[Obdigore]

Gothos, on 23 August 2011 - 05:41 PM, said:

Granted. But you now have a brother, and he is better at it than you (and everything else too, in fact. And he stole your fiance.)

I wish WoW had a minimum age cap of 18.

Granted. Now all the pre-teens that were playing actually pay attention in school, and go on to lead fulfilling and exciting lives, and take every single job you could ever want. You are stuck in the mail-room for the rest of your career which ends at 54 when you die of a heart attack because of all the RAGE you accumulated in that job.

I wish I could write a best-selling fantasy book that doesn't include vampires or werewolves.

[QuickTidal]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 05:51 PM, said:

I wish I could write a best-selling fantasy book that doesn't include vampires or werewolves.

Granted. You write a bestselling fantasy novel called "Shoggoth'in it On" in which Lovecraftian minions get it on with human girls. It becomes a worldwide sensation with young women from the Twilight-set....and the rest of the planet hates your everlasting guts for ruining cool gods.

I wish I had a lantern ring.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 23 August 2011 - 06:01 PM

[Obdigore]

QuickTidal, on 23 August 2011 - 06:00 PM, said:

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 05:51 PM, said:

I wish I could write a best-selling fantasy book that doesn't include vampires or werewolves.

Granted. You write a bestselling fantasy novel called "Shoggoth'in it On" in which Lovecraftian minions get it on with human girls. It becomes a worldwide sensation with young women from the Twilight-set....and the rest of the planet hates your everlasting guts for ruining cool gods.

I wish I had a lantern ring.

You now have a lantern ring. The only thing that can defeat you is the color yellow. You now live inside the big bird suit, and therefore can never use any of your powers.

I want my own jetfighter.

This post has been edited by Dutch Flag: 23 August 2011 - 06:09 PM

[QuickTidal]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 06:08 PM, said:

You now have a lantern ring. The only thing that can defeat you is the color yellow. You now live inside the big bird suit, and therefore can never use any of your powers.

I want my own jetfighter.

Jetfighter Granted. It is a child's toy made from tin...in the 1960's.

I wish I had the water tentacle from The Abyss as my pet.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 23 August 2011 - 06:16 PM

[Obdigore]

QuickTidal, on 23 August 2011 - 06:16 PM, said:

Jetfighter Granted. It is a child's toy made from tin...in the 1960's.

I wish I had the water tentacle from The Abyss as my pet.

Granted. For it to find food you must allow it inside you in its entirety for at least an hour every day.

I wish I had a completely defensible compound for the coming zombie apocolypse.

[Abyss]

Granted. And all you will do for the rest of your life is stand around in your completely defensible compound watching zombies come. And suffering from a scorching case of genital herpes, but i digress...

I wish i had a death ray laser satellite.

[Obdigore]

Abyss, on 23 August 2011 - 06:34 PM, said:

Granted. And all you will do for the rest of your life is stand around in your completely defensible compound watching zombies come. And suffering from a scorching case of genital herpes, but i digress...

I wish i had a death ray laser satellite.

You have a death ray laser satellite. You have no way to get it into space and someone hacked your controlling computer, locking you out of it, setting it to always target you and automatically fire if you ever shut the targeting computer down or come within 50 feet of another human being.

I wish that I was Immortal.

[QuickTidal]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 07:05 PM, said:

Abyss, on 23 August 2011 - 06:34 PM, said:

Granted. And all you will do for the rest of your life is stand around in your completely defensible compound watching zombies come. And suffering from a scorching case of genital herpes, but i digress...

I wish i had a death ray laser satellite.

You have a death ray laser satellite. You have no way to get it into space and someone hacked your controlling computer, locking you out of it, setting it to always target you and automatically fire if you ever shut the targeting computer down or come within 50 feet of another human being.

I wish that I was Immortal.

You become immortal, but that just means you can't die not that you can't be wounded. So the people who made you immortal are pissed at you and hunt you taking chunks when they can, leaving you a few months later as just an eyeball and a bit of your ear.

I wish I could have more wishes.

[Obdigore]

You lose all your wishes, but manage to gain every single horrible turn of wishes posted so far in the thread.

I wish that I was Conan the Barbarian.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 07:26 PM, said:

I wish that I was Conan the Barbarian.

Granted. you've been dead since the Hyborian age.

I wish that i could pick and choose memories to remove from my head, granting me the ability to experience new things over and over if I want.

[Abyss]

Granted, but you removed your memory of this thread and now you don't remember that you could do it. AND you have an inexplicably scorching case of genital herpes as well and you only wish you could remove THAT memory.

I wish I could come up with a corruption-proof wish.

[Obdigore]

Abyss, on 23 August 2011 - 07:59 PM, said:

Granted, but you removed your memory of this thread and now you don't remember that you could do it. AND you have an inexplicably scorching case of genital herpes as well and you only wish you could remove THAT memory.

I wish I could come up with a corruption-proof wish.

You come up with a corrption-proof wish. The only corruption proof wish is a wish for nothing to change and everything to happen as if there was no wish.

I wish that Eureka wasn't being cancelled.

[Mott]

Granted but the wishes of those around you now hold more power than your own and realising this weakness they turn on you.

I wish I had someone to fill out all my paperwork.

[Coco with marshmallows]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 08:03 PM, said:

I wish that Eureka wasn't being cancelled.

[Sorry Mott, going with the first reply]

Granted, but it takes on a new writing team featuring Stephanie Meyer & Terry Goodkind, with direction now provided by Uwe Boll

I wish I didn't have to exercise to stay fit.

[Obdigore]

Cocoreturns, on 23 August 2011 - 08:12 PM, said:

I wish I didn't have to exercise to stay fit.

You no longer have to exercise to stay fit. Once a month you have surgery to remove the fat and increase your muscle mass. The first time you plan to do this, the doctor sneezes, slits you femoral artery and you bleed to death in seconds on the table.

I wish that religion did not impunge so heavily upon politics.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted. Unfortunately, the two become one and we are ruled by priest-kings and petty little theocracies. Have a ball!

I wish I could skip mornings.

[Knowing]

Granted, however there arises a vampire plague that sweeps over the world. The only safe times of the day are morning and early evening. You quickly realize you have inadequate time to prepare defenses every day and gather food. You soon starve and have little strength to combat the vampires who break into your abode and devour your stomach.

I wish I owned a giant T-Rex skull.

[Abyss]

Granted, but since it's frikkin huge you can't do anything with it and so it sits in your bedroom and pretty much ensures you will never, ever, get sex ever. plus a scorching case of jurassic herpes.

I wish that tonight i was dining at a Brasilian restaurant, one of those places where they bring around meat on swords and just keep feeding you until you cry for mercy.

[cerveza_fiesta]

You dine at the brazillian restaurant, and are waited on by the most breathtakingly stunning horny brazillian waitress the world has ever seen. She gives you the winks and nods all night, one thing leads to another and you both end up at her place where she delivers to you the most unbelievable sexytime mankind has ever experienced. She tells you the next morning she wasn't really attracted to you but has trouble getting guys once they find out she is a carrier of a rare strain of herpes that dissolves all of your skin (starting with your genitals) into one massive cold-sore that is both scorching and fatal.

I wish that I could make my hair grow on any part of my body to any length I wish within seconds.

[Obdigore]

cerveza_fiesta, on 24 August 2011 - 02:35 PM, said:

I wish that I could make my hair grow on any part of my body to any length I wish within seconds.

Granted. You start growing out our hair, expirimenting, having fun, trying out new looks. That is when you discover that the hair is now grafted onto your bones, and are made out of a flexible adamantium, something you cannot cut or remove.

I wish that I had called in sick to work.