[powerclaw]

A full-on circus erupts around you as you try to eat your lunch. Jugglers grab your meal and start tossing it around. Several elephants destroy the room around you as contortionists perform amazing feats of flexibility all over your car outside and the Strongman makes a mess of the stuff that the elephants didn't get to. Oh, the surprise circus also costs several thousand dollars before the damages...and the buddy that pranked you is broke. Had fun though, right?

I wish that there was a way to know is a book is good enough just by looking at it.

[rhulad]

Granted, now whenever you look at a book you know exactly what happens and therefore whether or not it is good.

I wish I had another death ray, and a mountain fortress.

[Abyss]

rhulad, on 20 March 2012 - 07:24 PM, said:

I wish I had another death ray, and a mountain fortress.

Granted, but you accidentally use the death ray to kill the sapphic threesome from a few pages ago, thus eliminating your only chance for a foursome in this lifetime. Go hide in your mountain fortress, curl up in fetal position, and weep, you poor sorry bastard, WEEP.

I wish someone would send in the clowns.

[rhulad]

Granted, the clowns have been sent in. All of them are drunk and smell of cow shit since they just came from the rodeo.

I wish my mountain fortress had an abundance of attractive females on staff.

[Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy]

rhulad, on 20 March 2012 - 07:38 PM, said:

I wish my mountain fortress had an abundance of attractive females on staff.

Granted. Death by snu-snu. (Wohoo!). At least you had some fun before you died a sore, slow death of exhaustion, you lucky bastard.

I wish my flat cleaned itself, and my fridge was magically always full of fresh organic food which prepared itself to delicious meals.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted, but the flat becomes self-aware, separates itself into hundreds of smaller flatlets and cleanses your building of organic life every 50,000 seconds.

I wish that my study didn't smell like...well, whatever it is but it ain't good, I can tell you that!

[Gust Hubb]

Granted. A micro black hole opens in your room, rapidly removing any smell (and air) present. You asphyxiate in your bed while sleeping unaware. But at least you avoid the flaming herpes that is going around these days.

I our coffee tree produced beans.

[Abyss]

Gust Hubb, on 21 March 2012 - 01:26 PM, said:

I our coffee tree produced beans.

Granted, but what are you going to do with all those garbanzo beans?

I wish i had more coffee identical to the coffee i just finished.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, you vomit.

I wish I was proficient at multitasking.

[powerclaw]

Granted, your ability to multitask is now superb. You are constantly starting new project which you add to your grand list of current activities. Unfortunately your memory isn't nearly good enough to remember half that list and you never end up finishing anything at all.

I wish people would never misinterpret my intentions or misunderstand what I say.

[rhulad]

Granted, now everything you say is taken literally. Everyone hates you.

I wish I had a coffee cup that never emptied of coffee, and that the coffee in it was always hot and delicious.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, unfortunately it requires you to drain it at least once every 10 minutes or it overflows and spills delicious scalding coffee onto your hand. What, I didn't say the cup was grafted to your hand?

I wish I didn't have GERD

[Abyss]

Granted. Your esophagus is gone and you will be 'eating' via intravenous drip henceforth.

I wish i had checked that cage match post for typos a wee bit closer.

[rhulad]

Granted, you checked more closely but accidentally posted it without fixing it anyway.

I wish it was Friday March 23rd 2012 today.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, but the time paradox you've created spins off a parallel university reminiscent of Groundhog's Day.

I wish I could write in indecipherable code.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted, but one day not far off you take a bump to the old noggin and you forget the code. It is now indecipherable to you as well. Nice job breaking it, hero!

I wish I could have the strength and stamina of twenty men.

[powerclaw]

Granted, your magically granted strength and speed far surpasses your bodies physical abilities and you tear yourself apart performing feats of strength and stamina.

I wish I could paint miniatures for longer than a few hours without my back starting to ache.

[kokosdera]

Granted, you can paint for a whole day without fatigue. But do you aware that you are color blind?

I wish I am as proficient in swordsmanship as a Seguleh Three.

[Abyss]

kokosdera, on 23 March 2012 - 02:46 PM, said:

I wish I am as proficient in swordsmanship as a Seguleh Three.

Granted. Unfortunately that particular Seguleh Third is dead, so the skill set is minimal.

I wish i could read my own handwriting.

[Gust Hubb]

Granted, and what you read shatters your already fractured personalities.

I wish i had a second personality.