[Andorion]

Briar King, on 04 June 2015 - 03:34 AM, said:

How's it going buddy?

People are coming. here its customary for relativs and friends to visit and bring items of food like fruits and sweets as gifts. Thier visits are distracting and yet everytime they come the same things are recycle dover and over again. Couldn't take more than two visits yesterday, had to leave the room.

Its the small things that are the hardest, like when I am cutting a mango or looking at the latest box of sweets and remembering how she loved those things. There's a specific type of sweet which would automatically have been reserved for her.

And I can't even say or express much at home as my father has taken it very badly He needs our support and for us to be strong. what I say here or to my close friends, is basically it

From this evening though I am going to be going out and resuming some bits of work. Sitting here brooding isn't going to help anybody and it will be better if I am busy I think.

[amphibian]

Yes, that is one of the shitty parts of people gathering for someone who has passed.

My brother and I visited many times an older relative who had terminal cancer. He was fighting, but we all knew it wasn't survivable. We both figured he was absolutely sick of talking about it, so we told stories of our trip, funny things that happened and asked questions about his perspective on things. Basically, we ignored the cancer, treated him like he was much more than a disease fighter and he really liked that.

He died three months after we left Nepal last year.

I don't know if you can apply this directly to what you are going through, but with your father, maybe some level of asking about other things will help him grapple with the sadness and absence, as well as the weirdness of your changes life. Maybe telling stories, finding other people's memories of your gran will help too.

You know yourself best and we're here to support you in what fashion you choose.

[worry]

Sheryl Sandberg just wrote an essay about grief after the recent surprise passing of her husband: http://www.businessi...nd-grief-2015-6

[Morgoth]

Briar King, on 04 June 2015 - 04:11 AM, said:

Sometimes it's far easier to unload on faceless internet friends then people in person. Kinda like how I said my body is must have pain pills to properly function daily even though my mind loathes having to do so. So vent away if you have to.

Yeah, I wrote about my divorce here long before I was able to talk about that stuff anywhere else. This is a good place to vent.

[melonhead]

My sister just got the results from her brain scan, they think that her brain cancer might be back

[DeadHedge]

Ando and Melon, my thoughts are with you both in this trying time and i hope that you make it through.

My GMG pales in comparrison to what others are going through.

The proposed 10% pay rise for UK MP's salary which and I qoute IPSA has justified as follow 'Ipsa's chief executive Marcial Boo said: "Clearly everybody is entitled to their view, but overall MPs are not going to be benefiting any more than they were before because the adjustment to their salary is compensated for by the cuts to their pension
and the allowances."'


Now as a civil servanty who has had a grand total of £250 a year extra in my pay packet, which due to changes in Civil Service pension schemes make the 'take home value' of this to less than £5 a month, i think it is downright disgracefull if the MP's accept this.

[QuickTidal]

The one customer who treats me like I'm an entire design house staffed with ten operators. Worse, the sales person who's customer it is...neither gives a shit about it, nor does he think we have any right to tell them "Hey, remember how we said we could make minor changes to your files when you needed it done? Yeah, that doesn't mean that you should be sending between 10 and 20 art/change requests each day for one person (who has to deal with ALL our other customers too) to handle."

It messes with my groove heavily. Every day.

[Loki]

Our realtor sent a text the other day to say the owners wanted to have the carpets steam-cleaned and asking when in the next 14 days would be good for us.

I asked if we would have to move any furniture or belongings and they said no, that they will work around anything on the floor.

Just got a confirmation email with the time and date *and* a reminder to move smaller furniture and lamps etc out of the rooms and to ensure that only large furniture items are left in the rooms with carpet.

Um, nope. I don't think so.

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

Andorion, on 02 June 2015 - 01:56 PM, said:

My grandmother passed away today. It was extremely sudden. She wasn't even seriously ill

Sorry to hear that Andorion. You and your family are in my thoughts. BK's right, sometimes internet venting is a help - we're all here should you need to.

[melonhead]

DeadHedge, on 04 June 2015 - 03:31 PM, said:

Ando and Melon, my thoughts are with you both in this trying time and i hope that you make it through.

