[amphibian]

Gnaw, I hope they figure that out soon. Not eating must be tiring.

Briar King, on 15 October 2015 - 08:38 PM, said:

Anyway as we walked off the ex began cracking up and told me it was her doing the shoving and then darting around me.

Sigh

There's a reason why she's the ex. Sorry, bub.

[Andorion]

Briar King, on 15 October 2015 - 08:38 PM, said:

I've forgotten how incredibly mean and fierce I apparently look with short hair esp if I'm trying to do so on purpose. Now I rarely get angry or uppity with anyone these past few yrs. I try to blow/lol stuff off now that my kids are older. Well I was shopping with the ex and as we stood at checkout I felt a shove on my back and I turn to see a very large guy behind me. I turn around and blow it off. After the 4th shove I turned and slammed my hand down on counter looked up in the guys eyes and asked in a not quite voice "do you have a motherfucking problem asshole?" His shrinking unresponsing response is what's messing with my groove. So unlike me now. Anyway as we walked off the ex began cracking up and told me it was her doing the shoving and then darting around me.

Sigh

That was my first reaction.
Sympathies
The guy behind you must have been so confused

[Andorion]

Briar King, on 16 October 2015 - 04:33 AM, said:

Yep I felt bad about it. That's the 2nd time in as many days I ve gotten angry. I seem to have my older shorter fuse primed since the wreck last week.

Hows the weather over there? If its nice you could take the telescope and do some star-gazing.

[King Lear]

Traveller, on 15 October 2015 - 08:34 PM, said:

Puckstein, on 15 October 2015 - 03:08 PM, said:

A random rant:

People. I know I don't fit into people's pretty nice world, so can you please get over your delicate sensibilities and stop staring? Or pretending like I'm some monster just because I don't jump in your face all smiles and overflowing happiness? And more importantly, I know you're staring, and I know you don't like it when I stare back. Which is why I do it.

Funnily enough, it seems that it's mostly younger people and people my age who have a problem with my appearance, while older people have the wherewithal to open their mouths and start up a conversation.

I'd think I'm just imagining, but there are those older people who do ask me about my hair, so it's definitely real.

/random rant

Seems weird to me - either you like to appear as you do in order to provoke a reaction, or.. you don't give a crap what people think. If the former, then why rant when you get a reaction? And if the latter, why care what anyone else thinks?

I guess wanting people not to be shitheels really is too much to ask.

[Traveller]

People aren't being shitheels by staring if they see someone that doesn't correspond to their idea of normal - that's just human nature. And coping with something like being tall/short is different to say, putting tattoos and piercings all over your face.

If I dye my hair firetruck red, twist it into four inch spikes and get on a bus, I'm not then going to get uppity if it gets a few looks. Is all.

My boy just woke me about an hour before I have to be up, and decided that being dark and about two hours before dawn is no obstacle to playing noisily with his stuffed animals.

This post has been edited by Traveller: 16 October 2015 - 05:33 AM

[Egwene]

Briar King, on 15 October 2015 - 08:38 PM, said:

I've forgotten how incredibly mean and fierce I apparently look with short hair esp if I'm trying to do so on purpose. Now I rarely get angry or uppity with anyone these past few yrs. I try to blow/lol stuff off now that my kids are older. Well I was shopping with the ex and as we stood at checkout I felt a shove on my back and I turn to see a very large guy behind me. I turn around and blow it off. After the 4th shove I turned and slammed my hand down on counter looked up in the guys eyes and asked in a not quite voice "do you have a motherfucking problem asshole?" His shrinking unresponsing response is what's messing with my groove. So unlike me now. Anyway as we walked off the ex began cracking up and told me it was her doing the shoving and then darting around me.

Sigh

And so, wars begin... *sigh*

[Puck]

I guess I should clear up some things, as I provoked more of a response than I meant to, though this is probably going to get me more flak..

Look, I am perfectly aware that having almost waist-long dreads will provoke looks. You get used to it or cut them off. What provoked my rant yesterday was me almost missing my train stop because a couple of young women, of whom one was too busy playing with her smartphone to be able to walk, and the other was too busy staring at me to walk. They were standing in my way, and the doors were about to close, so I made a gesture to remind the latter one to get over herself and out of the freaking train (the gesture being pointing at the doors), at which point she gave me a look like I'd just threaned to personally kick her out of it, and scuttled off with her friend. And that was the second such incident yesterday, and I'd had a bad mood even before that. And then there was this guy on the next train who gave me a look like I was going to shoot him, both times I walked past him while looking for a seat, so it was no accident. And I'd like to know what the hell that was. I've had random people ask me if I take drugs, because 'uuuh, your hair, you probably smoke something funny' and I've had a random, fifty-year-old bus driver try to kiss me (long story, creepy as hell), but somehow I find those 'staring and stopping whatever they were doing'-people annoying while everyone else is just mildly weird to amusing. Or nice, like that older lady on the bus last week who after some uncomfortable looking just up and asked me stuff, so we had a nice little chat. It's okay to stare, please go on, just get on with life and don't stand in the way, ever, no matter what you're doing - staring at people, talking on the phone, picking your nose - on public transport or other such areas.

