worry, on 05 July 2017 - 05:20 AM, said:
Loki, on 04 July 2017 - 11:09 PM, said:
Maybe avoid allergens as best as you can in the meantime? I hear gasmask are making a fashion comeback.
This is good advice, except I'm smack in the middle of dry season and have to weedwack hella foxtails and pull tumbleweeds and other nuisance plants and then trash em, and those really get me sneezing. I don't have a gasmask though I usually do wear a simple work mask, but this year I didn't buy any. Also they're not that great and sneezing inside one is actually pretty gross.
I sneezed inside my breather during a body find once at CFA cadet camp. It wasn't pretty bad and I had to just put up with it until I made my way out of the building doing a proper full sweep the whole way.
Not sure if I'm mentioned it before but I have parasomnias - predominately night terrors and sleep paralysis - and they have been on full overdrive lately. So I'm exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm just so incredibly tired in every sense of the word. And parasomnias don't only happen when you are asleep, they can happen when you start to wind down or if you are really tired. So I'm having waking nightmares, kinda like hallucinations, my limbs constantly stop responding to my brain, and my body is constantly having bouts of adrenaline running through its system because my flight/fight response is responding to imaginary threats and then there's the crash from the high and then repeat so my body is in under so much stress that I'm having a range of physical health issues like migraines and sharp pains and blurred vision and my stomach has given itself a new ulcer and I'm just a hair away from probably having to go to hospital to be put under just so my body can have a break and start to regain strength etc.
And I have a friend's dad's funeral to go to on Friday which is the worst possible thing I could do right now and the mental/emotional drain from trying to support my friends is immense. I mean, I don't do emotions or feelings when I'm at my best so trying to deal with them now and be sensitive to their situations and feelings whilst having no fucking clue how to navigate almost any of this is really extraordinarily draining.
And naturally this all feeds my ptsd and ocd and hyper-vigilance so I'm pretty much holding together, mentally and physically, by shear willpower alone.
And you know, trying to be present and deliver a fun and engaging environment for a four year old whilst ensuring a variety of learning opportunities throughout each day...but it's fine. Everything is fine.