[amphibian]

Slow Ben, on 20 July 2022 - 06:51 PM, said:

I know you’ll all find this hard to believe, but attics are hot as balls right now.

I’ve sweat through my shirt at least 6 times today.


The humidity, gods it like a sauna every time I go outside.

Welp! Back to it. Stay safe everyone!!!

My brother wears one of those hiking/running shirts that he can sweat through constantly while doing carpentry in places like that. It's brutal. Take care of yourself!

[amphibian]

My marriage is falling apart.

My partner has untreated borderline personality disorder. Her therapist thinks she only has cPTSD, her sister has BPD and addiction issues that nearly ruined her life, and she regularly displays symptoms including explosive unregulated emotions, self harm, unstable relationships with others, and emptiness in a scale that's sometimes gargantuan. She has gotten deep into actual weed addiction problems (5-7 hours a day smoking immediately after work until she goes to bed, getting anxious if she can't do this like on family visits, prioritizing the smoke over daily life activities or seeing people) + is gluing herself to the couch for 6 hours a day watching bad TV for months on end + shutting down all dates, activities with me or with others, and/or talks, then complaining that she's lonely and nobody understands the real her.

Nothing reaches her and communication + following up on things + intimacy on all levels is functionally gone. I can't handle a lifetime of this after years of this.

We had a blow up yesterday in which she tossed some of her drugs, but she wants a divorce and wants me to leave the house.

The person I entered into this relationship with isn't here anymore and doesn't want to be. That's a deeply sad thing to experience over and over.

Years ago, I left her because she was physically abusing me. I left at 2 am bleeding after she attacked me. She put in work to stop physically abusing me and I trusted her and believed in her enough to marry her. But that dynamic moved into other things rather than being addressed and expressed healthily.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 21 July 2022 - 12:06 PM

[QuickTidal]

amphibian, on 21 July 2022 - 12:03 PM, said:

My marriage is falling apart.

My partner has untreated borderline personality disorder. Her therapist thinks she only has cPTSD, her sister has BPD and addiction issues that nearly ruined her life, and she regularly displays symptoms including explosive unregulated emotions, self harm, unstable relationships with others, and emptiness in a scale that's sometimes gargantuan. She has gotten deep into actual weed addiction problems (5-7 hours a day smoking immediately after work until she goes to bed, getting anxious if she can't do this like on family visits, prioritizing the smoke over daily life activities or seeing people) + is gluing herself to the couch for 6 hours a day watching bad TV for months on end + shutting down all dates, activities with me or with others, and/or talks, then complaining that she's lonely and nobody understands the real her.

Nothing reaches her and communication + following up on things + intimacy on all levels is functionally gone. I can't handle a lifetime of this after years of this.

We had a blow up yesterday in which she tossed some of her drugs, but she wants a divorce and wants me to leave the house.

The person I entered into this relationship with isn't here anymore and doesn't want to be. That's a deeply sad thing to experience over and over.

Years ago, I left her because she was physically abusing me. I left at 2 am bleeding after she attacked me. She put in work to stop physically abusing me and I trusted her and believed in her enough to marry her. But that dynamic moved into other things rather than being addressed and expressed healthily.

Oh my gods, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. Mental health can really be a hard thing to deal with, especially if it's untreated. It's worse for you because you're so close to them and therefore you are the one that gets lashed out at, when you try to help.

I'm not sure what to tell you except that it's okay to go outside and get further advice on how to handle it, but it very much sounds like this person wants to destroy herself and come hell of high water she will. You can't sink with that ship. It does sound like you've tried repeatedly to get her the help she needs to rise above all this and get treatment for her mental health, but to no avail.

What a shitty situation man. Just know we are here for a shoulder to lean on or whatever other help we can be. Take care of yourself as best you can.

[amphibian]

Thank you for the kind words.

I am the dumping ground for the emotions she knows other people won't handle well. It's an awful dynamic and she's added things into it like raging at me over me being the arbiter appointed by her of whether she's good or bad or a success ora failure. The weird binaries aren't something I have been able to avoid or not somehow feed into.

I'm seeing my own therapist and we've gone through two couples therapists and on our third because she starts to feel that the therapist is taking my side and that she's not getting listened to.

There is a good deal of self responsibility here - I married my abuser. There were hopes and stretches of happiness, but I should have stayed gone.

This post has been edited by amphibian: 21 July 2022 - 01:01 PM

[QuickTidal]

Yeah, that's really hard man. Don't be too hard on yourself for wanting to see the good in her and help her be the better human she could be. Trying to help people with these issues is admirable, but at least you've come to realize that maybe it's time to leave. I hope you're able to weather it as best you can. Tough times for sure.

[worry]

QT's right. It's more than okay to hope and try and forgive, when you're in love. To a point, and maybe you reached that point. I don't really have anything else to add to what QT said already. I guess auditing this part of your life is a natural thing to do right now. Just try not to be too hard on yourself.

[Gorefest]

Really sorry to hear that, Amph. Sounds terrible, I cannot begin to imagine what it feels like to see the person you love destroying herself and everything you both tried to build up over the years. My wife struggles with depression as well, but not nearly to this extent.

I don't think any advice from us, however well meant, is going to be of much use. But I'd echo the above sentiments. It sounds like you have done everything in your power and beyond to help her and salvage your relationship. But at the end of the day you also need to be able to step back and admit that sometimes you are fighting a losing battle and it isn't all your burden to bear. It takes two people to make a relationship work. And if it is toxic, desperately trying to keep it afloat unilaterally might in the end only makes things worse.

[Cyphon]

That fucking sucks Amph. Feel free to vent as you need in what is a real shitty situation after you very naturally did all that you could. Thinking of you.