My GMG pales in comparrison to what others are going through.

The proposed 10% pay rise for UK MP's salary which and I qoute IPSA has justified as follow 'Ipsa's chief executive Marcial Boo said: "Clearly everybody is entitled to their view, but overall MPs are not going to be benefiting any more than they were before because the adjustment to their salary is compensated for by the cuts to their pension
and the allowances."'


Now as a civil servanty who has had a grand total of £250 a year extra in my pay packet, which due to changes in Civil Service pension schemes make the 'take home value' of this to less than £5 a month, i think it is downright disgracefull if the MP's accept this.

Thanks for the support DH, hoping for a miracle at this stage

[Centzon Totochtin]

Very petty compared to some of the hard stuff people are going through at the moment (thoughts are with you guys from Oz), but I got hit in the face by a wall yesterday, and whilst I avoided a black eye, my favourite glasses are bent and my face is still sore

*ok, maybe I tripped myself up and fell into the wall with my face instead of it attacking me

[DeadHedge]

im feeling betrayed by my wifes family (and by extension mine)

Background: Before my son was born 4 years ago my mum starteed f**king with mine and my wifes relationship and we had a big falling out and she threatened us with court action to visit my son once he was born (wife was about 6 months pregnant at this point). We managed to resolve some of the issues and tried to let bygones be bygones, however despite this being my mum and stepdads first grandchild the never made any effort to visit or help us in any way (they live less than 1 mile away). We got more help from my In laws 400 miles awaya and my day over 100 miles away than we ever got from them.

Sons first xmas, no visit from my parents but sent a present.

Come my sons 1st birthday we were barely talking with my family and my mum came round for a grand total of 10 mins on my sons birthday and my step dad sat in the car and didnt bother to come in despite me asking him to.

2nd xmas, mum bought my son a very babyish teddy that was far too young for him (she would have known this had she bothered to visit at all) and when we asked if it was possible for her to exchange for something more appropriate she had a tantrum and asked for all of the presents back, son got nothign from them that xmas.

My sons 2nd birthday my mum was 'ill' and couldnt come see him, it took a week for her to eventually make the effort to visit. this was approaching the last straw and we had a really big bust up and I pretty much told them we didnt want anything to do with them anymore .3rd xmas - Nothing from them at all not even a card same with my sons 3rd b'day and last xmas.

now a year ago my youngest sister had a baby (i have never met the child nor have i seen a picture (i idnt want to see so i didnt get upset) as as a result of my fallout with parents my sisters sided with them so no contact there either) this child has had everything from my mum from helping to babysit to buying lots of the essentials for my sister (only differences are I didnt live at home sister still does (both parents for each child are still together btw))) It is now this childs 1st birthday this weekend, and my family are having a big party for her and renting out a function room. This bothers me as they never made any effort for their first grandchild but there second is bloody gods gift (nothing against the child but parents treatment of us)

And now we get to the betrayal, 15 years ago i met a person who became a very close friend, he spent alot of time round mine and my mum helped him through some personal issues. Now 10 years ago he went off to the army and only spoke and saw my folks when he visited me. While in the army his parents moved to Cypress (relevance of this becomes apparant soon), and he got married to (now) my sister in law (wifes sister). My friend got medically discharged from the army last year and in the time since he was staying with us while doing some long distance lorry driving and splitting the time between mine and my mums (not a problem as 4 weeks straight of him would have resulted in me needing to extend the patio) which he was asked not to mention me, my wife or son to my mum too. While staying with us, i had a chat with my dad (biological) about why he was stayigng with us for sometime and my mum the rest as my sister had recently given birth and needed rest, hen this got back to my step dad he clled my friend (while he was in germany) and told him he wasnt welcome at theirs anymore. He didnt speak to my family for a short period of time.

He has since moved down to the area permanently with my sis in law and 2 nieces (none of these people are related to my mum, step dad or sisters) and they have got back in contact with my mum (using the excuse of she had mail for him there) and they have been invited to my sisters babies 1st birthday. They are actually thinking of going.