I don't give a crap about what people think, but I do give a lot of crap about what they do, especially if that means being obstructive. It's equally annoying as some people being seemingly unable to get their eyes off their phone for three seconds to get off the train without obstructing anyone else, or talking on the phone while standing in line and it being their turn, and so on.

By people getting over themselves I mean 'Get you eyes off your phone, your nose, your fingernails, other people, or whatever else takes up too much attention to walk' when you're in a crowded area and people are trying to get past you. Yeah, I mostly talked about staring in my previous post, but that's what the issue comes down to, the staring was just what particularly annoyed me yesterday.

Call me unable to get over myself. As some of you have pointed out, I should not give a crap, and I don't, actually. Most of the time.

Edit: bah, spelling!

This post has been edited by Puckstein: 16 October 2015 - 02:28 PM

[QuickTidal]

Puck,

Those aspects you described are irritations for sure...but they happen everywhere to everyone. I don't have a day go by where someone on the transit is not paying attention, head down on phone, ignorantly "standing left" on an escalator when they should be "standing right" and "moving left", rushing doors of the subway as I try to get off even though there are signs AND announcements to not do that...ect. And I live in Toronto, a city full of every variety of human and styles...and every single one of them has the capacity to be an ignorant ass-clown with regards to how other people move, and obstruction of the path I want to be on...and if anyone of those people also took issue with how I look? Fuck them. They really aren't worth my time.

Stand by what your style is, tell idiots on the transit or in line ups to pay attention (I do this all the time), ignore whatever looks they give you, and hold up a mental (or physical) middle finger to them.

I understand it's frustrating to have these things combine, but try not to let it get to you. Adopt the "I don't care what you think" attitude in those situations when possible.

Case in point: about a week ago, I was walking home and about a block form my house there is construction, and one of those closed in walkways of scaffolding over the sidewalk which allows only 1 person walking in each direction. A guy in front of me hired a bicycle, but instead of walking it through the walkway and then getting it out onto the road, like a normal human (causing the least amount of passage upset while he has to be under the walkway), he got onto it and slowly followed the foot traffic weaving around (because he wasn't able to go fast enough to keep the bike upright) in front of me and I sighed aloud a few times to let him know he was being a douche-canoe...so as we got out of the walkaway and he started to cross the street to get into the proper bike lane, he stared me down and I glared angrily back at him and asked him what the FUCK he was looking at. He turned away and rode off. But yeah, you don't have to tolerate idiocy out there. You have every right to pipe up and let people know they are behaving poorly.

Solidarity with you Puck. I hate it when people are obstructive.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 16 October 2015 - 02:52 PM, said:

Puck,

Those aspects you described are irritations for sure...but they happen everywhere to everyone. I don't have a day go by where someone on the transit is not paying attention, head down on phone, ignorantly "standing left" on an escalator when they should be "standing right" and "moving left", rushing doors of the subway as I try to get off even though there are signs AND announcements to not do that...ect. And I live in Toronto, a city full of every variety of human and styles...and every single one of them has the capacity to be an ignorant ass-clown with regards to how other people move, and obstruction of the path I want to be on...and if anyone of those people also took issue with how I look? Fuck them. They really aren't worth my time.

Stand by what your style is, tell idiots on the transit or in line ups to pay attention (I do this all the time), ignore whatever looks they give you, and hold up a mental (or physical) middle finger to them.

I understand it's frustrating to have these things combine, but try not to let it get to you. Adopt the "I don't care what you think" attitude in those situations when possible.

Case in point: about a week ago, I was walking home and about a block form my house there is construction, and one of those closed in walkways of scaffolding over the sidewalk which allows only 1 person walking in each direction. A guy in front of me hired a bicycle, but instead of walking it through the walkway and then getting it out onto the road, like a normal human (causing the least amount of passage upset while he has to be under the walkway), he got onto it and slowly followed the foot traffic weaving around (because he wasn't able to go fast enough to keep the bike upright) in front of me and I sighed aloud a few times to let him know he was being a douche-canoe...so as we got out of the walkaway and he started to cross the street to get into the proper bike lane, he stared me down and I glared angrily back at him and asked him what the FUCK he was looking at. He turned away and rode off. But yeah, you don't have to tolerate idiocy out there. You have every right to pipe up and let people know they are behaving poorly.

