[Ain't_It_Just_]

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today-James Dean

A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for-John A. Shedd

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy-Jim Rohn

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams-Dr. Seuss

Every man desires to live long, but no man wishes to be old-Jonathan Swift

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart-Elisabeth Foley

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars-Les Brown

You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry- Author Unknown

Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it-Swedish Proverb

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad-P.D. East

Don't look where you fall, but where you slipped-African Proverb

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power-Lao-Tzu

He who has nothing to die for has nothing to live for-Moroccan Proverb

You only live once; but if you live it right, once is enough-Adam Marshall

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts-Winston Churchill

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared-Buddha

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts-Winston Churchill

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe-Anatole France

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.-Pamela Vaull Starr

You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'-George Bernard Shaw

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration-Thomas Alva Edison

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new-Albert Einstein

He is able who thinks he is able-Buddha

Recognition is the greatest motivator. - Gerard C. Eakedale

“Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” - Albert Einstein

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” - Confucius

“One ought to hold on to one's heart; for if one lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

“Drink to me” - Pablo Picasso


“Though lovers be lost love shall not.” - Dylan Thomas

“He's also there for people who have lost loved ones.” - Don McClure

“Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.” - Emily Dickinson

“To be with a man who hasn't tried every line, who hasn't broken up with a woman every which way you can break up with them, is kind of nice.” - Uma Thurman

“It's afterwards you realize that the feeling of happiness you had with a man didn't necessarily prove that you loved him” - Marguerite Duras


“Came but for friendship, and took away love.” - Thomas Moore

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.” - Swedish Proverb

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” - A. A. Milne

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” - Judy Garland

“True love always makes a man better, no matter what woman inspires it” - Alexandre Dumas Père

“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.” - Arthur Rubinstein

“Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.” - Charles Caleb Colton

“Woman reaches love through friendship; man reaches friendship through love” - Mohammed Hijazi

[Tiste Simeon]

I saw this on a friends Facebook page, not sure how much I agree with it, but she seemed to think it was great!

Quote

So basically, we now think that a womans complex emotions are essentially similar in nature to a mans thrill-drill.

I mean, womanly emotion, like a dongerdoodle, is very easily provoked and excitable.

Both respond to words, actions, images and thoughts.

Both also respond according to the nature and content of those words actions images and thoughts
(for example,

"Hunny, you look so gorgeous tonight" might provoke an emotional response from a woman, where as;
"Hunny, I'm not wearing any panties" might provoke a response from a man. In a different way... )


Just as a woman is very likely to 'act on the impulse of her emotions,' similarly men have a tedancy to be 'thinking with their downstairs brain' in much of what they do!


The best, however, is the pain analogy. And this is the one we think will help you understand us

See, on occassion, women accidently elbow lads in that more 'sensitive' area, and on those occassions, unless we are actively trying to destroy you, we think that it shouldn't hurt because...

1. we didn't mean it to!
2. we didn't think the hit was hard enough to hurt? (we elbow you elsewhere that hard and your
fine!)



Just as a man can be unexpectedly devestated by a blow to his austrailian solider (the solider down-under;) so a woman can be unexpectedly devestated by the words or actions of a man. Guys, have you ever had a girl upset at you, claiming that you hurt her, and you can't understand what you said or did? Thinking that you didn';t mean it to hurt, or that surely it wasn't bad enough to be taken badly?

Well, its a bit like when we elbow your penis.

You say "ARRR - MY BALLS!!! DAMN YOU WOMAN"

Not

"ARRRR- WOMAN! YOU JUST APPLIED EXCESSIVE PRESSURE TO THE PACINIAN CORPUSCLES IN THE DERMIS OF THE DORSAL ASPECT OF THE CORONA GLANDIS REGION!!!"

And thats ok.

You don't know the specific names of the nerve endings or the type of tissue that makes that area more sensitive to being punched - You just know that it is.

See, our emotions are pretty similar

We don't know exactly why certain things said or done make us sad/hurty. We just know that they do! So just like we learn where your groin is and consequently where not to kick you in a playfight, just try and pick up through trial and error (or verbal enquiry) what gives us an emotional "ouch" and avoid it when you can


I hope this serves as sufficient evidence for the parallel between Penis & Emotions. They are so very, very similar. Haha!

I hope you feel enlightened.

I hope this amuses you as much as it did us.


The secret for understanding the complexities of the female mentality is built into the male anatomy.