[Tiste Simeon]

Agree with all of the above Amph. I'm no expert or psychologist but I feel for you. I'm here for you if you just need to vent.

[Whisperzzzzzzz]

Tiste Simeon, on 21 July 2022 - 07:12 PM, said:

Agree with all of the above Amph. I'm no expert or psychologist but I feel for you. I'm here for you if you just need to vent.

Same.

I speak on behalf of the whole forum when I say that we are willing to enter into a polygamous marriage with you. All of us!

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

I'm so sorry to read this Amph. Please try not to be too hard on yourself for wanting to help your wife. I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling, but I will keep you in my thoughts.

[amphibian]

Whisperzzzzzzz, on 21 July 2022 - 07:29 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 21 July 2022 - 07:12 PM, said:

Agree with all of the above Amph. I'm no expert or psychologist but I feel for you. I'm here for you if you just need to vent.

Same.

I speak on behalf of the whole forum when I say that we are willing to enter into a polygamous marriage with you. All of us!

I would marry all of you too. But I run hot at night, so we've gotta do a bed rota.

Thank you all.

[Slow Ben]

Damn Amph, that really really sucks bud.

Take care of yourself.

[Maark Abbott]

Hope things look up for you soon Amph.

On my end I had a shit day at work on Wednesday and ended up blowing out a vocal chord or something because Strapping Young Lad was a real appealing singalong. Click click goes the throaty.

[Abyss]

amphibian, on 21 July 2022 - 09:30 PM, said:

Whisperzzzzzzz, on 21 July 2022 - 07:29 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 21 July 2022 - 07:12 PM, said:

Agree with all of the above Amph. I'm no expert or psychologist but I feel for you. I'm here for you if you just need to vent.

Same.

I speak on behalf of the whole forum when I say that we are willing to enter into a polygamous marriage with you. All of us!

I would marry all of you too. But I run hot at night, so we've gotta do a bed rota.

Thank you all.

You complete me.

...ummm.. us...?

..or something. ...either way, sorry you're going through this, we're here for you, whatever you need.



...did that get weird?

[Gorefest]

Nah. Intensely creepy, wildly uncomfortable and somewhat disturbing, sure. But not weird.

[champ]

Amph, I'm sorry you are going through that shit man, you don't deserve that. You ever need to talk, vent or rant, we all got your back. No matter how this plays out I wish you the very best, stay strong.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'Two decades of Alzheimer's research may be based on deliberate fraud that has cost millions of lives

[...] Over the last two decades, Alzheimer's drugs have been notable mostly for having a 99% failure rate in human trials. [...] now we have a good idea of why. Because it looks like the original paper that established the amyloid plaque model as the foundation of Alzheimer's research over the last 16 years might not just be wrong, but a deliberate fraud.

[...] As Science reports[...] There's good evidence that for the last 16 years, almost everyone has had the wrong idea about the cause of Alzheimer's. Because of a fraud.'

Two decades of Alzheimer's research may be based on deliberate fraud that has cost millions of lives

'Large systematic review finds no evidence for the serotonin hypothesis of depression

[...] Decades of literature has argued that depression results from abnormalities in serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in numerous psychological and physiological processes. This has served as the basis for the use of Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants. That depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain has widespread support from researchers, health care practitioners, and the general public. The seeming efficacy of SSRIs is believed to provide support for the involvement of serotonin in depression. Other explanations have suggested that antidepressants enhance a placebo effect or generally blunt emotion.

[...] "the major strands of research on serotonin shows there is no convincing evidence that depression is associated with, or caused by, lower serotonin concentrations or activity." Most studies revealed no differences in serotonin activity between people with depression and without. As well, the methods of reducing serotonin availability via tryptophan depletion did not lower mood among participants. Further, genetic studies reject a link between genotypes relating to the serotonin system and depression.

The researchers add, "The idea that depression is the result of a chemical imbalance also influences decisions about whether to take or continue antidepressant medication and may discourage people from discontinuing treatment, potentially leading to lifelong dependence on these drugs."'

Large systematic review finds no evidence for the serotonin hypothesis of depression

'[...] Scorched Fields Across Europe

[...] compounding problems for food producers, who were already reeling from frosts, hail and drought in the first half of the year.'

Supply Chain Latest: bread inflation in US and heat waves across Europe

'Biden Is All Talk as Fires Take Over the American West

[...] fire outlook across the American West is bleak, part of a global pattern of escalating droughts, the drying out of the land in periods of abnormal heat, and the consequent outbreak of devastating fires.'

Biden Is All Talk as Fires Take Over the American West

[Macros]

and amongst the heat waves and bush fires, we are sponsoring our first tournament at the local golf club. Nice weather all week, and today, our competition day? up to an inch of rain forecast. How about this Mr weatherman, take your fucking rain to the continent where its needed.

[Azath Vitr (D'ivers]

'The Future Is Italy, and It's Bleak

ROME — "If this is to end in fire, then we should all burn together."

These ominous words aren't from an apocalyptic poem: They're from a politician's memoir. [...]

Meloni, whose party carries the symbol adopted by defeated lieutenants of the Mussolini regime and describes itself as "post-fascist," [...]

[...] just two months after Ms. Meloni published her best-selling memoir, her party topped national opinion polls for the first time.

[...] Early elections, due in the fall, could open the way for [...] the first far-right party to lead a major eurozone economy. For Europe and the country, it would be a truly seismic event.

[...] Conversant with pop culture and fond of referring to J.R.R. Tolkien — the line in her memoir, from an Ed Sheeran song on the soundtrack of a film in the Hobbit series, combines the two — Ms. Meloni presents herself as an unusually down-to-earth politician.'

The Future Is Italy, and It's Bleak