[QuickTidal]

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 02:52 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 29 February 2016 - 02:18 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 01:38 PM, said:

So, I am in a relationship that will reach 5 years this April. And I still have no clue what to say when she says "I don't look good." She looks exactly the way she did before, no change, but whatever I say, however nice, it just bounces off. Literally nothing works. Its confusing.

Yeah, like Obi said, when she says that you gotta compliment her. Doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just a simply "You look as gorgeous as the day I met you." will suffice. Having days where you don't feel like you look good is perfectly typical of lots of people (I have them too), and the best thing is to just give them that little booster that lets them know that TO YOU, they look awesome.

But what do you do when she takes the compliment, smiles sadly and says "you are very sweet, but I am ugly"

Just reinforce by saying "Not to me." Even if she doesn't outwardly show the booster helped her...full disclosure: it probably still did and she's just not willing to say "Yeah, you're right, I am!" yet. Example: You know how when you are in a bad mood it takes you a bit to get out of it even when the thing that caused it is gone? This is like that. She's probably feeling down, and though your booster WILL help, she's not out of the funk that caused it yet, so just try to make sure she knows how you see her. The rest will be up to her, in time.

[Andorion]

QuickTidal, on 29 February 2016 - 02:58 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 02:52 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 29 February 2016 - 02:18 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 01:38 PM, said:

So, I am in a relationship that will reach 5 years this April. And I still have no clue what to say when she says "I don't look good." She looks exactly the way she did before, no change, but whatever I say, however nice, it just bounces off. Literally nothing works. Its confusing.

Yeah, like Obi said, when she says that you gotta compliment her. Doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just a simply "You look as gorgeous as the day I met you." will suffice. Having days where you don't feel like you look good is perfectly typical of lots of people (I have them too), and the best thing is to just give them that little booster that lets them know that TO YOU, they look awesome.

But what do you do when she takes the compliment, smiles sadly and says "you are very sweet, but I am ugly"

Just reinforce by saying "Not to me." Even if she doesn't outwardly show the booster helped her...full disclosure: it probably still did and she's just not willing to say "Yeah, you're right, I am!" yet. Example: You know how when you are in a bad mood it takes you a bit to get out of it even when the thing that caused it is gone? This is like that. She's probably feeling down, and though your booster WILL help, she's not out of the funk that caused it yet, so just try to make sure she knows how you see her. The rest will be up to her, in time.

Point. Reinforcement and repetition. Always works.

Ugh. Should have thought of this myself.

Thanks

[Abyss]

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 02:52 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 29 February 2016 - 02:18 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 01:38 PM, said:

So, I am in a relationship that will reach 5 years this April. And I still have no clue what to say when she says "I don't look good." She looks exactly the way she did before, no change, but whatever I say, however nice, it just bounces off. Literally nothing works. Its confusing.

Yeah, like Obi said, when she says that you gotta compliment her. Doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just a simply "You look as gorgeous as the day I met you." will suffice. Having days where you don't feel like you look good is perfectly typical of lots of people (I have them too), and the best thing is to just give them that little booster that lets them know that TO YOU, they look awesome.

But what do you do when she takes the compliment, smiles sadly and says "you are very sweet, but I am ugly"

"All five of my senses disagree, or I wouldnt be sitting here. If I had any additional senses, they would disagree too."

[Mezla PigDog]

The thing is that in female land some days you look normal to everyone else but a bunch of little physical things that are important to you are just off so you feel like you look rotten and it doesn't matter what anyone says. Your hair won't have gone right and you are feeling fat and your skin is annoying you. It is similar to the thing of having a wardrobe full of clothes but saying "I don't have anything to wear". Things just aren't right on those days. So it doesn't matter what anyone says, it won't make you feel better. Obviously the correct response is to tell her that she looks nice but you should also give random compliments at other times because they build up the reserve for the days you feel like crap.

Like any good scientist I have been mentally collecting data on myself on days when I feel fat or otherwise. I weigh myself. Turns out the two have absolutely no correlation to each other. I can be having a fat day and have actually lost a couple of pounds or think I look great and then weigh myself and ruin a perfectly good thin day that I should have just allowed myself to enjoy!

And exposure to women's magazine type stuff always makes you feel fat and ugly so if she reads that rubbish, set it on fire!

This post has been edited by Mezla PigDog: 29 February 2016 - 03:35 PM

[Aptorian]

Scientific conclusion: Women are crazy.

