[amphibian]

There are others on this board who have had something similar happen.

Perhaps when things have settled down again, you can take a mini-vacation with your wife and fully remind her that she is indeed amazing, you're still over the moon for her, and that you have lots of hope and positivity for whatever the future brings to the two of you.

[Mezla PigDog]

amphibian, on 09 November 2015 - 10:32 AM, said:

EmperorMagus, on 09 November 2015 - 08:56 AM, said:

My awkwardness and social ineptitude. I seriously wish I could act like my father when I'm around people while I'm still this young. Why can't I be young and actually intelligent?
I would be more specific but the specifics are so embarrassing that I'd prefer not to mention them.

For most people, this takes practice. Lots of it.

And a sort of go-to set of ice-breakers that you resort to with complete strangers. I like to talk about whether hot dogs are sandwiches (they are, and so are samosas and gyros), what their favorite movie is, and whether they have any interesting trips coming up.

I got lucky in that where I come from and who I have become is somewhat unusual for the city I'm in, so if they turned the tables on me and wanted to know about me, I was able to work out how to still be interesting enough to maintain attention.

The best advice I ever got and am glad I worked on was to ask people questions about themselves. The trick is to then string a few questions together depending on their answers and before you know it you have a conversation going. I'm jealous of my other half, he's really great at small talk. New people always instantly warm to him. I can't help but be a bit prickly because it feels awkward at first and then slowly warm up. You get better with practise, just put anything embarrassing behind you. The first Malazan meet up I attended I didn't know I had black dye from my new gloves all over my face when I arrive I spotted it when I went to the bathroom after at least an hour!!! I've fallen down in front of people, spilled drinks all over myself and had to ask someone to help me dry my trousers in the bathroom of the bar we were in, all sorts. If you can laugh at yourself then you have won half the battle. Most people feel the same on the inside.

[QuickTidal]

Mezla PigDog, on 09 November 2015 - 05:59 PM, said:

Really sorry to hear that QT. I have a few friends and family members who had the same thing happen and then have gone on to have healthy babies so just give it some time and then focus on the positive stats if you can. It's a real weird situation though, feeling proper grief for something but without the usual experiences to allow you to channel it and talk to people. Good luck to both of you.

Thanks Mez, we are trying to focus on the positive indeed. Turns out we've got a LOT of people around us who have dealt with this in the past, so our support system could not be better really.

amphibian, on 09 November 2015 - 06:06 PM, said:

There are others on this board who have had something similar happen.

Perhaps when things have settled down again, you can take a mini-vacation with your wife and fully remind her that she is indeed amazing, you're still over the moon for her, and that you have lots of hope and positivity for whatever the future brings to the two of you.

Well she's flying out tomorrow with her good friend to visit her cousin in Hawaii (I'm not able to get any time off work, I took two grief/personal days when it occurred but that was all I could) for just over a week, which should provide her some much needed relaxation and healing.

We will probably go on a vacation together in the new year when I've got fresh days off from work.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

QuickTidal, on 09 November 2015 - 04:26 PM, said:

I didn't want to overshadow Mez's recent news with my downer news (and frankly my wife and I were in pieces for the last few weeks so I wasn't sure about sharing), but since you all knew that we were expecting a child I may as well let you know that at one day shy of the 4th month, we lost the baby to miscarriage. According to the Doctors nothing abnormal or anything we could have done, just a statistic (apparently 1 in 4 women experience this, which is a hugely high number to me)...and it reduced us to a mess together. As emotional as it was for me, it was ten times worse for my poor wife who essentially had to go through labor pain for two straight days in hospital.

Anyways, that's still messing with my groove. We will be trying again obviously, but now the fear has set in that something could go wrong again. Which means we may have trouble allowing ourselves to be as happy as we were the first time because we will now of course worry all the time.

It pretty much sucks.

So sorry to hear this QT. Thoughts are with you and your wife x

[Maark Abbott]

Laptop's packed in. With all of my damned book on it. I mean, I have backups, and I'll only lose five or six pages of I can't get to the files, but it's still very aggravating.

[Egwene]

QuickTidal, on 09 November 2015 - 04:26 PM, said:

I didn't want to overshadow Mez's recent news with my downer news (and frankly my wife and I were in pieces for the last few weeks so I wasn't sure about sharing), but since you all knew that we were expecting a child I may as well let you know that at one day shy of the 4th month, we lost the baby to miscarriage. According to the Doctors nothing abnormal or anything we could have done, just a statistic (apparently 1 in 4 women experience this, which is a hugely high number to me)...and it reduced us to a mess together. As emotional as it was for me, it was ten times worse for my poor wife who essentially had to go through labor pain for two straight days in hospital.

