I can't say no!

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I can't say no! I need a crash course in bad manners!

#1 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:27 AM

Goddamnit!! I've done it again

I've got myself into going out with the Crazies for dinner tomorrow night.

I have finally worked out how these things keep happening to me. On the inside, I am a geeky sociopath who dislikes meeting new people and experiencing new things and generally finds 99.9% of the human population to be at least below my contempt. However, being raised properly and taught to have manners and engage in normal society, I have perfected a veneer of being kindly and interested in people I don't know. So when Swiss Skinny McStarverson asked me if I wanted to go for dinner tomorrow night, my outer fake-self smiled sweetly and said "That sounds lovely, what time shall we meet?" while my inner true evil self is bound and gagged until finally we are alone and now it will spend the next 24hours berating my outer self for being an idiot until I try and get drunk enough to make dinner go quickly tomorrow.

Not only am I schizophrenic, I have been charged (because I can't say NO) with finding a venue for said dinner with one companion who doesn't drink and only eats Halal meat and another that only eats organic, non-garlicy, oil-free food. Not only am I going to be stuck with insane company, I'm going to have to pay to eat something shitty and smile about it and I will sit there and say "How lovely" because I'm a polite bloody idiot.

RIGHT! That's it. Between now and this time tomorrow, I am going to tell them I can't go. I just can't bear the thought of someone thinking I'm impolite. It actually causes me mental distress. Some of you must be friendless shits. Tell me, how do you do it?!?!

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#2 Slow Ben

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:31 AM

You could actually find something else to do, then pretend you had it planned first or it just came up. Your not being totally mean, but you get out of it. And they might take the hint, but what can they do, your still being nice.

It works.

Or you could just go so we can enjoy your hilarious stories about it later.

I've always been crazy but its kept me from going insane.

#3 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:34 AM

Slow Ben, on Mar 21 2009, 09:31 PM, said:

But this is the extent of her cunning and my stupidity! Before she asked me out for dinner, she said "Are you doing anything nice tomorrow" and I said I didn't really have any plans! She knows everything!

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#4 frookenhauer

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:42 AM

IANDMBITTTIS

souls are for wimps

#5 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:44 AM

The old, stand bye:

Get sick. Are you a good actor? Get supersmashed tonight, and be too hungover to go.

Also: Always learn to respond to invitations with: "Oh, that sounds like fun. Let me see if I have any plans already." Leave, find a plan. "Oh, sorry. I forgot I had agreed to help out a person (you do science right? well, whatever sciency thing is difficult in your field) work on this..."

Trouble arrives when the opponents to such a system institute its extreme opposite, where individualism becomes godlike and sacrosanct, and no greater service to any other ideal (including community) is possible. In such a system rapacious greed thrives behind the guise of freedom, and the worst aspects of human nature come to the fore....

#6 Mentalist

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:44 AM

say you've just found out a friend happens to be in NYC tomorrow for 1 day only. And you haven't seen said friend in X years.

it's not a perfect solution, but it may allow you to reschedule, and think of a better plan in the meanwhile.

The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard
THE CONTESTtm WINNER--чемпіон самоконтролю

Jump Around, on 23 October 2011 - 11:04 AM, said:

And I want to state that Ment has out-weaseled me by far in this game.

#7 masan's saddle

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:47 AM

Take em' both to a hog roast, they'll never ask again.

Now all the friends that you knew in school they used to be so cool, now they just bore you.
Just look at em' now, already pullin' the plow. So quick to take to grain, like some old mule.

#8 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:48 AM

Problems:

No liquor store nearby
They both know I am a social pariah over here. It will never wash if I say I have "friends" and then they will think I'm rude

It has to be bomb proof to get passed them AND my good manners. I could make myself sick......but there's stuff I want to do tomorrow!

I'm just going to have to come out "Sorry, I can't make dinner, I have made plans". I just don't know how.....