[Solidsnape]

Gust Hubb, on 29 February 2016 - 02:35 AM, said:

Thanks all. Yeah, it boils down to what Mezla was saying. There are certain battles to fight and others not to. She fortunately called in all her churchy friends and they did almost everything. I helped a bit, breaking down the playhouse and getting rid of the scraps, cleaning floors and fridge, etc. But the main thing was that emotional abuse. She always used to say she detested emotional blackmail, and now she turns to it. Gods, I want this hell to end.

Next battle in the ring is financials where we fight over the massive credit card debit and jointly filed taxes for this last year.

She has pushed me over the edge though. I am bringing in a lawyer, as soon as I find one and get a loan to pay the retainer. I have no money to do so on my own.

Again, thanks all. Trying. Trying not to get fucked.

She has Churchy frineds?
Really?

[Andorion]

Mezla PigDog, on 29 February 2016 - 03:32 PM, said:

The thing is that in female land some days you look normal to everyone else but a bunch of little physical things that are important to you are just off so you feel like you look rotten and it doesn't matter what anyone says. Your hair won't have gone right and you are feeling fat and your skin is annoying you. It is similar to the thing of having a wardrobe full of clothes but saying "I don't have anything to wear". Things just aren't right on those days. So it doesn't matter what anyone says, it won't make you feel better. Obviously the correct response is to tell her that she looks nice but you should also give random compliments at other times because they build up the reserve for the days you feel like crap.

Like any good scientist I have been mentally collecting data on myself on days when I feel fat or otherwise. I weigh myself. Turns out the two have absolutely no correlation to each other. I can be having a fat day and have actually lost a couple of pounds or think I look great and then weigh myself and ruin a perfectly good thin day that I should have just allowed myself to enjoy!

And exposure to women's magazine type stuff always makes you feel fat and ugly so if she reads that rubbish, set it on fire!

How does anybody feel fat, when by all known objective criteria they are thin? She has lost weight recently due to work stress, she is underweight, it's worrying me a lot, how can anyone feel fat? It drives me to despair sometimes!

Random compliments is a good idea, like QT's advice on reinforcement. I usually do some of this, its just that the last month has been insanely busy and I am not thinking straight in a lot of things.

She used to have body image issues, largely thanks to some 'friends' but that's in the past, we worked through that. But I feel like it just pops up sometimes randomly.

She does read mags, but she is more interested in new food and recipes and travel destinations. Although there are those health articles... though usually they are only dangerous for me.

I really really need to spend some quality time with her, get her de-stressed. Now if only her asshole supervisor would let her off the hook

Am I thinking right? More time, things taken slow, gentle stuff, that helps right? Because the only other thing I can think of is ice-cream

Also I think I maybe ranting but I am a bit frustrated at not being able to help

[Andorion]

Abyss, on 29 February 2016 - 03:28 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 02:52 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 29 February 2016 - 02:18 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 01:38 PM, said:

So, I am in a relationship that will reach 5 years this April. And I still have no clue what to say when she says "I don't look good." She looks exactly the way she did before, no change, but whatever I say, however nice, it just bounces off. Literally nothing works. Its confusing.

Yeah, like Obi said, when she says that you gotta compliment her. Doesn't have to be anything spectacular, just a simply "You look as gorgeous as the day I met you." will suffice. Having days where you don't feel like you look good is perfectly typical of lots of people (I have them too), and the best thing is to just give them that little booster that lets them know that TO YOU, they look awesome.

But what do you do when she takes the compliment, smiles sadly and says "you are very sweet, but I am ugly"

"All five of my senses disagree, or I wouldnt be sitting here. If I had any additional senses, they would disagree too."

Engaging at least one of those senses in a cafe would be a bit controversial I think.....

[Mezla PigDog]

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 04:08 PM, said:

How does anybody feel fat, when by all known objective criteria they are thin? She has lost weight recently due to work stress, she is underweight, it's worrying me a lot, how can anyone feel fat? It drives me to despair sometimes!

Random compliments is a good idea, like QT's advice on reinforcement. I usually do some of this, its just that the last month has been insanely busy and I am not thinking straight in a lot of things.

She used to have body image issues, largely thanks to some 'friends' but that's in the past, we worked through that. But I feel like it just pops up sometimes randomly.

She does read mags, but she is more interested in new food and recipes and travel destinations. Although there are those health articles... though usually they are only dangerous for me.

