[Sinisdar Toste]

sounds like someone hasn't heard of the pen and paper.

[alestar]

Saw this on FARK.com yesterday, what a dumb-ass...

http://www.thesmokin...coat1.html?lame

[RodeoRanch]

What a lovely person. He deserves a punch in the nose.

[HoosierDaddy]

alestar, on 05 March 2010 - 05:41 PM, said:

Saw this on FARK.com yesterday, what a dumb-ass...

http://www.thesmokin...coat1.html?lame

A negligence case about a coat. Hmmmmmmm:

DISMISSED.

[Aptorian]

http://www.reddit.co..._a_med_student/

Quote

This happened to me yesterday. I'm in my last year of med school and am spending a month in an outpatient internal medicine clinic working with "Dr. Jones."

Dr. Jones told me that the next patient, a 75 year old lady named "Mrs. Smith," was undergoing chemotherapy for a really early grade lymphoma. Not a big deal. Nowadays it's a chronic disease... you'll die with the lymphoma, not from it. Anyway, Mrs. Smith was presenting with a cough that was unrelated to her lymphoma. I went in to see Mrs. Smith.

"So Mrs. Smith, how long have you had this cough? any other symptoms? You coughing up anything?" etc. Then I say "So I understand you just finished chemotherapy. Is that correct?"

"yes."

"and that was for...?"

(no response)

"that was for...?"

(no response)

"that was for a lymphoma. Correct?"

"wait. I have lymphoma?"

[oh shit]

"um, yes. I was under the impression that you have a low grade lymphoma. Is that correct?"

"I have lymphoma?? I have lymphoma? are you saying I have lymphoma??"

"Well, you have a blood-based neoplasia. Is that correct? A lymphoma. Or a leukemia."

"I have leukemia??! What are you saying?? Oh no!!"

"well, I must be mistaken. Don't worry, I'll talk to the doctor about this and we'll square things out. Anyway, about your cough..."

I was in a panic. How could this woman not know that she had a lymphoma? She was undergoing chemotherapy for something. She had to know what it was, right? Maybe she was in denial and never actually heard the words lymphoma. I was so nervous. I was sweating bullets. I rushed through a throat and lung exam and ran back into Dr. Jones' office.

"Dr. Jones, you're gonna kill me. I told Mrs. Smith she has a lymphoma and she said 'I have a lymphoma??'"

She responds, "oh, well, we'll figure that out."

So we go into the room together. Dr. Jones sits down next to Mrs. Smith, puts her hand on her shoulder, looks her in the eye and says, "Mrs. Smith, you know you have a lymphoma, right?"

"Yeah, I do. I was just messing around with your med student."

[Tiste Simeon]

Funny... Harsh but very funny.

[Tiste Simeon]

OK so I do some school work with my church - going into primary schools and doing assemblies etc. I went in on friday, and as the school we work with is in a fairly poor area they hold a breakfast club for those who may not get proper feeding at home. The kids there are really great and we love to sit and chat with them. The following conversation happened...

Kid: "Do you have kids?"
Me: "No"
Kid: "Do you have a girlfriend then?"
Me: "Not right now."
Kid: "Thats OK, don't worry about it. If you want one you can always go on e-harmony.com and find one!"

This from an 8 year old. Genius.

[beru]

Today, I went to church and as the congregation was reciting the Lord's prayer, we came to the part, "Lead me not into temptation," as normal. However, the little girl in the pew in front of me saw fit to mutter, "I can find the way myself just fine." Her mom seemed more amused than upset. MLIA

Today when I was shoveling, I overheard my neighbor telling his grandson how to operate the snowblower. With a completly straight face, he told the boy to "go in low, so you don't get stuck. Now be sure to go slow, and just keep her [the snowblower] moaning. If she whines you need to back out. I know it seems like a lot of work now, but when you're done you'll feel great". I'm still confused as to whether my neighbor was teaching his son about the snowblower or the facts of life. MLIA

mila is awsome

This post has been edited by beru: 08 March 2010 - 01:04 PM

[Morgoth]

I found this interview/article about william shatner.. It is long, but magnificent!

Quote

William Shatner then interrupts himself. To scream.

"MY GOD!"