Am i wrong to fee langry, betrayed and resentful not only at my parents but at my in laws who are considering going despite sh*t going down with them and my mum?

Sorry for the long post needed to get it off my chest.

TLDR: People are sh*t!

[QuickTidal]

That's a tricky and not fun situation. Your parents don't really deserve the time of day from you at this point after having behaved as they have for so long. Being mad at them is perfectly normal. And perhaps your son is better off not knowing them.

As to your in-laws that's where it gets sticky. Having had a relationship with you and your mum makes it less of a cut and dried situation. Should they still be going to this party even though this is all going down? Probably not if they want to hold on to relationships on both sides. There are diplomatic ways they could go about it without offending either side (much)...like they could send a gift and card, but not attend. They can protest the treatment of you and yours without offending your parents too much by doing so.

That said, I will mention that you should under no circumstances make your in-laws "choose" between you all with any kind of ultimatum. That would not be fair to them since they have relations on both sides. I know that sucks because it definitely feels like a betrayal. I'll use a personal anecdote to give me reasons for why I feel this way. When I met my best friend, whom I've known for upwards of 16ish years now (he was the Best Man at my wedding, and I'm his daughters godfather) he was still in University, and had a small group of friends. Amongst those friends was one girl who I ended up dating. I dated her twice. the second time I dated her was the longer of the two dating periods (2 years). I lived with my best friend at that point (a few years after Uni ended) and the girl was living with another of the Uni friends, and we used to all hang out together. Then shit went south. The girl and I broke up, and I was pretty sure she'd either cheated on me, or lined up the next guy while we were still dating. I was broken and upset. Throughout this all I never once said anything to my friend about his friendship with the girl. She, on the other hand, walked up to him one day a few weeks after the breakup and told him he should "choose to stay friends with only her because she was friends with him longer. He told me later, after he'd cut ties with her completely, that he stayed friends with me because I never, ever asked him to choose. To this day I hold that up as my yardstick in such situations. You should feel upset about he whole thing, and you will feel slighted and betrayed by your in-laws. But in the long run you just need to let them live their lives how they wish and interact with who they choose to. It's a shitty situation, but it could be much worse if you bring it up as a choice they should be making. One over the other.

TL;DR I get your upset and sympathize.

[DeadHedge]

Thanks quick. Makes me feel a bit better thanks.

ironically I have also had the friend issue. Unfortunately my said friend asked me to choose between my girlfriend (now wife) or them. They also picked my ex over me too despite the fact she didn't actually like them lol.

I think we can justifiably say people are all sh*t lol

[QuickTidal]

DeadHedge, on 05 June 2015 - 03:15 PM, said:

I think we can justifiably say people are all sh*t lol

Yep, that's about right I think.

[Tiste Simeon]

I thought the traditional Scottish way of dealing with these things is broadswords at dawn?

[DeadHedge]

Tiste Simeon, on 05 June 2015 - 05:31 PM, said:

I thought the traditional Scottish way of dealing with these things is broadswords at dawn?

Sadly I'm down to only having a viking style hunting knife after handing my 3 swords into the police, so broadsword at dawn won't work lol.

Can always challenge tk a swearing match as we all know us scots are foul mouthed so and so's lol

[Tiste Simeon]

Hmm a drunken swear off is an acceptable replacement provided there is a good crowd to cheer it on and/or people filming it for YouTube/the news.

[QuickTidal]

DeadHedge, on 05 June 2015 - 05:40 PM, said:

Tiste Simeon, on 05 June 2015 - 05:31 PM, said:

I thought the traditional Scottish way of dealing with these things is broadswords at dawn?

Sadly I'm down to only having a viking style hunting knife after handing my 3 swords into the police, so broadsword at dawn won't work lol.

Can always challenge tk a swearing match as we all know us scots are foul mouthed so and so's lol

Can I be your second?

[Puck]

Tumblr. And people. If you put your opinion out there and call someone shitty, you'd better be prepared for someone to disagree. But no, omg, someone disgreed, so this is, like, totally pushing triggers, so, like, the best solution is to delete the relevant post and pretend it never happened.



Oh yeah, and also hayfever.