I really really need to spend some quality time with her, get her de-stressed. Now if only her asshole supervisor would let her off the hook

Am I thinking right? More time, things taken slow, gentle stuff, that helps right? Because the only other thing I can think of is ice-cream

Also I think I maybe ranting but I am a bit frustrated at not being able to help

Sometimes you just feel fat - or I suppose "Feel that you look fat/fatter than usual" is more accurate. I guess it is societal pressure. Like when people feel inadequate when they compare themselves to their friends in terms of money/education/job/house whatever - if you feel like something is expected of you and you don't conform then sometimes you feel crappy about it even if you are mostly happy.

Body image is a tricky one though - there is only so much an outside influence can do to make changes for the positive. It's a state of mind. Being a teenage girl was horrendously dull with all the friends with eating disorders or who thought they were fat when they weren't. I think adult women fall into two categories on this - ones who have a realistic body image and the odd day where they feel like they look extra shitty where the odd compliment is a nice boost and then there are ones who have real body image issues and they need to sort their head out. If it's the latter then there is only so much one person can do. If she puts all of her self-esteem into what you think then it's not healthy and she needs to find it from multiple places to make it sustainable. It might just be her age - I was way more critical of how I looked when I was younger. The irony being I looked a lot better then than I do now but I'm quite happy with it now!

[Mentalist]

Apt, on 29 February 2016 - 03:45 PM, said:

Scientific conclusion: Women are crazy.

Irrational. In ways other than men.

On topic: messing with my groove is everything from the left kneecap down. It's all in various degrees of messed up.

This post has been edited by Mentalist: 29 February 2016 - 05:22 PM

[Andorion]

Mezla PigDog, on 29 February 2016 - 04:27 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 04:08 PM, said:

How does anybody feel fat, when by all known objective criteria they are thin? She has lost weight recently due to work stress, she is underweight, it's worrying me a lot, how can anyone feel fat? It drives me to despair sometimes!

Random compliments is a good idea, like QT's advice on reinforcement. I usually do some of this, its just that the last month has been insanely busy and I am not thinking straight in a lot of things.

She used to have body image issues, largely thanks to some 'friends' but that's in the past, we worked through that. But I feel like it just pops up sometimes randomly.

She does read mags, but she is more interested in new food and recipes and travel destinations. Although there are those health articles... though usually they are only dangerous for me.

I really really need to spend some quality time with her, get her de-stressed. Now if only her asshole supervisor would let her off the hook

Am I thinking right? More time, things taken slow, gentle stuff, that helps right? Because the only other thing I can think of is ice-cream

Also I think I maybe ranting but I am a bit frustrated at not being able to help

Sometimes you just feel fat - or I suppose "Feel that you look fat/fatter than usual" is more accurate. I guess it is societal pressure. Like when people feel inadequate when they compare themselves to their friends in terms of money/education/job/house whatever - if you feel like something is expected of you and you don't conform then sometimes you feel crappy about it even if you are mostly happy.

Body image is a tricky one though - there is only so much an outside influence can do to make changes for the positive. It's a state of mind. Being a teenage girl was horrendously dull with all the friends with eating disorders or who thought they were fat when they weren't. I think adult women fall into two categories on this - ones who have a realistic body image and the odd day where they feel like they look extra shitty where the odd compliment is a nice boost and then there are ones who have real body image issues and they need to sort their head out. If it's the latter then there is only so much one person can do. If she puts all of her self-esteem into what you think then it's not healthy and she needs to find it from multiple places to make it sustainable. It might just be her age - I was way more critical of how I looked when I was younger. The irony being I looked a lot better then than I do now but I'm quite happy with it now!

I think she bordered your latter category but things have been pretty good for the last year.

[Puck]

Mezla PigDog, on 29 February 2016 - 04:27 PM, said:

Andorion, on 29 February 2016 - 04:08 PM, said:

How does anybody feel fat, when by all known objective criteria they are thin? She has lost weight recently due to work stress, she is underweight, it's worrying me a lot, how can anyone feel fat? It drives me to despair sometimes!

Random compliments is a good idea, like QT's advice on reinforcement. I usually do some of this, its just that the last month has been insanely busy and I am not thinking straight in a lot of things.

She used to have body image issues, largely thanks to some 'friends' but that's in the past, we worked through that. But I feel like it just pops up sometimes randomly.

She does read mags, but she is more interested in new food and recipes and travel destinations. Although there are those health articles... though usually they are only dangerous for me.