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 22 March 2009 - 01:50 AM

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#9 masan's saddle

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:53 AM

Mezla PigDog, on Mar 22 2009, 01:48 AM, said:

Get your ma/stand in, to phone with a family emergency/ teary eyed drama that means you can't leave the phone for the night.
Stick some ralgex under your eyes for convincing tears and blub occasionally, don't over do it ! The Swiss are sneaky.

Now all the friends that you knew in school they used to be so cool, now they just bore you.
Just look at em' now, already pullin' the plow. So quick to take to grain, like some old mule.

#10 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:53 AM

Go missing for the day. Say you went out on an errand, then got lost.

#11 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 01:58 AM

masan's saddle, on Mar 21 2009, 09:53 PM, said:

I haven't got a phone out here!!

HoosierDaddy, on Mar 21 2009, 09:53 PM, said:

Go missing for the day. Say you went out on an errand, then got lost.

I was going to do that and I already said I was going out for the afternoon so we have planned to meet somewhere. If I don't turn up, they might think I'm dead.....which has its positive side...... No phones means I can't even ring tomorrow and say I got held up!

They've got me, totally and utterly. I just have to find the balls to tell them up front that I'm not going. I don't have any balls.

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#12 masan's saddle

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:05 AM

Hmmmm, no balls and no phone eh ?

Your in quite a pickle, you could always "Pull a Tehol" and injure yourself.

Nothing as drastic as a broken limb, but enough to incapacitate yourself for one evening.

Engage the brain !

Now all the friends that you knew in school they used to be so cool, now they just bore you.
Just look at em' now, already pullin' the plow. So quick to take to grain, like some old mule.

#13 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:06 AM

Man up. Say you can't go. If they ask why, just say: "I'm sorry. I can't go. Something's come up." Be vague and look sorry.

#14 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:09 AM

HoosierDaddy, on Mar 21 2009, 10:06 PM, said:

Be vague and look sorry.

Now this is the kind of advice I require!

I could sneak out in the morning and leave a note! Then I don't have to look guilty to their faces!! It wouldn't seem that rude......would it?

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#15 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:16 AM

It depends. Leaving the note promotes question asking when they next see you. We want to avoid question asking because the more questions asked, the harder it is to be vague and the easier it is to trip up.

I would advise you speak to whichever one you feel more comfortable misleading (they are more naive) and ask them to inform the other. That means that you only have to act with one person, and hopefully this person will begin coming up with hypothetical answers to why you couldn't go.

#16 Anomander

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:17 AM

If you're going out during the afternoon, figure out a place with a horrific line-up that you need to visit. Just tell them later on you got held up and thus missed going to the restaurant.

And so the First denied their Mother,
in their fury, and so were cast out,
doomed children of Mother Dark.

#17 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:20 AM

HoosierDaddy, on Mar 21 2009, 10:16 PM, said:

Spot the man with the law degree!!!

Burn rubber =/= warp speed

#18 HoosierDaddy

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:22 AM

Yeah, I can interrogate like its nobodies business.

#19 Illuyankas

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:25 AM

Pretend you were mugged. Pick a fight with a tramp to achieve the realistic torn clothes, bulletwounds and bruises effect.

Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.

#20 Mezla PigDog

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Posted 22 March 2009 - 02:43 AM

Illuyankas, on Mar 21 2009, 10:25 PM, said:

Pretend you were mugged. Pick a fight with a tramp to achieve the realistic torn clothes, bulletwounds and bruises effect.

Tempting Illy but since I have no balls, the tramp would probably win.

I have a three tiered plan so far!

1. Leave a note as I leave in the morning - weak, but at least they will know I'm not going to turn up so won't be waiting at the station for me all night
2. If I get caught before I can leave a note, be vague and look sorry while saying I'm going to be late so won't make dinner
3. Get so drunk that they think I'm rude and never ask me to dinner again. I can take people thinking I'm rude if I'm drunk. I'll just have to live with it after I sober up.

I'm leaving in 9 days. I can go against my mental conditioning for that long....maybe....!

Burn rubber =/= warp speed