[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted. In their place, the T-Virus was invented. Thanks a lot jerkhole.

I wish that I had a pair of old shaving razors, instead of these cardboard replicas.

[HiddenOne]

Granted, you have a finely tooled & matched set of antique razors, complete with pearl handles and silver filigree. Sadly for you, they are grasped firmly in the hands of Jack the Ripper who is using them to carve you into teeny pieces that he uses to caress his man parts in insane perverse glee


I wish this coffee I'm having was a fine cappucino, and I was enjoying it in a lovely sea side cafe somewhere next to the Mediterranean. And I was smoking a hookah filled with something tasty yet inspirational, accompanied by several Malazanites in conversation regarding cerebral matters

[Abyss]

HiddenOne, on 14 September 2013 - 01:48 PM, said:

...

I wish this coffee I'm having was a fine cappucino, and I was enjoying it in a lovely sea side cafe somewhere next to the Mediterranean. And I was smoking a hookah filled with something tasty yet inspirational, accompanied by several Malazanites in conversation regarding cerebral matters

Granted.
And then we collectively decide to take over the world. First the med, then the middle east, the africa fall to our bridgeburner like tactics and superior cerebral stuff next we turn our forces towards europe and dude what the fuck did you put in that hookah i am trippin balls here on a bad way the fuck is wrong with you man? Seriously fuck...

I wish my car could fly.

[Azathmaster]

Abyss, on 15 September 2013 - 04:42 AM, said:

HiddenOne, on 14 September 2013 - 01:48 PM, said:

...

I wish this coffee I'm having was a fine cappucino, and I was enjoying it in a lovely sea side cafe somewhere next to the Mediterranean. And I was smoking a hookah filled with something tasty yet inspirational, accompanied by several Malazanites in conversation regarding cerebral matters

Granted.
And then we collectively decide to take over the world. First the med, then the middle east, the africa fall to our bridgeburner like tactics and superior cerebral stuff next we turn our forces towards europe and dude what the fuck did you put in that hookah i am trippin balls here on a bad way the fuck is wrong with you man? Seriously fuck...

I wish my car could fly.

Granted, too bad it doesn't connect with air traffic control, and you take down an airplane by crashing into it's engine. Not good for the future of flying cars. Everyone hates you for ruining the possibility, and no one goes to your funeral.

I wish I didn't bruise so easily.

[Solidsnape]

Granted. But your Adamantium coated skin plays havoc with airport security scanners.

I wish I could play like Tommy Emmanuel.

This post has been edited by Solidsnape: 16 September 2013 - 02:34 AM

[Abyss]

Solidsnape, on 16 September 2013 - 02:33 AM, said:

I wish I could play like Tommy Emmanuel.

Granted. Who knew Tommy was so damn good at musical chairs?

I wish i felt like working.

[Ain't_It_Just_]

Granted. You feel like working....your way into an early grave. Alas, poor Abyss, we wish we knew ye a little less bettere.

I wish I had garlic bread. THE BEST GARLIC BREAD.

[Abyss]

Ain, on 24 September 2013 - 02:03 AM, said:

I wish I had garlic bread. THE BEST GARLIC BREAD.

You got it. The bread is perfect. The garlic sublime. Your head essentially just had multiple tastegasms eating it.
And now your life is sad cold and empty and you will never approach such pleasure ever again and take to heroine/cocaine eyeball injection to compensate.

I wish i had one more slice of this leftover pizza.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Abyss, on 24 September 2013 - 05:17 PM, said:

Ain, on 24 September 2013 - 02:03 AM, said:

I wish I had garlic bread. THE BEST GARLIC BREAD.

You got it. The bread is perfect. The garlic sublime. Your head essentially just had multiple tastegasms eating it.
And now your life is sad cold and empty and you will never approach such pleasure ever again and take to heroine/cocaine eyeball injection to compensate.

I wish i had one more slice of this leftover pizza.

You did, suddenly George R.R. Martin ninja rolls into your house/abode/lair/crypt and steals the pizza. He makes a run for it but the ninja turtles make for a hasty chase. Once George R.R. Martin is dealt with a battle royale ensues among the mutant amphibians. Michaelangelo comes out the victor, Rising above the battle broken forms of his brothers, a bloodied slice held high and then consumed most righteously.

Dude.

It was an epic slice of pizza.

I wish tomorrow was another public holiday.

[Abyss]

Dolmen+, on 24 September 2013 - 08:01 PM, said:

I wish tomorrow was another public holiday.