I really really need to spend some quality time with her, get her de-stressed. Now if only her asshole supervisor would let her off the hook

Am I thinking right? More time, things taken slow, gentle stuff, that helps right? Because the only other thing I can think of is ice-cream

Also I think I maybe ranting but I am a bit frustrated at not being able to help

Sometimes you just feel fat - or I suppose "Feel that you look fat/fatter than usual" is more accurate. I guess it is societal pressure. Like when people feel inadequate when they compare themselves to their friends in terms of money/education/job/house whatever - if you feel like something is expected of you and you don't conform then sometimes you feel crappy about it even if you are mostly happy.

This. Or it could be just minor stuff that gets blown up in one's mind, or just something like not having gotten enough/good sleep (preventing the digestive system from doing its job properly and in peace, reasulting in a feeling of being 'blown-up' the following day). There's no real rational most times when one feels 'fat', and it can happen to all body types.

Messing with my groove tonight: a hiccup that refuses to go away. Raah.

This post has been edited by Puck: 29 February 2016 - 06:52 PM

[worry]

I'm no doctor, Ando, but I'm pretty sure she has neurosis of the liver.

[Puck]

We have new corporate colours (and a new logo) at work and it's driving me nuts, because the different colour modes don't add up, like, at all. It works as it should in print, but for web stuff even with the right colour modes, the colour looks vastly different depending on the programm.. And nobody is qualified enough or can be bothered to tell me which one to use and I can't wait until the new logo goes online all officially. Why did they pick a colour that's so difficult to deal with? Suppedly, arriving at that decision cost a tonne of money, and it will cost more to revamp all the print and online media. I hate to be against change, but the old colour looked the same no matter what.

[QuickTidal]

Puck, on 01 March 2016 - 10:38 AM, said:

We have new corporate colours (and a new logo) at work and it's driving me nuts, because the different colour modes don't add up, like, at all. It works as it should in print, but for web stuff even with the right colour modes, the colour looks vastly different depending on the programm.. And nobody is qualified enough or can be bothered to tell me which one to use and I can't wait until the new logo goes online all officially. Why did they pick a colour that's so difficult to deal with? Suppedly, arriving at that decision cost a tonne of money, and it will cost more to revamp all the print and online media. I hate to be against change, but the old colour looked the same no matter what.

Usually with corp logos it tends to be done with spot colour Pantone picks, and corresponding CMYK breakdowns (current book values). You should be able to use the CMYK breakdowns for online and program stuff. Did they supply you with a Logo spec book for it (this is usually how I find things are done)?

[Puck]

QuickTidal, on 01 March 2016 - 01:59 PM, said:

Puck, on 01 March 2016 - 10:38 AM, said:

We have new corporate colours (and a new logo) at work and it's driving me nuts, because the different colour modes don't add up, like, at all. It works as it should in print, but for web stuff even with the right colour modes, the colour looks vastly different depending on the programm.. And nobody is qualified enough or can be bothered to tell me which one to use and I can't wait until the new logo goes online all officially. Why did they pick a colour that's so difficult to deal with? Suppedly, arriving at that decision cost a tonne of money, and it will cost more to revamp all the print and online media. I hate to be against change, but the old colour looked the same no matter what.

Usually with corp logos it tends to be done with spot colour Pantone picks, and corresponding CMYK breakdowns (current book values). You should be able to use the CMYK breakdowns for online and program stuff. Did they supply you with a Logo spec book for it (this is usually how I find things are done)?

I got all of that, including a pantone value and a guide book. The problem is/was that the CMYK and RGB values produce two tones too different for what I know is acceptable (I know some difference is to be expected). From what I know, it's desirable to have the corporate colours match both offline and online as far as possible, but these values produce a warmish red and a darkish magenta, which seems too far apart for me, but it's supposed to be used for the same element of the logo. I checked the monitor settings, checked it on two other monitors, and asked colleagues, and everyone agreed the colours were too different. I mailed the lady in charge of the graphics department, and she just resent me the guide book, which, apart from listing the values, has no rules on online appearance but lists every minuscule detail about print measures. It's infuriating, because for years I've never had any problem with colour values. I asked if the difference is intentional and got a 'I don't see much difference, just use the values listed' back.

Just now, I checked the values on my own, new and newly calibrated monitor at home, and those are two different colours. They're not supposed to be. This is annoying. I'd argue that the average customer wouldn't notice either way, but still.. eh.

I mean, in the end it's not my problem, I'm just trying to avoid complaints along the lines of 'This looks off, what did you do?'

