 12, 2013

Kids these days have no imagination. RT @RyanHudson2009: Don't know if I can imagine much worse than James Blunt's new album
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) December 5, 2013

Glad you're not my dentist. RT @AlastairBroon: Every time that James Blunt opens his mouth I'd like to punch him in it
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 18, 2013

Try singing it. RT @AltySi: I cannot put into words how much I hate James Blunt
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 11, 2013

I never liked the sound of my own voice. Till it made me rich. @SamanthaMika: Does anyone else HATE james blunt's voice? I can't stand it.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) November 1, 2013

Jesus only needed twelve. RT @garymoody65: @JamesBlunt why you only got 200k followers?
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 29, 2013

I'm guessing you're a philosopher. RT @ChrisPaJones: Why does James Blunt have a new album and why would people want that?
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 28, 2013

Good sense of perspective there. RT @RobMakin: James Blunt's back with a new single! This my be the worst thing that's happened in my life.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 19, 2013

Damn thing's always getting caught under my feet. RT @laurenlyall: Why does James Blunt sing like his willy is being stood on?
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) October 16, 2013

I love that you're not ashamed to admit you have both. RT @EugeneBarnardo: I love James Blunt as much as I love herpes.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 20, 2013

You'll never live this down. RT @JacJV: SHOCK NEWS!!! I have actually found myself liking and tapping foot to a JAMES BLUNT song!?!!
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) September 1, 2013

Stays in James Blunt. RT @iAreAbby: Whatever happens to James Blunt.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 25, 2013

Like Yoda you speak. RT @vivadasilvas: James Blunt. What a twat he is.
&mdash; James Blunt (@JamesBlunt) June 6, 2013

-------------------------------------

I have no idea why the format has the reply before the initial comment, I don't use Twatter.