Granted. Everyone spends tomorrow naked from the waist down. Oh, wait... pubLic...

I wish it was socially acceptable to arrange for irritating people to be run over by trucks.

[Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy]

Abyss, on 24 September 2013 - 08:13 PM, said:

Dolmen+, on 24 September 2013 - 08:01 PM, said:

I wish tomorrow was another public holiday.

Granted. Everyone spends tomorrow naked from the waist down. Oh, wait... pubLic...

I wish it was socially acceptable to arrange for irritating people to be run over by trucks.

Granted.

Uh-oh... I guess Abyss -er- didn't see that coming.

I wish for 5 meters of snow in Switzerland over my holidays and I want to enjoy it- no funny stuff.

[Abyss]

Mrs Savagely Wishy Washy, on 17 December 2013 - 07:04 PM, said:

I wish for 5 meters of snow in Switzerland over my holidays and I want to enjoy it- no funny stuff.

Granted. You have a lovely holiday at home watching the tv news as Switzerland attempts to dig itself out from a catastrophic snow fall that has brought the entire country to a standstill, caused mass fatalities, injuries and damage. As you are a psychopath, you enjoy this tremendously, but not in a funny way.

I wish I had seen that truck coming in time to avoid it.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Abyss, on 17 December 2013 - 07:22 PM, said:

I wish I had seen that truck coming in time to avoid it.

Granted You saw it coming, you dodged it and were hit by another even bigger truck.

Destiny 2.0. now with auto-correct feature.

I wish I was on a boat, far from any krakens, Iceburgs or unruly seas.

This post has been edited by Dolmen Weeks: 17 December 2013 - 07:30 PM

[Abyss]

Dolmen Weeks, on 17 December 2013 - 07:29 PM, said:

I wish I was on a boat, far from any krakens, Iceburgs or unruly seas.

Granted. Watch out for the syphilis, snakes, that serial killer, and hey is that a meteor....

I wish i had a copy of Jim Butcher's SKIN GAME, as published English edition, complete, readable, and neither radioactive, poisonous nor infected with any nasty diseases.

[Gnaw]

Abyss, on 17 December 2013 - 09:12 PM, said:

I wish i had a copy of Jim Butcher's SKIN GAME, as published English edition, complete, readable, and neither radioactive, poisonous nor infected with any nasty diseases.

Granted.

But you were had it in your hand when you dodged the truck and it was soaked in your blood when the bigger truck hit you.

Destiny 3.0 - retroactive!

I wish christmas sucked just a tiny bit less.

[Abyss]

Gnaw, on 17 December 2013 - 10:16 PM, said:

I wish christmas sucked just a tiny bit less.

Granted. Now it blows.



I wish Christmas tree decorations involved more laser lights, reflective surfaces and open flame.

[HiddenOne]

Of course you shall have it

You awaken to find yourself chained to a giant disco ball perched atop a 50 ft tall pine tree that sways gently in time to the strains of Justin Bieber crooning "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" in Cantonese. On the ground you can see the blood soaked novel you had been clutching before that Peterbilt mowed you down. It appears someone is about to read it before you, wait a minute... Could that be Aptorius, your legendary foe wearing a Santa hat?

You trigger the 153000 jigawatt laser concealed in your crocodile skin booties to fry his bones off, but a freak trick of acoustics causes the shot to go wild and reflect from the giant disco ball and strike directly onto your own genitals, which have been coated with a slow burning variation of herpes tar. Well, at least you won't have to worry about paying your income taxes any more!




I wish my Christmas bonus featured more than 2 digits.

[Coco with marshmallows]

HiddenOne, on 19 December 2013 - 10:10 PM, said:

I wish my Christmas bonus featured more than 2 digits.

GRANTED - your boss and their boss combine to give you four digits - one on each of their hands as they fire your ass for negligence.

I wish my shoulder injury was healed.

[Abyss]

I Am Brian Blessed Not Brent Weeks, on 19 December 2013 - 11:14 PM, said:

I wish my shoulder injury was healed.

Granted. Oh, wait, wrong shoulder. Sorry about that, but aren't you happy that birthmark on your other shoulder is gone now?

I wish i had an extra two hours today to get all this work done.

[Stormcat]

Granted you got an extra two hours and finished all of your work. But getting two hours of time that didn't exist causes you to fall into a time warp. You end up having to repeat those two hours of work on an infinite loop.
I wish it would snow here on Christmas.