[cerveza_fiesta]

You are better at talking to the ladies. So good in fact that you amass a harem the likes of which the world has never seen. The only place you can live with your harem free of persecution is Afghanistan. And they stone you to death because you didn't know talking to an Afghani's wife is grounds for some serious fucking retribution.

I wish my dick peed out the most delicious chilled microbrew beer in the world - instead of pee.

This post has been edited by cerveza_fiesta: 23 August 2011 - 01:16 PM

[Abyss]

Your wish is granted and you now urinate microbrew the likes of which ancinet civilizations went to war over. But it still comes out of your dick and frankly, no one wants anything to do with it.

I wish i owned a successful microbrewery, one that in no way has anything to do with beer emerging from anyone's body.

[sappers rule]

You do but it is shut down by the government because you forgot to pay your taxes.



I wish i could read minds.

[Obdigore]

You can read minds, you can hear the inner voices of everyone around you, and you realize that everyone you have ever met, everyone you have ever spend time with, hates you and is in some way planning on killing you.


I wish that I had the power of the MULE in the Foundation books by Asimov.

[Abyss]

Granted, but since MULE is a fictional creation in a paper text, it amounts to precisely nothing and you have wasted a perfectly good wish and now feel shame, humiliation and embarrassment, so much so that you become a social recluse, abandoning all human contact and spending your days in a basement apartment rationing out discount cat food and watching dust motes drift through the air, falling, ever falling...

I wish FREAKANGELS had ended better.

[Obdigore]

Abyss, on 23 August 2011 - 02:29 PM, said:

Granted, but since MULE is a fictional creation in a paper text, it amounts to precisely nothing and you have wasted a perfectly good wish and now feel shame, humiliation and embarrassment, so much so that you become a social recluse, abandoning all human contact and spending your days in a basement apartment rationing out discount cat food and watching dust motes drift through the air, falling, ever falling...

I didn't know this was real life

Quote

I wish FREAKANGELS had ended better.

FREAKANGELS now ends just as you had hoped it would, with two huge twist endings. As you go to the store to pick up (for free) the new edition, you get into an auto accident. You can no longer see, hear, and your hands were burned off so you cannot read braile. You have no way of reading the two new twist endings.

I wish that space travel and colonization was actually a goal of all first-world nations.

[QuickTidal]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 02:32 PM, said:

I wish that space travel and colonization was actually a goal of all first-world nations.

Granted. then the first world we colonize sees us for the parasites we are and nukes us...from orbit...just to be sure.

I wish I could wield Dragnipur.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 23 August 2011 - 02:37 PM

[Tapper]

QuickTidal, on 23 August 2011 - 02:36 PM, said:

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 02:32 PM, said:

I wish that space travel and colonization was actually a goal of all first-world nations.

Granted. then the first world we colonize sees us for the parasites we are and nukes us...from orbit...just to be sure.

I wish I could wield Dragnipur.

You can wield Dragnipur, but those who wield the sword, perish by it. Welcome to an eternity of pulling a cart filled with a Warren.

I wish it was twenty minutes later.

This post has been edited by Tapper: 23 August 2011 - 02:42 PM

[Obdigore]

It is now twenty minutes later. During those twenty minutes every nation that has nuclear weapons launched them, and every single human on the planet is dead, except for you who skipped ahead twenty minutes.

I want the 3d printers to actually work, and soon.

[Tapper]

Dutch Flag, on 23 August 2011 - 02:44 PM, said:

It is now twenty minutes later. During those twenty minutes every nation that has nuclear weapons launched them, and every single human on the planet is dead, except for you who skipped ahead twenty minutes.

I want the 3d printers to actually work, and soon.

The 3d printers work, in any material you like. Before you manage to replicate everything you ever wanted, starting with that awesome, awesome porsche, someone else has decided printing an army of robot soldiers is a really, really good idea, and the first mission they get, is to conquer every other 3d printer. So, you're standing there surrounded by cars, money, plants and art, and get shot by a tin can.

I wish I owned a soviet style state train, one of those nuclear proof high luxury polit buro thingies.

This post has been edited by Tapper: 23 August 2011 - 02:53 PM

[Abyss]

Granted, and you are now the proud new owner of a soviet style state train, one of those nuclear proof high luxury polit buro thingies. Unfortunatelky it's in Moscow and you owe the state $6mil in storage and maintenance fees, plus a hefty bribe to the Russian Mafia just because hey, that's how they did things back in the USSR. Also, you have scorching case of genital herpes, just because.

I wish every corrupted wish ended with a scorching case of genital herpes, just because.

[QuickTidal]

Granted, but it turns out that genital herpes is the key to mutation, so everyone else is a cool as shit mutant with superpowers, while your non-herpes-having-ass is the only human one left that is not an evolved mutant, and they kill you for it...with a rock to show you just how simple you are.

I wish that I could summon deities and demons for my battles in life.

This post has been edited by QuickTidal: 23 August 2011 - 03:21 PM

[Abyss]

Granted, and now you may summon deities and demons for your battles in life. They will spend most of their time battling your scorching case of genital herpes and the rest of the time trying to find copies of Stover books in Chapters-Indigo and/or arguing with your girlfriend over which one of you gets to be Tyrion when you play dress-up.

I wish Stover wrote more books. Fuck.

[cerveza_fiesta]

Stover writes 9 more books. Each and every one a tribute to a character named Terry Goodkind, a fantasy author struggling against the dark forces of "good authorship" who discovers a magical pen that makes his dreams come true. A tenth book is a trubute sequel to Twilight where he explores an alt-universe in which all the characters have scorching cases of genital herpes.

I wish that abyss rhymed better with cat somehow.

[Abyss]

Your wish is granted, as my platinum selling disk of free form rap duets with cats wins every known award in the music industry. Some of the cats have scorching cases of genital herpes, which only adds to their range.

I wish I could get some work done.

[Knowing]

You get some work done, however you have the next 7 hours of your work day with nothing to do, and are forced by your boss to turn off your computer and begin working on their taxes.

I wish I could control the songs played on my radio.

[QuickTidal]

Knowing, on 23 August 2011 - 04:45 PM, said:

You get some work done, however you have the next 7 hours of your work day with nothing to do, and are forced by your boss to turn off your computer and begin working on their taxes.

I wish I could control the songs played on my radio.

Granted. Although now, in a twist on the same day as you are given control over all radio music, the planet suffers from an electromagnetic pulse that erases all music in all formats, except in a protected bunker where there was a 100,000 copies of Justin Beiber's latest album. that is the only album you get to play...over..and over...It gives your cat a scorching case of genital herpes.

I wish I had useable magic points and Final Fantasy style magic potions.

[Abyss]

Granted, but only useable for magic herpes and Final Fantasy style scorching herpes potions.

I wish I was invading Tripoli.

[Obdigore]

Abyss, on 23 August 2011 - 05:35 PM, said:

Granted, but only useable for magic herpes and Final Fantasy style scorching herpes potions.

I wish I was invading Tripoli.

You invaded Tripoli so damn hard. Too bad he and his brothers got angry about it, turned around and castrated you.

I wish the 'force' from Star Wars was real and I had an aptitude for it.

[Gothos]

Granted. But you now have a brother, and he is better at it than you (and everything else too, in fact. And he stole your fiance.)

I wish WoW had a minimum age cap of 18.