[Mezla PigDog]

It's the Ruskies I tells you.

[Tiste Simeon]

Macros, on 20 December 2018 - 04:00 PM, said:

No

Aww

[Mentalist]

Had a conversation with one of my recently-officially-married best friends. He's trying (with the best intentions, I'm sure) to get me to look for someone in my life.

But I really don't feel the need to. Because of the way my I over-analyze everything when it comes to emotions and intangible things, I view a relationship primarily as a system of mutual obligations- which is not something I feel I need in my life at this point. Further to that, I have a completely irrational, but nevertheless deeply ingrained tendency to actively resist any attempts to force me to accept additional responsibilities, unless I am 100% sure that I am able to deal with them.

My parents have been gently carping about this for ages- but unlike previous occasions where they gave me advice regarding education and career, I often felt obligated (or guilt tripped into) following, I feel that this is a type of decision that can potentially negatively impact not only me (which is acceptable), but also another person- and that makes looking for a relationship primarily because other people around me think I ought to a fundamentally selfish and (in my eyes), immoral act.

I realize on some level this is weird logic that I probably created in order to cover some deep-seated inferiority complexes from my awkward teenage years. At the same time, I don't feel fundamentally any different from the way I felt 10 or even 12 years ago. I finished school, I have a job, and even a career I generally enjoy; I own real estate; In theory, I'm doing all the things a "grown up" person is supposed to do. And yet I hardly feel any different than the way I felt in Uni.

Normally, I'm too busy with life to think about this stuff. But with holidays comes time off, and free time means an opportunity to dwell on stuff like this. Sigh.

[Tsundoku]

If you're happy flying solo, then do so. Do what works for you, since you're the person who has to live with the consequences.

Friends with benefits ftw.

[Macros]

Mentalist I identify with pretty much all of that. The second I think someone is trying to shoehorn me into a dating situation with one of their friends or whatever I'm switching off. Some people have this need to constantly have an SO, I am not that person. Im not cold and dead inside, I love my family and friends intensely but I can be very emotionally unavailable at times and don't communicate well. Because of work chances of me seeing a girlfriend would be at weekends only, and that wouldn't be gauranteed, but I would happily spend all week not texting or phoning her. My parents do t spend every second apart on their phones to each other, ma went to spain with her sister last year for a week and I'd easily say beyond the 'plane landed safe' text they had no communication. But they're still completely in love with each other.
I have no idea where this is going but I'm going to carry on.
I can't hack this nonsense of having to text and call non stop.
Why?

How was my day? The fucking same as yesterday, I woke up, worked, ate and went back to bed. I'll tell you all about it face to face when we see each other, put your phone down and get in with your bloody life.

[Mezla PigDog]

I'm pretty sure that for interesting people "growing up" only happens when you have no choice. And even then only on the outside. I mean who would actually want to be a grown up? It's boring as hell.

[Puck]

Mentalist, on 22 December 2018 - 08:12 AM, said:

Had a conversation with one of my recently-officially-married best friends. He's trying (with the best intentions, I'm sure) to get me to look for someone in my life.

But I really don't feel the need to. Because of the way my I over-analyze everything when it comes to emotions and intangible things, I view a relationship primarily as a system of mutual obligations- which is not something I feel I need in my life at this point. Further to that, I have a completely irrational, but nevertheless deeply ingrained tendency to actively resist any attempts to force me to accept additional responsibilities, unless I am 100% sure that I am able to deal with them.

My parents have been gently carping about this for ages- but unlike previous occasions where they gave me advice regarding education and career, I often felt obligated (or guilt tripped into) following, I feel that this is a type of decision that can potentially negatively impact not only me (which is acceptable), but also another person- and that makes looking for a relationship primarily because other people around me think I ought to a fundamentally selfish and (in my eyes), immoral act.

I realize on some level this is weird logic that I probably created in order to cover some deep-seated inferiority complexes from my awkward teenage years. At the same time, I don't feel fundamentally any different from the way I felt 10 or even 12 years ago. I finished school, I have a job, and even a career I generally enjoy; I own real estate; In theory, I'm doing all the things a "grown up" person is supposed to do. And yet I hardly feel any different than the way I felt in Uni.

Normally, I'm too busy with life to think about this stuff. But with holidays comes time off, and free time means an opportunity to dwell on stuff like this. Sigh.

There's this annoying conviction in society all over the world that you can only be fully happy when paired up with someone, and that after a certain age it's weird/immature to not be/not want to be. Nonsense. Get off my lawn. I know our parents want grandkids to coddle but it's our lives and our decisions. I have a friend who used to constantly want to pair me up (a couple of such friends actually, but she's the one who got the message in the end and hence stayed a friend) and my mom used to drop hints all over the place. My brother still hasn't gotten the memo, though after his second marriage failed he eased up on the eagerness to see me married.