Solidarity with you Puck. I hate it when people are obstructive.

I am going to second this. I am a fast walker and every morning I have to walk through a very busy yet very narrow area to get to the subway. This place also contains a tea stall and a temple and literally dozens of people just stand in the middle of the sidewalk and obstruct busier people. Then there are the smartphone browsers walking at the pace of an arthiritic tortoise. I use smartphones a lot too but theres a time and a place. So I brush past and keep on walking fast. I ignore the inevitable stares.

Unfortunately this is part of modern urban life. Brush it off, turn up the music and come vent here

[QuickTidal]

Andorion, I also hate when people walk out of a store onto the street into the flow of sidewalk traffic and pay NO attention to the speed and progress of that foot traffic. They just wander out in front of you slowly and weaving with their bags, phone usually out, eyes down. I always think to myself "If you did that in a car, you'd have an accident."

People are basically shit. LOL

[Puck]

Andorion, on 16 October 2015 - 03:02 PM, said:

Unfortunately this is part of modern urban life. Brush it off, turn up the music and come vent here

That's what I did, and I didn't think it would cause such a response. I was just venting.

Especially since it seems like so much common sense to me to at least try to not be obstructive. I sure know I'm trying. But when people are obstructive and for such stupid reasons.. Well, I have a bit of a temper And this being the Inn, I didn't think I'd have to explain it all.

[Egwene]

Puckstein, on 16 October 2015 - 03:37 PM, said:

Andorion, on 16 October 2015 - 03:02 PM, said:

Unfortunately this is part of modern urban life. Brush it off, turn up the music and come vent here

That's what I did, and I didn't think it would cause such a response. I was just venting.

Especially since it seems like so much common sense to me to at least try to not be obstructive. I sure know I'm trying. But when people are obstructive and for such stupid reasons.. Well, I have a bit of a temper And this being the Inn, I didn't think I'd have to explain it all.

Probably because you never mentioned anything about obstructions etc in your initial post *shrugs*

To everyone here who has been talking about people obstructing etc... why not try giving them a smile for a change and a cheerful 'hey there, mind letting me pass?' It takes equal amounts of energy to do that then to exchange stares and un-pleasantries. Chances are that in most of the previous describe encounters the other party has also gone home and said, 'you never believe what happened, but I was minding my own business when this guy just brushed past me... never even said 'excuse me'..." Think of the world as a massive mountain range where your actions come back as an echo... if you smile, the chances of a smile coming back are much higher And if someone stares nastily at you but you smile back at them, well, you will have re-written their transmission

[QuickTidal]

Egwene, on 16 October 2015 - 06:19 PM, said:

To everyone here who has been talking about people obstructing etc... why not try giving them a smile for a change and a cheerful 'hey there, mind letting me pass?' It takes equal amounts of energy to do that then to exchange stares and un-pleasantries. Chances are that in most of the previous describe encounters the other party has also gone home and said, 'you never believe what happened, but I was minding my own business when this guy just brushed past me... never even said 'excuse me'..." Think of the world as a massive mountain range where your actions come back as an echo... if you smile, the chances of a smile coming back are much higher And if someone stares nastily at you but you smile back at them, well, you will have re-written their transmission

This person who smiles at others and gives the benefit of the doubt to random strangers...was me 20 years ago before the level of rudeness in my city wore me down to the nub that I am now. I'm a product of an urban metropolis full of people who are selfish, rude, and ignorant.

I've taken to holding my folded elbows out to the side as I exit the subway when people are trying to rush on, like a cow-catcher...because saying excuse me...does not work. Ever. They simply don't care and shove their way onto the car.

I no longer am willing to give random people the benefit of the doubt. For city-dwellers, their default setting is "selfish and rude" until otherwise noted. I doubt this will ever change.

[amphibian]

Egwene, on 16 October 2015 - 06:19 PM, said:

To everyone here who has been talking about people obstructing etc... why not try giving them a smile for a change and a cheerful 'hey there, mind letting me pass?' It takes equal amounts of energy to do that then to exchange stares and un-pleasantries.

Do you live in a major city? It's a relevant question because there are hundreds of these tiny interactions every week. This wears people down. I live outside a major city and honestly, all I do these days in a major city is stay neutral. Not rude, not happy. Just efficient. I don't have the patience to stay upbeat and happy for that many interactions during my weeks in NYC or Boston, much less most of my hypothetical full time life in a big city.