Anyways, that's still messing with my groove. We will be trying again obviously, but now the fear has set in that something could go wrong again. Which means we may have trouble allowing ourselves to be as happy as we were the first time because we will now of course worry all the time.

It pretty much sucks.

QT, my sympathy to yourself and your wife. Maybe sometimes heaven is in desperate need of a perfect angel.

Another way to look at it is that although doctors may not have found anything wrong, there may have been something - something beyond modern medicine, which meant that, although tough on you and your wife, your baby was better off going to sleep peacefully, having never known anything but love. Your baby will always be part of who you are and who you will become - it is up to you to make sure that it's legacy is a positive one. As to the future - believe in it. My friend now has a lovely baby boy after the same thing happened to her.

My thoughts are with you
Egwene

[Maark Abbott]

Ah, shit, Quick. Sorry to hear, mate. If you need to vent feel free to drop me a PM.

[worry]

Yah, QT. Some wise words above, and glad to hear your IRL support network is so strong. I wouldn't normally say this kind of thing, but I believe your hope should surpass your worry in this matter. What is yet to come will make all of it worth it.

[Gnaw]

You and wife have my sympathies QT. I've not went through that so cannot comprehend the pain you're going through.

[Solidsnape]

QuickTidal, on 09 November 2015 - 04:26 PM, said:

I didn't want to overshadow Mez's recent news with my downer news (and frankly my wife and I were in pieces for the last few weeks so I wasn't sure about sharing), but since you all knew that we were expecting a child I may as well let you know that at one day shy of the 4th month, we lost the baby to miscarriage. According to the Doctors nothing abnormal or anything we could have done, just a statistic (apparently 1 in 4 women experience this, which is a hugely high number to me)...and it reduced us to a mess together. As emotional as it was for me, it was ten times worse for my poor wife who essentially had to go through labor pain for two straight days in hospital.

Anyways, that's still messing with my groove. We will be trying again obviously, but now the fear has set in that something could go wrong again. Which means we may have trouble allowing ourselves to be as happy as we were the first time because we will now of course worry all the time.

It pretty much sucks.

Wow.
All I can say is, I'm sorry. I hope that you do keep trying.
I wish you both the best of luck.
My cousin had this happen to her, it was hard for all of us. She's got 3 lovely kids now, but I guess she never forgets about her "first"
I really hope that you's both get past this, for the better.

[QuickTidal]

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts and kind words. Means a lot.

[Mezla PigDog]

Fun day so far tethered to the toilet by the opposite end to what I have recently become accustomed to. I'm taking life inspiration from the "please kill me" woman in Aliens of late.

[Maark Abbott]

Just had to rush my cat to the vet. Absolutely terrified. Hopefully coffee will prevent me going into full foetal-position meltdown.

Happy birthday to me, right?

[Tiste Simeon]

Dang QT that sucks. Really sorry for you & Mrs QT. Condolences to & prayers for you both...

[Morgoth]

Really sorry to hear that, QT. My condolences to you both.

[QuickTidal]

Briar King, on 10 November 2015 - 07:34 PM, said:

Maark, on 10 November 2015 - 09:55 AM, said:

Just had to rush my cat to the vet. Absolutely terrified. Hopefully coffee will prevent me going into full foetal-position meltdown.

Happy birthday to me, right?

What happened?

I was gonna ask this as well. I hope all is well with your pet Maark.

[Maark Abbott]

QuickTidal, on 10 November 2015 - 07:37 PM, said:

Briar King, on 10 November 2015 - 07:34 PM, said:

Maark, on 10 November 2015 - 09:55 AM, said:

Just had to rush my cat to the vet. Absolutely terrified. Hopefully coffee will prevent me going into full foetal-position meltdown.

Happy birthday to me, right?

What happened?

I was gonna ask this as well. I hope all is well with your pet Maark.

Vet thinks he's had an infection and they've picked up a heart murmur. He's had antibiotics, fluids and an enema and from what I've been told he's 'very bright' just now and should be home tomorrow. That's something.

[worry]

Glad to hear some good news. Does UK have single payer pet healthcare too?

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Glad to hear he's on the mend Maark

[Maark Abbott]

worry, on 10 November 2015 - 09:35 PM, said:

Glad to hear some good news. Does UK have single payer pet healthcare too?

We have pet insurance if that's similar. It covers about 4000 in costs per year. Can't see this visit being more than 300 but you never know. Just waiting for the vet to ring us now.