EDIT: Putting it into quotations.

This post has been edited by Tiste Simeon: 29 January 2010 - 12:58 PM

[Gothos]

I call extreme bullshit in that. Elbowing (or kneeing, jesus christ) the dong is just one thing and we're never really cosy about the problem. A man that just got his balls smashed will most probably be yelling something along the lines of OH MY GOD NEVER DO THAT AGAIN YOU SICK, SICK MONSTER! It's quite plain that it was hitting the dong that hurt.

Now, with a woman's feelings, it can be anything. There's hundreds of possible causes, and it doesn't help that the only description is "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED" or just plain old "hey honey what's wrong? - nothing..."

Trying to rationalise the fickleness of female feelings by comparing them to dong smashing is, while inventive, quite fucking insulting.
You can quote me when confronting your "friend" about it.

[Tiste Simeon]

Hey man, she was just quoting something else. I agree with you... I just thought it was amusing, hence being in this thread...

[Ain't_It_Just_]

The whole part of "we elbow you elsewhere and it doesn't hurt as much" is crap. If someone is, say, a boxer, then eventually they will get used to being bruised and toughen up. The dong is not hit on a regular basis, hence the pain. Stoopid women.

[Aptorian]

Quote

We're in trouble...

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are, Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

This post has been edited by Aptorian: 31 January 2010 - 04:04 PM

[Tiste Simeon]

Well if we're done for, at least I went doing something I love... nothing!

[Illuyankas]

Glad to see him writing this stuff up and bitching instead of working, the hypocritical whorebag.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

All the more reasion they should hurry the fuck up and build Skynet already.

[HoosierDaddy]

Ain, on 27 January 2010 - 10:55 AM, said:

"Though lovers be lost love shall not." - Dylan Thomas

Poetry nazi alert.

"Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion."

Poetry nazi off.

[Tiste Simeon]

The words "poetry" and nazi" are two that I have never seen together in a sentence before...

[HoosierDaddy]

You've never seen old footage of Hitler reading The Road Less Traveled?

[Adjutant Stormy~]

It would appear as though we've Godwin'd the thread already...

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Then we may as well move onto Pol Pot.

[amphibian]

Ain, on 31 January 2010 - 12:04 AM, said:

The whole part of "we elbow you elsewhere and it doesn't hurt as much" is crap. If someone is, say, a boxer, then eventually they will get used to being bruised and toughen up. The dong is not hit on a regular basis, hence the pain. Stoopid women.

The Australian soldier region, as the note put it, has a ton of sensory nerves, is unprotected by any muscle or skeletal components and is full of soft, easily squished stuff. That's why it hurts - not because it gets hit infrequently.

If you hit a guy endlessly in the nuts, he's still going to hurt each time. It's not going to toughen up. Maybe he'll learn to work through the pain, maybe the nuts will fall off or maybe by the second blow, he'll do his level best to kill you.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

amphibian, on 02 February 2010 - 06:37 AM, said:

Ain, on 31 January 2010 - 12:04 AM, said:

The whole part of "we elbow you elsewhere and it doesn't hurt as much" is crap. If someone is, say, a boxer, then eventually they will get used to being bruised and toughen up. The dong is not hit on a regular basis, hence the pain. Stoopid women.

The Australian soldier region, as the note put it, has a ton of sensory nerves, is unprotected by any muscle or skeletal components and is full of soft, easily squished stuff. That's why it hurts - not because it gets hit infrequently.

If you hit a guy endlessly in the nuts, he's still going to hurt each time. It's not going to toughen up. Maybe he'll learn to work through the pain, maybe the nuts will fall off or maybe by the second blow, he'll do his level best to kill you.

I like that last part

[Tiste Simeon]

From FML...

"Today I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, and I fist pumped myself in the face and crashed into a stop sign..."

Genius.

[Aptorian]

If you're fist pumping to a song, hell if you're doing fistpumps in general, you deserve to crash your car. God damn MTV generation.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Ain, on 02 February 2010 - 06:21 AM, said:

Then we may as well move onto Pol Pot.

surely you mean Pol Po(e)t........

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Cocoreturns, on 02 February 2010 - 08:17 PM, said:

Ain, on 02 February 2010 - 06:21 AM, said:

Then we may as well move onto Pol Pot.

surely you mean Pol Po(e)t........

Hahah, yes, that's what I meant.

"sharpens knives"