What I'm getting at, we live in a society where being with someone is genuinely a choice, not a necessity and some people are just fine on their own. I see a relationship as full of obligations and the need to split my time up even more and I'm so not for doing so. Some people may think that's selfish, but why would I want to inflict that on another person who may genuinely like me while I equally genuinely cannot return the feelings? (Am aromantic, hell yeah.)


Messing with my groove is the fact that I am having intense, annyoing headaches for the third day in a row. I caved this morning and took one of the heavy migraine meds I got prescibed just in case and the freaking headache is STILL around, though fortunately muted enough that I managed to crawl out of bed before 3pm. I got shit to do other than lie in bed and feel sorry for myself. I'm particularly miffed that I had to skip gym today. This year has been my worst headache year so far by far. Ugh.

[amphibian]

Being a person you like is crucial - whether a long-term relationship with another person is part of that or not. It's completely fine to not want that paired up dynamic for however long. It's also fine to reevaluate or change your mind at some point - or not!

But I do recommend going to see a professional in mental health to dig deep into any insecurities about yourself. You're going to have to live with yourself for as long as you're alive, so knowing yourself and being in touch with what you want and need is really useful.

[Slow Ben]

Putting together a Barbie Dreamhouse.

[Messremb]

The twins have been sicky for a couple of days now, thought one had gotten over it today but nope, full return this afternoon. Mrs Messremb caught it, can only be a matter of time before I join the club.

[Abyss]

Mentalist, on 22 December 2018 - 08:12 AM, said:

Had a conversation with one of my recently-officially-married best friends. He's trying (with the best intentions, I'm sure) to get me to look for someone in my life.
... too busy with life to think about this stuff. But with holidays comes time off, and free time means an opportunity to dwell on stuff like this. Sigh.

Meh. Friends do that with best intentions and little thought. Or just because ‘if I have to suffer everyone else should too’.

Everything you posted is perfectly reasonable and there’s no rush and all of it will be utterly meaningless anyways when someone you actually want to spend that level of time with comes along.

[Slow Ben]

Amen. Do you Ment.

[worry]

Nah, when are you gonna give us some grandbabies?

[Slow Ben]

I mean, no ones getting any younger.

[Abyss]

worry, on 23 December 2018 - 08:44 PM, said:

Nah, when are you gonna give us some grandbabies?

Worry, we talked about this.
No more rituals, or at least stick to goats. Maybe llamas.

[Tsundoku]

Abyss, on 24 December 2018 - 06:35 AM, said:

Maybe llamas.

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[Puck]

Just discovered that the pump for my asthma aerosol (I get a new pump with each prescription) has no built-in counter anymore, which means that outside of writing it down every time I use the aerosol, which is several times a day, I have no way of knowing when I need to get a new prescription (you can get a vague idea of whether it's full or not by submerging it in water, but I used to have an exact number of how many uses are still left inside). Naturally, reusing the old pump doesn't work because the counter cannot reset itself. I'm NOT d'accord with this, expecially considering that the price of this thing has just been raised. (To be fair, I only pay ten percent of the full price, but still, the hell?!)

This post has been edited by Elf on the Shelf: 26 December 2018 - 03:19 PM

[Andorion]

My friend's father, who has been very sick over the past month or so passed yesterday from a heart attack.

He was actually getting better and the doctors were talking about letting him go home in the new year. Utterly devastating for the family, they have very little support, so I was with them. My friend was utterly dazed. He looked like a zombie

[Tsundoku]

Last night the car wouldn't start for some reason. Battery was fine and the engine would turn over and then cut after a second or so. The RACQ roadside assistance guy had no idea either. We theorised it may have been the transmission cable (if it got stuck in Reverse but I was in Park and the computer wouldn't let me start) or maybe the immobiliser decided to play silly buggers.

Anyhoo it had to be towed, and as it was after 5pm on a Friday I have sweet FA chance of getting it back before Wednesday. Hence me having to get a rental car this morning for a not-inconsiderable sum for the next 5 days. Maybe longer. Then the rental company decides it wants a $600 bond because I'm using a Visa debit not credit card. So that money is now held in abeyance as well. After I shelled out extra on insurance. All up about $1000 so far. After the silly spending (which has already caused a couple of little fights of course) over Xmas.
This is all before any diagnosis and repairs on my car.

This post has been edited by Tsundoku: 29 December 2018 - 04:13 AM

[Tiste Simeon]

My child still seems to think night time is for constant feeding or being awake. Or if he does go to sleep he really doesn't want to sleep in his Moses basket and will wake up and cry after a short time. So right now I'm sat awake with a sleeping baby on me so my wife can get some sleep.

I know there's a million different opinions about self soothing, co-sleeping and all related topics but we just don't really know what to do. He is such a lovely baby but it's really tiring. He used to stay down in his basket for quite a while but for whatever reason he isn't at the moment.