The greenroom has a flat-screen television, and something there has caught his eye. I look. Monkeys. Monkeys in cowboy hats. And chaps. With crops. Riding Chihuahuas. Chihuahuas outfitted with saddles.

They're racing.

"MY GOD!" Shatner exclaims again. "IT IS MAGNIFICENT! YES!"

http://www.gq.com/en...?printable=true

[Tiste Simeon]

"Hey sexy...Shut that door behind you and take off your pants! Get on top of me and do whatever you need to do to satisfy ur needs. I want to hear that all famous 'AHH' when your done
Love always..
The Toilet!"

[Gothos]

"Want to see some magic, girl? Come to my place, I'll fuck you, and then you'll disappear."

[Aptorian]

http://mylifeisavera...om/story/188776

Quote

I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see a trick or treater —but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc., who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA

[MTS]

The ironic thing about MLIA is anything remotely interesting is not average at all. Half the time it should be 'my life is awesome' rather than 'my life is average'. Case in point.

This post has been edited by MTS: 05 April 2010 - 03:06 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Aptorian, on 05 April 2010 - 01:56 PM, said:

http://mylifeisavera...om/story/188776

Quote

I grew up in a college town, and one Halloween our doorbell rang and we opened the door expecting to see a trick or treater —but what was in front of our open door—was another door! Like, a full-on wooden door, that had a sign that said “Please knock.” So we did, and the door swung open to reveal a bunch of college dudes dressed as really old grandmothers, curlers in their hair, etc., who proceeded to coo over our “costumes” and tell us we were “such cute trick or treaters!” One even pinched my cheek. Then THEY gave US candy, closed their door, picked it up and walked to the next house. MLIA

Best idea EVER! I'm going to be a thieving git and take this idea for next Halloween!

[Aptorian]

Quote

My mother is a terrible human being. One Christmas, she decided that as a joke she would wrap up a cow pie as a gift for my aunt. She went out into somebody's field, acquired a pile of shit, and brought it home. She decided that the best first step would be to dry it out, and the best way she could come up with was by microwaving it. She put the semi-solid shit pie into our normal microwave in the kitchen...where I used to make ramen. We soon found out that for some reason cow pies sometimes contain maggots, and that maggots explode when you microwave them. Then the whole thing caught on fire.

[Tiste Simeon]

I dunno where that is from but it made me giggle.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

beru, on 08 March 2010 - 12:43 PM, said:

Today, I went to church and as the congregation was reciting the Lord's prayer, we came to the part, "Lead me not into temptation," as normal. However, the little girl in the pew in front of me saw fit to mutter, "I can find the way myself just fine." Her mom seemed more amused than upset. MLIA

Today when I was shoveling, I overheard my neighbor telling his grandson how to operate the snowblower. With a completly straight face, he told the boy to "go in low, so you don't get stuck. Now be sure to go slow, and just keep her [the snowblower] moaning. If she whines you need to back out. I know it seems like a lot of work now, but when you're done you'll feel great". I'm still confused as to whether my neighbor was teaching his son about the snowblower or the facts of life. MLIA

mila is awsome

That first one is absolutely precious. Kids vs religion=win.

[Gothos]

translated from the polish edition of bash:

<M> if americans bombed hiroshima like I just bombed the crapper, it'd fuck russia over
<D> what, such a big shit?
<M> no
<M> I missed

[AlanH]

H.D., on 01 February 2010 - 07:15 AM, said:

Ain, on 27 January 2010 - 10:55 AM, said:

"Though lovers be lost love shall not." - Dylan Thomas

Poetry nazi alert.

"Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."

Poetry nazi off.

H.D., on 01 February 2010 - 07:48 PM, said:

You've never seen old footage of Hitler reading The Road Less Traveled?

The obvious problem with reading through old comments on a thread - when you find something worth replying to it seems out of place. Oh well.

I feel it's my turn to be a poetry nazi - the poem is called The Road Not Taken (Robert Frost), not The Road Less Travelled. Helps to read more than just the last few lines...

[Aptorian]

This is so awesome.

Quote

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it 'the terminator'. First I crouch down in the shower in the classic 'naked terminator traveling through time' pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.