This post has been edited by Puck: 01 March 2016 - 06:41 PM

[QuickTidal]

Puck, on 01 March 2016 - 06:37 PM, said:

QuickTidal, on 01 March 2016 - 01:59 PM, said:

Puck, on 01 March 2016 - 10:38 AM, said:

We have new corporate colours (and a new logo) at work and it's driving me nuts, because the different colour modes don't add up, like, at all. It works as it should in print, but for web stuff even with the right colour modes, the colour looks vastly different depending on the programm.. And nobody is qualified enough or can be bothered to tell me which one to use and I can't wait until the new logo goes online all officially. Why did they pick a colour that's so difficult to deal with? Suppedly, arriving at that decision cost a tonne of money, and it will cost more to revamp all the print and online media. I hate to be against change, but the old colour looked the same no matter what.

Usually with corp logos it tends to be done with spot colour Pantone picks, and corresponding CMYK breakdowns (current book values). You should be able to use the CMYK breakdowns for online and program stuff. Did they supply you with a Logo spec book for it (this is usually how I find things are done)?

I got all of that, including a pantone value and a guide book. The problem is/was that the CMYK and RGB values produce two tones too different for what I know is acceptable (I know some difference is to be expected). From what I know, it's desirable to have the corporate colours match both offline and online as far as possible, but these values produce a warmish red and a darkish magenta, which seems too far apart for me, but it's supposed to be used for the same element of the logo. I checked the monitor settings, checked it on two other monitors, and asked colleagues, and everyone agreed the colours were too different. I mailed the lady in charge of the graphics department, and she just resent me the guide book, which, apart from listing the values, has no rules on online appearance but lists every minuscule detail about print measures. It's infuriating, because for years I've never had any problem with colour values. I asked if the difference is intentional and got a 'I don't see much difference, just use the values listed' back.

Just now, I checked the values on my own, new and newly calibrated monitor at home, and those are two different colours. They're not supposed to be. This is annoying. I'd argue that the average customer wouldn't notice either way, but still.. eh.

I mean, in the end it's not my problem, I'm just trying to avoid complaints along the lines of 'This looks off, what did you do?'

Yeah, that's frustrating for sure. Hopefully you are doing the conversion in a program like Photoshop or Illustrator to be sure of accuracy (lots of other programs don't convert at all well).

Here are a couple of options you might try. Try going from the Pantone to LAB readings first, and then over to RGB. The conversion could be gentler that way.

There is also a site I use:

http://ngin.de/cmyk2...92&k=70&hits=10

Throw in your CMYK values and it brings up a bunch of close Pantone matches...the good thing about this site is you'll be able to see what online PMS colour might BETTER fit the logo for the online use. Sure it won't match by name, but as long as the colour is closer from screen to print version, you'll be golden.

Hopefully you get it sorted, that would be really frustrating!

[Puck]

Ooh, thanks for that link!

That said, I used both PS and Illustrator to see if there's a difference. Same thing. Pantone and RGB match up dandy, but neither are anyhwre near the CMYK values. If they'd just come out and say 'Oh, we want the print and online stuff to look slightly different, because reasons' I'd totally understand, but they're presented as if they're the same colour *sigh*

I'm starting to think the tone of red itself is problematic. When I plug in the CMYK values into the site you linked, I get a colour that looks like the RGB-version of the logo. But when I plug the same values into another conversion site, I get the CMYK-version. Tried several other sites.. and it's like rolling dice.

i've encountered problems with screen colours not equalling those in print. But this is ridiculous, they are nothing alike on the screen AND in print when put side by side. This is comedy, I swear.


EDIT: I think I have found the problem. That does not improve the issue much, because I have no way to be sure (and like hell am I going to bring it up at work unless I have to), but I think I'm dealing with a typo here.. I have found that if I change one number in the CMYK values (say, I mistype and type K38 instead of K28), I arrive at almost exactly the offending RGB values (almost being off by 1 in one of three numbers) listed in the guidelines.

Basically, some idiot at the main office made a typo while converting the colour and nobody noticed (or everyone's pretending otherwise, because shit's off to be printed already).

This post has been edited by Puck: 01 March 2016 - 08:21 PM

[QuickTidal]

Puck, on 01 March 2016 - 07:23 PM, said:

Basically, some idiot at the main office made a typo while converting the colour and nobody noticed (or everyone's pretending otherwise, because shit's off to be printed already).

Oh yeah, that would totally cause the problem for sure. What a terrible situation. You have my sympathy as someone who deals with colour issues every day.

[Maark Abbott]

I seem to have been taken by 'the terror' recently (aka existential dread). My thoughts are utterly consumed with mortality, the moment of death, but from a first-person perspective. Fuck, I don't know why this suddenly hit me, but I'm fucking terrified right now. I think Hood may be about to stick his hoary balls down my throat.