I'm a bit hesitant to talk about Puckstein's deal because waist-long dreads are a complicated thing. Yeah, they're a personal choice. But white people having dreads is usually kinda the co-opting of a particular ethnic hairstyle and accompanied by general social perceptions of uncleanliness and unprofessionalism in the white person having the dreads.

My best friend had a well hidden dread in her hair for something like eight years. She eventually cut it off because the maintenance was annoying and because she was tired of dealing with the uncleanliness/unprofessional opinions held by the people she deals with in a super-professional and uptight work environment.

I've never been tempted to have dreads, but I have alternated between shaven head to shoulder length hair over my life and honestly, a short, trim, business-respectable haircut ends up being the best deal for me in terms of how I look to others, upkeep, and personal happiness. But that's my deal.

Others may have other deals.

[Tiste Simeon]

A police officer has been shot in London. This is not going to end well.

[Egwene]

amphibian, on 16 October 2015 - 06:55 PM, said:

Egwene, on 16 October 2015 - 06:19 PM, said:

To everyone here who has been talking about people obstructing etc... why not try giving them a smile for a change and a cheerful 'hey there, mind letting me pass?' It takes equal amounts of energy to do that then to exchange stares and un-pleasantries.

Do you live in a major city? It's a relevant question because there are hundreds of these tiny interactions every week. This wears people down. I live outside a major city and honestly, all I do these days in a major city is stay neutral. Not rude, not happy. Just efficient. I don't have the patience to stay upbeat and happy for that many interactions during my weeks in NYC or Boston, much less most of my hypothetical full time life in a big city.

Not anymore but London was home for many years.

[Egwene]

Everyone is unhappy about people not smiling, about others who brush past etc... so everyone joins in Doesn't really make sense.

[Puck]

Egwene, on 16 October 2015 - 06:19 PM, said:

Probably because you never mentioned anything about obstructions etc in your initial post *shrugs*

To everyone here who has been talking about people obstructing etc... why not try giving them a smile for a change and a cheerful 'hey there, mind letting me pass?' It takes equal amounts of energy to do that then to exchange stares and un-pleasantries. Chances are that in most of the previous describe encounters the other party has also gone home and said, 'you never believe what happened, but I was minding my own business when this guy just brushed past me... never even said 'excuse me'..." Think of the world as a massive mountain range where your actions come back as an echo... if you smile, the chances of a smile coming back are much higher And if someone stares nastily at you but you smile back at them, well, you will have re-written their transmission

You're right. I also put it into this thread, not the Discussion Board *shrugs*

I have respect for your attitude, but it's not workable when you commute in a big city. I live in a small town, but work in a huge city, and there's a world of difference. Smiling and saying 'Excuse me' simply doesn't get noticed because nobody cares about what or who is around them; and trust me, I tried - I frequently surprise people by how polite I am when I have the chance to be. And that's it: I am polite. Not more, and not less. Anything else is not worth the energy, as it will be forgotten the next second, if it gets noticed at all.

Egwene, on 16 October 2015 - 07:32 PM, said:

Everyone is unhappy about people not smiling, about others who brush past etc... so everyone joins in Doesn't really make sense.

On the contrary, if people would finally actually just brush past instead of standing in the way, and stop wasting time, I'd be a happy Puck. Only thing I wish for is common sense, like, say, letting people get out of a bus/train before rushing in. That would safe everyone so much hassle and energy.. One can always dream, I guess.

amphibian, on 16 October 2015 - 06:55 PM, said:

I'm a bit hesitant to talk about Puckstein's deal because waist-long dreads are a complicated thing. Yeah, they're a personal choice. But white people having dreads is usually kinda the co-opting of a particular ethnic hairstyle and accompanied by general social perceptions of uncleanliness and unprofessionalism in the white person having the dreads.

My best friend had a well hidden dread in her hair for something like eight years. She eventually cut it off because the maintenance was annoying and because she was tired of dealing with the uncleanliness/unprofessional opinions held by the people she deals with in a super-professional and uptight work environment.

Rest assured that I've done my share of thinking on the issue. There's a lot more to say on that than belongs in this thread, and there's such strong opinions about it out there, especially in the context of american culture that unless you take it to the DB, I will not talk further about.

For example, I always wonder why one would have one dread and hide it away. It makes no sense to me. It's like 'yeah, except no, because people'. But as I said, it's not something that belongs in this thread.

This post has been edited by Puckstein: 16 October 2015 - 08:03 PM

[Egwene]

Are there pictures of your on the board anywhere, Puck? Because I am now envisaging the male dread version of Rapunzel!!!!

This post has been edited by Egwene: 16 October 2015 - 09:04 PM

[worry]

Uh some of us shut our eyes and gambol around the sidewalk with no regard for others FOR RELIGIOUS REASONS!